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熹僖
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电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2009-6-4 21:10:40 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

本帖最后由熹僖于 2009-6-13 02:28 编辑

多谢大家指正了~~这回我把想到的破题思路写下了,可能不好,希望能共同探讨^^

Issue 88
总频率:135
"Technologies not only influence but actually determine social customs and ethics.
Key Word: （Technologies social customs ethics）influence determine

破题思路
1、（根本）主动性被动性问题（主观能动性）：谁先产生，谁制造了谁。
2、influence和determine的区别
3、Custom是在漫长的历史中产生，故technology长生是custom已经形成，所以t只能influence，不能determine.
Ethics虽然随着社会发展不断改变,但是它也是受到历史和民族文化的深远影响,不是简单的technology所能决定。

OUYLINE
A
I will talk about the relationship between custom, ethics and technology on the aspect of initiative and passive.
从主动性和被动性角度谈Custom，ethics和technology的关系。提出我的观点：人决定科技的发展方向，科技只能影响我们的风俗习惯和伦理，不能决定。

B Technology comes up when custom has been formed during the long history. How can it determine our custom though influencing it. It will tell the definitions of “determine” and “including” in the argumentation. Example, how we bless each other in festivals.
Custom形成于漫长的历史，technology产生与它之后，所以technology只能影响而不能决定Custom. 在论述中同时阐明”决定”和”影响”的定义。举例，我们在节日是互相祝福的风俗。

C Although ethics can be changed partly going with the spaces of society, but its nature is determined by the culture and our thinking not technology. Still, technology can only impact on it. Instances，euthanasia and war.
虽然，伦理道德会随着我们社会的发展而某种程度地改变，但是他的本质决定与我们的文化和思想，而不是科技。科技只能影响道德准则。举例，安乐死和战争。

D Does technology influences us too much nowadays? How to strike the balance between technology and traditional life?
现代科技是不是对我们的生活影响过度了呢？我们应该怎样在科技与传统生活观念之间找到平衡呢?

E Sum up, technology comes from our needs and thought, which, affects our custom and ethics in turn. We should use it correctly.
总结，科技产生于我们的需要和思想，它会反过来影响我们的风俗习惯和道德准则，我们应该正确地应用科技。

ARTICLE
With more and more tense rhythm of the society, technology indeed makes our life changed a lot. But it just stands on the level of influence not determination. Custom and ethics are formed in long the history reflecting our thought directly, comparing with technology comes from our human wisdom, we are the voluntary one. That is to say, we decide the direction of technology, and it impacts on us in turn with determining neither of our custom or ethics.

Formed in the long history, custom has much to do with culture and thinking of our human. Its nature of racial character and spirituality determines that it cannot be changed easily. That technology is something bout materiality prevents it from resolving the custom. What is more, modern technology comes into being after the formation of custom, not to mention that the former can determine the latter. “Determine” is to fix conclusively or authoritatively and “Influence” is to have an effect on the condition or development of, something without changing it nature. One apt illustration of this point involves that how we communicate each other in festivals. It has gone a long way that we communicate each other by sending letters. However, in order to do this much faster and more conveniently, we prefer to send e-mail or chat online rather than use the traditional method. Indubitably, technology dose benefits us with enhancing the efficiency of our life, while it cannot overturn the fundamental life style in terms of that in the use of technology to communicate, that we bless each other best wishes with a sincere heart does not change—technology does not work much at the nature of our customs.

Similarly, ethics associates deeply with customs and culture regardless of its advance along with the society’s progress. We obey the ethics moral rules conformably without any clauses for the destination that everyone can be treat equal thereby we can live in a harmonious environment. For example, in some European countries, Euthanasia has been regarded as legitimate for lightening the suffering of the people that cannot be treated. Although the technology can speed the patients’ death without any pain, people are also debating on this affair for whether it is really respectable for the deaths’ lives. We can see that we make decision based on the need of fundamental life, not technology which is just a method by which we reach our goals. Another instance, it is war. No matter human make wars for justice or aggression, it is guided by our ethics. That the development of weapons aggravates wars does not mean weapons decide us to make wars. We war for different purpose coming from our deep nature, but technology really influenced wars.

Nevertheless, technology has made some exorbitant affection on our life so that it brings about negative results. We advance quickly ignoring the environment and other livings. We use more lethal weapons which couse people’s grief.Besides, we are even lazy to meet friends face to face with sending message instead, left with a more distant emotion. It is absurd to say that we make technology works for us then lost in it at the same time. When Albert Einstein made up the atom bomb for protecting human, he cannot imagine the large damage on the opposite. So we must watch out for technology, though it cannot decide anything itself, it lies in how we use it.

In sum, technology is a double-edged sword whose grip is held in our hands, thus we determine how to use it by our ethic under the custom. Sometimes we are puzzled and make mistakes just as we cannot control the “sword”. Whether or no, the “sword” is a tool without the ability to decide anything, it is our own sake to take responsibility for any results, there out, we have the duty to try our best to balance between technology and our life.

Just suffer, but do not miss.

