[i习作temp] Issue185 [Smile C]第四次作业 [复制链接]

xinxinw
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电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2006-7-29 20:43:34 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

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imzxz
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沙发

发表于 2006-7-30 12:44:57 |只看该作者

拜读了，整体觉得很棒，除了那个对社会的不满是由丑闻引起的例子感觉有点牵强以外。小弟只有学习和膜拜的份啊。。。。。。

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zhy5186612
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板凳

发表于 2006-7-30 20:48:27 |只看该作者

TOPIC: ISSUE185
- "Scandals-whether in politics, academia, or other areas-can be useful. They focus our attention on problems in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could."

Outline:
+: Scandals are of significant importance because they reveal the otherwise hidden truths from which we could gain more insights on social events or problems. These insights can further help us to improve our social system to develop more healthily (The Korean cloning scandal).
-: In modern society, one of the most important departments of a well conducted government is the office of censorship which is in charge of investigating and supervising the governors’ behavior. Also, reformers will raise problems in public in order to draw people's attentions to amend defects of present institution.
-: Merely focusing on the seamy side [of删除] in politics, academia, or other areas provides no impetus for the development of our society. Scandals may distract us [from] more pressing social problems that are crucial to our lives. What is more, those who fixate on the flaws of the leaders become cynical and unstable factor of the society (crime).

The speaker raises the assertion that scandals, by focusing out attention on problems in way that no speakers or reformers ever could. Admittedly, scandals do enable us to acquire more truth and information about our society. However, fixating our attention on scandals, itself, does not serve any essential contribution to the development of the society. [这个观点我个人不是很同意]

It is true that scandals, in politics, academia, or other areas, is of significant importance because they reveal otherwise hidden facts through which we would gain more insights understandings about social problems. Because of the intrinsic desire of people to unearth the hidden secret and the strongly connected world, in which information spread extremely fast through mass medias and the Internet, those scandals often arouse great impact in the public. The Korean cloning scandal disclosed last year, in which the professor of Seoul National University, Hwang Woo-suk, deliberately falsified his data in the paper on human embryonic stem cells that he and 24 colleagues published in Science, indicated the start of severe supervision of genetic research, which [这个which是指整个事件的是吧，换成this event/case 之类的怎么样] resulted in higher level of scrutiny and responsibility to which scientists are held. Due to the problem they expose and the great influence in the public[这句调到后面怎么样，they指代就明确了], scandals can be useful to amend [amend--solve] social problems and work significant and long lasting benefit for our society [work significant and long lasting benefit for our society,我感觉语法有问题，不明白什么意思？是说通过丑闻可以改善社会福祉吗？但你后面两段分明与这相反的] .

However, speakers and reformers, in any democratic nation, have right and obligation to deliver such truths to the public. The laws and government are constructed for the interest of the whole society but run by a small selected group of leaders. So it is inevitable that those leaders would commit false behaviors due to individual defects or selfish motivations. The office of censorship, in charge of investigating and supervising the governors' behavior, serves as legal and just way to regulate the government. In the cases of governor's, bribery, for instance, the speaker of the office will immediately inspect into the issue and proclaim it to the public to handle and prevent it both in legal procedure and vox populi. Furthermore, reformers, with the aim to amend or improve [ amend or improve problems英文好像这个说不通吧？] existing social problems, will in the first place bring the matter into light to attract attention of the public from which they could seek for support. Therefore, speakers and reformers in the government can equally serve as pathways for the public to gain thorough information.如果这样，就不会有那么多丑闻了

Moreover, merely focusing on the seamy side [of] in politics, academia, or other areas provides no impetus for the development of our society. For one thing, scandals may distract us from more pressing social problems that are crucial to our lives. Mass media, with the purpose for the increasing sales with sensationalism, publishes scandals like affairs of the few famous and confuses us from other social problems relating to people’s lives, such as starvation, unemployment and crimes[个人不信服，盈利是大家都追求的事，绯闻照样当不住大家关注以色列战事]. For another thing, those who fixate scandals would become cynical unstable factor of the society. We see often in the newspaper that people committing extreme behaviors, robbery, murder, or terrorism, for example, in order to relieve their dissatisfaction on society, most of which come from scandals inconstant [inconstant with-->not matching] with fact [同样个人不信服]. As a result, over emphasis on scandals will do great harm to the society. 事实上多数时候，我个人认为正是媒体的积极介入（不管什么亩的）才促进了社会公正和福利

In conclusion, although scandals is capable of giving notice to the public what is going on beyond our views, they themselves do not make any contribution to the progress of our society unless we take actions to meliorate our lives. It is maintaining our healthy society and solving social problems where we should put our attention and energy.
总体评价
个人意见哈，像你说的都是自己人，客客气气就没有进步了
1 词汇和句式仍然是我学习的榜样，文中标出的地方是我个人感觉有问题的地方或者是没有看明白
2 就这片I我意见如下：
1）论题前半句说大多数时候丑闻是有用的，--为什么呢？-- 因为，后半部分给出了回答---他可以通过speaker or reformer无法相比的方式将大众的注意力集中到某些问题上。所以，我个人认为这个I的焦点是让论述：丑闻是不是可以以特殊的方式将我们的注意力集中到某些关键问题上，或者说丑闻怎么样将----；而不是媒体对社会有其他什么作用之类的。
2）个人感受哈。不错，写I时，可以自己随便理论，只要论证足够严密；但是，我们还是考虑主流尤其欧美观点------毕竟任何人看到和自己论点一样的论述，心里状态会好一点；尽管我们可能很雄辩，但是我们不一定能用英文顺畅的表达出来啊-----这样虽然报收但也保险一点。就这个I比如，我认为应该多肯定少否定；因为欧美从来是张扬个性和多方制衡并重的。

