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[a习作temp] argument34乳酪品VS骨质疏松症 [复制链接]

Alexandra
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电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2005-7-22 16:47:42 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

[34] Milk and dairy products are rich in vitamin D and calcium, substances essential for building and maintaining bones. Many people therefore believe that a diet rich in dairy products can help prevent osteoporosis, a disease in which the bones weaken significantly with age and that is linked to both environmental and genetic factors. But a long-term study of a large number of people has found that those who have consistently consumed dairy products throughout the years of the study have a higher rate of bone fractures than any other participants in the study. Since bone fractures are a symptom of osteoporosis, this study result shows that a diet rich in dairy products may actually increase, rather than decrease, the risk of osteoporosis

闭关了几天，重新弄了个风格，谢谢修改。    字数为：443个

提纲：
（1  认为乳酪品能帮助预防O病，将O病的预防想得过于简单。

（2  STUDY的数据模糊
（3  有骨折的症状出现，并不意味得了O病。

The argument is unconvincing in several doubtful facets in contains on the basis of evidence provided above. Firstly, the argument oversimplifies the preventation of the osteoporosis. Seconly, the argument involves the vague statistics about the study. The argument also fails to make a hasty generalization.

First of all, the argument fails to conclude that a diet rich in dairy products can help prevent osteoporosis as vitamin D and calcium, which are contained in dairy products, are substances essential for building and maintaining bones. It is possible that vitamin D and calcium have nothing to do with prevention of osteoporosis, albeit they are useful for building and maintaining bones. Lacking other evidence to support that the vitamin D and caicium do much to help prevent the osteroporosis, tha argument is unconvincing.

Through evaluating the long-term study of a large number of people in the argument, one must wonder about the vague statistics of the study. For one thing, the author provides no evidence to support the so called "a large number","a long-term",and "a higher rate". Perhaps the numbers of the study insignificant, in which case the result that the people consumed the certain products have a higher rate of bone fractures is likely to have any effect on the author's conclusion. For another thing, even if the samper of the study was large and the time was long enough, it is largely possible that the study was limited to the people in a certain city or geographic region. If this is a case, the phenomenon of the bone fractures must be cause by descendiblity or other reasons. Hence, without ruling out effective information,it can hardly arrive at the conclusion.

In addition,close scrutiny of the facts above, one also consider the ralationship between the phenominon of bone fracture and the symptom of osteoporosis. The fact that the people of the study have a higher rate of bone fractures accomplishes nothing toward bolstering the author's conclusion that a diet rich in dairy products may increase the risk of osteoporosis. The author overlooks a myriad of other possibilities for bone fracture phenomenon.Perhaps it is concern about the people's career,also perhaps it is cause by other diet thay consumed, rather than by the diet rich in dairy products.

In sum, the argument above is unconvincing for lacking effective evidence. To strengthen it the author should provide more evidence that a diet rich in dairy products indeed can help prevent osteoporosis and the bone fracture happened on the people of the study is cause by the certain diet. Morover, a clear statistics of the study could further offered.

那些允许被任性的年代，叫做青春。

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czzb
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沙发

发表于 2005-7-22 20:00:42 |只看该作者

有看到乌龟的文章了呵呵

The argument is unconvincing in several doubtful facets in contains [？]on the basis of evidence provided above. Firstly, the argument oversimplifies the preventation of the osteoporosis. Seconly, the argument involves the vague statistics about the study. The argument also fails to make [makes 说反le]a hasty generalization.

First of all, the argument fails to conclude that a diet rich in dairy products can help prevent osteoporosis as vitamin D and calcium, which are contained in dairy products, are substances essential for building and maintaining bones. It is possible that vitamin D and calcium have nothing to do with prevention of osteoporosis, albeit they are useful for building and maintaining bones. Lacking other evidence to support that the vitamin D and caicium do much to help prevent the osteroporosis, tha argument is unconvincing.
觉得这个谈不上是文章的主要错误吧毕竟这一点没有对作者的主张直接支持你可以说其他原因导致骨折
Through evaluating the long-term study of a large number of people in the argument, one must wonder about the vague statistics [既然你在这一段谈到了representative 和其他因素造成这样的统计结果的问题（我认为这也是一个重要的错误）用vague来统领全段就不恰当了在开头一段也是这个问题]of the study. For one thing, the author provides no evidence to support the so called "a large number","a long-term",and "a higher rate". Perhaps the numbers of the study insignificant, in which case the result that the people consumed the certain products have a higher rate of bone fractures is likely to have any effect on the author's conclusion. For another thing, even if the samper of the study was large and the time was long enough, it is largely possible that the study was limited to the people in a certain city or geographic region. If this is a case, the phenomenon of the bone fractures must be cause by descendiblity or other reasons. Hence, without ruling out effective information,it can hardly arrive at the conclusion.

