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[i习作temp] ISSUE13 [Dancing in the Dark] 第1次作业 by 。jill [复制链接]

。jill
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电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2009-6-2 17:57:40 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

本帖最后由。jill 于 2009-6-2 20:52 编辑

不知道发对地方没···先放着吧······
作文提纲：
1：全球现有的6000多种语言中，至少有3000多种面临着消失的危机。有预报预言，到2050年，将有90%的人类语言从地球上消失。联合国教科文组织有代表指出，处于弱势的名族语言正面临着强势语言、互联网以及全球化的冲击，正处于濒临灭绝的危机。
2：很多人认为语言作为一种交流工具，在全球范围类越统一越好，方便交流。
3：然而作为不可再生的语言保护，应该与生物物种灭亡、全球变暖等问题一样，收到世人关注，特别是本国政府的重视。
4：我认为政府可以通过教育，传媒等多种方式进行保护。例如通过建立语言博物馆，器物展示会，民间收藏等进行母语文明的实物保护措施。

It’s reported that there are 3000 languages at least in the actually world are facing the conjuncture of disappearing. Some linguists predict that ,by the 2050 year, more than 90% human language will die away form the word. The commissary of UNESCO point out that the weaker ethnic languages are suffering the impact of the mighty language and the internet, being crisis of become extinct. However, unfortunately, this rigorous trend has been invariably neglecting.
The majority of people advocate predigesting and unionizing the globe language because of the convenience of communication. Undeniably, a uniform language tool will play a very significant role in the society especially in current times. English has become a universal tool result from the expectation of people and governments.
Despite of this, it does not mean that we should ignore the lesser-know language’s exist and disappearing.
Not only the facility of communication language is but a emblematization of national history and culture as well.
It has evidented a notion’s development and downfall. Even though the current society is eliminating their affect of communication, they also taking the task of passing down the tradition. As a nonrenewable language protecting, it should be attention by people, especially the authoritative government same as the biological species extinct and global warming. The governments of countries in which these languages are spoken should take a series of measures to prevent such language from becoming extinct.
From my point of view, the government can through the education and medias ways to protecting. For example: build the language museum, artifacts exhibition, nongovernmental collecting to realize the protecting of their local language.

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thesedays
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沙发

发表于 2009-6-3 02:31:33 |只看该作者

貌似你的字数比我的还少啊。。:handshake

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subtory
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板凳

发表于 2009-6-3 10:14:59 |只看该作者

It’sreported that there are 3000 languages at least(at least 3000 languages)in the actually(删)world are facing the conjuncture(再查查这个词的意思，貌似用这里是不对的) of disappearing. Some linguists predictthat ,by the 2050 year(the year of 2050), more than 90% human language(languages)will die away form(from) the word. The commissary of UNESCO point(pointed或points) out that the weaker ethniclanguages are suffering the impact of the mighty language and the internet, being(facing)crisis of become extinct. However, unfortunately, this rigorous trend has beeninvariably neglecting(用这个词意义完全不对，根据你的意思或许可以改成worsening).
The majority ofpeople advocate predigesting(我猜你的意思大概是simplifying) and unionizing(我猜你的意思是unifying) the globe(global)language because of the convenience of communication. Undeniably, a uniformlanguage tool will play a very significant role in the society especially incurrent times. English has become a universal tool result(resulting)from the expectation of people and governments.
Despite of this, it does not mean that we should ignore thelesser-know language’s exist(existing) and disappearing.
Not only thefacility of communication language is but a emblematization of national historyand culture as well.(这个貌似不是一句完整的话)
It has evidented a notion’s development and downfall.(it指什么呀) Even though the currentsociety is eliminating their affect of communication, they also taking the taskof passing down the tradition. As a nonrenewable language protecting, itshould be attention by people,(?) especially the authoritative government sameas(?) the biological
species extinct(?) and global warming. The governments ofcountries in which these languages are spoken should take a series of measuresto prevent such language from becoming extinct.
From my point of view, thegovernment can(动词在哪里) through the education and medias ways toprotecting. For example: build the language museum, artifacts exhibition,nongovernmental collecting to realize the protecting of their local language.
还刚起步，错误有点多。一个是issue的结构你可能还没把握，可以多看看前人的文章。另外一个问题是明显语病太多了，当你对一个词或一个句子把握不住的时候，则尽量用简单的词和简单的句子，清晰准确是最重要的。问号处是有明显语病的，那个句子大概需要重新写。
不管怎样，第一次能完成作业就很不容易，有了这样一个开端以后会越走越顺利的，继续加油吧。

