[未归类] TOEFL暑期集结号作文第2次作业 by dingxiangzi [复制链接]

dingxiangzi
UID: 2556230

寄托新兵

Rank: 2

声望: 0
寄托币: 114
注册时间: 2008-10-9
精华: 0
帖子: 0

电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2009-7-15 21:17:05 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

经济发展很重要，
环境保护也很重要
保持平衡
There is no deny that government have the responsibility to improve people’s living standard while at the same time maintain a good environment. However when it comes to the priority between economy and environment, opinion may vary among different people. As for me, I think the two duties are too important to give either a priority. No one can bear the outcome of totally neglecting one pf them. The only option perhaps is to draw a balance between the two and ,maintain a harmony and sustained growth.

A rapid economy growth is the prerequisite of a stable and prosperous society. Without efforts on economy growth, government will very likely be opposed and even overthrown by those tortured by poverty, hunger, epidemic disease, poor medical care and so on. Without economy growth, limited resources will be available for the society and this limitation may engender war and conflict and result in an unstable and unsafe world. Without the development of economy, people will find little job opportunity to maintain a sustenance while meeting a surging of good price. Abandoning efforts to develop an economy will deteriorate people’s living standard and cause many social problems.

On the other hand, spending efforts on economy never means a scarification of the natural environment we share with other creatures. As one of the many biological creatures on this planet, we are under a favorable environment including adequate sunshine, potable water, suitable temperature and plenty of food for us to survive. Since the industrial civilization we have been damaging the surrounding environment at an ever growing rate merely for our own life easiness and satisfaction. The overuse of natural resource and production of pollutants and toxics have deprived many species that used to share with us the whole planet. Now the damage has been so severe that it has endangered the survival of our own. This is the price we have pay for developing our economy.

But there is a salvation. As long as we realize that the ultimate purpose of anything we do is the benefit of ourselves and other creatures in the world, where benefit means a long term benefit and means a benefit for all human beings as a whole, we can know clearly the principles of an economy developing strategy. That is we develop economy for a better life being rather than a mere growth rate. Knowing the importance of economy and environment to our life and the righr way to maintain a balance between them, we can expect a harmonious and natural life pattern in the future.

回应
0

使用道具举报

DriftKing
UID: 2664045

特级会员

Rank: 6 Rank: 6

声望: 335
寄托币: 3602
注册时间: 2009-7-12
精华: 0
帖子: 31

沙发

发表于 2009-7-16 19:29:09 |只看该作者

本帖最后由 DriftKing 于 2009-7-16 20:10 编辑

经济发展很重要，
环境保护也很重要
保持平衡
There is no deny that government have the responsibility to improve people’s living standard while at the same time maintain a good environment. However来个“，” when it comes to the priority 个人感觉不恰当，it指代的是什么？如果是我的话，我这样写when we should choose one as the priority between economy and environment, opinion may vary among different people. As for me, I think the two duties are too important to give either a priority其实说太重要了以至于不能忽视任何一边更好. No one太绝对，因为这只是你自己的观点 can bear the outcome of totally neglecting one pf them. The only option perhaps is to draw a balance between the two and ,maintain a harmony and sustained growth

A rapid economy growth is the prerequisite of a stable and prosperous society. Without efforts on economy growth, government will very likely be opposed and even overthrown by those tortured by poverty有语病的如果是我的话会这样写people will oppose the government, or even overthrow it because of poverty, hunger, epidemic disease, poor medical care and so on. Without economy growth, limited resources will be available for the society and this limitation may engender war and conflict and result in an unstable and unsafe world. Without the development of economy, people will换成could较好 find little job opportunity to maintain a sustenance while meeting a surging of good price不明白想表达什么Abandoning efforts to develop an economy will deteriorate people’s living standard and cause many social problems.这段写的很好，3个without点出了忽略经济发展的后果，但是我觉得，这3个without可以换一下顺序，就可以形成递进了

On the other hand, spending efforts on economy never means a scarification of the natural environment we share with other creatures. As one of the many biological creatures on this planet, we are under a favorable environment including adequate sunshine, potable water, suitable temperature and plenty of food for us to survive. Since the industrial civilization we have been感觉去掉较好damaging the surrounding environment at an ever growing rate merely for our own life easiness and satisfaction. The overuse of natural resource and production of pollutants and toxics have deprived many species that used to share with us the whole planet. Now the damage has been so severe that it has endangered the survival of our own换成ourselves. This is the price we have 加上to pay for developing our economy

But there is a salvation. As long as we realize that the ultimate purpose of anything we do is the benefit of ourselves and other creatures in the world其实就是可持续发展, where benefit means a long term benefit and means a benefit for all human beings as a whole, we can know clearly the principles of an economy developing strategy. That is we develop economy for a better life being rather than a mere growth rate. Knowing the importance of economy and environment to our life and the righr way to maintain a balance between them, we can expect a harmonious and natural life pattern in the future.
1、亮出观点，要平衡发展
2、没了经济发展:funk:
3、忽略了环境保护:funk:
4、两手都要抓都要硬

总体来说，“丁香紫”同学的作文写得还是很不错的，就是在注意下语法就好了，不过因为我的语法也超烂，所以如果我说的不对的地方，还请你纠正，by the way，我们在这篇文章中的观点是一样的，真的是英雄所见略同啊哈哈继续加油！！

