寄托天下
查看: 1377|回复: 1
打印 上一主题 下一主题

[i习作temp] Issue147【0710G-小猪快跑小组】第4次作业 By Shania [复制链接]

Rank: 2

声望
0
寄托币
135
注册时间
2007-7-15
精华
0
帖子
0
跳转到指定楼层
楼主
发表于 2007-7-28 23:43:07 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

==================Issue 147          507 words in 40minutes====================

As an American female writer, Pearl Buck ever writes, "If you want to understand today, you have to search yesterday." I strongly appreciate such words who was bestowed literary Noble Prize ever says, and can not agree with the speaker asserts that, tradition and modernization are incompatible and one must choose one between them. In my point of view, the rose from the gap between tradition and modernization attains more and more pabulum when they arrive at a perfect balance.

First of all, there is no denying that the rapid change of science and technological advance have made so much is new and complex today. Modern persons lay less stress on the historical view than they used to do and many traditional views are facing challenge in era of today. A case in point is that Modern times services people airplane, train and private car instead of carriages which ever being the main historical transportation tools. Additionally, fast pace of modernization make many people take it for granted that an understanding of the tradition has little bearing with the modern world.

Conceding that several tradition views and events might obsolete in today's complex and rapid changing does not mean looking back for an understanding for the past have little guidance for today. First, the tradition of history is indispensable to understanding not only what changes ever occur but also what the truth about the old events. Also it could tell us the human civilization and the changing or unchanging custom and habitude. By reconstructing the scene of the past and review the tradition, the experiences of our forefathers' also server as the mirror of different human race and can teach us how to avoid repeating the mistakes that happened in the past while may be happened at present or in the future. Secondly, according to Francis Bacon, a famous British philosopher, ever says, "Histories make men wise". As a result, the best solution towards certain problems will be found by us when looking back. Finally, the tradition helps us to remember how we came to be where we are and what we ought to do now, which also cares about giving future generations the same opportunities to enjoy what we have today.


Further more, modern people should place a proper attitude towards the tradition and modernization perspective. On one hand, ignoring the tradition facts such as custom, habitude and history, people's long term visions and contributes to the progress of the entire human civilizations will be lost. And the modernization becomes half-baked. On the other hand, unduly insist of the traditional ideas should also make modern people loss the innovative spirits and obstruct the improvement of Contemporary society.


Tradition is the unique resources the forefathers bestowed to us, and once missed no measure can be compensated for the huge loss, left only silent cries. And the modern times is the central theme of a piece we hold. I do believe that the tradition and modernization compensate with each other, only in this way can we gain much.  



==================提纲ISSUE 28 了解和记忆 学习不孤立=====================

Syllabus

1.        Agree in some condition. One of the main purpose of education is to prepare the totally system of knowledge for a student in contemporary society. In this respect, make the students to further understand the principle behind the facts by introducing the knowledge about the backgrounds and trends into the class is much more important than to just pour the information of all the facts.

2.        Compared with the facts which might differ from one to another according to various conditions, the rationales behind them are much more valuable.多数的事实背后都隐藏有比事实本身更有价值的原理。

3.        The memorizing is necessary and should be served as the main methods of education.在教育中强调理解,并不意味着学生不需要记忆任何名词和概念,而是通过让学生们了解概念的背景帮助他们记忆。

4.        Memorizing the facts after introducing the ideas, trends, and concepts behind is one of the best approaches in today's education.先理解在记忆的方式是目前最佳的教育方法之一。

5.        In sum, memorizing and understanding are the two important methods in the learning process, the former term used to enhance the learning effect, and the latter one can help to propel the learning process into a further level.总之理解和记忆是两种重要的教育手段前者让学生学会分析问题的方法后者能够加深学生对于知识的掌握。只有这两者之间的结合才能够最终实现教育的主要目的

==================提纲ISSUE 130 孩子社会化和未来========================

Syllabus

1.        In my point of view, I conclude that the nowadays education teaches children almost whole skills to help them bring about a better society.

2.        It is acknowledged that one of the most important objectives of education is make a supreme interaction between children and society. For the reason of how children are socialized will determined the tomorrow of contemporary. 教育的重要目标之一是使孩子和社会融合。

3.         Education is aroused to pay more attention in fostering the future generation universally around the world, because it lasting brings on important function for the development and advancement of the modern world. 下一代的教育越来越被重视,因为它的发展和社会化息息相关。

4.         In addition, there is no denying that admitting the root of education aim does not mean such functions are fully and excellently acceptable by children. Current evaluation system and social expectations on children make them fill with knowledge more that they can absorb. The end of this education is generation of high-IQ-low-EQ children, lots of whom are intellectually competent but morally and emotionally crippled. Some show little respect to others and little tolerance to different ideas. Some are selfish, arrogant and dishonest. Some are deficient in managing their own emotions and commits suicides or even vent their anger and resentments by hurting other people. Such problems should be solved in the future education. 但是对孩子社会化的教育中的一些弊端需要注意。比如填鸭教育,高分低能,自私,撒谎,不尊重他人等现象。

5.        As it stands, the knowledge and intellective are the unique destiny for the contemporary society. Only though by education, can it access.



