[a习作temp] 0910AW 同主题写作第五期 ARGUMENT65 by cnwzly [复制链接]

cnwzly
UID??2634423

初级会员

Rank: 3 Rank: 3

声望: 11
寄托币: 457
注册时间: 2009-4-28
精华: 0
帖子: 1

电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2009-6-21 11:50:30 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

本帖最后由 cnwzly 于 2009-6-24 23:15 编辑

In this argument, the author advocates a recommendation that the declination of storage of imported cheeses and focus on domestic cheeses ensure to improve the company's profits. To justify this assertion, the author provides the evidence about the sales at a newest store. In addition, she cites the result of a recent survey that indicates an increasing demand for domestic cheeses. Plausible as the reasoning may be, the author has concentrated too much on this sole perspective and neglected others. Close scrutiny of each of these facts, however, reveals that the argument contains severe logic flaws.

To begin with, the mere fact that cheeses sales at a newest store last year indicate best selling of domestic cheeses is insufficient evidence that the imported cheeses lose its market. Regarding business operation of the store, many other possible factors which author must also account for are neglected. It is very likely that the situation of the sales of that five cheeses in last year is a special phenomenon and no evidence is carried out to prove that the good sales will continue in the future, since there are usually some promotional campaigns that are applied to attract customers at a newly opened store. In such matter, some commodities such as domestic cheeses are sold on discount. Thus, the rising demand of domestic cheeses is just a temporary trend which will reach to an end when the promotional campaigns finish. Moreover, no statistically evidence of comparison between domestic cheeses and imported cheeses is supplied, which lead to a suspicion that whether five best-selling domestic cheeses make more profits than imported cheese. In other word, the imported cheeses actually play a most important role of gaining the company's profits. Furthermore, the author's conclusion about people's willingness to buy domestic cheeses depends on the assumption that five best-selling cheeses represent all the domestic cheeses. Yet, the author offers no specific to substantiate this assumption. In all likelihood, however, there are only five domestic cheddar cheeses that meet the customers' tasty and the imported cheeses still hold the considerable market share. Without ruling out all alternative explanation above, the author cannot justify conclusion that merely by cutting the storage of imported cheese will company's profits increase.

Secondly, it is nevertheless unfair to imply an increasing favor of domestic cheese for all consumers, while the survey was just carried out among its subscribers. Obviously, such readers are not representative of all such consumers, if the number of subscribers is too small or they are too centralized. Therefore, the author cannot confidently draw any general conclusions about a rising preference for domestic cheese in a country.

Finally, a correlation the author holds between limiting inventories and increasing profits does not necessarily warrant a causal relationship. While causality is warranted strong evidence, in itself it is not sufficient. The author must also account for all other possible factors leading to profits, such as capability of warehouse and sales of all variety of cheeses. It will put company at risk of losing income when there are big sales of cheeses and the use of depository is not still coming to utilized completely.

In conclusion, the recommendation relies on certain assumptions that render it unconvincing as it stands. To bolster the recommendation, the author has to provide clearer statistical evidence about comparison of the sales of both cheeses. To better evaluate the recommendation, I would like to know more details to demonstrate that the participants involved in the survey are representative.

回应
0

使用道具举报

qtangtangs
UID??2630008

初级会员

Rank: 3 Rank: 3

声望: 34
寄托币: 860
注册时间: 2009-4-16
精华: 0
帖子: 2

沙发

发表于 2009-6-25 11:27:49 |只看该作者

In this argument, the author advocates a recommendation that the declination of storage of imported cheeses and focus on domestic cheeses ensure to improve the company's profits(有问题，从句后面的这个句子缺成分). To justify this assertion, the author provides the evidence about the sales at a newest store. In addition, she cites the result of a recent survey that indicates an increasing demand for domestic cheeses. Plausible as the reasoning may be, the author has concentrated too much on this sole perspective and neglected others. Close scrutiny of each of these facts, however, reveals that the argument contains severe logic flaws.

To begin with, the mere fact that cheeses sales at a newest store last year indicate(s) best selling of domestic cheeses is insufficient evidence (to prove) that the imported cheeses lose its market. Regarding business operation of the store, many other possible factors which author must also account for are neglected. It is very likely that the situation of the sales of that five cheeses in last year is a special phenomenon and no evidence is carried out to prove that the good sales will continue in the future, since there are usually some promotional campaigns that are applied to attract customers at a newly opened store. In such matter, some commodities such as domestic cheeses are sold on discount. Thus, the rising demand of domestic cheeses is just a temporary trend which will reach to an end when the promotional campaigns finish. Moreover, no statistically evidence of comparison between domestic cheeses and imported cheeses is supplied, which lead to a suspicion that whether five best-selling domestic cheeses make more profits than imported cheese(怎么lead to了?没看明白). In other word(s), the imported cheeses actually play a most important role of gaining the company's profits(这又是为什么呢?为啥没给出国产芝士和进口芝士的比较就能得出这个结论?还有，没给出什么比较，哪方面的比较呢?). Furthermore, the author's conclusion about people's willingness to buy domestic cheeses depends on the assumption that five best-selling cheeses represent all the domestic cheeses(注意了，作者并不是仅因为这一点，后面还有一个调查，这两个才得出结论的。而且，作者文中没有这个意思说5个卖的最好的就代表了所有国产芝士了，他只是由5个卖的最好的芝士推出blah blah blah.你这个可以当成一个错误攻击，但不是结论). Yet, the author offers no specific to substantiate this assumption. In all likelihood, however, there are only five domestic cheddar cheeses that meet the customers' tasty and the imported cheeses still hold the considerable market share. Without ruling out all alternative explanation(s) above, the author cannot justify conclusion that merely by cutting the storage of imported cheese will company's profits increase.

