[a习作temp] Argument117 NTU 站队习作 [复制链接]

andycui
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电梯直达

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发表于 2005-9-5 17:39:52 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

Argument 117

The following is a memo from the business manager of Valu-Mart stores.
'Over 70 percent of the respondents to a recent survey reported that they are required to take more work home with them from the workplace than they were in the past. Since Valu-Mart has not seen impressive sales in its office-supply departments in the past, we should take advantage of this work-at-home trend by increasing at all Valu-Mart stores the stock of home office machines such as printers, small copy machines, paper shredders, and fax machines. We will also increase stock of office supplies such as paper, pens, and staplers. With these changes, our office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of our stores.'
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The business manager asserts that sales of office supply departments will be inclined and these departments will become most profitable components by more stores of home office machines and office supplies. To support his assertion, he points out a trend of work-at-home has been revealed by most respondents in a recent survey. The argument seems logical and convincing at first glance. However, a careful examination shows several fallacies which render it unpersuasive.

In the survey, most of respondents were required to do more work at home and from which, the manager implicitly concludes that the demand of office supplies and home office machines will be boomed up. The correlation between the result of the survey and the conclusion has some flaws. First of all, the demography of respondents is not clear. It is highly possible that all respondents are from one industry and it could not represent the whole trend of the industry. It is likely that some other big industries prefer their employees to work in companies more than the past so that the overall response may be alternated. And it is also possible that respondents are elders which can not represent the main work force. Next, the survey may be conducted in other provinces which are not covered by sale of Valu-Mart Stores. Different provinces vary in different types of industries and work requirements so people in districts the Store concern may be required to work at home. Last but not least, even if it is true that more people needs to work at home in the area covered, facilities they need are ambiguous. Maybe most of them just need to use computer to generate some data which then will be passed to the company via the internet. In that case, office facilities are not necessary so there is a must for the manager to disclose the demography of respondents, the place of the survey conducted as well as other details to support his view point.

Large demands of office supplies and home office machines do not guarantee that sales of them will be boosted. The stagnant sales in the past may be due to the disadvantage of products the Store sales compared to competitors. Maybe the quality of products is not satisfied so people seldom choose them as a preference or it is likely that the price is very high to the extent that others can not afford. All these possibilities need to be explored to make sure increased demand will promote sales.

Even though the sales could be increased significantly, it can not promise that the office-supply departments will be most profitable components without considering other departments. One possible scenario is that the competition in office supply market is severe that the profit margin is low. However, electronic department, has much higher profits although their sales volume is not high due to facts that their products contains high technology and value-added which results in high profit margin. Or some other departments have even greater sales inclination during these months. Without considering all these issues, the assertion that office supply departments will become most profitable component is questionable.

To sum up, the manager needs to disclose the detail of survey to support that the demand is really increased. Additionally, he needs to find more evidences to show that more demands will lead to more sales and office supply will become most profitable.
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words: 565, can not complete within half an hour

[ Last edited by staralways on 2005-9-5 at 22:31 ]

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bayern_science
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沙发

发表于 2005-9-5 22:07:33 |只看该作者

The business manager asserts that sales of office supply departments will be inclined(be inclined? how about "in the rising trend") and these departments will become most profitable components by more stores of home office machines and office supplies. To support his assertion, he points out a trend of work-at-home has been revealed by most respondents in a recent survey. The argument seems logical and convincing at first glance. However, a careful examination shows several fallacies which render it unpersuasive.

In the survey, most of respondents were required to do more work at home and from which, the manager implicitly concludes that the demand of office supplies and home office machines will be boomed up. The correlation between the result of the survey and the conclusion has some flaws. First of all, the demography(good use!) of respondents is not clear. It is highly possible that all respondents are from one industry and it could not represent the whole trend of the industry(industry-->demand). It is likely that some other big industries prefer their employees to work in companies more than the past so that the overall response may be alternated. And it is also possible that respondents are elders which can not represent the main work force.(why? I am curious about it) Next (-->in addition), the survey may be conducted in other provinces which are not covered by sale of Valu-Mart Stores (in which there are not Valu-Mart stores). Different provinces vary in different types of industries and(-->with different) work requirements so people in districts the Store concern may be required to work at home. Last but not least, even if it is true that more people needs to work at home in the area covered, facilities they need are ambiguous. Maybe most of them just need to use computer to generate some data which then will be passed to the company via the internet. In that case, office facilities are not necessary so there is a must for the manager to disclose the demography of respondents, the place of the survey conducted as well as other details to support his view point.(the last sentense seems too imperative)

