[i习作temp] 【0906G Fight 3月中~4月初队】第3周第1作业 by hongjingyi104 [复制链接]

hongjingyi104
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电梯直达

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发表于 2009-2-23 20:34:43 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

Issue154"Both parents and communities must be involved in the local schools. Education is too important to leave solely to a group of professional educators."
I strongly recommend that both parents and communities are indispensable in the process of children’s education because education plays a key role in the society. I will illustrate the necessities as followings:

First, new definition of education has been presented these days, such as education is to teach children “ learn to know, learn to do, learn to get together and learn to be” which require the well-around and lifelong education to children. Thus, it becomes impossible for schools alone to accomplish education because there are limited time for children to be cultivated and supervised by schools which focus on imparting knowledge and skills to children. So, in order to cultivate children sound minds, families and communities where children spend most of time have undeniable responsibilities in educating children.

Second, families have stronger influence to children than schools. As we all know, parents are first-teacher to children. According to the study of psychologists and educationists, the early period of children’ life is crucial to their physical and mental health and development. A survey on children is what children wanted most was that "the whole families have a good time together". In response to this children's wish and in order to help children continue to develop their rich sensibilities, we have to realize that a thoughtful, cheerful and happy family is the starting point. What is more, some early moral education can only be well done by parents such as training children decisively to distinguish right from wrong., correcting children's misbehavior on the spot if any., let children realize that they are responsible for what they have done and talking face to face with children at puberty. In conclusion, families not only an essential part in education but also is the foundation of other education.

Third, people tend to neglect the role of communities in education. However, strong power of communities can be an indispensable part in education because communities provide parents and schools with a stage where they can share valuable information and an assistance to improve education methods. In details, firstly, communities can support raising children by providing home education course to parents. Mothers can get free health handbook from communities and their children can be examined in medical centre. Secondly, the communities can set up a counseling service 24 hours available a day so that parents can get help from experts whenever they have difficulties. Furthermore, promoting activities of child-rearing support groups in which parents exchange information on child-rearing and get help from people in the community. At last but not the least, children can also get opportunities to communicate with other children and experts. Under such supporting system , children are being cultivated and protected even when they are leaving families and schools.

However, although families and communities can be beneficial to education, there is contradictory among them sometimes. If this happens, families and communities will be better to follow the formal teaching process of schools. For example, one of my male friends who like rock music leaves his hair long which is against the school’s rule that boys in high school should not have long hair. But my friend’s mother stood on the side of his son and left him do what he want because she thought individuals had rights to follow their personalities. At last, the school gave him a criticism. Without consideration, we know that some rule in school might not be reasonable, but those rules are made in order to cultivate students’ sense of discipline. In that case, parents should cooperate with schools to help this student to respect and follow social rules. Otherwise, it will be harmful the relationship of this children with schoolmates and teachers.

In conclusion, education cannot be well-developed without the support of both families and communities. Excellent cooperation among families, communities and schools can build a solid foundation in cultivating children. But families and communities should be trained properly and formally, otherwise, it will be a obstacle to the education by schools.

ISSUE5、"A nation should require all its students to study the same national curriculum until they enter college rather than allow schools in different parts of the nation to determine which academic courses to offer."
指定统一教材有利于民族融合，团结与沟通，形成共同的文化价值但是忽略了地方的特殊性。
首先，建议未必可行，对于多民族多语言国家难以统一教材。
其次，强行要所有人在入大学前学同样的课程，会导致种族和民族间的冲突，违背形成共同文化价值的初衷
结论，要在主要课程统一基础上，给地方以权利建立本地课程。

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zxy84724
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沙发

发表于 2009-2-23 22:12:50 |只看该作者

Issue154"Both parents and communities must be involved in the local schools. Education is too important to leave solely to a group of professional educators."