Secondly, it is nevertheless unfair to imply an increasing favor of domestic cheese for all consumers, while the survey was just carried out among its subscribers. Obviously, such readers are not representative of all such consumers, if the number of subscribers is too small or they are too centralized. Therefore, the author cannot confidently draw any general conclusions about a rising preference for domestic cheese in a country.

Finally, a correlation the author holds between limiting inventories and increasing profits does not necessarily warrant a causal relationship. While causality is warranted strong evidence, in itself it is not sufficient. The author must also account for all other possible factors leading to profits, such as capability of warehouse and sales of all variety of cheeses. It will put company at risk of losing income when there are big sales of cheeses and the use of depository is not still coming to utilized completely.

In conclusion, the recommendation relies on certain assumptions that render it unconvincing as it stands. To bolster the recommendation, the author has to provide clearer statistical evidence about comparison of the sales of both cheeses. To better evaluate the recommendation, I would like to know more details to demonstrate that the participants involved in the survey are representative.

好话不说了词用的很好学习～～

使用道具举报

cnwzly
UID??2634423

初级会员

Rank: 3 Rank: 3

声望: 11
寄托币: 457
注册时间: 2009-4-28
精华: 0
帖子: 1

板凳

发表于 2009-6-29 16:17:04 |只看该作者

2# qtangtangs
In this argument, the author advocates a recommendation that the declination of storage of imported cheeses and focus on domestic cheeses ensure the improvement of the company's profits. To justify this assertion, the author provides the evidence about the sales at a newest store. In addition, she cites the result of a recent survey that indicates an increasing demand for domestic cheeses. Plausible as the reasoning may be, the author has concentrated too much on this sole perspective and neglected others. Close scrutiny of each of these facts, however, reveals that the argument contains severe logic flaws.

To begin with, the mere fact that cheeses sales at a newest store last year indicates best selling of domestic cheeses is insufficient evidence to prove that the imported cheeses lose its market. Regarding business operation of the store, many other possible factors which author must also account for are neglected. It is very likely that the situation of the sales of that five cheeses in last year is a special phenomenon and no evidence is carried out to prove that the good sales will continue in the future, since there are usually some promotional campaigns that are applied to attract customers at a newly opened store. In such matter, some commodities such as domestic cheeses are sold on discount. Thus, the rising demand of domestic cheeses is just a temporary trend which will reach to an end when the promotional campaigns finish. Moreover, no statistically evidence of comparison of profits maken between domestic cheeses and imported cheeses is supplied, which lead to a suspicion that whether five best-selling domestic cheeses make more profits than imported cheese. In other words, the imported cheeses actually play a most important role of gaining the company's profits. Furthermore, the author's reasoning about people's willingness to buy domestic cheeses depends on the assumption that five best-selling cheeses represent all the domestic cheeses(注意了，作者并不是仅因为这一点，后面还有一个调查，这两个才得出结论的。而且，作者文中没有这个意思说5个卖的最好的就代表了所有国产芝士了，他只是由5个卖的最好的芝士推出blah blah blah.你这个可以当成一个错误攻击，但不是结论)（其实我想驳其以偏概全的，而作者的最后结论的确有基于这个前提，因此我是攻击这个前提来驳其结论）. Yet, the author offers no specifics to substantiate this assumption. In all likelihood, however, there are only five domestic cheddar cheeses that meet the customers' tasty and the imported cheeses still hold the considerable market share. Without ruling out all alternative explanations above, the author cannot justify conclusion that merely by cutting the storage of imported cheese will company's profits increase.

Secondly, it is nevertheless unfair to imply an increasing favor of domestic cheese for all consumers, while the survey was just carried out among its subscribers. Obviously, such readers are not representative of all such consumers, if the number of subscribers is too small or they are too centralized. Therefore, the author cannot confidently draw any general conclusions about a rising preference for domestic cheese in a country.

Finally, a correlation the author holds between limiting inventories and increasing profits does not necessarily warrant a causal relationship. While causality is warranted strong evidence, in itself it is not sufficient. The author must also account for all other possible factors leading to profits, such as capability of warehouse and sales of all variety of cheeses. It will put company at risk of losing income when there are big sales of cheeses and the use of depository is not still coming to utilized completely.

In conclusion, the recommendation relies on certain assumptions that render it unconvincing as it stands. To bolster the recommendation, the author has to provide clearer statistical evidence about comparison of the sales of both cheeses. To better evaluate the recommendation, I would like to know more details to demonstrate that the participants involved in the survey are representative.

这次写的时候直接把与结论相关的错误都放一起写了，有好有坏，后面看看，感觉分开写更好，不知道有什么指导意见可以给我的
如逻辑上感觉还是有点失误，第一段应该强调的是因果关系，即不一定会盈利，如果采用那个措施，然后可以说到进口奶酪如何没失去市场。。。。。

使用道具举报