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沙发

发表于 2009-6-4 23:30:48 |只看该作者

With more and more tense rhythm of the society, technology indeed makes our life changed a lot. But it just stands on the level of influence not determination. Custom and ethics are formed in long the history(好像有点不太通顺,after a long time in the history) reflecting our thought directly, comparing with technology comes from our human wisdom, we are the voluntary one(ones,这句话没太看得懂). That is to say（出现一句明显表示自己观点的语句是不是会更好in my view）, we decide the direction of technology, and it impacts on us in turn with determining neither of（有没有of ？） our custom or ethics.

Formed in the long history, custom has much to do with culture and thinking of our human. Its nature of racial character and spirituality determines that it cannot be changed easily. That technology is something bout（？？） materiality prevents it from resolving the custom. What is more, modern technology comes into being after the formation of custom, not to mention that the former can determine the latter. “Determine” is to fix conclusively or authoritatively and “Influence” is to have an effect on the condition or development of, something without changing it nature. One apt illustration of this point involves that how we communicate each other in festivals. It has gone a long way that we communicate（with） each other by sending letters. However, in order to do this much faster and more conveniently, we prefer to send e-mail or chat online rather than use the traditional method. Indubitably, technology dose benefits us with enhancing the efficiency of our life, while it cannot overturn the fundamental life style in terms of that in the use of technology to communicate, that we bless each other best wishes with a sincere heart does not change—technology does not work much at the nature of our customs.

Similarly, ethics associates deeply with customs and culture regardless of its advance along with the society’s progress. We obey the ethics moral rules conformably without any clauses for the destination that everyone can be treat equal thereby we can live in a harmonious environment. For example, in some European countries, Euthanasia has been regarded as legitimate for lightening the suffering of the people that cannot be treated. Although the technology can speed the patients’ death without any pain, people are also debating on this affair for whether it is really respectable for the deaths’ lives. We can see that we make decision based on the need of fundamental life, not technology which is just a method by which we reach our goals. Another instance, it is war. No matter human make wars for justice or aggression, it is guided by our ethics. That the development of weapons aggravates wars does not mean weapons decide us to make wars. We war for different purpose coming from our deep nature, but technology really influenced wars.

Nevertheless, technology has made some exorbitant affection on our life so that it brings about negative results（这句话觉得有点不太通顺）. We advance quickly ignoring the environment and other livings. We use more lethal weapons which couse people’s grief.Besides, we are even lazy to meet friends face to face with sending message instead, left with a more distant emotion. It is absurd to say that we make technology works for us then lost in it at the same time. When Albert Einstein made up the atom bomb for protecting human, he cannot imagine the large damage on the opposite. So we must watch out for technology, though it cannot decide anything itself, it lies in how we use it.

In sum, technology is a double-edged sword whose grip is held in our hands, thus we determine how to use it by our ethic under the custom. Sometimes we are puzzled and make mistakes just as we cannot control the “sword”. Whether or no, the “sword” is a tool without the ability to decide anything, it is our own sake to take responsibility for any results, there out, we have the duty to try our best to balance between technology and our life.

整体思路挺明确的，提出自己观点后都有强大有力例子支持自己的观点，

很多好的例子，安乐死，中国春节等，学习了。

在有些语句的表达方式上还有些平淡，用些书面单词，和些变换的句式（这些真的好难做到啊，我自己写的~~哎，拿不出门来）会使你文章更加完美。

有哪些改的不好的地放，请包含。

【2025FALL】全站祈福已开放~~来领祈福章，求offer得offer

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板凳

发表于 2009-6-5 02:14:30 |只看该作者

1# 熹僖

ARTICLE
With(用In the好不好点，感觉with不是很贴切) more and more tense rhythm of the society, technology indeed makes our life changed a lot. But it just stands（用remains怎样） on the level of influence not determination. Custom and ethics are formed in long the history （？）reflecting our thought directly, comparing with technology comes from our human wisdom, we are the voluntary one. That is to say, we decide the direction of technology, and it impacts on us in turn with determining neither of our custom or ethics.（这句感觉不是很通畅，impact这里是做动词用吧，of应该去掉吧）

Formed in the long history, custom has much to do with culture and thinking（thinking换成thinking model/conception会不会好些？不是很清楚thinking在这里是想表达什么意思)of human, its nature of racial character and spirituality determines that it cannot be changed easily. That technology is something bout(?) materiality prevents it from resolving the custom. What is more, modern technology comes into being after the formation of custom, not to mention that the former can determine the latter. “Determine” is to fix conclusively or authoritatively and “Influence” is to have an effect on the condition or developmentof, something without changing it nature. One apt illustration of this point involves that how we communicate (with)each other in festivals. It has gone a long way that we communicate each other by sending letters. However, in order to do this much faster and more conveniently, we prefer to send e-mail or chat online rather than use the traditional method. Indubitably(赞~),technology dose benefits(benefit) us with enhancing the efficiency of our life, while it cannot overturn the fundamental life style in terms of that in the use of technology to communicate, that we bless each other best wishes with a sincere heart does not change—technology does not work much at the nature of our customs.

