[i习作temp] issue59求劲拍！有拍必回！ [复制链接]

asahi
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电梯直达

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发表于 2008-2-7 19:00:44 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

59. "Too much emphasis is placed on role models. Instead of copying others, people should learn to think and act independently and thus make the choices that are best for them."

人们在榜样上投入了太多的注意力。与其模仿别人，还不如学习独立思考和做出最适合自己的选择。

欢迎来拍啊！劲拍！

According the speaker, in order to make the best choices , people should learn to think and act independently instead of copying role models. Although I agree with tihis notion to some extent, nevertheless, in modern times, both positive and negative effects among people and society call for a balance in which both role models and independently thinking are needed.

As I see it , there are there fundamentally arguments for supporting people to thinking and acting independently. In the first place, people who mostly understand he or she is himself instead of others or some excellent famous one. People lived in different era and environment certainly distinguish from  others in many aspects,they have character respectively. Thus, the best mean to make plans or choices is one himself to thinking independently and acting  independently later. In the second place, to think and act rely on ourselves trainning our innovated thought and creativety. Always following others’ model make one lazy to thinking and consequently good new idea can not occur on their minds. Last but not least, people promote their ability only when they think and act independently. Take the child as a example, admittedly,comply to his patents is very good, however,if he never thinking and acting on his own, he would never be brought up to a well-balanced person as a result.

Having recognized that people should think and act by themselves, nevertheless,there are two compelling arguments , are appeal to the benefit  of role models. Either in the long history or in the morden soiety ,roal models had played a very significant role on many aspects.  Role models, either from real life or from literary creation,are usually those with comparatively higher achivements,greater contributions, or simply more brilliant characters.They reflect the value of the society in which they are lived, and inspire people to pursue this value so that every individuals in the society led a meaningful life and the society was improved towards a positive direction.The fortitude of Hellen keller showed against her severe disability encourages us to face difficulty farelessly. Einstein,who did not do very well with his school courses but eventually found the greatest theory in physics, always reminds us do not to look down upon ourselves even when we are weak in some aspects and sometimes. And the splendid success of Bill Gates inspires many young people all over the world to pursue their dreams despite of conventional bounds. People ,and the society definitely benefits a lot from role models.

Another  reason why I essentially disagree with the speaker is that role models are necessary especially when it comes to the child. Children need role models to help them develop their personality and character. A baby begin to follow “role models”-actually his parents- around he just after he was born.Regardless of who acts as the role model, he or she is necessary to cultivate the child’s character.In this point of view, role models are indispensably.

In sum, both role models and independent thinking or acting are needed. We should make a balance to pursue the role models’ spirit and to create our innovated thought so as to make best choices.

[ 本帖最后由 asahi 于 2008-2-7 19:04 编辑 ]

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kevinselina
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沙发

发表于 2008-2-10 10:10:36 |只看该作者

136楼kevinse的评论

According to the speaker, in order to make the best choices, people should learn to think and act independently instead of copying role models. Although I agree with this notion to some extent, (nevertheless,) in modern times, both positive and negative effects among people and society call for a balance in which both role models and independently thinking are needed.
As I see it, there are there（three） fundamentally arguments for supporting people to thinking and acting independently. In the first place, people who mostly understand he or she is himself instead of others or some excellent famous one. People lived in different era and environments certainly distinguish from others in many aspects, they have characters respectively. Thus, the best mean to make plans or choices is one himself to thinking independently and acting independently later. In the second place, to think and act rely on ourselves trainning our innovated thought and creativety. Always following others’ model make one lazy to thinking and consequently good new idea can not occur on their minds. Last but not least, people promote their ability only when they think and act independently. Take the child as an example, admittedly, comply to(with) his patents is very good, however, if he never thinking and acting（think and act） on his own, he would never be brought up to be a well-balanced person as a result.

Having recognized that people should think and act by themselves, nevertheless, there are two compelling arguments, are appeal to the benefit of role models. Either in the long history or in the mordensoiety, roal models had played a very significant role on many aspects. Role models, either from real life or from literary creation, are usually those with comparatively higher achivements, greater contributions, or simply more brilliant characters. They reflect the value of the society in which they are lived, and inspire people to pursue this value so that every individual in the society led a meaningful life and the society was improved towards positive direction. The fortitude of Hellen keller showed against her severe disability encourages us to face difficulty fearlessly. Einstein, who did not do very well with his school courses but eventually found the greatest theory in physics, always reminds us do not to look down upon ourselves even when we are weak in some aspects and sometimes（表达“有时”不要用sometimes，想些别的表达方法）. And the splendid success of Bill Gates inspires many young people all over the world to pursue their dreams despite of conventional bounds. People ,and the society definitely benefits a lot from role models.

