The arguer’s view seems to be sound andconvincing at first glance that it is reasonable to increase budget for improvements to the publiclyowned lands along the Mason River because the residents would increase their favoritewater recreational activity if Mason River is cleaned up. However, I’m afraid his argument can hardly bear furtherconsideration since there are several flaws in it.
Firstly, the arguer bases his claim on the assumption that Mason Riveris sure to be cleaned up as the agency announced thecleaning plan. However, he fails to offer any information about the river.Perhaps the river has been polluted so seriously that it is difficult to cleanup it in a short time or even impossible to totally clean up it. Besides, eventhough the river could be clean up, if the cost is huge, the agency mightfinally give up the plan. Therefore, it is possible that Mason Riverstill does not suit to take water sports after the announcement of the plan toclean up it.
Secondly,given that Mason River is sure to becleaned up, thearguer fails to provide any evidence that the cleaning up of Mason Rivercan ensure increase in its recreational use. It is possible that thesurrounding environment of Mason River is not beautifuland uncomfortable. Maybe there are a lot of factories and railways on theriverside, thus black waste gas and boring train noise are here and there, residentshave no interest in playing at such a place. Even the river is a good place totake some recreational activities, those residents who love water sports mightdo not necessarily favorite Mason River. Perhaps Mason City is near thesea, more people would enjoy swimming, fishing, and boating on the seaside. Ormaybe Mason City has many rivers which fit waterrecreation, and Mason River only occupies asmall fraction of the market.
Finally,even assuming that Mason River can ensure increase in its recreational use, thereis no evidence in the argument shows that it is necessary to increase itsbudget for improvements to the publicly owned lands along the Mason River.More investment in publicly owned lands along the Mason Riverdoesn’t ensure a considerable profit. If the public places along the Mason Rivercan accommodate possible increasing visitors, then such increase in budget mustbe a waste of money.
In all,to persuade me that the increase its budget for improvements to the publiclyowned lands along the Mason River is necessary, the arguer must provide evidencethat Mason River is sure to becleaned up and thecleaning up of Mason River can ensure increasein its recreational use. Moreover, the arguer shouldshow me that the possible profit in the improvement of the public lands alongthe Mason River.
The arguer’s view seems to be sound andconvincing at first glance that it is reasonable to increase budget for improvements to the publiclyowned lands along the Mason River because the residents would increase their favoritewater recreational activity if Mason River is cleaned up. However, I’m afraid his argument can hardly bear furtherconsideration since there are several flaws in it.
Firstly, the arguer bases his claim on the assumption that Mason Riveris sure to be cleaned up as the agency announced thecleaning plan. However, he fails to offer any information about the river.Perhaps the river has been polluted so seriously that it is difficult to cleanup it in a short time or even impossible to totally clean up it. Besides, eventhough the river could be clean up, if the cost is huge, the agency mightfinally give up the plan. Therefore, it is possible that Mason Riverstill does not suit to take water sports after the announcement of the plan toclean up it.
Secondly,given that Mason River is sure to becleaned up, thearguer fails to provide any evidence that the cleaning up of Mason Rivercan ensure increase in its recreational use. It is possible that thesurrounding environment of Mason River is not beautifuland uncomfortable. Maybe there are a lot of factories and railways on theriverside, thus black waste gas and boring train noise are here and there, residentshave no interest in playing at such a place. Even the river is a good place totake some recreational activities, those residents who love water sports mightdo not necessarily favorite Mason River. Perhaps Mason City is near thesea, more people would enjoy swimming, fishing, and boating on the seaside. Ormaybe Mason City has many rivers which fit waterrecreation, and Mason River only occupies asmall fraction of the market.
Finally,even assuming that Mason River can ensure increase in its recreational use, thereis no evidence in the argument shows(showing) that it is necessary to increase itsbudget for improvements to the publicly owned lands along the Mason River.More investment in publicly owned lands along the Mason Riverdoesn’t ensure a considerable profit. If the public places along the Mason Rivercan accommodate possible increasing visitors, then such increase in budget mustbe a waste of money.
In all,to persuade me that the increase its budget for improvements to the publiclyowned lands along the Mason River is necessary, the arguer must provide evidencethat Mason River is sure to becleaned up and thecleaning up of Mason River can ensure increasein its recreational use. Moreover, the arguer shouldshow me that the possible profit in the improvement of the public lands alongthe Mason River.
The arguer’s view seems to be sound and convincing at first glance that(.) it (It) is reasonable to increase budget for improvements to the publicly owned lands along the Mason River(,) because the residents would increase their favorite water recreational activity if Mason River is cleaned up.(这句话太长,改成两个句子?) However, I’m afraid his argument can hardly bear further consideration since there are several flaws in it.
Firstly, the arguer bases his claim on the assumption that Mason River is sure to be cleaned up as the agency announced the cleaning plan. However, he fails to offer any information about the river. Perhaps the river has been polluted so seriously that it is difficult to cleanup it(去掉) in a short time or even impossible to totally clean up it. Besides, eventhough the river could be clean up, if the cost is huge, the agency might finally give up the plan. Therefore, it is possible that Mason River still does not suit to take water sports after the announcement of the plan to clean up it.(这一点攻击的不错,偶没想到)
Secondly,given that Mason River is sure to be cleaned up, the arguer fails to provide any evidence that the cleaning up of Mason River can ensure increase(ensure的用法我不熟,直接可以接动词用?) in its recreational use. It is possible that the surrounding environment of Mason River is not beautiful and uncomfortable. Maybe there are a lot of factories and railways on the riverside, thus black waste gas and boring train noise are here and there, residents have no interest in playing at such a place. Even the river is a good place to take some recreational activities, those residents who love water sports might do not necessarily favorite Mason River. Perhaps Mason City is near the sea, more people would enjoy swimming, fishing, and boating on the seaside. Ormaybe Mason City has many rivers which fit water recreation, and Mason River only occupies as mall fraction of the market.(一些可能性想的很周到)
Finally,even assuming that Mason River can ensure increase in its recreational use, there is no evidence in the argument shows that it is necessary to increase its budget for improvements to the publicly owned lands along the Mason River.More investment in publicly owned lands along the Mason River doesn’t ensure a considerable profit. If the public places along the Mason River can accommodate possible increasing visitors, then such increase in budget must be a waste of money. (题干中没有说到获利的问题,这一点攻击的恰当吗?有没有偏题的嫌疑?)
In all,to persuade me that the increase its budget for improvements to the publiclyowned lands along the Mason River is necessary, the arguer must provide evidence that Mason River is sure to be cleaned up and the cleaning up of Mason River can ensure increase in its recreational use. Moreover, the arguer should show me that the possible profit in the improvement of the public lands alongthe Mason River.(结尾没问题!)
1.Argument写的比I好一些,行文较流畅。
2.攻击的前两点不错,第一点我没有想到,好好学习中。
3.第三点有偏题的担心,可以讨论下。
4.结尾和开头不错