[a习作temp] 0910AW 同主题写作第七期 ARGUMENT167 bysnail8843 [复制链接]

snail8843
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发表于 2009-6-28 23:15:56 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

本帖最后由 snail8843 于 2009-6-29 22:18 编辑

Merely based on insufficient evidence, the author concludes that lavender plays a significant role in curing insomnia. In order to support the conclusion, the author incites a recent study including 30 volunteers. However, further reflection reveals that there are some flaws in the argument.

First of all, the author fails to substantiate that during the third week, the volunteers authentically have a better sleep than before. First, the author fails to provide the degree of fatigue. Perhaps they felt more tired than the previous two week. Secondly, probably the fact that the volunteers slept longer and more soundly than before is a result of the condition, that they felt too tired during the second week, of the volunteers rather than lavender. In these circumstances, the assumption that the volunteers have a better sleep than before is unconvincing.

Secondly, the author equals the time and soundness of sleep to the condition of insomnia. What is the definition of insomnia? Common sense tells us that whether a person suffers from insomnia refers to the extent to which a person is apt to fall asleep. It is entirely possible that a person suffering from insomnia can have a long and sound sleep. Without defining insomnia, the result of study cannot well support the effectiveness of lavender.

Finally, even if the foregoing assumptions can be well supported, the author's conclusion is still unconvincing. First, the number of the volunteers is too small to represent all patients involving insomnia. Moreover, because 30 volunteers suffer from chronic insomnia, whether lavender is effective in curing acute insomnia is suspicious. In addition, as a medicine, the author fails to provide that whether lavender has drug dependence. Perhaps discontinuing the use of lavender can cause relapse of insomnia. Without considering these possibilities, the effectiveness of lavender in curing insomnia is unconvincing.

In sum, the study incited by the author is insufficient to prove the conclusion. To strengthen the conclusion, the author must provide convincing evidence to prove the insomnia of the volunteers authentically become well as a result of lavender. In addition, the author must convince me that the volunteers suffering from chronic insomnia can represent all patients suffering from insomnia, and that lavender has no drug dependence.

第一次自我修改后：
Merely based on insufficient evidence, the author concludes that lavender plays a significant role in curing insomnia. In order to support the conclusion, the author incites a recent study including 30 volunteers. However, further reflection reveals that there are some flaws in the argument.

First of all, the author fails to substantiate that during the third week, the volunteers authentically have a better sleep than before. First, the author fails to provide the degree of fatigue. Perhaps they felt more tired than the previous two week. Secondly, probably the fact that the volunteers slept longer and more soundly than before is a result of the condition of the volunteers during the second week, in which they felt too tired in the day-time, rather than lavender. In these circumstances, the assumption that the volunteers have a better sleep than before is unconvincing.

Secondly, the author equals the time and soundness of sleep to the condition of insomnia. What is the definition of insomnia? Common sense tells us that whether a person suffers from insomnia refers to the extent to which a person is apt to fall asleep. It is entirely possible that a person suffering from insomnia can have a long and sound sleep. Lacking understanding of the definition of insomnia, the result of study cannot well support the effectiveness of lavender.

Finally, even if the foregoing assumptions can be well supported, the author's conclusion is still unconvincing. First, the number of the volunteers is too small to represent all patients involving insomnia. Moreover, because 30 volunteers suffer from chronic insomnia, whether lavender is effective in curing acute insomnia is suspicious. In addition, as a medicine, the author fails to provide that whether lavender has drug dependence. Perhaps discontinuing the use of lavender can cause relapse of insomnia. Without considering these possibilities, the effectiveness of lavender in curing insomnia is unconvincing.

In sum, the study incited by the author is insufficient to prove the conclusion. To strengthen the conclusion, the author must provide convincing evidence to prove the insomnia of the volunteers authentically become well is attributable to lavender. In addition, the author must convince me that the volunteers suffering from chronic insomnia can represent all patients suffering from insomnia, and lavender has no drug dependence.

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brisk1111
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沙发

发表于 2009-6-29 19:18:53 |只看该作者

Merely based on insufficient evidence, the author concludes that lavender plays a significant role in curing insomnia. In order to support the conclusion, the author incites a recent study including 30 volunteers. However, further reflection reveals that there are some flaws in the argument.

