寄托家园留学论坛 › 论坛 › 寄托语言类备考版 › TOEFL考试(IBT)讨论版 › 作文求拍

返回列表

查看: 1445|回复: 2

[未归类] 作文求拍 [复制链接]

ock11
UID: 2510283

寄托新兵

Rank: 2

声望: 0
寄托币: 237
注册时间: 2008-7-2
精华: 0
帖子: 0

电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2008-11-29 17:48:08 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

Topic:Do you agree or disagree: The best way to travel is in a group led by a guide
Some people like to travel in a group led by a guide, while some other people are not fond of traveling in a group. In my opinion, I agree with this assertion: the best way to travel is in a group led by a guide. This way has its advantages compared with the other ways in different perspectives.

( “从不同的角度来看，这种方式相比于其它方式都有它的优点。” 这句话怎么翻译比较好？而且，这句话中的“角度”，用perspective正确吗？perspective可否这样用？)

Firstly, a guide can make a travel to be more convenient. First of all, a guide is often familiar with the local scenery and topography. They could offer a professional and comprehensive description of the landscapes or tourism sites. They could tell travelers what the beautiful myth of a certain temple is, where the most wonderful landscape is, or how to reach the top of a mountain by an easy route. Yet if people travel without a guide or just alone, they could not gain these benefits. Moreover, a guide could help tourists arrange their meals, accommodation, schedules and so on to ease their travel. When people tour to some place, if people have to arrange their meals and accommodation by themselves, like touring without a guide or just alone, this would be rather troublesome. By contrast, if people travel in a group with a guide, it would be pretty simple. All these would save people much time and energy, and make their lives more convenient.

Secondly, people can help each other and make friends, traveling in a group. In a group, people could get others’ help. When people are scrambling up a steep mountain, confronting such a severe challenge, it is obvious that a team can provide individuals more strength than a single person. However, if a person handles this difficulty alone without a group, he or she has to face the scary steep mountain solitarily, exerting all his or her strength and stamina. In addition, a group could grant people an opportunity to make new friends. People could know various types of things, views, and values by making all kinds of friends. This could considerably enrich people’s knowledge and extend their experiences. All these are beneficial for people and they are hard to be obtained by traveling without a group.

Apart from the above-mentioned perspectives, there are still quite a few perspectives from which we can find that the best way to travel is in a group led by a guide. Although the other traveling ways have their good points, the merits of this way significantly outweigh that of other ways. Therefore, I believe that the best way to travel is in a group led by a guide.

by the way,开头和结尾怎么写比较好呢？我一直没有找到好的写法。

[ 本帖最后由 ock11 于 2008-11-29 19:27 编辑 ]

回应
0

使用道具举报

mpromanus
UID: 2565872

长老一袋

Rank: 8 Rank: 8

声望: 762
寄托币: 12296
注册时间: 2008-10-30
精华: 4
帖子: 907

沙发

发表于 2008-12-1 00:28:28 |只看该作者

Some people like to travel in a group led by a guide, while some other people are not fond of traveling in a group. In my opinion, I agree with this assertion: the best way to travel is in a group led by a guide. This way has its advantages compared with the other ways in from different perspectives.

Firstly, a guide can make a travel trip to be more convenient. First of all, a guide is often familiar with the local scenery and topography ('Topography' is primarily a jargon in the maps industry. Use 'geography'.). They He (You have been using 'a guide'. Pay attention to singular/plural agreement.) could offer a professional and comprehensive description of the landscapes or tourism sites. They He could tell travelers what the beautiful myth of a certain temple is, where the most wonderful landscape is, or how to reach the top of a mountain by an easy route. Yet if people travel without a guide or just alone, they could not gain these benefits. Moreover, a guide could help tourists arrange their meals, accommodation, schedules and so on to ease their travelling. When people tour to some places, if people they have to arrange their meals and accommodation by themselves, like because they're touring without a guide or just alone, this it would be rather troublesome. By contrast, if people travel in a group (Your point is about having a guide. You've elaborated quite much on the part about 'guide'. Where's the 'group' part in this point? If your point is not about travelling in a group, then it shouldn't appear suddenly out of nowhere here; or else it's a hint that you could already be slightly off the question.) with a guide, it would be pretty simple. All these would save people much time and energy, and make their lives more convenient (Wrong word. 'Convenient' means a tool that is 'suitable for easy performance.', so there's no such thing as a 'convenient life', because a life is not a tool that you use for easy performance or personal comfort. You can't swap 'more convenient' for 'easier' in this case.).

