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[a习作temp] arguement6 第一次贴，请指教！ [复制链接]

zjuyang
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电梯直达

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发表于 2004-12-3 15:40:11 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

6.The following was written as a part of an application for a small business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe.

"A jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise. Currently, the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away; thus, our proposed club, the C Note, would have the local market all to itself. Plus, jazz is extremely popular in Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe's jazz festival last summer, several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe, and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly,' which airs every weeknight. Finally, a nationwide study indicates that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment. It is clear that the C Note cannot help but make money."

In this argument, the arguer claims that the C Note, the proposed jazz club, would be a tremendously profitable enterprise in Monroe. To substantiate the conclusion, the arguer points out that Monroe has no other jazz clubs. In addition, the arguer also cites various evidence that jazz is popular in local residents. However, the argument suffers from several critical flaws and therefore is unpersuasive as it stands.

In the first place, the arguer unfairly assumes that the proposed club, the C Note, would have the local market all to itself because of the mere fact that the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away. However this might not be the case. For example, it is quite possible that the nearest club is so famous that people are willing to go there and 65 miles might not be such long distance for the jazz fans even the C Note is much closer. Moreover, it is not warranted that C Note can provide better service. If so, then the arguer’s recommendation might account for poor advice for constructing a new jazz club in Monroe.

In the second place, another problem with the argument involves the cited evidence that jazz is extremely popular in Monroe. The arguer fails to provide the total number of the local residents among the 100,000 people who attended the Monroe’s festival last summer. It is possible that only a very small proportion of local residents attended it. In addition, the mere fact that several well-known musicians live in Monroe might be just a coincidence and they actually do nothing to promote the jazz entertainment there. Finally, the fact that the highest-rated radio program in Monroe, ‘Jazz Nightly’, which airs every weeknight does not follow the assumption that a lot of residents are used to listening to it frequently.

Last but not least, even if it is granted that jazz is extremely popular in Monroe, it supplies no evidence that the jazz fans there are representative of the nation’s typical jazz fans in general and they will also spend nearly $1000 per year on jazz entertainment. Moreover, it is just as likely that there are only few such typical fans in Monroe. If so, the arguer can not justify the application, at least not based on the nationwide study.

To sum up, the conclusion lacks credibility because the cited evidence does not lend strong support to what the arguer claims. To solidify the argument, the arguer should provide concrete evidence as following: a significant number of Monroe’ residents attended the jazz festival last summer; the famous jazz musicians will play in the C Note if they can; the program ‘Jazz Nightly’ really attracts a lot of local residents. Additionally, to better evaluate the argument, we must know that the jazz fans in Monroe are representative of the nation typical jazz fans who spend close to $1000 every year on the jazz entertainment.

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不怕开水烫的猪
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沙发

发表于 2004-12-3 16:14:40 |只看该作者

我还没怎么准备argument呢。什么时候考啊？听说argument最后两个星期突击一下就行了

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zjuyang
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板凳

发表于 2004-12-3 18:43:04 |只看该作者

我月底考，请路过的大侠看看吧！

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不怕开水烫的猪
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地板

发表于 2004-12-3 19:23:52 |只看该作者

挺好的，很标准的argument. 是不是限时写的？能在规定时间写出这样的argument已经很不错了。加油！
补充：
大家都在广播上听jazz，很有可能就不去club了，因为大家都很穷
1000$ 不一定都花在club上，说不定都花在卖电吉他等乐器上了。

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不怕开水烫的猪
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5楼

发表于 2004-12-3 19:29:00 |只看该作者

补充2：音乐节上的人不一定是本地人，因为音乐节很隆重，很多人不远万里而来。如果只是参加俱乐部，估计没多少人愿意跑这么远

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zjuyang
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6楼

发表于 2004-12-3 21:32:59 |只看该作者

谢谢！
写的不多，还不太熟练，超时了。

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蓝清
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7楼

发表于 2004-12-3 23:18:22 |只看该作者

"To substantiate the conclusion, the arguer points out that Monroe has no other jazz clubs. In addition, the arguer also cites various evidence that jazz is popular in local residents. "好像有点单调，用一个复句可能能好点。“based on the fact that Monroe has no other jazz clubs yet, the deduction that jazz is popular in local residents, and the assumption that these residents will be the gusests of C Note .
"However, the argument suffers from several critical flaws and therefore is unpersuasive as it stands."这样突然转折好像有点突兀，可以先用诸如“at first glance, this idea seems sound and the future seems prosperous, but after careful examination we can find that it is really unconvincing "
"In the second place, another problem with the argument involves the cited evidence that jazz is extremely popular in Monroe."这个句子好像有点太直接了。"Although over 100,000 people attended Monroe's jazz festival last summer, several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe, and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly,' is it safe to come to such a conclusion that jazz is extremely popular in Monroe?
时间太晚了，就提这]点意见吧。我也是最近才开始看的AW，希望这点意见能有点帮助。]

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zjuyang
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8楼

发表于 2004-12-4 09:17:57 |只看该作者

谢谢你的宝贵的意见！^_^

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我要飞
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9楼

发表于 2004-12-10 13:58:23 |只看该作者

呵呵

头尾太重了吧？

可以帮我看看几个习作吗？谢谢哦

issue204直接经验与间接经验
issue105政府容忍自己国民
issue37竞争起消极作用还是积极作用，清批哈！！！

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xuedilang1998
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10楼

发表于 2004-12-11 18:32:21 |只看该作者

尾好象有点重了:)
先来试着分析以下:
1.当地爵士乐很流行,按常理应该有很多俱乐部,但事实相反,作者没有调查.
2."highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly,' which airs every weeknight"并不能说明人们会喜欢现场听,还有这个'Jazz Nightly'有潜在的竞争因素.
3.音乐节可能大部分是外地人.这个楼上已经说了.
4.several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe.但这些牛人并不一定会乐意在当地演出.
5.还有就是'typical jazz fans '没有代表性.
呵呵,好象还有,就说这么多~~~~~~~
仅供参考:)

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