[a习作temp] argument4 [复制链接]

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Berlinbear
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沙发

发表于 2005-12-18 13:02:18 |只看该作者

4. “Of the two leading real estate firms in our town--Adams Realty and Fitch Realty--Adams is clearly superior. Adams has 40 real estate agents. In contrast, Fitch has 25, many of whom work only part-time. Moreover, Adams’ revenue last year was twice as high as that of Fitch, and included home sales that averaged $168,000, compared to Fitch’s $144,000. Homes listed with Adams sell faster as well: ten years ago, I listed my home with Fitch and it took more than four months to sell; last year, when I sold another home, I listed it with Adams, and it took only one month. Thus, if you want to sell your home quickly and at a good price, you should use Adams.”
提纲：（攻击点）
1）：代理商数量上的优势并不一定说明他们业绩好、工作效率高；
2）：国内销售的平均水平高不能放映在该地区、该城镇Adams同样有优势；
3）：十年前和去年不同一时间段的比较，明显是不能说明Adams在销售速度方面有优势。
（找的三个错误都很具代表性，不错~）

In this argument, the arguer advocates that the people who want to sell their homes should use Adams, one of the leading real estate firms in the town, instead of Fitch. Because the former sells the home more quickly and provides a better price than the latter does. To substantiate the conclusion, the arguer points out that Adams has 40 real estate agents, while Fitch has just 25, to make it worse, many of whom work only part-time. In addition, the arguer reasons that since Adams’ revenue last year was twice as high as that of Fitch and his own experience also tells that: homes listed with Adams sell (是不是应该用被动？are sole)faster as well. A careful examination of this argument would reveal how groundless the conclusion is.(开头可以压缩一下，好象有一点点啰嗦~~)

First of all, the arguer only considers the number of the real estate agents that both of the firms have but ignores the achievement which the agents has made. Even though Adams has more real estate agents than Fitch has, it is also possible that the agents of Adams is(are) lack of expertise, responsibility, and efficiency, thus they cannot make copious of achievement as the agents of Fitch do. Because the agents of Fitch have many experts in the area of real estate, meanwhile, they have very strong responsibility and high work efficiency. Achievement cannot be measured only in terms of the number of people.

In addition, the arguer fails to provide the accurate information about both the firms’ revenue from the year they were founded rather than only provides last year’s revenue information. Of course, the information of just last year’s revenue lacks the necessary representative. Maybe, Fitch’s revenue other years is much more (是不是缺形容词呀？)than Adams’. Furthermore, Adams’ revenue is not much more than Fitch’s in home sales. Therefore, the superior of the firm Adams is not very clear in the arguer’s town.

Finally, the comparison between Fitch’s speed of selling home ten years ago and Adams’s speed of selling home last year is unfit. It is very likely that Fitch only takes half month to sell each home last year. On earth, which firm sell single home more quickly last year or now has been unknown yet.（十年前后的不可比性应该是个比较大的错误，应该可以比较深入的批驳一下。可以提出一些可能的情况，比如在过去的十年间，楼市变化很大，人们的收入水平可以从不可承担到可支付等）

In summary, the conclusion reached in this argument is invalid and misleading. To make it logically acceptable, the arguer would have to demonstrate that all the agents of Adams have high work efficiency and provide the speed of selling single home in the same year, especially recently several years. Additionally, the arguer must provide accurate information about both the firms’ revenue from the year they were founded and the information of specific sales in the arguer’s town. Otherwise, the arguer is simply begging the question throughout the argument.（结尾和开头一样，可以压缩）

文章的语言灵活，用词地道，句式精彩，很不错。
不过在批驳的部分显得比较单薄，可以在以后的联系中留意训练一下。
开头和结尾都可以压缩，而把多一些的篇幅放在中间的批驳部分会更有说服力。
加油！~~

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