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[i习作temp] 同主题写作第九期－－issue7 5天冲刺，互排互助 [复制链接]

combatant
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电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2005-3-31 19:36:16 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

立场，video和written都不可互相替代，要各取所长才能服务社会
B1 VIDEO好。影像了我们生活。新闻，竞选。。。
B2 written不可替代，比如说表达复杂思想
B3 两者需要结合

------题目------
The video camera provides such an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life that it has become a more important form of documentation than written records.
------正文------
With the development of technology, more and more electronic instruments enrich our life and happiness. The video camera is one of these instruments. Since the video cameras have been invented and brought into people's life, it become increasingly important way of documentation by providing us with more vivid and accurate record of contemporary life than written records. However, it is hardly to say which one is a more important form of documentation, each plays an indispensable role in our life. In my opinion, we can best keep our contemporary life in memory by combining both video records and written records.

To begin with, video camera can take pictures and record of our life more efficiently and effectively than written materials in many fields. Video cameras have many advantages over written record. Video camera can show us vivid, moving pictures of our life with every detail; and give us accurate record which can not be modified, altered, even torted according to the record producer's notion and personal interests. Moreover, video cameras enable news to transmit faster and wilder than ever period in human history. TV news, for instance, which is produced by video cameras, show masses the current big events in every corner in this planet, so that farmers in Thailand can know the latest agricultural innovations in America which can help them to produce more rice. For another, video cameras make tens of thousands of American citizens could see their presidential candidates in TV, so that they can better make their choice that whom should they vote for. In short, video camera is more effective and efficient in broadcasting news and some other important aspects or our life than written records.

On the other hand, written records are indispensable in some fields where vedio camera can help little to print down our life. Video camera pales in the face of written records when expressing abstract thinking of human. In sciences, for example, we should express many complicated formulas, equations and reasoning processes of our research, which video camera can do little to help people to understand them. However, written records can best fulfill this task. In this sense, we can see video records can not take the place of written record in some fields, and we should not overlook the essential role of written records.

Finally, contemporary life consists of many aspects. Some aspects needs detailed information and accurate memory, so that we should take advantage of video cameras in these cases; on the other hand, sometimes we need well-presented reasoning process and to express complicated ,abstracted, and even abstruse ideas of our mental work, in these cases, written records can best serve our needs.

In summary, video cameras give us an alternative choice to record our contemporary life, and it shows its powerful magic which change our life in many aspects. However, we should never forget the importance of written records, which can not be replaced by other means to best record, represent , and transmit some of our intelligence works. Only by using video cameras and written records properly, we can best keep our contemporary life in memory.

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鬼谷子
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沙发

发表于 2005-3-31 20:02:55 |只看该作者

占一个，发到同主题的帖子里面了吗？

鬼Ghost
谷Ravine
子Elite

【2025FALL】全站祈福已开放~~来领祈福章，求offer得offer

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combatant
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板凳

发表于 2005-3-31 20:04:56 |只看该作者

谢谢鬼斑竹啦，终于等到你的垂青了，呵呵
这就去发

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deserteagle
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地板

发表于 2005-3-31 20:22:19 |只看该作者

我来拍一个

With the development of technology, more and more electronic instruments enrich our life and happiness. The video camera is one of these instruments. Since the video cameras have been invented and brought into people's life, it become increasingly important way of documentation by providing us with more vivid and accurate record of contemporary life than written records. However, it is hardly to say which one is a more important form of documentation, 这里少一个连词each plays an indispensable role in our life. In my opinion, we can best keep our contemporary life in memory by combining both video records and written records.

To begin with, video camera can take pictures and record of our life more efficiently and effectively than written materials in many fields. Video cameras have many advantages over written record. Video camera can show us vivid, moving pictures of our life with every detail; 分号的话后面可以不用and了and give us accurate record which can not be modified, altered, even torted according to the record producer's notion and personal interests. Moreover, video cameras enable news to transmit faster and wilder than ever period in human history. TV news, for instance, which is produced by video cameras, show masses the current big events in every corner in this planet, so that farmers in Thailand can know the latest agricultural innovations in America which can help them to produce more rice. For another, video cameras make tens of thousands of American citizens could see their presidential candidates in TV, so that they can better make their choice that whom should they vote for在电视上看到了candidates就能better their choice？有点牵强了. In short, video camera is more effective and efficient in broadcasting news and some other important aspects or our life than written records.

