6.The following was written as a part of an application for a small business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe.
"A jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise. Currently, the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away; thus, our proposed club, the C Note, would have the local market all to itself. Plus, jazz is extremely popular in Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe's jazz festival last summer, several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe, and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly,' which airs every weeknight. Finally, a nationwide study indicates that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment. It is clear that the C Note cannot help but make money."
In this argument, the arguer claims that the C Note, the proposed jazz club, would be a tremendously profitable enterprise in Monroe. To substantiate the conclusion, the arguer points out that Monroe has no other jazz clubs. In addition, the arguer also cites various evidence that jazz is popular in local residents. However, the argument suffers from several critical flaws and therefore is unpersuasive as it stands.
In the first place, the arguer unfairly assumes that the proposed club, the C Note, would have the local market all to itself because of the mere fact that the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away. However this might not be the case. For example, it is quite possible that the nearest club is so famous that people are willing to go there and 65 miles might not be such long distance for the jazz fans even the C Note is much closer. Moreover, it is not warranted that C Note can provide better service. If so, then the arguer’s recommendation might account for poor advice for constructing a new jazz club in Monroe.
In the second place, another problem with the argument involves the cited evidence that jazz is extremely popular in Monroe. The arguer fails to provide the total number of the local residents among the 100,000 people who attended the Monroe’s festival last summer. It is possible that only a very small proportion of local residents attended it. In addition, the mere fact that several well-known musicians live in Monroe might be just a coincidence and they actually do nothing to promote the jazz entertainment there. Finally, the fact that the highest-rated radio program in Monroe, ‘Jazz Nightly’, which airs every weeknight does not follow the assumption that a lot of residents are used to listening to it frequently.
Last but not least, even if it is granted that jazz is extremely popular in Monroe, it supplies no evidence that the jazz fans there are representative of the nation’s typical jazz fans in general and they will also spend nearly $1000 per year on jazz entertainment. Moreover, it is just as likely that there are only few such typical fans in Monroe. If so, the arguer can not justify the application, at least not based on the nationwide study.
To sum up, the conclusion lacks credibility because the cited evidence does not lend strong support to what the arguer claims. To solidify the argument, the arguer should provide concrete evidence as following: a significant number of Monroe’ residents attended the jazz festival last summer; the famous jazz musicians will play in the C Note if they can; the program ‘Jazz Nightly’ really attracts a lot of local residents. Additionally, to better evaluate the argument, we must know that the jazz fans in Monroe are representative of the nation typical jazz fans who spend close to $1000 every year on the jazz entertainment.作者: 不怕开水烫的猪 时间: 2004-12-3 16:14:40
"To substantiate the conclusion, the arguer points out that Monroe has no other jazz clubs. In addition, the arguer also cites various evidence that jazz is popular in local residents. "好像有点单调,用一个复句可能能好点。“based on the fact that Monroe has no other jazz clubs yet, the deduction that jazz is popular in local residents, and the assumption that these residents will be the gusests of C Note .
"However, the argument suffers from several critical flaws and therefore is unpersuasive as it stands."这样突然转折好像有点突兀,可以先用诸如“at first glance, this idea seems sound and the future seems prosperous, but after careful examination we can find that it is really unconvincing "
"In the second place, another problem with the argument involves the cited evidence that jazz is extremely popular in Monroe."这个句子好像有点太直接了。"Although over 100,000 people attended Monroe's jazz festival last summer, several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe, and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly,' is it safe to come to such a conclusion that jazz is extremely popular in Monroe?
时间太晚了,就提这]点意见吧。我也是最近才开始看的AW,希望这点意见能有点帮助。]作者: zjuyang 时间: 2004-12-4 09:17:57
尾好象有点重了:)
先来试着分析以下:
1.当地爵士乐很流行,按常理应该有很多俱乐部,但事实相反,作者没有调查.
2."highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly,' which airs every weeknight"并不能说明人们会喜欢现场听,还有这个'Jazz Nightly'有 潜在的竞争因素.
3.音乐节可能大部分是外地人.这个楼上已经说了.
4.several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe.但这些牛人并不一定会乐意在当地演出.
5.还有就是'typical jazz fans '没有代表性.
呵呵,好象还有,就说这么多~~~~~~~
仅供参考:)