这次写的多点，一呢是因为拜读你文章长见识，二呢今天有时间 :lol
不对还请见谅

[ 本帖最后由 zhy5186612 于 2006-7-30 20:51 编辑 ]

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猫猫寿司
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地板

发表于 2006-8-1 10:19:50 |只看该作者

TOPIC: ISSUE185
- "Scandals-whether in politics, academia, or other areas-can be useful. They focus our attention on problems in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could."

Outline:
+: Scandals are of significant importance because they reveal the otherwise hidden truths from which we could gain more insights on social events or problems. These insights can further help us to improve our social system to develop more healthily (The Korean cloning scandal).
-: In modern society, one of the most important departments of a well conducted government is the office of censorship which is in charge of investigating and supervising the governors’ behavior. Also, reformers will raise problems in public in order to draw people's attentions to amend defects of present institution.
-: Merely focusing on the seamy side of in politics, academia, or other areas provides no impetus for the development of our society. Scandals may distract us more pressing social problems that are crucial to our lives. What is more, those who fixate on the flaws of the leaders become cynical and unstable factor of the society (crime).

The speaker raises the assertion that scandals, by focusing out attention on problems in way that no speakers or reformers ever could.句子不完整 Admittedly, scandals do enable us to acquire more truth and information about our society. However, fixating our attention on scandals, itself, does not serve any essential contribution to the development of the society.

It is true that scandals, in politics, academia, or other areas, is are of significant importance because they reveal otherwise hidden facts through which we would gain more insights and understandings about social problems. Because of the intrinsic desire of people to unearth the hidden secret and the strongly connected world这个地方和动词搭配么？, in which information spreads extremely fast through mass medias老弟，media已经是复数了 and the Internet, those scandals often arouse great impact搭配不当 in the public. The Korean cloning scandal disclosed last year, in which the professor of Seoul National University, Hwang Woo-suk, deliberately falsified his data in the paper on human embryonic stem cells that为啥有个that呢？缺个连词吧 he and 24 colleagues published in Science, indicated the start of severe supervision of genetic research, which resulted in higher level of scrutiny and responsibility to which scientists are held.我喜欢hold to这个词组 Due to the problem they expose and the great influence in on the public, scandals can be useful to amend social problems and work significant and long lasting benefit for our society.

However, speakers and reformers, in any democratic nation, have right and obligation to deliver such truths to the public. The laws and government are constructed for the interest of the whole society but run by a small selected group of leaders. So it is inevitable that those leaders would commit false behaviors due to individual defects or selfish motivations. The office of censorship, in charge of investigating and supervising the governors' behavior, serves as legal and just way to regulate the government. In the cases of governor's, bribery, for instance, the speaker of the office will immediately inspect into the issue and proclaim it to the public to handle and prevent it both in legal procedure and vox populi哈，学一个，第一次看见. Furthermore, reformers, with the aim to amend or improveproblem还要improve阿。。汗……反党反人民 existing social problems, will in the first place bring the matter into light to attract attention of the public from which they could seek for support. Therefore, speakers and reformers in the government can equally serve as pathways for the public to gain thorough information.这个整一段是在说明reformer和speaker的作用么？通过揭发丑闻来达到告知人民以期改革的目的？好像和主题不太贴，才疏学浅，不要打我

Moreover, merely focusing on the seamy side of in两个介词拉大哥 politics, academia, or other areas provides no impetus for the development of our society. For one thing, scandals may distract us from more pressing social problems that are crucial to our lives. Mass media, with the purpose for the increasing sales with sensationalism, publishes scandals like affairs of the few famous and confuses us from other social problems relating to people’s lives, such as starvation, unemployment and crimes. For another thing, those who fixate scandals would become cynically unstable factor of the society. We see often in on the newspaper that people committing extreme behaviors, robbery, murder, or terrorism, for example, in order to relieve their dissatisfaction on society, most of which come from scandals inconstant with fact再看一遍哦~that后面跟从句，嘿嘿这句话没有谓语. As a result改成above all好一点哦, over emphasis on scandals will do great harm to the society.这个后面这个例子好像不太贴切的说

In conclusion, although scandals is are capable of giving notice to the public what is going on beyond our views, they themselves do not make any contribution to the progress of our society unless we take actions to meliorate our lives. It is maintaining our healthy society and solving social problems 有一点点拗口，把where改成that然后加个on在最后变强调句好不好where we should put our attention and energy.

1。语法错误有点…… 不像xinxinw，不过不算多哦~比我好点啦
2。第二个论点不太好，其他都瞒好啦~~嘿嘿
阅毕
明天早上发~~~

[ 本帖最后由猫猫寿司于 2006-8-1 10:31 编辑 ]

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