Similarly, ethics associates deeply with customs and culture regardless of its advance along with the society’s progress. We obey the ethics moral rules conformably without any clauses for the destination that everyone can be treat equal thereby we can live in a harmonious environment. For example, in some European countries, Euthanasia has been regarded as legitimate for lightening the suffering of the people that cannot be treated. Although the technology can speed the patients’ death without any pain, people are also debating on this affair for whether it is really respectable for the deaths’ lives. We can see that we make decision based on the need of fundamental life, not technology which is just a method by which we reach our goals. Another instance, it is war. No matter human make wars for justice or aggression, it is guided by our ethics. That the development of weapons aggravates wars does not mean weapons decide us to make wars. We war for different purpose coming from our deep nature, but technology really influenced wars.

Nevertheless, technology has made some exorbitant affection on our life so that it brings about negative results. We advance quickly ignoring the environment and other livings. We use more lethal weapons which couse people’s grief.Besides, we are even lazy to meet friends face to face with sending message instead, left with a more distant emotion. It is absurd to say that we make technology works for us then lost in it at the same time. When Albert Einstein made up the atom bomb for protecting human, he cannot imagine the large damage on the opposite. So we must watch out for technology, though it cannot decide anything itself, it lies in how we use it.

In sum, technology is a double-edged sword whose grip is held in our hands, thus we determine how to use it by our ethic under the custom. Sometimes we are puzzled and make mistakes just as we cannot control the “sword”. Whether or no, the “sword” is a tool without the ability to decide anything, it is our own sake to take responsibility for any results, there out, we have the duty to try our best to balance between technology and our life.

就我个人的想法吧，我觉得一件后来产生的事物未必不能对之前的事物产生巨大的影响，从质变到量变，进而彻底改变前一事物的走向，这是不是也算一种“决定”呢？
但就从本文的论证来看，这个破题点还是很好的，说理十分充分，GRE作文本来就是要拿出自己的道理自圆其说就很好了。
C段有点儿读得不是很清楚，不知道是作者思路的问题还是我自己的原因。
同赞作者的例子~

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5楼

发表于 2009-6-5 06:55:49 |只看该作者

With more and more tense rhythm of the society, technology indeed makes our life changed(change,因为是加在make后面) a lot. But it just stands on the level of influence not determination. Custom and ethics are formed in long the history reflecting our thought directly, comparing with technology comes from our human wisdom, we are the voluntary one. That is to say, we decide the direction of technology, and it impacts on us in turn with determining neither of our custom or ethics.

Formed in the long history, custom has much to do with culture and thinking of our human. Its nature of racial character and spirituality determines that it cannot be changed easily. That technology is something bout materiality prevents it from resolving the custom(the attribute of technology, something about..., prevents it...). What is more, modern technology comes into being after the formation of custom, not to mention that the former can determine the latter. “Determine” is to fix conclusively or authoritatively and “Influence” is to have an effect on the condition or development of, something without changing it nature. One apt illustration of this point involves that(去掉) how we communicate each other in festivals. It has gone a long way that we communicate each other by sending letters. However, in order to do this much faster and more conveniently(convenient), we prefer to send (an) e-mail or chat online rather than use the traditional method. Indubitably, technology dose benefits us with enhancing the efficiency of our life, while it cannot overturn the fundamental life style in terms of that in the use of technology to communicate, that we bless each other best wishes with a sincere heart does not change—technology does not work much at the nature of our customs.

Similarly, ethics associates deeply with customs and culture regardless of its advance along with the society’s progress. We obey the ethics moral rules conformably without any clauses for the destination that everyone can be treat((ed) equal(ly) thereby we can live in a harmonious environment. For example, in some European countries, Euthanasia has been regarded as legitimate for lightening the suffering of the people that cannot be treated. Although the technology can speed(hasten) the patients’ death without any pain, people are also debating on this affair for whether it is really respectable for the deaths’ lives. We can see that we make decision based on the need of fundamental life, not technology which is just a method by which we reach our goals. Another instance, it is war. No matter human make wars for justice or aggression, it is guided by our ethics. That the development of weapons aggravates wars does not mean weapons decide us to make wars. We war for different purpose coming from our deep nature, but technology really influenced wars(我感觉这个转折有点让这段的中心不明确).

Nevertheless, technology has made some exorbitant affection on our life so that it brings about negative results. We advance quickly ignoring the environment and other livings. We use more lethal weapons which couse people’s grief.Besides, we are even lazy to meet friends face to face with sending message instead, left with a more distant emotion. It is absurd to say that we make technology works for us then lost in it at the same time. When Albert Einstein made up the atom bomb for protecting human, he cannot imagine the large damage on the opposite. So we must watch out for technology, though it cannot decide anything itself, it lies in how we use it.

In sum, technology is a double-edged sword whose grip is held in our hands, thus we determine how to use it by our ethic under the custom. Sometimes we are puzzled and make mistakes just as we cannot control the “sword”. Whether or no, the “sword” is a tool without the ability to decide anything, it is our own sake to take responsibility for any results, there out, we have the duty to try our best to balance between technology and our life.