Secondly, people can help each other and make friends, traveling in a group. In a group, people could get others’ help. (This is pretty much repeating what you've just stated. If you really want to, try to rephrase it - at least don't repeat yourself in successive sentences..) When people are scrambling up a steep mountain, confronting such a severe tough ('severe' is used to describe bad situations. Not a challenge, definitely.) challenge, it is obvious that a team can provide individuals with more (emotional?) strength than a single person can. However, if a person handles this difficulty alone without a group, he or she has to face the scary steep mountain solitarily, exerting all his or her strength and stamina. In addition, a group could grant people an opportunity to make new friends. People could know various types of things, views, and values by making all kinds of friends. This could considerably enrich people’s knowledge and extend their experiences. All these are beneficial for people and they (I had to read the sentence twice to see what this 'they' is point at. Take note that readers will have a tendency to associate a pronoun with any noun that is nearest, so please be careful and don't leave room for ambiguity.) are hard to be obtained by traveling without a group.

Apart from the above-mentioned perspectives mentioned above, there are still quite a few perspectives from which we can find that the best way to travel is in a group led by a guide. Although the other traveling ways have their good points, the merits of this way significantly outweigh that those of the other ways. (This is like, pretty obscure. If you really want to mention other ways of travelling, at least give them a brief desciption and discuss briefly how they are inferior in a separate paragraph.) Therefore, I believe that the best way to travel is in a group led by a guide.

总结：

基本上语言没有太大问题，请小心少写中式句法 (比如above-mentioned perspectives这种很拗口的形容词组..除非你在追求某种风格，不然还是乖乖地遵循英文的常用顺序比较安全) 并继续注意词汇的使用。。

回答你的问题：你想说的其实是类似从*很多*个不同的角度来看from many different perspectives，这种方式都比其它的方式要好的话吧。。（俺一直认为很多人觉得英文很难表达并不是因为真的英文很差，而是用中文都不能保证可以绝对准确地表达出自己的想法。。表达力的问题多过语言的问题）perspective用得没错（但介词用得不对。。）。

开头的写法：先概述题目给的情况，如果有潜台词，解释一下潜台词 (这里才是炫耀细致的思考和华丽的长句的地方)，这是破题。然后最重要的立论，题目怎么问，你就正面、直接地怎么回答，不要多想. 题目问同意不？就回答同意或者不同意；题目问 A好还是B好？就回答 A好或者 B好；题目问你选哪一个？就回答我选A 或者我选B。作文题目变来变去也不过就几大类，重要的是不要在立论的时候显示自己的思考还是句法多么深刻、华丽，多半只会越描越黑。最后可以再带一句类似my reasons are as the following之类的过渡句。所以对于开头来说最重要的是你必须算好哪句进破题，哪句作为立论，如果搞在一起，就会让读者觉得立意不清。

结尾的写法：重新申明主要的论点作为收题。然后和开头做的一样，再度直接、正面地回答题目问的东西，这就是所谓的首尾呼应。结尾主要的忌讳就是不能再出现任何之前没出现过的论点论据论证，如果你要写新东西，就应该另起一段。你这篇的结尾就是这样，之前完全没出现的其它旅行方式突然跑出来，你又没有另开一段来论述这些其它旅行方式就草草收尾，这样子会让读者觉得你好像没有论据支持，写不下去而急着收文。

已有 1 人评分	寄托币	收起理由
阿泰	+ 2	作者没有掌握作文基本的写法

总评分: 寄托币 + 2 查看全部投币

【2025FALL】全站祈福已开放~~来领祈福章，求offer得offer

使用道具举报

saavedro
UID: 2423190

荣誉版主

Rank: 9 Rank: 9 Rank: 9

声望: 1356
寄托币: 28866
注册时间: 2007-11-6
精华: 29
帖子: 930

板凳

发表于 2008-12-1 00:34:04 |只看该作者

角度可以用perspective, 不过用from different angles也可以。或者干脆就搬GRE模板的话上来 .... discussed in following respects/aspects.

Saavedro's series of preeminent essays for Cracking GRE and TOEFL-iBT
-
-
-
【Saavedro】——Authentic Guide For TOEFL-iBT [听说读写完整版] (Version 2.00) （2010年 3月5日）

Saavedro简谈如何有效提升GRE-AW写作语言表达（2009年 2月17日）
-
-
-

使用道具举报