Furthermore, even if the demand for office supplies is going to rise, large(-->increase in) demands of office supplies and home office machines do not guarantee that sales of them will be boosted. The stagnant(may not be stagnant but declining) sales in the past may be due to the disadvantage(-->inferiority) of products, in price or quality, of the Store sells compared to competitors. Maybe the quality of products is not satisfied so people seldom choose them as a preference or it is likely that the price is very high to the extent that others can not afford. All(both?) these possibilities need to be explored (ruled out) to make sure increased demand will promote sales.

Even though the sales could be increased significantly, it can not promise that the office-supply departments will be most profitable components without considering other departments(-->it is no warranted to conclude that...without examining and comparing them with...). One possible scenario is that the competition in office supply market is severe that the profit margin(good choice of word!) is low. However, electronic department, has much higher profits although their sales volume is not high due to facts that their products contains high technology and value-added which results in high profit margin. Or some other departments have even greater sales inclination during these months. Without considering all these issues, the assertion that office supply departments will become most profitable component is questionable.

To sum up, the manager needs to disclose the detail of survey to support that the demand is really increased. Additionally, he needs to find(-->provide) more evidences to show that more demands will lead to more(-->rise in) sales and(-->of) office supply will become most profitable.
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Good response!
If you cannot finish it in time, I suggest you do not go into details in the 4th paragraph.

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andycui
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板凳

发表于 2005-9-6 15:14:47 |只看该作者

revised version

The business manager asserts that sales of office supply departments will be raised and these departments will become most profitable components by more stores of home office machines and office supplies. To support his assertion, he points out a trend of work-at-home has been revealed by most respondents in a recent survey. The argument seems logical and convincing at first glance. However, a careful examination shows several fallacies which render it unpersuasive.

In the survey, most of respondents were required to do more work at home and from which, the manager implicitly concludes that the demand of office supplies and home office machines will be boomed up. The correlation between the result of the survey and the conclusion has some flaws. First of all, the demography of respondents is not clear. It is highly possible that all respondents are from one industry and it could not represent the whole trend of the demand. It is likely that some other big industries prefer their employees to work in companies more than the past so that the overall response may be alternated. And it is also possible that respondents are solely elders which can not represent the main work force. Next, the survey may be conducted in other provinces in which there are no Valu-Mart Stores. Different provinces vary in different types of industries and with different work requirements so people in districts the Store concern may be required to work at home. Last but not least, even if it is true that more people needs to work at home in the area covered, facilities they need are ambiguous. Maybe most of them just need to use computer to generate some data which then will be passed to the company via the internet. In that case, office facilities are not necessary so there is a must for the manager to disclose the demography of respondents, the place of the survey conducted as well as other details to support his view point.

Even if the demand for office supplies is going to rise, increase in demands of office supplies and home office machines do not guarantee that sales of them will be boosted. The stagnant sales in the past may be due to the inferiority of products the Store sales compared to competitors. Maybe the quality of products is not satisfied so people seldom choose them as a preference or it is likely that the price is very high to the extent that others can not afford. Both possibilities need to be ruled out to make sure increased demand will promote sales.

Even though the sales could be increased significantly, it can not promise that the office-supply departments will be most profitable components without considering other departments. Some other departments have even greater sales during these months. Without considering this issue, the assertion that office supply departments will become most profitable component is questionable.

To sum up, the manager needs to disclose the detail of survey to support that the demand is really increased. Additionally, he needs to find more evidences to show that more demands will lead to more sales and office supply will become most profitable.
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Total word: 525

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地板

发表于 2005-9-6 20:30:42 |只看该作者

The business manager asserts that sales of office supply departments will be inclined and these departments will become (the) most profitable components by more stores of home office machines and office supplies-这句话表达不是很地道. To support his assertion, he points out a trend of work-at-home has been revealed by most respondents in a recent survey--两个谓语. The argument seems logical and convincing at first glance. However, a careful examination shows several fallacies which render it unpersuasive.

demorgraphy用的不好.

第二段有些碎

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