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ttmafox
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电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2005-7-22 23:05:13 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

76 The following appeared as part of an article in a health and beauty magazine.
'A group of volunteers participated in a study of consumer responses to the new Luxess face cream. Every morning for a month, they washed their faces with mild soap and then applied Luxess. At the end of that month, most volunteers reported a marked improvement in the way their skin looked and felt. Thus it appears that Luxess is truly effective in improving the condition of facial skin.'

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This argument applies an experimental study of volunteers participated of a new product test as the evidence, which is some what useful in providing some information but not sufficient and accurate enough to determine whether the new Luxess is effective.

As an analytical study, it is quite necessary to emphasize the samples' representative. In this we only know it is a group of volunteers, but we know nothing about there gender distribution, age scale, living district, if majority of the customer are your white collar female, the coming result should be suggested for this category of people, not for general. Still, characteristic of their skin before the test is also needed to be considered, whether it is unctuous, dry or mild, relatively smooth or coarse. The sample should cover every possible situation to prove a general conclusion.

When an experimental begins, it should be controlled with the desired factor as the unique factor to be changed. This evidence fails to mention this controlling process.
The mild soap they used, if various, may co-affect the final result but not the Luxess itself. And the testing condition of each individual should be somewhat stable during the test period. It is highly possible that a volunteer who just finished a exhausted project at the beginning of the test gain a remarkable result as the result of enough rest. Besides new baby boring, new marriage and cases such as suddenly change of inhabitancy and death of a relative may somewhat make the result suspect.

In addition, the test result is too blurry to be evidence. The result only pointed out that the skin looked and feel better. It can totally be a subjective estimate which is heavily influent by a psychology hint. There's no one piece of direct and scientific evidence at all. May some data of the refresh rate or activity of the skin cells be benefit to not only make it authentic, but also knock down the possibility of a disguising layer made by that Luxess.

Meanwhile, what about those cases out of that "mostly"? There may be some accidences happen which may lead complaints or even accuse. If so, this product is probably banned, then say nothing of effective. In the aspect of term, the word “mostly” is better to be instead by a percentage, or some explicit data. Otherwise we still can’t deny the chance of only a category people of large number gains the remarkable result.

Summarily, to be a cogent evidence to persuade people, especially its customers, this study should be much more explicitly and scientifically on its sample choosing, condition controls, and results providing.(437 words)

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htpeng
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沙发

发表于 2005-7-22 23:23:20 |只看该作者

76 The following appeared as part of an article in a health and beauty magazine.
'A group of volunteers participated in a study of consumer responses to the new Luxess face cream. Every morning for a month, they washed their faces with mild soap and then applied Luxess. At the end of that month, most volunteers reported a marked improvement in the way their skin looked and felt. Thus it appears that Luxess is truly effective in improving the condition of facial skin.'

------------------------------正文-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This argument applies an experimental study of volunteers participated in a new product test as the evidence, which is some what useful in providing some information but not sufficient and accurate enough to determine whether the new Luxess is effective.

As an analytical study, it is quite necessary to emphasize the samples' representative. In thisstudy we only know it is a group of volunteers, but we know nothing about their gender distribution, age scale, living district, if majority of the customer are your white collar female, the coming result should be suggested for this category of people, not for general. Still, characteristic of their skin before the test is also needed to be considered, whether it is unctuous, dry or mild, relatively smooth or coarse. The sample should cover every possible situation to prove a general conclusion.

When an experimental begins, it should be controlled with the desired factor as the unique factor to be changed. This evidence fails to mention this controlling process.
The mild soap they used, if various, may co-affect the final result but not the Luxess itself. And the testing condition of each individual should be somewhat stable during the test period. It is highly possible that a volunteer who just finished a exhausted project at the beginning of the test gain a remarkable result as the result of enough rest. Besides new baby boring, new marriage and cases such as suddenly change of inhabitancy and death of a relative may somewhat make the result suspect.
思路正确,但是例子过于极端了吧.....其实也可以举具体的测试时间不同作为例子,比如人睡醒时皮肤都会好些
In addition, the test result is too blurry to be evidence. The result only pointed out that the skin looked and feel better. It can totally be a subjective estimate which is heavily influent by a psychology hint. There's no one piece of direct and scientific evidence at all. May some data of the refresh rate or activity of the skin cells be benefit to not only make it authentic, but also knock down the possibility of a disguising layer made by that Luxess.

Meanwhile, what about those cases out of that "mostly"? There may be some accidences happen which may lead complaints or even accuse. If so, this product is probably banned, then say nothing of effective. In the aspect of term, the word “mostly” is better to be instead by a percentage, or some explicit data. Otherwise we still can’t deny the chance of only a category people of large number gains the remarkable result.

Summarily, to be a cogent evidence to persuade people, especially its customers, this study should be much more explicitly and scientifically on its sample choosing, condition controls, and results providing.(437 words)

总体思路和用词很好,可能因为第一次限时还不大适应,有许多细微的错误,我没有一一纠正, 以后练的时候再多注意一下这方面的内容吧.第二篇就有了这个水准很牛...

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d_messiah
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板凳

发表于 2005-7-23 16:22:34 |只看该作者

This argument applies an experimental study of volunteers participated of a new product test as the evidence, which is some what useful in providing some information but not sufficient and accurate enough to determine whether the new Luxess is effective. 是否考虑一下不以单句成段

As an analytical study, it is quite necessary to emphasize the samples' representative. In this WHAT？ we only know it is a group of volunteers, but we know nothing about there gender distribution, age scale, living district,一句话该结束了，后面又一句了 if majority of the customer are your white collar female, the coming result should be suggested for this category of people, not for general. Still, characteristic of their skin before the test is also needed to be considered, whether it is unctuous, dry or mild, relatively smooth or coarse. The sample should cover every possible situation to prove a general conclusion.

When an experimental begins, it should be controlled with the desired factor as the unique factor to be changed. This evidence fails to mention this controlling process.
The mild soap they used, if various, may co-affect the final result but not the Luxess itself. And the testing condition of each individual should be somewhat stable during the test period. It is highly possible that a 不太好 volunteer who just finished a exhausted project at the beginning of the test gain a remarkable result as the result of enough rest. Besides new baby boring, new marriage and cases such as suddenly change of inhabitancy and death of a relative may somewhat make the result suspect.

In addition, the test result is too blurry to be evidence. The result only pointed out that the skin looked and feel better. It can totally be a subjective estimate which is heavily influent by a psychology hint. There's no one piece of direct and scientific evidence at all. May some data of the refresh rate or activity of the skin cells be benefit to not only make it authentic, but also knock down the possibility of a disguising layer made by that Luxess.

Meanwhile, what about those cases out of that "mostly"? There may be some accidences happen which may lead complaints or even accuse. If so, this product is probably banned, then say nothing of effective. In the aspect of term, the word “mostly” is better to be instead by a percentage, or some explicit data. Otherwise we still can’t deny the chance of only a category people of large number gains the remarkable result.

Summarily, to be a cogent evidence to persuade people, especially its customers, this study should be much more explicitly and scientifically on its sample choosing, condition controls, and results providing.(437 words)

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