On the other hand, written records are indispensable in some fields where vedio camera can help little to print down our life. Video camera pales in the face of written records when expressing abstract thinking of human. In sciences, for example, we should express many complicated formulas, equations and reasoning processes of our research, which video camera can do little to help people to understand them. However, written records can best fulfill this task. In this sense, we can see video records can not take the place of written record in some fields, and we should not overlook the essential role of written records.
观点不错，就是这个例子不大好

Finally, contemporary life consists of many aspects. Some aspects needs detailed information and accurate memory, so that we should take advantage of video cameras in these cases; on the other hand, sometimes we need well-presented reasoning process and to express complicated ,abstracted, and even abstruse ideas of our mental work, in these cases, written records can best serve our needs.

In summary, video cameras give us an alternative choice to record our contemporary life, and it shows its powerful magic which change our life in many aspects. However, we should never forget the importance of written records, which can not be replaced by other means to best record, represent , and transmit some of our intelligence works. Only by using video cameras and written records properly, we can best keep our contemporary life in memory.
大体感觉不错，就是B3和结尾的意思太相似了，建议多提一个观点

嗯
又是一个新的起点
我要努力

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鬼谷子
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5楼

发表于 2005-3-31 20:27:18 |只看该作者

立场，video和written都不可互相替代，要各取所长才能服务社会  【很好的想法】
B1 VIDEO好。影像了我们生活。新闻，竞选。。。
B2 written不可替代，比如说表达复杂思想
B3 两者需要结合

------题目------
The video camera provides such an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life that it has become a more important form of documentation than written records.
------正文------
With the development of technology, more and more electronic instruments enrich our life and happiness. The video camera is one of these instruments. Since the video cameras have been invented and brought into people's life, it become   【becomes/ has become  an】increasingly important way of documentation by providing us with more vivid and accurate record of contemporary life than written records. However, it is hardly to say which one is a more important form of documentation, each plays an indispensable role in our life. In my opinion, we can best keep our contemporary life in memory by combining both video records and written records.  【这个背景引入的开头还算成功的】

To begin with, video camera can take pictures and record   【take record？】of our life more efficiently and effectively than written materials in many fields. Video cameras have many advantages over written record. Video camera can show us vivid, moving pictures of our life with every detail; and give us accurate record which can not be modified, altered, even torted according to the record producer's notion and personal interests.  【这个就不一定了】 Moreover, video cameras enable news to transmit faster and wilder than ever period in human history.   【这点不错，不过不要偏离了documentation】TV news, for instance, which is produced by video cameras, show masses the current big events in every corner in this planet, so that farmers in Thailand can know the latest agricultural innovations in America which can help them to produce more rice. For another, video cameras make tens of thousands of American citizens could   【去掉】see their presidential candidates in TV, so that they can better make their choice that whom should they vote for.   【see就可以better choice吗？需要进一步的解释】In short, video camera is more effective and efficient in broadcasting news and some other important aspects or our life than written records.   【effecticve和efficient不只在于速度上面，这一点解释的不够】

On the other hand, written records are indispensable in some fields where vedio camera can help little to print down our life. Video camera pales in the face of written records when expressing abstract thinking of human. In sciences, for example, we should express many complicated formulas, equations and reasoning processes of our research, which video camera can do little to help people to understand them. However, written records can best fulfill this task. In this sense, we can see video records can not take the place of written record in some fields, and we should not overlook the essential role of written records.   【有具体例子更好一点】

Finally, contemporary life consists of many aspects. Some aspects needs detailed information and accurate memory, so that we should take advantage of video cameras in these cases; on the other hand, sometimes we need well-presented reasoning process and to express complicated ,abstracted, and even abstruse ideas of our mental work, in these cases, written records can best serve our needs.  【结论呢？】

In summary, video cameras give us an alternative choice to record our contemporary life, and it shows its powerful magic which change our life in many aspects. However, we should never forget the importance of written records, which can not be replaced by other means to best record, represent , and transmit some of our intelligence works. Only by using video cameras and written records properly, we can best keep our contemporary life in memory.

【在比较中论述出两者在不同方面的重要性，这一点很好。要注意的是，最后举出一些具体例子来。还有B1的部分论述需要加强。加油！】