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。jill
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地板

发表于 2009-6-3 12:37:25 |只看该作者

3# subtory

conjuncture我查了下有局面、危机的意思，我那句话是想说他们正面临着消亡的危机。我也不知道用在这合适不。

neglect我是想表达忽视的意思。那句话的意思是，很不幸这种恶劣的趋势一直以来被我们忽视。  不知道用对没。

not only ```but ```as well 的那个句子我是想表达：语言不光光做为一种语言的交流工具，而且是一个名族历史的传承（句子中我用的传承是名词形式，不是动词）。  忘了在thefacility加个 "a".

错误还真多，我对ISSUE以前完全没概念···你们多给我提出批评吧···
最好是原则上犯的错误。。。
以后会更加努力的。。

（我想我这种作文组长改起来也特别累吧。;P ）

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。jill
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5楼

发表于 2009-6-3 12:39:28 |只看该作者

2# thesedays

我好像已近是绞尽脑汁了··哈哈··· at my wits end``` 、。
没事我们好好加油···争取赶上他们那些优等生····:victory:

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Camellia1a
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6楼

发表于 2009-6-3 19:26:33 |只看该作者

It’s reported that there are 3000 languages at least in the actually world are facing the conjuncture of disappearing. Some linguists predict that ,by the 2050 year, more than 90% human language will die away form the word. The commissary of UNESCO point out that the weaker ethnic languages are suffering the impact of the mighty language and the internet(把mighty language和internet放一起不太好吧,因为是互联网导致了通用语言对小语种产生强大的冲击, 像Internet和globalization就感觉好点), being crisis of become extinct. However, unfortunately, this rigorous trend has been invariably neglecting.
The majority of people advocate predigesting and unionizing the globe language because of the convenience of communication. Undeniably, a uniform language tool(去掉) will play a very significant role in the society especially in current times. English has become a universal tool result from the expectation of people and governments.
Despite of this, it does not mean that we should ignore the lesser-know language’s exist and disappearing.
Not only the facility of communication language is but a emblematization of national history and culture as well.
It has evidented a notion’s development and downfall. Even though the current society is eliminating their affect of communication, they also taking the task of passing down the tradition. As a nonrenewable language protecting, it should be attention by people, especially the authoritative government same as the biological species extinct(extinction) and global warming. The governments of countries in which these languages are spoken should take a series of measures to prevent such language from becoming extinct.
From my point of view, the government can through the education and medias ways to protecting(the government should protect .. through exucation and medias. 要注意中文和英文语序的不同). For example: build the language museum, artifacts exhibition, nongovernmental collecting to realize the protecting of their local language.
组长给你改的很细致~ 他说过的地方我就不重复了O(∩_∩)O~
建议先不要练难词长句这类表面的东西,好好研究下ets官方的范文,争取在整体上对issue有个把握
起步是很困难的我们一起加油!