[ 本帖最后由 Shania.33 于 2007-7-28 23:44 编辑 ]
若失去 我都不再怕 能得到 就当烧烟花
回应
0

使用道具 举报

Rank: 5Rank: 5

声望
8
寄托币
1106
注册时间
2006-2-9
精华
0
帖子
17
沙发
发表于 2007-8-2 10:22:57 |只看该作者
[By Shalonbas]

As an American female writer, Pearl Buck ever writes, "If you want to understand today, you have to search yesterday." [很切题的名人名言,赞] I strongly appreciate such words who was bestowed literary Noble Prize ever says, [前半句有问题,你欣赏的是赛珍珠同学的话语,而得奖的是她本人而非她的语言。你把两者混到一起写很容易犯错误。我觉得也许可以这样说:I strongly appreciate such words of the writer who was awarded the Nobel Prize in literature in 1938] and can not agree with the speaker asserts [前面有agree,这里就肯定不能再用asserts了,不然不是两个谓语么?改:can not agree with the speaker’s assertion] that, tradition and modernization are incompatible and one must choose one between them. [亮出自己的观点] In my point of view, the rose from the gap between tradition and modernization attains more and more pabulum when they arrive at a perfect balance. [这里是不是个比喻啊,rose做何解释?我果然没有文学细胞,汗~~][这句话应该是全文主旨吧,看来本文意图强调的是兼容并包的平衡]

First of all, there is no denying that the rapid change of science and technological advance [看来你把modernization落脚点选取为“科技的发展”] have [has]made so much is new and complex today. [这句话意思我明白,可觉得有语病,而且中式英语的味道比较重] [科技的发展使得现代社会日新月异,也更加复杂]Modern persons lay less stress on the historical view than they used to do and many traditional views are facing challenge in era of today. A case in point is that Modern times services [serves] people airplane, train and private car instead of carriages which ever being the main historical transportation tools[were the majority of transportation tools in history]. [前面一句说现代人对传统的东西越来越不看重了,然后这一句的举例是交通工具的改良。]Additionally, fast pace of modernization make many people take it for granted that an understanding of the tradition has little bearing with the modern world. [现代化的快节奏使得人们理所当然地觉得了解传统没有意义。但似乎后面至少缺两句话:1 对这句话的阐述,起码得给个原因吧,为什么节奏快人们就觉得了解传统无意义? 2. 该句和第一句想表达的意思有什么关系?]
[这一段共有4句话,虽然不多,但却让我有些难于理解本段究竟要表达什么观点。如果我没有理解错的话,原文四句话的大意和结构为:
1科技的发展使得现代社会日新月异,也更加复杂。 【从科技的角度表明现代化的强大力量,统领全段】
2 许多传统理念受到挑战,使得现代人对传统的东西越来越不重视。【紧接着TS句,但两者意思却有很大不同,我的疑惑就从这句开始。】
3 交通工具的变迁。【意图用交通工具的变迁来例证句2】
4 现代化的节奏之快让人们理所当然的觉得了解传统是没有意义的事情。【Additionally引导的句子,与前文基本没有交集】

我有三个问题:A 本段的主旨究竟是什么?看首句感觉本段是要说现代化的优点,但后面三句其实都是在论述人们为何会有摒弃传统的倾向(写到这里,我突然觉得第二句才更应该是本段的TS,你当时是打算如此安排的不?); B原文中意图用句3的交通工具发展为例证明句2,我认为不太合适,相反,句3对句1的支撑反而更明显,因此倒不如把2和3调换位置;C 在全文首段中并没有对modernization做任何interpretation,可是在本段却直接把modernization落脚为科学技术的发展,这样是否有些突兀?而且,我觉得如果把现代化单纯理解为科技发展是不妥当(至少是不贴切)的,wiki中对modernization的解释主要是社会的角度,比如工业化、城市化等等。如果把领域限定在科学技术,那本文就应该是另外一种行文角度了,即现代技术与传统技术的关系问题:虽然大多数情况下是现代技术取代后者(即不兼容),但后者也有其继续存在的理由(例如不同技术的应用范围不同, maybe)
]


Conceding that several tradition views and events might obsolete in today's complex and rapid changing does not mean looking back for an understanding for the past have little guidance for today. [虽然传统理念越来越不被人所重视,但这并不意味着传统理念就无用]First, the tradition of history is indispensable to understanding not only what changes ever occur but also what the truth about the old events. Also it could tell us the human civilization and the changing or unchanging custom and habitude. By reconstructing the scene of the past and review the tradition, the experiences of our forefathers' also server [serve]as the mirror of different human race and can teach[es] us how to avoid repeating the mistakes that happened in the past [which otherwise would continue to occur in future]while may be happened at present or in the future. Secondly, according to[according to 删掉] Francis Bacon, a famous British philosopher, [has] ever says[said], "Histories make men wise". As a result, the best solution towards certain problems will be found by us when looking back. [先从社会的大背景下论述传统的益处,然后从个人的角度出发进行阐述] Finally, the tradition helps us to remember how we came to be where we are and what we ought to do now, which also cares about giving future generations the same opportunities to enjoy what we have today. [我很喜欢这句话,从古和今的关系类比到今和未来的关系,虽然没有作为重点阐述,但点这么一句,文章的思想性立刻就被拔高了。赞]
[我感觉这一段写的很清晰,也很有力量。但感觉写到后来有把tradition等同于history的倾向。]

