[a习作temp] argument220 高频大家拍,回拍留链接 [复制链接]

11yvette
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电梯直达

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发表于 2005-7-26 00:23:26 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

----题目----

220.The following appeared in an article in a magazine for writers.

"A recent study showed that in describing a typical day's conversation, people make an average of 23 references to watching television and only 1 reference to reading fiction. This result suggests that, compared with the television industry, the publishing and bookselling industries are likely to decline in profitability. Therefore, people who wish to have careers as writers should acquire training and experience in writing for television rather than for print media."

----正文----

The author persuades people who want to be a writer to focus on writing for television instead of print media which seems greatly ungrounded after an elaborate consideration.

Firstly, the study on typical day's conversation is a main controversy to argue about, for the study possesses no representative. The author does not show where and when the study conducted, whose conversations the study adopted. If the conversation occurs after work especially some time before a hot soap is going to be played, the two on the way to home from office would talk about it passionately, or the conversation is taken between two children who have no ability to read and write, the most possible content for them to discuss is cartoon series everyday played on television. These are all the possibilities for the ratio of 23:1 which is taken as an evidence for author to prove his or her assertion. However, before offering the details about the study, the author's hasty conclusion is irrational.

Secondly, the assumption that publishing industries are declining can not be attributed to the study as the author says. Though we concede that the study express some facts of the situation, the causal relationship is not establish by author without evidence supplied. Since, the television is a kind of industries which is facing to the masses, that means people can watch a same program at the same time, while books are one on one which is read solely. Most times people want to talk to others with something that familiar to both, and the television is the shortcut to enhance the talking effects. Contrast to talk about television, reading is a private habit that almost has no relation with others, for which tell others what one read the day before, and sometimes do not help make resonance. So in fact, the publishing industry is not tending to decrease but maybe it would boost as it does.

Last but not least, the author suggests the people who wish to have careers as writers to turn their aim to television play writing rather than write print media such as novels and essays. The conclusion is totally unsound as it stands. On the one hand, the publishing and bookselling industries are not diminishing, in stead of which the future of the industries may be highly bright that is not surveyed by the author, and the pioneers who concentrate on writing the print media should be successful and famous. On the other hand, more people writing for television more competitions exist, as a result, more difficult for them to attain the goal. Only persuading people to try the field of television without deliberate verifying, the author may mislead lots of promising people to be writers.

To better evaluate the feasibility, the author should offer the results of a representative study to check out the real market for both television and print media, and provide sufficient and reasoned evidence of the field he or she suggesting for people who want to be writers to devote to.

看了这个月的jj,好像220的频率很高啊,大家一起讨论讨论,互拍啊,一同进步吧~~

一步，一步
1022——>10237

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dingzj
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沙发

发表于 2005-8-1 01:19:36 |只看该作者

----正文----

The author persuades people who want to be a writer to focus on writing for television instead of print media which seems greatly ungrounded after an elaborate consideration.超简洁，赞！

Firstly, the study on typical day's conversation is a main controversy to argue about, for the study 加may?，要不也太绝对了吧 possesses no representative. The author does not show where and when the study conducted, whose conversations the study adopted. If the conversation occurs after work especially some time before a hot soap is going to be played, the two on the way to home from office would talk about it passionately, or the conversation is taken between two children who have no ability to read and write, the most possible content for them to discuss is cartoon series everyday played on television. These are all the possibilities for the ratio of 23:1 which is taken as an evidence for author to prove his or her assertion. However --> Thus??, before offering the details about the study, the author's hasty conclusion is irrational.

Secondly, the assumption that publishing industries are declining can not be attributed to the study as the author says. Though we concede that the study express some facts of the situation, the causal relationship is not establish by author without evidence supplied.和我的一样 Since, the television is a kind of industries which is facing to the masses, that means people can watch a same program at the same time, while books are one on one which is read solely. Most times people want to talk to others with something that familiar to both, and the television is the shortcut to enhance the talking effects. Contrast to talk about television, reading is a private habit that almost has no relation with others, for which tell others what one read the day before, and sometimes do not help make resonance. 前面这个批驳的出发点很新颖，俺没想到So in fact, the publishing industry is not tending to decrease but maybe it would boost as it does. 这个结论得的太快，与前面有点脱节，最好能过渡一下
Last but not least, the author suggests the people who wish to have careers as writers to turn their aim to television play writing rather than write print media such as novels and essays. The conclusion is totally unsound as it stands. On the one hand, the publishing and bookselling industries are not diminishing, in stead of which the future of the industries may be highly bright that is not surveyed by the author, 这一句instead of 用法及句型我没搞明白……and the pioneers who concentrate on writing the print media should be successful and famous. On the other hand, more people writing for television more competitions exist, as a result, more difficult for them to attain the goal. Only persuading people to try the field of television without deliberate verifying, the author may mislead lots of promising people to be writers. 这一段的驳斥总感觉有点不充分，但又说不上来....

To better evaluate the feasibility, the author should offer the results of a representative study to check out the real market for both television and print media, and provide sufficient and reasoned evidence of the field he or she suggesting for 这里有点问题吧 his or her?? people who want to be writers to devote to. 本段结题，没什么问题

评价：错误找的都不错，只是某些地方批驳的力度不够
这是你前几天写的，和现在比进步很快阿啊啊学习ing.....

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