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。jill
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7楼

发表于 2009-6-3 19:52:25 |只看该作者

6# Camellia1a

恩。你提出来得也提醒我了··哈哈···太感谢了···
我是应该好好先看看正规书籍的介绍···主要是刚进这个群的时候我仓促··以前都从来没接触······

谢谢你拉···
希望以后给更多的建议哈·····:loveliness:

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PatriciaXiong
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8楼

发表于 2009-6-4 00:11:37 |只看该作者

It’s reported that there are 3000 languages at least （位置应该放在3000之前）[/in the actually（这个词用的好奇怪，想表达啥意思呢？现实世界？那可以用realistic） world are facing (这里我感觉用faced with好)the conjuncture （这个词没看明白）of disappearing. Some linguists predict that ,by the 2050 year, more than 90% human language will die away form the word（拼写错误，这个用word 的话他下面会打红线的）. The commissary（这个词google解释为小卖部？以用committee） of UNESCO point out that the weaker ethnic languages are suffering the impact of the mighty (这个此项是用来形容人的，其实只要表达他是广泛使用传播较广的就好)language and the internet, being crisis of become(becoming) extinct. However, unfortunately, this rigorous （严格的趋势？）trend has been invariably neglecting(neglected).
The majority of people advocate predigesting and unionizing the globe（Global
） language because of the convenience of communication. (at the same time 这样可以加强明确你这两个的逻辑关系)Undeniably, a uniform language tool will play a very significant role in the society especially in current times. （for example）English has become a universal tool result from the expectation of people and governments.
Despite of this（even so）, it does not mean that we should ignore the lesser-know language’s exist and disappearing.
Not only the facility of communication language is but a emblematization （这个词没看明白）of national history and culture as well(这句话好像少宾语，感觉不通，应该as well important 好像).
It has evidented a notion’s development and downfall. Even though the current society is eliminating their affect of communication(主谓的逻辑关系有问题，社会正在减少沟通的影响？还有affect 好像是个动词？), they also taking the task of passing down the tradition（which…最好对这个传统做个补充，说明其重要性，否则这个passing down没有说服力）. As a nonrenewable language protecting, it should be attention （感觉这里这个名词用的不合适，可以简单点用focus on,然后宾语变主语，加个主语从句）by people, especially the authoritative government same as the biological species extinct and global warming. （我觉得这里从逻辑关系上讲，为了更具说服力，应该将为什么biological species extinct and global warming带来的危害用一个名次一带而过，像是一个略祥的类比，这两个勒比大家肯定都赞同的，那么这样就会更有说服力了）The governments of countries in which these languages are spoken should take a series of measures to prevent such language from becoming extinct.
From my point of view, the government can through the education and medias ways to protecting（这句话过于简单可以在复杂一点，为了……政府防止语言灭绝by ways of……）. For example: build(building) the language museum, artifacts exhibition, nongovernmental collecting to realize the protecting of their local language.

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。jill
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9楼

发表于 2009-6-4 11:23:57 |只看该作者

8# PatriciaXiong
..
。感谢你改得这么认真，呵呵。以下就是我的解释了，你看看有没有好一点。

1.actually这个词我一开始只以作为副词有实际上的意思。最后查下字典可当形容词做如今，当今讲，所以那句话的意思是在当今社会····。要是换成你说的现实社会也很好，可当时脑子没转过弯。（我犯了写作的大忌，想中文译英文，呵呵）

2.conjuncture 这个词有事态，危机，局面的意思，我这是想表达面临这种消亡的危机局面。

3.commissary，我大汗一下谷歌··，我查的意思有代表，委员的意思。那句话是有UNESCO代表指出···（我用的是金山词霸）

4.mighty这个词我查有强势的意思所以就用上了。

5.那个not only ```but ```````as well的句子我真的搞糊涂了···本来写的时候感觉自己是对的···你们一说，我也觉得不对头，但不知道怎么改，还望改一下·。。O(∩_∩)O~

我总结出，之所以这样是因为我本身的单词积累太少了····总是查字典肯定有误差。。。所以单词还是王道啊。。

这是一些小疑问，还有你提出的把句子复杂化，或者在某些句子后面适当加点从句强调其重要性，我觉得特别好。。谢谢啦···:p

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