First of all, the author fails to substantiate that during the third week, the volunteers authentically have a better sleep than before. First, the author fails to provide the degree of fatigue. Perhaps they felt more tired than the previous two week. Secondly, probably the fact that the volunteers slept longer and more soundly than before is a result of the condition, that they felt too tired during the second week, of the volunteers rather than lavender. In these circumstances, the assumption that the volunteers have a better sleep than before is unconvincing.(这段论证的很充分，如果能用个从句将第二星期的情况点一下，将是论证更加有力，因为单看这段就不知道为什么会有这样的condition)

Secondly, the author equals the time and soundness of sleep to the condition of insomnia. What is the definition of insomnia? Common sense tells us that whether a person suffers from insomnia refers to the extent to which a person is apt to fall asleep. It is entirely possible that a person suffering from insomnia can have a long and sound sleep. Without defining insomnia, the result of study cannot well support the effectiveness of lavender.可能是个错误，我倒是很少见到找定义错误的。看的没有别的论证那么有力。
Finally, even if the foregoing assumptions can be well supported, the author's conclusion is still unconvincing. First, the number of the volunteers is too small to represent all patients involving insomnia. Moreover, because 30 volunteers suffer from chronic insomnia, whether lavender is effective in curing acute insomnia is suspicious. In addition, as a medicine, the author fails to provide that whether lavender has drug dependence. Perhaps discontinuing the use of lavender can cause relapse of insomnia. Without considering these possibilities, the effectiveness of lavender in curing insomnia is unconvincing.

In sum, the study incited by the author is insufficient to prove the conclusion. To strengthen the conclusion, the author must provide convincing evidence to prove the insomnia of the volunteers authentically become well as a result of （attributes to是不是好些） lavender. In addition, the author must convince me that the volunteers suffering from chronic insomnia can represent all patients suffering from insomnia, and that（不用）lavender has no drug dependence.

Snail真的写的不错，语言连贯，基本没有什么语法和拼写错误，论证也较充分。以我的水平来看我觉得是相当不错了。不知道snail有没有限时。再就是下次发帖时贴上题目，最好附上简短的提纲。

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snail8843
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板凳

发表于 2009-6-29 21:01:24 |只看该作者

本帖最后由 snail8843 于 2009-6-29 21:04 编辑

2# brisk1111

第一次自我修改后：
Merely based on insufficient evidence, the author concludes that lavender plays a significant role in curing insomnia. In order to support the conclusion, the author incites a recent study including 30 volunteers. However, further reflection reveals that there are some flaws in the argument.

First of all, the author fails to substantiate that during the third week, the volunteers authentically have a better sleep than before. First, the author fails to provide the degree of fatigue. Perhaps they felt more tired than the previous two week. Secondly, probably the fact that the volunteers slept longer and more soundly than before is a result of the condition of the volunteers during the second week, in which they felt too tired in the day-time, rather than lavender. In these circumstances, the assumption that the volunteers have a better sleep than before is unconvincing.

Secondly, the author equals the time and soundness of sleep to the condition of insomnia. What is the definition of insomnia? Common sense tells us that whether a person suffers from insomnia refers to the extent to which a person is apt to fall asleep. It is entirely possible that a person suffering from insomnia can have a long and sound sleep. Lacking understanding of the definition of insomnia, the result of study cannot well support the effectiveness of lavender.

Finally, even if the foregoing assumptions can be well supported, the author's conclusion is still unconvincing. First, the number of the volunteers is too small to represent all patients involving insomnia. Moreover, because 30 volunteers suffer from chronic insomnia, whether lavender is effective in curing acute insomnia is suspicious. In addition, as a medicine, the author fails to provide that whether lavender has drug dependence. Perhaps discontinuing the use of lavender can cause relapse of insomnia. Without considering these possibilities, the effectiveness of lavender in curing insomnia is unconvincing.

In sum, the study incited by the author is insufficient to prove the conclusion. To strengthen the conclusion, the author must provide convincing evidence to prove the insomnia of the volunteers authentically become well is attributable to lavender. In addition, the author must convince me that the volunteers suffering from chronic insomnia can represent all patients suffering from insomnia, and lavender has no drug dependence.

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