楼主不但有对原题的讨论而且还有扩展,感觉很好,不过结尾的时候感觉有点太侧重那个扩展了,最关键的自己对原题的看法最好再强调下, 呵呵,看来已经找到些I的感觉了,写的很不错,继续加油!

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6楼

发表于 2009-6-6 11:28:08 |只看该作者

Withmore and more tense rhythm of the society, technology indeed makes ourlife changed a lot. But it just stands on the level of influence notdetermination. Custom and ethics are formed in long the history(through the long history)reflecting our thought directly, comparing with technology comes fromour human wisdom, we are the voluntary one.(这一句里包括两句话，并且意思不是很清楚，怎么会引起voluntary来的呢，你是不是想说我们人总是主动的？） That is to say, we decidethe direction of technology, and it impacts on us in turn withdetermining neither of our custom or ethics.

Formed in the longhistory, custom has much to do with culture and thinking of our human.Its nature of racial character and spirituality determines that itcannot be changed easily. That technology is something about materialityprevents it from resolving（解决？） the custom. What is more, modern technologycomes into being after the formation of custom, not to mention that theformer can determine the latter(not to mention用得不对，这个词后面引出的是一个更进一步的事实，这里可以简单地说so it can never determine...). “Determine” is to fix conclusively orauthoritatively and “Influence” is to have an effect on the conditionor development of,(删掉逗号） something without changing its nature. One aptillustration of this point involves that how we communicate each otherin festivals. It has gone a long way that we communicate each other bysending letters. However, in order to do this much faster and moreconveniently, we prefer to send e-mail or chat online rather than usethe traditional method. Indubitably, technology dose benefits us withenhancing the efficiency of our life, while(but) it cannot overturn thefundamental life style in terms of that in the use of technology tocommunicate, that we bless each other best wishes with a sincere heartdoes not change(这句话很混乱，建议换一种说法）—technology does not work much(have great influence) at the nature of our customs.

Similarly, ethicsassociates deeply with customs and culture regardless of its advancealong with the society’s progress. We obey the ethics(删） moral rulesconformably without any clauses for the destination that everyone can be treat equal thereby we can live in a harmonious environment.（can be treated equally, 另外这句话说得太空泛了，就跟我们平时说的“我们每个人都在为建设和谐社会而努力奋斗”一样，老美是很反感这种话的） Forexample, in some European countries, Euthanasia（小写） has been regarded aslegitimate for lightening the suffering of the people that cannot betreated（who cannot be cured). Although the technology can speed the patients’ death withoutany pain, people are also debating on this affair for whether it isreally respectable for the deaths’ lives. We can see that we make adecision based on the need of fundamental life, not technology which isjust a method by which we reach our goals. Another instance, it is war.No matter human make wars for justice or aggression(这句话本身有点别扭，另外后句以it开头，那么这句最好以war为主语), it is guided byour ethics. That the development of weapons aggravates wars does notmean weapons decide(promote) us to make wars. We start a war for different purposescoming from our deep nature, but technology really influenced wars(多余，削弱了你的观点）.

Nevertheless, technology has made some exorbitant affection（技术造成过度的喜欢？还是太空泛了，让人看了一头雾水） on our life so that it brings about negative results. We advance quickly ignoring the environment and other livings. We use more lethal weapons which couse people’s grief.Besides, we are even lazy to meet friends face to face with sending message instead, left with a more distant emotion. Itis absurd to say that we make technology works for us then lost in itat the same time. When Albert Einstein made up the atom bomb forprotecting human（爱因斯坦绝没有为了保护人类而制造原子弹，只不过恰好他提出的理论为原子弹的实现提供了理论基础）, he cannot imagine the large damage on the opposite.So we must watch out for technology,（句号或分号） though it cannot decide anythingitself, it lies in（on?) how we use it.

In sum, technologyis a double-edged sword whose grip is held in our hands, thus wedetermine how to use it by our ethic under the custom. Sometimes we arepuzzled and make mistakes just as we cannot control the “sword”.Whether or no,
the “sword” is a tool without the ability to decideanything, but it is our own sake to take responsibility for any results,there out, we have the duty to try our best to balance betweentechnology and our life.

观点挺不错了，例子也很好，问题还是有很多句子让我看着很不爽哪，我觉得还是最主要还是把道理说清楚，句子别弄得太复杂，我觉得你特别喜欢在一个句子后面带一个with然后引导一大串，常常让人觉得很混乱。尽量把思路表达清楚，逻辑正确，这是ISSUE写作最重要的。

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7楼

发表于 2009-6-7 21:59:37 |只看该作者

对admr修改的回复 3# amdsr

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Just suffer, but do not miss.