Further more, modern people should place a proper attitude towards the tradition and modernization perspective. [应该有一个正确的态度来看待tradition和modernization]On one hand, ignoring the tradition facts such as custom, habitude and history, people's long term visions and contributes [contributions] to the progress of the entire human civilizations will be lost. And the modernization becomes half-baked[是想表达foolish的意思么?为什么无视历史,则现代化进程会foolish,这里是不是应该展开一下?][On one hand,不尊重传统会如何如何]On the other hand, unduly [undue] insist [这个是动词,应该用相应的名词形式] of the traditional ideas should also make modern people loss [lose] the innovative spirits and obstruct the improvement of Contemporary society.[过分拘泥于传统会如何如何] [后面还是少了总结吧,起码应该加一句,因此,blah blah]

Tradition is the unique resources the forefathers bestowed to us, and once missed no measure can be [taken to compensate the huge loss]compensated for the huge loss, left [leaving] only silent cries. And the modern times is the central theme of a piece we hold. [这句话是什么意思?]I do believe that the tradition and modernization compensate with each other, only in this way can we gain much. [这句话总结地很清晰]


[My comments:

First of all, 507 words in 40minutes,速度比我快多了,呵呵,不过还需要更快些,嗯哪~~不知道你限时紧张的毛病解决没有,呵呵。

Secondly, 词汇很有功底啊,每次看你的文章都能学到新词,呵呵。但与之相对的是,我发现你在写长句子时还是容易犯错误(比如有时会看到一个句子里出现好几个谓语成分,我上面也标出来了的),不过这个其实不难解决,可以多看看用的好的经典句式(背一下新概念四或者官方范文吧),而且在考场上如果发现对某个长句子的使用没有把握的话就果断的放弃吧。其实,换成短句意思更明确。

另外,对词的用法还需要更细心,即注意区分同一词的名词、动词、形容词的不同形式,本文中一下子出现两个问题:serve(server, service)和insist。

Thirdly, 也是最关键的一点,我觉得该issue的论证结构还有些问题,除了前面已经论述过的第二段外,如果从全文的角度来分析每一段的用法,就会发现一点点不妥当的地方。

第一段,        亮出观点,两者平衡,兼容并包
第二段,        传统不被人所重视的现状及原因(当然,这是按照我的理解,而非该段句一)
第三段,        传统的重要意义,因此不应该被忽视。
第四段,        应该有一个正确的态度来看待传统和现代化(不重视传统会如何如何,过分重视传统会如何如何)
第五段,        总结全文,认为传统和现代化互补

我觉得,第一段和最后一段没有问题。第二段作为让步段,意图说明两者具有一定的排他性,如果能把具体内容写的更清晰,肯定也没有问题;第三段强调的是传统的重要性,因此不应被忽视,但这里我觉得应该从传统和现代化的关系角度上写得更明确一些(毕竟你是不赞成incompatible的),即传统的一些东西具有重要价值和指导意义,因此它可以帮助矫正现代化进程的方向,两者有机的结合,将使得社会和文明发展的更迅捷更平稳;第四段的写法我觉得值得商榷,因为除了该段最后一句(过分重视传统会如何如何),其他的内容和前文已经叙述过的概念是一样的,而且怎么看都觉得如果把全文最后一句话放在该段后面,那这一段就应该是你本打算写的全文的完美总结。

上面我之所以说是你本打算写的全文,是因为我觉得现在的全文不够完善,原因就是,文章95%的内容在说传统很重要,不应忽视,却在如果过分拘泥于传统后会导致的问题没有展开,着墨太少。

Finally, 这个issue是我觉得很有困难的题目,一是觉得对tradition和modernization的具体含义很难把握,导致在展开上有困难;二是觉得这个题目很容易写跑题,该题的着眼点在于incompatible,而不是单纯的比较tradition和modernization那个更好-superiority,一不留神就会从说两者的关系上转变成谁更具有优越性了,呵呵。

嗯,应该说这个文章我现在肯定写不出来,因此对俺有相当的启发性,在批改的时候促使我想了许多,也写了许多,呵呵。不过我写得都是个人愚见,相当不成熟,很多已经写下来的话语甚至在后面又给删掉了。所以这些文字就权当抛砖引玉,大家讨论吧,呵呵。]

使用道具 举报

RE: Issue147【0710G-小猪快跑小组】第4次作业 By Shania [修改]
您需要登录后才可以回帖 登录 | 立即注册

问答
Offer
投票
面经
最新
精华
转发
转发该帖子
Issue147【0710G-小猪快跑小组】第4次作业 By Shania
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-711540-1-1.html
复制链接
发送
报offer 祈福 爆照
回顶部