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题目:ISSUE38 - "In the age of television, reading books is not as important as it once was. People can learn as much by watching television as they can by reading books."
No one can doubt the essential fact that we are in an age of television. Less people read newspaper in the morning. A book, a cup of tea and a leisure time (加:in the)afternoon might not be the things we expect. Instead, we (more depended)(改:depend more) on CNN news. We prefer to spend our free time lying on the couch watching TV and eating junk food. Therefore, many people tend to live under the illusion that they can learn from watching television as much as they can from reading books. However, I would like to give some opposite opinions about this illusion.
To begin with, it is commonly thought that television attracts us more than reading to some extent. Television is an integration media contain visual or auditory sensations. It can records(record) the events objectively, shows(show) the diverse world vividly. It is television that helps us to see the outside world. World become(s) smaller thanks to television which promotes the culture and technology communion all over the world. With out television, Romanticism of France, gentleman of British, wealth of the United State might be some abstract concepts to us. (可以再具体一点,比如说电视带给我们最新的知识等等)
However, it is not to say that we can learn more from it. Although there are many educational channels such as The History Channel, Discovery, The Science Channel and the Public Broadcast System, most people, including children(,) spend the majority of their viewing time watching entertainment programming such as dramas, situation comedies, reality shows, movies, MTV and sports events. In many people'(s) mind, television is an entertainment machine rather than a study tools(tool). Moreover, there are more violence and sex on TV. Some studies have discovered that there are even more violent acts committed on children’s shows, many of them(which) by cartoon characters. It is said that the average child will witness 8,000 made-for-TV murders before finishing elementary school.(可以再深入一点,比如说对于电视节目,人们往往被动接受,不加选择,而对于书,人们主动接受)
Compared with television, reading has its own advantages. Firstly, reading can improve our imagination. 1000 readers might have 1000 Hamlets,(不错) but on television, we just have one actor. It is not necessary to show how important the imagination is, just remember French philosopher Ernest Renan’s saying:” Nothing great is achieved without imagination.” Secondly, reading teaches us (to) think more. We always discuss the events and their effects after reading historical books; think(introspect) ourselves after reading philosophic books; concern human nature and the society after reading novels. Through reading, we sharp our values, judgment and society obligation. Thirdly, reading improves our writing(writting) skill. Television use(s) picture (to) tell the story, while reading use(s) words. If our children rarely see words, how could we expect them to master writing?
In sum, although television has many advantages, we should not think that it can take part of(有这个用法么?好像没见过?) reading. Let’s have fun on TV, and gain more knowledge by reading.
逻辑不错,论证有序。错别字也没有多少,值得我学习。:)并且,还是限时的啊!赞!
建议:一些论证可以深入一些,比如说第三段只列举了事实,说人们对于电视容易着迷,可以加一些自己的分析。在写作中,事实+分析可以让文章长一些,并且也会有深度一些。呵呵,我自己在这方面也非常需要努力~~
语言建议再提高一些,当然偶自己也要加油~:) |
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