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8楼

发表于 2009-6-8 17:03:49 |只看该作者

[With more and more tense rhythm(越来越多的紧张节奏么?) of the society, technology indeed makes our life changed a lot. But it just stands on the level of influence not determination. Custom(s) and ethics are formed in long the history reflecting our thought directly, comparing with technology comes from our human wisdom, we are the voluntary one.(此句是不是有两套主谓语) That is to say, we decide the direction of technology, and it impacts on us in turn with determining neither of our custom or ethics.
（这个第一段~~我是有很多错句。分词的用法我现在弄得超混乱。我决定先多看看讲解最后一起改。等回来我把错误整理一起讨论吧）
Formed in the long history, custom has much to do with culture and thinking of our human. Its nature of racial character and spirituality determines that it cannot be changed easily. That technology is something bout materiality prevents it from resolving the custom. What is more, modern technology comes into being after the formation of custom, not to mention that the former can determine the latter. “Determine” is to fix conclusively or authoritatively and “Influence” is to have an effect on the condition or development of, something without changing its nature. One apt illustration of this point involves that how we communicate each other in festivals. It has gone a long way that we communicate each other by sending letters. However, in order to do this much faster and more conveniently, we prefer to send e-mails or chat online rather than use the traditional method. Indubitably, technology dose benefits us with enhancing the efficiency of our life, while it cannot overturn the fundamental life style in terms of that in the use of technology to communicate, that we bless each other best wishes with a sincere heart does not change—technology does not work much at the nature of our customs.

Similarly, ethics associates deeply with customs and culture regardless of its advance along with the society’s progress. We obey the ethics moral rules conformably without any clauses for the destination that everyone can be treat equal thereby we can live in a harmonious environment. For example, in some European countries, Euthanasia has been regarded as legitimate for lightening the suffering of the people that cannot be treated. Although the technology can speed the patients’ death without any pain, people are also debating on this affair for whether it is really respectable for the deaths’ lives. We can see that we make decision based on the need of fundamental life, not technology which is just a method by which we reach our goals. Another instance, it is war. No matter (how?改的对，呵呵)human make wars for justice or aggression, it is guided by our ethics. That the development of weapons aggravates wars does not mean weapons decide us to make wars. We war for different purposes coming from our deep nature, but technology really influenced wars.

Nevertheless, technology has made some exorbitant affection on our life so that it brings about negative results. We advance quickly ignoring the environment and other livings. We use more lethal weapons which couse(?想写“cause”，引起) people’s grief. Besides, we are even lazy to meet friends face to face with sending message instead, left with a more distant emotion. It is absurd to say that we make technology works for us then lost in it at the same time. When Albert Einstein made up the atom bomb for protecting human, he cannot imagine the large damage on the opposite. So we must watch out for technology, though it cannot decide anything itself, it lies in how we use it.

In sum, technology is a double-edged sword whose grip is held in our hands, thus we determine how to use it by our ethic under the custom. Sometimes we are puzzled and make mistakes just as we cannot control the “sword”. Whether or no(not), the “sword” is a tool without the ability to decide anything, it is our own sake to take responsibility for any results, there out(?其实是thereout 我查的意思是“由此”), we have the duty to try our best to balance between technology and our life.
倒数第二段强调一下balance吗？我觉得有道理，这样点名了倒数第二段的主旨，又为最后一段做了引子，感觉最后一段就不会像提出了一个新观点，而是总结上文的了。是这个意思吗？
b] 4# losingwood

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9楼

发表于 2009-6-8 17:59:27 |只看该作者

本帖最后由熹僖于 2009-6-8 18:06 编辑

With more and more tense rhythm of the society, technology indeed makes our life changed(change,因为是加在make后面<不是make sth. do 是指那个东西主动去做，而让某物被怎么怎么样是make sth. done吗？>) a lot. But it just stands on the level of influence not determination. Custom and ethics are formed in long the history reflecting our thought directly, comparing with technology comes from our human wisdom, we are the voluntary one. That is to say, we decide the direction of technology, and it impacts on us in turn with determining neither of our custom or ethics.

Formed in the long history, custom has much to do with culture and thinking of our human. Its nature of racial character and spirituality determines that it cannot be changed easily. That technology is something bout materiality prevents it from resolving the custom(the attribute of technology, something about..., prevents it...). What is more, modern technology comes into being after the formation of custom, not to mention that the former can determine the latter. “Determine” is to fix conclusively or authoritatively and “Influence” is to have an effect on the condition or development of, something without changing it nature. One apt illustration of this point involves that(去掉<how可以直接引导是吗?都记不清了>) how we communicate each other in festivals. It has gone a long way that we communicate each other by sending letters. However, in order to do this much faster and more conveniently(convenient<我说的是to do this... 因该是用副词修饰吧>), we prefer to send (an) e-mail or chat online rather than use the traditional method. Indubitably, technology dose benefits us with enhancing the efficiency of our life, while it cannot overturn the fundamental life style in terms of that in the use of technology to communicate, that we bless each other best wishes with a sincere heart does not change—technology does not work much at the nature of our customs.

