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nap
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电梯直达

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发表于 2007-7-20 10:24:39 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? All students should be required to study art and music in secondary school. Use specific reasons to support your answer
WORDS: 386

There is a discussion that whether all students should study art and music in secondary school. I agree with this statement after considering the following reasons.

The first reason is that students can study them in secondary school without much difficulty. It is commonly known that the load in secondary school is much lighter than that in the university where students have to face a great number of courses and they do not even have their own free time. Because of this, it is much better to let the secondary school students learn art and music rather than the undergraduates in order to prevent the situation that the high school students have extra energy to learn while those university students complain about the heavy load.
(这段没时间大改了)

Moreover, to study art and music enables the knowledge of the secondary school students more comprehensive. Since the courses of secondary school are to prepare the knowledge of the students to meet the need(感觉need就是需要吧？) of the society, they have to cover almost everything. If the art and music is removed from that knowledge system, the students may not know how to comprehend them and in the further it is possible for them to have a hard time to understand why certain art or music exists like this and they may not under the meaning of an art production. However, if the students in secondary school study them, they may not have difficulty appreciating them in the further and some of them may later become artists.

Finally, art and music makes the life of secondary school students interesting. We can not easily image how it will be if the students in secondary school study the math and other science courses all the time. In this case, they may feel boring and not be active to engage in the studying. On the other hand, however, if art and music enter into their study, they may feel relaxed and thus have a mental change from the science study and this can guide them to be much easier concentrated on studying(不知怎么改好).

In sum, despite some futile disadvantages such as they may dilute other subjects, because of the importance of the art and music study in secondary school mentioned above, we can not deny the necessity of studying them in that early time.
马上就考了，请大家多拍点。

[ 本帖最后由 nap 于 2007-7-21 21:05 编辑 ]

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宁小宝
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沙发

发表于 2007-7-20 18:15:48 |只看该作者

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? All students should be required to study art and music in secondary school. Use specific reasons to support your answer
WORDS: 386

There is a discussion that（on） whether all students should study art and music in secondary school. I agree with this statement（如果紧跟题目没错，但前一句用whether意思是“是不是”，这样statement会产生歧义，到底是不是，总之，这稍微有点别扭，建议改一下） after considering the following reasons.
（第一段总体感觉语法没错，但是不地道，建议看一下类似题目别人写的开头，以次润华自己的）

The essential（这词太重了，其实并不构成必要或基本关系，用first就很好） reason is that students can study them in secondary school without much difficulty. It is commonly known that the （study）load in secondary school is much lighter than that in the university where students have to face a great number of courses and they do not even have their own free time. Because of this, it is much better to let the secondary school students learn art and music rather than the undergraduates in order to prevent(avoid) the situation that the high school students have extra(spare) energy to learn while those university students complain about the heavy load.(这里入手点可不可以从大学生需要学习specialized knowledge 入手，我个人感觉会更有力)

Moreover, to study art and music makes the knowledge of the secondary school students more comprehensive.（尝试用enable sb to have comprehensive knowledge,这样更好） Since the courses of secondary school are to prepare the knowledge of the students to meet the need of the society（知识怎么能适应社会，是学生满足社会需要）, they have to cover almost everything. If the art and music is removed from this（this指代不明）, the students may not know how to comprehend the（去掉） them and in the further it is possible for them to have a hard time to understand（+doing） why certain art or music exists like this and they may not under the meaning of an art production. However, if the students in secondary school study them, they may not have difficulty to appreciate(+doing) them in the further and some of them may later become artists.

Finally, art and music makes the life of secondary school students interesting. We can not easily image how it will be if the students in secondary school study the math and other science courses all the time. In this case, they may feel boring and not be active to involve（engage） in the studying. On the other hand, however, if art and music enter into their study, they may feel convenient(relaxed) and thus have a mental change from the science study(这一句改，我相信这是chenglish) and this can lead(导致，一般接不好的) them to be much easier concentrated in(on) the study including science.

In sum, despite some futile disadvantages such as they may dilute other subjects, because of the importance of the art and music study in secondary school mentioned above, we can not deny the necessity of studying them in that early time.
马上就考了，请大家多拍点。

文章逻辑性有待增强，个人感觉作者为了使文章有新鲜感，自己造了一些用法，其实这样很不利，OG上的作文用词很简单，但非常到位，可学习一下。总的来说，要加强训练了，相信通过一段时间的练笔，我们都会有提高的，加油哦！

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