In addition,close scrutiny of the facts above, [语法不对]one also consider the ralationship between the phenominon of bone fracture and the symptom of osteoporosis. The fact that the people of the study have a higher rate of bone fractures accomplishes nothing toward bolstering 好词the author's conclusion that a diet rich in dairy products may increase the risk of osteoporosis. The author overlooks a myriad of other possibilities 好词for bone fracture phenomenon.Perhaps it is concern concernedabout the people's career,also perhaps it is causecaused by other diet thay consumed, rather than by the diet rich in dairy products.

In sum, the argument above is unconvincing for lacking effective evidence. To strengthen it the author should provide more evidence that a diet rich in dairy products indeed can help prevent osteoporosis and the bone fracture happened on the people of the study is cause by the certain diet. Morover, a clear statistics of the study could be further offered.

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Alexandra
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板凳

发表于 2005-7-23 12:46:30 |只看该作者

请教晓:

The argument is unconvincing in several doubtful facets in contains [？]这里想问问晓,怎么改比较好?

The argument also fails to make [makes 说反le] >?? to 后面是原形啊?

could be further offered. ,谢谢这里是我打的时候 ,忘了.
我是手写的速度太慢,还不敢限时.

总之,要谢谢晓. 我会努力的 .

那些允许被任性的年代，叫做青春。

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d_messiah
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地板

发表于 2005-7-23 15:45:48 |只看该作者

Milk and dairy products are rich in vitamin D and calcium, substances essential for building and maintaining bones. Many people therefore believe that a diet rich in dairy products can help prevent osteoporosis, a disease in which the bones weaken significantly with age and that is linked to both environmental and genetic factors. But a long-term study of a large number of people has found that those who have consistently consumed dairy products throughout the years of the study have a higher rate of bone fractures than any other participants in the study. Since bone fractures are a symptom of osteoporosis, this study result shows that a diet rich in dairy products may actually increase, rather than decrease看清结论！！！, the risk of osteoporosis

闭关了几天，重新弄了个风格，谢谢修改。    字数为：443个

提纲：
（1  认为乳酪品能帮助预防O病，将O病的预防想得过于简单。

（2  STUDY的数据模糊
（3  有骨折的症状出现，并不意味得了O病。

The argument is unconvincing in several doubtful facets in contains on the basis of evidence provided above. Firstly, the argument oversimplifies the preventation of the osteoporosis. 怎么说O 病了，得说明奶制品！！！ Seconly, the argument involves the vague statistics about the study. 加个词好些The argument also fails to make a hasty generalization.

First of all, the argument fails to conclude that a diet rich in dairy products can help prevent osteoporosis as vitamin D and calcium, which are contained in dairy products, are substances essential for building and maintaining bones. 过于长了吧 It is possible that vitamin D and calcium have nothing to do with prevention of osteoporosis, 看好人家的结论，我知道你的意思，想反驳第1句吧，但后来作者不是说奶制品是提高了患O病的机率，而不是降低吗？albeit they are useful for building and maintaining bones. Lacking other evidence to support that the vitamin D and caicium do much to help prevent the osteroporosis, tha argumentargument里的什么不可信，是论证中的假设，还是结论，我可以认为你说第一句，也可以说是最后的结论，如果后者，那问题就大了，审题都错了 is unconvincing.

Through evaluating the long-term study of a large number of people in the argument, one must wonder about the vague statistics of the study. For one thing, the author provides no evidence to support the so called "a large number","a long-term",and "a higher rate"支持他么什么啊，不过这个话说得不错 . Perhaps the numbers of the study insignificant, in which case the result that the people consumed the certain products have a higher rate of bone fractures is likely 前面不是说perhaps了吗？ to have any noeffect on the author's conclusion. For another thing, even if the samper of the study was large and the time was long enough, it is largely possible that the study was limited to the people in a certain city or geographic region. If this is a case, the phenomenon of the bone fractures must be cause by descendiblity or other reasons 编几个SUCH AS出来就更好了. Hence, without ruling out 说错了吧？自己读读看，应该是提供，排除不是说反了吗 effective information,it can hardly arrive at the conclusion.

In addition,close scrutiny of the facts above, one also consider the ralationship between the phenominon of bone fracture and the symptom of osteoporosis. The fact that the people of the study have a higher rate of bone fractures accomplishes nothing toward bolstering 好句好词the author's conclusion that a diet rich in dairy products may increase the risk of osteoporosis. The author overlooks a myriad of other possibilities for bone fracture phenomenon 不清，表述的.Perhaps it 不清 is concern about the people's career,also perhaps it is cause by other diet thay consumed, rather than by the diet rich in dairy products.

In sum, the argument above is unconvincing for lacking effective evidence. To strengthen it the author should provide more evidence that a diet rich in dairy products indeed can help prevent osteoporosis and the bone fracture happened on the people of the study is cause by the certain diet. Morover, a clear statistics of the study could further offered.

看ARGU，现找出作者最终的论点，其他的是中间论证中的假设，论据，和间接论点等等
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... ge=1&highlight=

[ Last edited by d_messiah on 2005-7-23 at 15:57 ]

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