Similarly, ethics associates deeply with customs and culture regardless of its advance along with the society’s progress. We obey the ethics moral rules conformably without any clauses for the destination that everyone can be treat((ed) equal(ly) thereby we can live in a harmonious environment. For example, in some European countries, Euthanasia has been regarded as legitimate for lightening the suffering of the people that cannot be treated. Although the technology can speed(hasten<这个有个"speed their deaths> 是我在ecomoist的文章上看到的原句,应该不会错吧。) the patients’ death without any pain, people are also debating on this affair for whether it is really respectable for the deaths’ lives. We can see that we make decision based on the need of fundamental life, not technology which is just a method by which we reach our goals. Another instance, it is war. No matter human make wars for justice or aggression, it is guided by our ethics. That the development of weapons aggravates wars does not mean weapons decide us to make wars. We war for different purpose coming from our deep nature, but technology really influenced wars(我感觉这个转折有点让这段的中心不明确).<这个我想说，t不能决定让我们去战争，战争来源于我们人类的本性，但是T确实影响了战争。也不算是什么明显的转折，只是汉语这么说顺，就写上了，感觉不对劲吗？再讨论下，我想不通呢~~>

Nevertheless, technology has made some exorbitant affection on our life so that it brings about negative results. We advance quickly ignoring the environment and other livings. We use more lethal weapons which couse people’s grief.Besides, we are even lazy to meet friends face to face with sending message instead, left with a more distant emotion. It is absurd to say that we make technology works for us then lost in it at the same time. When Albert Einstein made up the atom bomb for protecting human, he cannot imagine the large damage on the opposite. So we must watch out for technology, though it cannot decide anything itself, it lies in how we use it.

In sum, technology is a double-edged sword whose grip is held in our hands, thus we determine how to use it by our ethic under the custom. Sometimes we are puzzled and make mistakes just as we cannot control the “sword”. Whether or no, the “sword” is a tool without the ability to decide anything, it is our own sake to take responsibility for any results, there out, we have the duty to try our best to balance between technology and our life.
<再有就是说结尾太侧重扩展的问题。我当时写的时候还真是注意了，就写点balance，从而说我们今后应该注意什么，没敢太拓展。是不是我要是把balance从倒数第二段就提出来，最后一段就不会显得太拓展了？还有哈~issue的最后一段最好不拓展，而是总结上文，这是谁说的来着，是一定要这样吗？那和中文议论文不以样哈~~那时写中文，最后一段就是要展望呢~~帮我讲下吧~呵呵>
5# Camellia1a

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10楼

发表于 2009-6-8 18:26:32 |只看该作者

本帖最后由熹僖于 2009-6-8 18:33 编辑

Withmore and more tense rhythm of the society, technology indeed makes ourlife changed a lot. But it just stands on the level of influence notdetermination. Custom and ethics are formed in long the history(through the long history)reflecting our thought directly, comparing with technology comes fromour human wisdom, we are the voluntary one.(这一句里包括两句话，并且意思不是很清楚，怎么会引起voluntary来的呢，你是不是想说我们人总是主动的？<我是想说人是主动的,voluntary不对吗?应该怎么用呀?包含两句话~~最近发现我分词的使用是个大问题,原来感觉拿不准也没注意,就混过去了,现问题爆发了。我先去好好看下草木讲的语法,理理顺,再来改~~>） That is to say, we decidethe direction of technology, and it impacts on us in turn withdetermining neither of our custom or ethics.

Formed in the longhistory, custom has much to do with culture and thinking of our human.Its nature of racial character and spirituality determines that itcannot be changed easily. That technology is something about materialityprevents it from resolving（解决？<这个词有决定的意思,不能用吗~~>） the custom. What is more, modern technologycomes into being after the formation of custom, not to mention that theformer can determine the latter(not to mention用得不对，这个词后面引出的是一个更进一步的事实，这里可以简单地说so it can never determine...<确定吗?不知道诶~~那这个词可以用于否定句中吗?>). “Determine” is to fix conclusively orauthoritatively and “Influence” is to have an effect on the conditionor development of,(删掉逗号） something without changing its nature. One aptillustration of this point involves that how we communicate each otherin festivals. It has gone a long way that we communicate each other bysending letters. However, in order to do this much faster and moreconveniently, we prefer to send e-mail or chat online rather than usethe traditional method. Indubitably, technology dose benefits us withenhancing the efficiency of our life, while(but) it cannot overturn thefundamental life style in terms of that in the use of technology tocommunicate, that we bless each other best wishes with a sincere heartdoes not change(这句话很混乱，建议换一种说法）—technology does not work much(have great influence) at the nature of our customs.

Similarly, ethicsassociates deeply with customs and culture regardless of its advancealong with the society’s progress. We obey the ethics(删） moral rulesconformably without any clauses for the destination that everyone can be treat equal thereby we can live in a harmonious environment.（can be treated equally, 另外这句话说得太空泛了，就跟我们平时说的“我们每个人都在为建设和谐社会而努力奋斗”一样，老美是很反感这种话的） Forexample, in some European countries, Euthanasia（小写） has been regarded aslegitimate for lightening the suffering of the people that cannot betreated（who cannot be cured). Although the technology can speed the patients’ death withoutany pain, people are also debating on this affair for whether it isreally respectable for the deaths’ lives. We can see that we make adecision <有道词典里有make decision 的用法哇~>based on the need of fundamental life, not technology which isjust a method by which we reach our goals. Another instance, it is war.No matter human make wars for justice or aggression(这句话本身有点别扭，另外后句以it开头，那么这句最好以war为主语), it is guided byour ethics. That the development of weapons aggravates wars does notmean weapons decide(promote<我就是想说weapon没有决定让我们去作战的行为,如果改成promote,不还是一种影响吗?意思就变了,应该怎么改呀?>) us to make wars. We start a<我查的war 有动词词性,作战的意思,不可以吗?> war for different purposescoming from our deep nature, but technology really influenced wars(多余，削弱了你的观点）.

