[活动] 十月金秋第十四次作业 [复制链接]

innocent
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电梯直达

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发表于 2007-9-2 11:10:46 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

We live in a world where we must contact with others, communication is very important in our life ,especially with our neighbors, I think it is lucky that we have neighbors who are helpful ,neat and without bad habit. the reasons are as follows.

In the first place, our life will become easier and happier if we have a warm-hearted neighbor, My personal experience can truly demonstrate it, when I was a little child I have such a neighbor we call him Mr. Wang, he was a humors person and he actually brought us happiness, Mr. Wang usually visited our family after dinner, told us stories and interesting things. Mr. Wang was well educated as well as open-minded, we usually  got useful advice when we meet difficult. additional, i remembered one day I was bitten by a dog, however, my parents were not at home, it is Mr. Wang helped me to see the doctor.

In the second place, neatness neighbors are always welcome because they can make our community more beautiful. On one hand, such clean environment is a very place where person are willing  to relax and entertainment , personally speaking, I prefer to join the party in a neat neighbor's house rather than a dirty one , On the other hand, a neighbor's clean manner would affect other neighbors in our community, it means that our community will become more and more clean as well as beautiful if every member contribute to their own house's beautify.
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Last but not the least, a good neighbor must not have some bad habit, such as lazy, gambling ,hitting the pipe, Firstly  person with these bad habit may became criminal, they more or less cause us some trouble, it is entirely possible that we would suspicion by police because our neighbor's bad record. and most important, our children would affected by the neighbor spoiled manner, it is a disadvantage for their development in the future.

Form what I discussed above, we can see from aspects that a good neighbor's character, if our neighbors are warm-hearted, clean and without any evil habit, i believe that we will enjoy a happy life。

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ensue
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沙发

发表于 2007-9-3 09:21:34 |只看该作者

We live in a world where we must contact with others, communication is very important in our life ,especially with our neighbors, I think it is lucky that we have neighbors who are helpful ,neat and （这个连词不需要了，因为后面的是介词词组）without bad habit. （这里是几句话，注意标点符号的使用；下同）the (首字母大写；下同)reasons are as follows.

In the first place, our life will become easier and happier if we have a warm-hearted neighbor, （建议用一般现在时）My personal experience can truly demonstrate it, when I was a little child I have such a neighbor we call him Mr. Wang, he was a humors person and he actually brought us happiness, Mr. Wang usually visited our family after dinner, told us stories and interesting things. Mr. Wang was well educated as well as open-minded, we usually  got useful advice when we meet difficult. additional, i remembered one day I was bitten by a dog, however, my parents were not at home, it is Mr. Wang helped me to see the doctor. （从论述上来讲，没有突出例子的普遍性。建议加点general的评论。）

In the second place, neatness neighbors are always welcome because they can make our community more beautiful. On one hand, such clean environment is a very place where person are willing  to relax and entertainment , personally speaking, I prefer to join the party in a neat neighbor's house rather than a dirty one , On the other hand, a neighbor's clean manner would affect other neighbors in our community, it means that our community will become more and more clean as well as beautiful if every member contribute to their own house's beautify. （建议首句用clean替换掉neat，因为后者作为抽象adj.使用也是非常普遍的，不容易让读者一下子明白作者的意思。）
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Last but not the least, a good neighbor must not have some bad habit, such as lazy, gambling ,hitting the pipe, Firstly  person with these bad habit may became criminal, they more or less cause us some trouble, it is entirely possible that we would suspicion by police because our neighbor's bad record. and most important, our children would affected by the neighbor spoiled manner, it is a disadvantage for their development in the future.（这段其实可以把最后一句的意思作为重心，展开说，会比较有力度。）

Form what I discussed above, we can see from aspects that a good neighbor's character, if our neighbors are warm-hearted, clean and without any evil habit, i believe that we will enjoy a happy life。（结尾干脆利落，好。）

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