[i习作temp] argument145(GOGOGO) 感觉写的很不好！想哭 [复制链接]

xuehuihope
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电梯直达

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发表于 2005-12-26 23:34:47 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

Argument145
提纲；
1. 作者的观点证据不足，难以成立
2. 作者认为打鼾的人比不打酣的人根容易发胖，这两件事并没有因果联系
3. 作者认为因呼吸暂停醒来的人不会发觉自己曾经呼吸暂停，呼吸暂停的人是因为缺氧才醒来，所以不可能很平静
4. 作者认为晚上打鼾的人白天会因为太累而无法工作，所以应该节食和加强锻炼来改善，如果晚上睡不好，白天应该通过加强营养和休息来补充体力，所以题述观点不能被接受
   The argument concludes that people who snore are more likely to get weight than are people who do not snore. To justify this conclusion the author notes that people who snore stop breathing so frequently during the night for a few seconds that they are too tired during the day to work, therefore, they should eat less and do some exercises to control their weight. I find this argument logically unconvincing in several respects.
   First, we do not have any evidence suggesting that people who snore easily gain weight ,perhaps the snored people whom the author investigated are fatty coincidentally. There is no any data available to support casual relationship between snore and fatso, it is entirely possible that people who snore easily gain weight caused by other reasons. The author should give us some confirmed evidence.
   Secondly, the author think that sleep apnea is so briefly that the waking goes unnoticed, the author overlook the fact that people who wake up because of the interruption of breathing during the night, will struggle for oxygen, and wake up with a start, not wake up peacefully.
   Finally, the person who get sleep apnea at night may feel tired, they have no problem to do some exercises, although they may feel tired and depressed. They need some nutritious foods to supple energy, and have a good rest. It is unreasonable to recommend to eat less and do more exercise than the average.
   All in all, this argument is unacceptable. To strengthen the argument the author would provide evidence that snore can arouse people gain weight ,and they must do some exercise and eat little food to control their weight.

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azalea
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沙发

发表于 2005-12-28 02:15:12 |只看该作者

Sorry来晚了

The argument concludes that people who snore are more likely to get weight than are people who do not snore. To justify this conclusion the author notes that people who snore stop breathing so frequently during the night for a few seconds that they are too tired during the day to work, therefore, they should eat less and do some exercises to control their weight. I find this argument logically unconvincing in several respects.[首段写得不错概括的很清楚]
   First, we do not have any evidence[这个说法不太确切应该是the author/arguer does not provide any evidence] suggesting that people who snore [will，这里加个词否则原句有歧义]easily gain weight ,perhaps the snored people whom the author investigated are fatty coincidentally. There is no any[not any 或者no.没有no any的用法] data available to support casual relationship between snore and fat[fatness，而且这里少句号！]so, it is entirely possible that people who snore easily gain weight caused by other reasons. The author should give us some confirmed evidence.[我觉得还有可能是fatness引起snore 而不是vice versa 这段满难论述清楚的我也没想好怎么写]
   Secondly, the author think[-s] that sleep apnea is so briefly that the waking goes unnoticed, the author overlook[-s晕注意第三人称单数动词形式！] the fact that people who wake up because of the interruption of breathing during the night, will struggle for oxygen, and wake up with a start, not wake up[可以去掉wake up] peacefully.[我觉得这个不算是错误吧。。其实我也不知道了生物没讲过:(]
   Finally, the person[people和后面they对应！] who get[have确切些吧] sleep apnea at night may feel tired, they have no problem to do some exercises, although they may feel tired and depressed.[这句的逻辑我没懂：（]， They need some nutritious foods[food] to supple energy, and have a good rest[可以加一句rather than eat less and exercise more]. It is unreasonable to recommend to eat less and do more exercise than the average.
   All in all, this argument is unacceptable. To strengthen the argument the author would provide evidence [加个supporting?我不理解后面that是什么用法好像有点语法问题] that snore can arouse[arouse不是这么用滴可以换成make 或者改成cause overweight?] people gain weight ,and [that] they must do some exercise and eat little food to control their weight.
[我觉得这篇不太好写自己没想法也提不出什么意见啦大家来看看吧
可以看下我们组员的这篇写得很赞
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... ghlight=argument145]