Nevertheless, technology has made some exorbitant affection（技术造成过度的喜欢？还是太空泛了，让人看了一头雾水） on our life so that it brings about negative results. We advance quickly ignoring the environment and other livings. We use more lethal weapons which couse people’s grief.Besides, we are even lazy to meet friends face to face with sending message instead, left with a more distant emotion. Itis absurd to say that we make technology works for us then lost in itat the same time. When Albert Einstein made up the atom bomb forprotecting human（爱因斯坦绝没有为了保护人类而制造原子弹，只不过恰好他提出的理论为原子弹的实现提供了理论基础）, he cannot imagine the large damage on the opposite.So we must watch out for technology,（句号或分号<英语里有分号吗?为什么逗号不行?>） though it cannot decide anythingitself, it lies in（on?<我查的有道桌面词典,lie in 是在于的意思,lie on 是依靠的意思,我想说在于,可以着么用吧?>) how we use it.

In sum, technologyis a double-edged sword whose grip is held in our hands, thus wedetermine how to use it by our ethic under the custom. Sometimes we arepuzzled and make mistakes just as we cannot control the “sword”.Whether or no,
the “sword” is a tool without the ability to decideanything, but<这个就是你说我两个句子不加连词就直接接着写~这次很注意了,这里还是马虎了,咯咯~~以后更认真才行> it is our own sake to take responsibility for any results,there out, we have the duty to try our best to balance betweentechnology and our life.

观点挺不错了，例子也很好，问题还是有很多句子让我看着很不爽哪，我觉得还是最主要还是把道理说清楚，句子别弄得太复杂，我觉得你特别喜欢在一个句子后面带一个with然后引导一大串，常常让人觉得很混乱。尽量把思路表达清楚，逻辑正确，这是ISSUE写作最重要的。
<当别人都表扬我的时候,组长总是能给我提出批判性且非常有用的意见,T U S M!让我保持一颗清醒的头脑,进步~~呵呵>

6# subtory

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11楼

发表于 2009-6-8 18:29:24 |只看该作者

(change,因为是加在make后面<不是make sth. do 是指那个东西主动去做，而让某物被怎么怎么样是make sth. done吗？>) 我是觉得'科技让我们的生活被改变'有点别扭~ 呵呵,不一定对,你自己斟酌下~
how可以引导~ 刚刚百科了下
much faster and more conveniently 呵呵,才发现faster有副词的词性,学习了~
转折的这个错误以前losingwood给我指出来过, 说转来转去会让人觉得中心不明确,感觉的确是这样,自己是很明白,可是别人看不懂.... 尽量换个表达方式吧
最后说结尾扩展的问题,我觉得扩展一下当然好,不过别一段都用来扩展呀,提出观点之后再带几句小扩展下就好了~ 呵呵,以上纯属个人意见O(∩_∩)O~

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12楼

发表于 2009-6-8 20:23:32 |只看该作者

本帖最后由 subtory 于 2009-6-8 22:47 编辑

10# 熹僖

Withmore and more tense rhythm of the society,technology indeed makes ourlife changed a lot. But it just stands onthe level of influence notdetermination. Custom and ethics are formed in long the history(throughthe long history)reflecting our thought directly, (这里应该为句号，之前是一句完整的话，之后也是一句）comparing withtechnology comes fromour human wisdom, we are the voluntaryone.(这一句里包括两句话，并且意思不是很清楚，怎么会引起voluntary来的呢，你是不是想说我们人总是主动的？<我是想说人是主动的,voluntary不对吗?应该怎么用呀?包含两句话~~最近发现我分词的使用是个大问题,原来感觉拿不准也没注意,就混过去了,现问题爆发了。我先去好好看下草木讲的语法,理理顺,再来改~~>）(voluntary的主动指自愿无偿地去做某事（查字典一定要查英文释义啊熹僖同学）可改成we should take the initiative)That is to say, we decidethe direction of technology, and it impacts onus in turn withdetermining neither of our custom or ethics.

