[i习作temp] Issue185 参加同主题写作头一次写这类文章，未限时 [复制链接]

rsrs
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楼主

发表于 2005-3-4 00:14:05 |只看该作者

Issue185 参加同主题写作头一次写这类文章，未限时

-----题目-----
Scandals—whether in politics, academia, or other areas—can be useful. They focus our attention on problems in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could.
-----提纲-----
1．支持题目论点，同时指出丑闻可能分散我们对其他社会问题的注意力
2．丑闻促使我们注意到社会制度，法律和领导者的不足。以水门事件为例。另外也说明丑闻在吸引人们注意力方面往往起到改革者所不能起的作用，因为改革者处于弱势，很难受到足够的重视。
3．在商业方面，安然丑闻促使了新法案的出台
4．过分关注丑闻使得我们忽视其他，举迈克尔.杰克逊猥亵儿童指控为例（这个例子写得不充分，表达方式也不是很有说服力，大家给点建议吧）
5．结论：重申观点
（例子可能没什么新意啦，因为感觉实在比较好用，自己以前也没有写过这些，写写练练手。写这篇文章前没有看过大家的作文，只看了一下关于题目的分析）
-----正文----- (472 words)
Scandals do not only bring us unpleasantness. They can be useful in helping us to notice hidden problems in our society and promoting us to solve them. The most positive effect of scandals is that they attract the public's attention more effectively than speakers or reformers' appeal, just as the above statement has pointed out. Yet this effect sometimes weakens our attention to other problems which have little relationship with public figures or famous organizations.

The major effect of scandals is that they always remind us the imperfectness of our political system, laws, and leaders. The most famous political scandal in the America History, the Watergate Scandal, is just one of good examples. In this affair, the 37th American President Richard M. Nixon attempted to exert his influence of president to counterwork the elisor. It caused the majority of American people to reconsider the power they offered the president. Though the Constitution successfully defended the dignity of justice, it is only after that when people affirmed that even the president had no privilege to avoid being punished according to laws. In addition, the resign of Nixon, or we can say, the failure of power abuse, is directly caused by this scandal, instead of other attackment by Nixon’s political adversaries. This is not difficult to comprehend. In fact, the society always provides more opportunities to the dominators, rather than the speakers and reformers, to present their opinion to the public. In that case, information that we finally achieve may not well-reflect the truth, until scandals give us the chance.

Similar things occur in business. The Enron Scandal is a typical one. By accounting cheating, the company successfully aggrandized its profit, but lost all faith among the public after the case was disclosed, and ended up with bankruptcy. After that, in July 2002 the U.S. Congress passed the Public Company Accounting Reform and Investor Protection Act to prevent cases like that happening again. Admittedly, we cannot say it would completely put an end to accounting cheating, but it must be an obvious improvement.

However, scandals are unavoidably related to influential people. Spending too much energy on such things prevent us from concerning other social problems, like poverty, unemployment, and lack of education. I once heard my friends kept on talking about the accusations of child molestation made to the famous singer Michael Jackson, but not mentioned a single word about his contribution to the charity. Unfortunately, such phenomenon is extremely common.

In conclusion, scandals can be useful, for they present us the problems of people we used to admire and corporations we used to respect, while speakers and reformers always fail to do so. At the same time, over-emphasizement on scandals detracts our attention on all aspects of the society. An appropriate attitude toward scandals is required to build a more concordant society.

以强者的姿态面对生活，才能成为强者，而不是相反。

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sblbasler
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沙发

发表于 2005-3-4 13:18:53 |只看该作者

Scandals do not only bring us unpleasantness. They can be useful in helping us to notice hidden problems in our society and promoting us [B][好象不能说promote sb吧][/B] to solve them. The most positive effect of scandals is that they attract the public's attention more effectively than speakers or reformers' appeal, just as the above statement has pointed out. Yet this effect sometimes weakens our attention to other problems which have little relationship with public figures or famous organizations.

The major effect of scandals is that they always remind us the imperfectness of our political system, laws, and leaders. The most famous political scandal in the America History, the Watergate Scandal, is just one of good examples[B][用is just an exact case in point更好一些吧][/B] . In this affair, the 37th American President Richard M. Nixon attempted to exert his influence of president to counterwork the elisor. It caused the majority of American people to reconsider the power they offered [B][to][/B] the president. Though the Constitution successfully defended the dignity of justice, it is only after that when people affirmed that even the president had no privilege to avoid being punished according to laws. In addition, the resign of Nixon, or we can say, the failure of power abuse, is directly caused by this scandal, instead of other attackment by Nixon’s political adversaries. This is not difficult to comprehend. In fact, the society always provides more opportunities to the dominators, rather than the speakers and reformers, to present their opinion[B]s[/B] to the public. In that case, information that we finally achieve may not well-reflect the truth, until scandals give us the chance.

Similar things occur in business. The Enron Scandal is a typical one. By accounting cheating, the company successfully aggrandized its profit, but lost all faith among the public after the case was disclosed, and ended up with bankruptcy. After that, in July 2002 the U.S. Congress passed the Public Company Accounting Reform and Investor Protection Act to prevent cases like that happening again. Admittedly, we cannot say it would completely put an end to accounting cheating, but it must be an obvious improvement.

However, scandals are unavoidably related to influential people. Spending too much energy on such things[B][有点chinglish][/B] prevent us from concerning other social problems, like poverty, unemployment, and lack of education. I once heard my friends kept on talking about the accusations of child molestation made to the famous singer Michael Jackson, but not mentioned a single word about his contribution to the charity. Unfortunately, such phenomenon is extremely common.

In conclusion, scandals can be useful, for they present us the problems of people we used to admire and corporations we used to respect, while speakers and reformers always fail to do so. At the same time, over-emphasizement on scandals detracts our attention on all aspects of the society. An appropriate attitude toward scandals is required to build a more concordant society.
[B]粗略的改了一下文章，感觉上套路没有问题，观点基本上就是一半一半，但语言上个人觉得写的比较平淡，语法错误倒不多，估计有也是笔误，但不是很地道，有些地方有中式英语的感觉
个人愚见[/B]

【2025FALL】全站祈福已开放~~来领祈福章，求offer得offer

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指向大海
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板凳

发表于 2005-3-17 13:47:57 |只看该作者

你改了我的186，我考完了回改以回报一下

如果是限时这么多字还差不多，思路清晰，但明显的你不适合写政治类题目
问题
1每段太少，这样还不如写两段，例子后面没有论述，总得说一些套话把
2句子方面简单句太多，造成语言很平淡，希望能看一些句式变化的文章提高
3得多练，你的签名档里的文章连接太少了呢，就快考了，多练几篇

我们就是这样苍老的，从时光的一端碾转到时光的另一端，请别说再见，不需要再见

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