I strongly recommend that both parents and communities are indispensable in the process of children’s education because education plays a key role in the society.（一点建议啊，这句话好像在因果上说不通，前面说的是父母和社区应该加入教育的进程中，后面说因为教育很重要，我觉得是应该写成因为父母和社区在教育的过程中扮演了一个重要的角色） I will illustrate the necessities as followings:

First, new definition of education has been presented these days, such as education is（加个aim吧） to teach children “ learn to know, learn to do, learn to get together and learn to be”（好句子，收下了）
which require（requires） the well-around and lifelong education to children. Thus, it becomes impossible for（the professional educators such as the 加上好一点，毕竟专业的教育机构不是只有school） schools alone to accomplish education because there are limited time for children to be cultivated and supervised by schools which focus on imparting knowledge and skills to children. So, in order to cultivate children sound minds, families and communities where children spend most of time have undeniable responsibilities in educating （the）children.

Second, families have stronger influence to children than schools. As we all know, parents are first-teacher to（是不是用of啊，还有啊，我觉得是不是都要有个定冠词之类的啊） children. According to the study of（by吧）the psychologists and educationists, the early period of children’ life is crucial to their physical and mental health and development. A survey on children is what children wanted most was that（A survey on the children about what they want most tells us that the answer is 我想改成这样好理解一点） "the whole families have a good time together". In response to this children's（感觉可以去掉了） wish and in order to help children continue to develop their rich sensibilities, we have to realize that a thoughtful, cheerful and happy family is the starting point. What is more, some early moral education can only be well done by parents such as training children decisively to distinguish right from wrong., correcting children's misbehavior on the spot if any., let children realize that they are responsible for what they have done and talking face to face with children at puberty. In conclusion, families not only an essential part in education but also is the foundation of other education.

Third, people tend to neglect the role of communities in education. However, strong power of communities can be an indispensable part in education because communities provide parents and schools with a stage where they can share valuable information and an assistance to improve education methods. In details, firstly, communities can support raising children by providing home education course to parents. Mothers can get free health handbook from communities and their children can be examined in medical centre. Secondly, the communities can set up a counseling service 24 hours available a day so that parents can get help from experts whenever they have difficulties. Furthermore, promoting activities of child-rearing support groups in which parents exchange information on child-rearing and get help from people in the community. At last but not the least, children can also get opportunities to communicate with other children（companions同意替换一下）
and experts. Under such supporting system, children are being cultivated and protected even when they are leaving families and schools.

However, although families and communities can be beneficial to education, there is contradictory among them sometimes. If this happens, families and communities will be better to follow the formal teaching process of schools. For example, one of my male（有点别扭啊，说朋友就好了吧） friends who like rock music leaves his hair long which is against the school’s rule that boys in high school should not have long hair. But my friend’s mother stood on the side of his son and left him do what he want because she thought individuals had rights to follow their personalities. At last, the school gave him a criticism. Without consideration, we know that some rule in school might not be reasonable, but those rules are made in order to cultivate students’ sense of discipline. In that case, parents should cooperate with schools to help this student to respect and follow social rules. Otherwise, it will be harmful the relationship of this children with schoolmates and teachers.
（我觉得这个例子不好，留长发确实是一个个人的问题，学校强行禁止不是被大部分人认可的，尤其是现在学校在个人打扮上的尺度也很开放，西方社会还是讲究个人的独立性的就是人权，所以这个例子不好）
In conclusion, education cannot be well-developed without the support of both families and communities. Excellent cooperation among families, communities and schools can build a solid foundation in cultivating children. But families and communities should be trained properly and formally, otherwise, it will be a obstacle to the education by schools.

点评：作者能够较好的展示自己的观点，在语法的拼写上的错误也不多，值得学习
   同时作者在举例论证的同时有些例子不是太合适，不具有普遍的认同感，同时在例子的背景上可以写一些修饰性的语言以表示他的客观和可信性，例如那个调查报告，可以加上Xxx机构或者学者的报告
   可以考虑在语言的多样性上下点功夫，就是用一些同意的转述，
   共勉

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