Formed in thelonghistory, custom has much to do with culture and thinking of ourhuman.Its nature of racial character and spirituality determines thatitcannot be changed easily. That technology is something about materialityprevents it from resolving（解决？<这个词有决定的意思,不能用吗~~>(此决定为决定做某事的决定resolve to do sth还是那句话，一定要查英文释义，可改成determining或deciding） the custom. What is more, modern technologycomes into being after the formation of custom, not to mention that theformer can determine the latter(not to mention用得不对，这个词后面引出的是一个更进一步的事实，这里可以简单地说so it can never determine...<确定吗?不知道诶~~那这个词可以用于否定句中吗?>(not to mention的意思就是“更不用说，更别提”你这里后半句应该是一个推论出来的结果，而不是一个已知的事实，看两个例句就明白了：It's too far to walk, not to mention the fact that it'll probably be closed by now anyway.
Pollution has a negative effect on the health of everyone living in the city, not to mention the damage to the environment.）
). “Determine”is to fix conclusively orauthoritatively and “Influence” is to have aneffect on the conditionor development of,(删掉逗号） something withoutchanging its nature. One aptillustration ofthis point involves that how we communicate each otherin festivals. Ithas gone a long way that we communicate each other bysending letters.However, in order to do this much faster and moreconveniently, weprefer to send e-mail or chat online rather than usethe traditionalmethod. Indubitably, technology dose benefits us withenhancing the efficiency of our life, while(but) it cannot overturn thefundamental life style interms of that in the use of technology tocommunicate, that we blesseach other best wishes with a sincere heartdoes not change(这句话很混乱，建议换一种说法）—technology does not work much(have great influence) at the nature of our customs.

Similarly,ethicsassociates deeply with customs and culture regardless of itsadvancealong with the society’s progress. We obey the ethics(删） moral rulesconformably without any clauses for the destination that everyone can be treat equal thereby we can live in a harmonious environment.（canbe treated equally,另外这句话说得太空泛了，就跟我们平时说的“我们每个人都在为建设和谐社会而努力奋斗”一样，老美是很反感这种话的） Forexample, insome European countries, Euthanasia（小写） has been regarded aslegitimatefor lightening the suffering of the people that cannot betreated（whocannot be cured). Although the technology can speed the patients’ deathwithoutany pain, people are also debating on this affair for whether itisreally respectable for the deaths’ lives. We can see that we make adecision <有道词典里有make decision 的用法哇~（嗯。。可能这个用法也有吧，不过说make a decision总没错吧，尽量用有把握的没有争议的用法嘛）>basedon the need of fundamental life, not technology which isjust a methodby which we reach our goals. Another instance, it is war.No matter human make wars for justice or aggression(这句话本身有点别扭，另外后句以it开头，那么这句最好以war为主语), it is guided byour ethics. That thedevelopment of weapons aggravates wars does notmean weapons decide(promote<我就是想说weapon没有决定让我们去作战的行为,如果改成promote,不还是一种影响吗?意思就变了,应该怎么改呀?>（貌似没有decide sb to do sth这种用法，即使有估计也不地道，总之没见过，make decision大概也是一个道理。一定要强调决定的意思的话可改成weapons are the deciding factor for wars)) us to make wars. We start a<我查的war 有动词词性,作战的意思,不可以吗?(我查了longman及oxford都没有动词的用法，webster中有两条个简单的条目，可见其动词用法是很不常用的，而且就我所读过的文章来说，似乎还没见过这种用法，总之选择一些更常用更有把握的表达方式。最后再提醒一下，不要轻信中文字典的解释）> war for different purposescoming from our deep nature, but technology really influenced wars(多余，削弱了你的观点）.

Nevertheless, technology has made some exorbitant affection（技术造成过度的喜欢？还是太空泛了，让人看了一头雾水） on our life so that it brings about negativeresults. We advance quickly ignoring the environment and other livings.We use more lethal weapons which couse people’s grief.Besides, we are even lazy to meet friends face to face with sending message instead, left with a more distant emotion. Itis absurd to say that we make technology works for us then lost in itat the same time. When Albert Einstein made up the atom bomb forprotecting human（爱因斯坦绝没有为了保护人类而制造原子弹，只不过恰好他提出的理论为原子弹的实现提供了理论基础）, he cannot imagine thelarge damage on the opposite.So we must watch out for technology,（句号或分号<英语里有分号吗?为什么逗号不行?>(分号当然有啦，如果一句话意思没表达完，则可以用分号隔一下，稳妥点的话这里用句号就可以，之前一句是完整的，后一句也是though it..., it....)） though it cannot decide anythingitself, it lies in（on?<我查的有道桌面词典,lie in 是在于的意思,lie on 是依靠的意思,我想说在于,可以着么用吧?>(这个我也不是很敢确定，但你查英文译义的话，可难找到lie in对应的用法，或者改成depends on就可以）) how we use it.

In sum,technologyis a double-edged sword whose grip is held in our hands, thuswedetermine how to use it by our ethic under the custom. Sometimes wearepuzzled and make mistakes just as we cannot control the“sword”.Whether or no,
the “sword” is a tool without the ability to decideanything, but<这个就是你说我两个句子不加连词就直接接着写~这次很注意了,这里还是马虎了,咯咯~~以后更认真才行>it is our own sake to take responsibility for any results,there out, wehave the duty to try our best to balance betweentechnology and our life.

观点挺不错了，例子也很好，问题还是有很多句子让我看着很不爽哪，我觉得还是最主要还是把道理说清楚，句子别弄得太复杂，我觉得你特别喜欢在一个句子后面带一个with然后引导一大串，常常让人觉得很混乱。尽量把思路表达清楚，逻辑正确，这是ISSUE写作最重要的。
<当别人都表扬我的时候,组长总是能给我提出批判性且非常有用的意见,T U S M!让我保持一颗清醒的头脑,进步~~呵呵>

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