Another reason why I essentially disagree with the speaker is that role models are necessary especially when it comes to the child. Children need role models to help them develop their personality and character. A baby begins to follow “role models”-actually his parents- around him just after he was born. Regardless of who acts as the role model, he or she is necessary to cultivate the child’s character. In this point of view, role models are indispensably（indispensable）.

In sum, both role models and independent thinking or acting are needed. We should make a balance to pursue the role models’ spirit and to create our innovated thought so as to make best choices.

Kevinse的评论：
建议：你以后在发文章上来前先用word把出现红色和绿色的地方改一下。
文首对原话题的回应很全面，自己的观点阐述得也很清晰。不过我觉得第一句重复原话题没有必要，可以去掉。
读你的文章，感觉你的语法很有问题，有些是破句，比如说有的句子没有主语Take the child as an example, admittedly, comply to(with) his patents is very good, however, if he never thinking and acting on his own, he would never be brought up to a well-balanced person as a result. comply是动词，它的主语却没有。不知是不是由于你是限时写的，所以才会这样。你应该注意这样的错误，这种错ETS是会扣很多分的。Having recognized that people should think and act by themselves, nevertheless, there are two compelling arguments, are appeal to the benefit of role models.这整句话有问题，既然用了having，后面就不能用there be结构。
你的词汇用的都很不错，文末对于话题也有很好的回应。整个文章的结构很清晰。如果你的语法错误少犯一些的话，这是一篇很不错的作文。

[ 本帖最后由 kevinselina 于 2008-2-10 10:12 编辑 ]

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asahi
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板凳

发表于 2008-2-11 15:25:11 |只看该作者

修正版，等于重新写了一遍，上一篇错误太多了。

59. "Too much emphasis is placed on role models. Instead of copying others, people should learn to think and act independently and thus make the choices that are best for them."

According to the speaker, in order to make the best choices , people should learn to think and act independently instead of copying role models. I agree with tihis concept to some extent,however,role models and independent judgement are both important to our society and needed to be kept balanced.

As I see it , there are three fundamental arguments for supporting people to thinking and acting independently. In the first place,no one else understands him/her better than himself/herself. Different geographical areas and time spans that people lived in may distinguish them significantly from one another in many ways.Therefore, it is ridiculous to rely on other people’s judgement or experience for making your own plans and decisions.

In the second place,the creativity can only be stimulated by independent thinking.Always copying someone else’s ideas will eventually kill an otherwise innovative mind . Last but not least, independent thinking and acting is a critical part of our learning and growing process, through which a child will be able to developed into a person with high self-esteem.

Having recognized that people should think and act by themselves, nevertheless,we can not deny that there are two compelling arguments to support the benefit of role models.Whether in the ancient time or mordern days,numerous great men and women have made tremendous contributions to human civilization in many different ways.They usually possess admirable characters,amazing perseverance,strong passion for their works,powerful interpersonal skills ,great leadership,ete. Their success stories not only reflect the values of the society they belong to but also inspire many others to follow and join the force that would change the world for a better and brighter future.

The fortitude of Hellen Keller showed against her ill fate encourages us to stand tall and fight back in seemingly hopeless situations. Einstein,who did not do well in his early school years but eventually became one of the greatest scientists in the world, reminds us not to look down upon ourselves even when we are below our own expectation. The splendid success of Bill Gates motivated myriads of young entrepreneurs all over the world to pursue their dreams without bounds. No doubt,our generation has benefited a great deal from these wonderful role models.

Another thing I want to point out is that the role models are necessary when it comes to raising children.Children need role models to help them shape up their personality and character. A baby begins to learn from its first two role models – its parents,who are spontaneously responsible for the baby’s initial development just after he was bron. In this sense,role models are indispensable.

To sum up, I think both learning from role models and being independent are valuable.Getting inspired by great examples and taking heed to their advice can save us from making terrible mistakes. Think and act on your own can help discover and exploit the potentials insides of you. The key is to strike a balance between the two.

回复kevinselina：
word的拼写检查在哪里呀？我怎么没有找到，粘过去的时候也没有蓝色字啊？

[ 本帖最后由 asahi 于 2008-2-11 15:26 编辑 ]

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