使用道具举报

hustzwj
UID: 203387

特级会员

Rank: 6 Rank: 6

声望: 9
寄托币: 2157
注册时间: 2005-3-30
精华: 0
帖子: 25

板凳

发表于 2009-7-17 16:21:34 |只看该作者

经济发展很重要，% r* @' |: [0 N. i: ^* E' o& e
环境保护也很重要
保持平衡$ S9 V7 r( F2 |+ X/ @
There is no deny (denying) that government have the responsibility to improve people’s living standard while at the same time maintain a good environment. However when it comes to the priority between economy and environment, opinionS may vary among different people. As for me, I think the two duties are too important to give either a priority. No one can bear the outcome of totally neglecting one pf them. The only option perhaps is to draw a balance between the two and ,maintain a harmony and sustained growth.) T5 B' x0 Q, `/ Z

A rapid economy growth is the prerequisite of a stable and prosperous society. Without efforts on economy growth, government will very likely be opposed and even overthrown (by those tortured去掉) by poverty, hunger, epidemic disease, poor medical care and so on. Without economy growth, limited resources will be NOT available for the society and this limitation may engender war and conflict and result in an unstable and unsafe world. Without the development of economy, people will find little job opportunity to maintain a sustenance while meeting a surging of good price. Abandoning efforts to develop an economy will deteriorate people’s living standard and cause many social problems. 1.没有经济的危害三个排比用的不错，但是你可以偶尔提及到环境啊，也可以说经济不发展，没有资金去保护环境，同时环境也受到了破坏，等等

On the other hand, spending efforts on economy never means a scarification of the natural environment we share with other creatures. As one of the many biological creatures on this planet, we are under a favorable environment including adequate sunshine, potable water, suitable temperature and plenty of food for us to survive. Since the industrial civilization we have been damaging the surrounding environment at an ever growing rate merely for our own life easiness and satisfaction. The overuse of natural resource and production of pollutants and toxics have deprived many species that used to share with us the whole planet. Now the damage has been so severe that it has endangered the survival of our own. This is the price we have pay for developing our economy.还有，这段写的还不错
（But there is a salvation去掉）. As long as we realize that the ultimate purpose of anything we do is the benefit of ourselves and other creatures in the world, where benefit means a long term benefit and means a benefit for all human beings as a whole, we can know clearly the principles of an economy developing strategy. That is we develop economy for a better life being rather than a mere growth rate. Knowing the importance of economy and environment to our life and the righr way to maintain a balance between them, we can expect a harmonious and natural life pattern in the future. 我觉得你这里应该提到环境，而不是仅仅有说economy的。合起来说，可以说经济的发展是为了更好的生活，但是没有了环境的保护，哪里来更好的经济的发展，你要结合起来，你的咋一看只是提了环境的。。

整体上写出了一个平衡观点，结构还是比较清晰的，个别的地方有点语法错误

使用道具举报

问啊问啊
UID: 2519774

特级会员

Rank: 6 Rank: 6

声望: 44
寄托币: 2154
注册时间: 2008-7-21
精华: 0
帖子: 12

地板

发表于 2009-7-17 19:22:39 |只看该作者

本帖最后由问啊问啊于 2009-7-17 19:26 编辑

There is no deny(deny/denying可以做名词么？似乎应该是denial) that government have the responsibility to improve people’sliving standard while at the same time maintain a good environment. Howeverwhen it comes to the priority between economy and environment, opinion may varyamong different people. As for me, I think the two duties are too important togive either a priority. No one can bear the outcome of totally neglecting onepf them. The only option perhaps is to draw a balance between the two and,maintain a harmony and sustained growth.

A rapideconomy(economic) growth is the prerequisite of a stable and prosperous society.Without efforts on economy(economic) growth, government will be very likely to oppose it and evenoverthrown by those tortured by poverty, hunger, epidemic disease, poor medicalcare and so on.

此处的修改借用许轶满分作文里的一句话：The homeless rummagethrough trash cans for food; the laid-off workers have an inadequate income andoften cannot meet their rent; and even the well-educated have trouble findingproper work. All of them may oppose and even overthrow the government if the effortsof economic growth failed.
Without economy(economic)
growth, limited resources will be available for the society andthis limitation may engender war and conflict (conflict and war先小词后大词) andresult in an unstable and unsafe world（,causing the world, unstable and unsafe分词结构更好
）. Without thedevelopment of economy, people will find little（few） job opportunities tomaintain a （不需要a的吧）sustenancewhile meeting a surging(surging想表达什么意思？) of good price. Abandoning efforts to develop an economy willdeteriorate people’s living standard and cause many social problems.& y+ w n: m8 K%N. B/ i9 N
& i6 w) G+ k*n8 _: E
On the other hand, spending efforts on economy never means ascarification of the natural environment we share with other creatures. As oneof the many biological creatures on this planet, we are under a favorableenvironment including adequate sunshine, potable water, suitable temperatureand plenty of food（食物和前面的水放在一起说比较好） for us to survive.(句式杂糅，应该删除).
Since the industrial civilization we have beendamaging the surrounding environment at an ever growing rate merely for our ownlife easiness and satisfaction. The overuse of natural resource and productionof pollutants and toxics have deprived many species that used (ought,是不是想表达本应该是我们整个星球共享的资源？)
to sharewith us the whole planet. Now the damage has been so severe that it hasendangered the survival of our own. This is the price we have pay （paid）for developing oureconomy.

But thereis a salvation. As long as we realize that the ultimate purpose of anything wedo is the benefit of ourselves and other creatures in the world(is tobalance the benefit between xxx and yyy是不是这个意？), where benefit means a long termbenefit and means a benefit for all human beings as a whole, we can knowclearly the principles of an economy(economic) developing strategy.That is we develop economy for a better life being rather than a mere growthrate. Knowing the importance of economy and environment to our life and theright way to maintain a balance between them, we can expect a harmonious andnatural life pattern in the future.

结构还不错，段落之间逻辑关联词清晰分明，就是好些语法错误要改改

本人没写过几篇作文，六级还没过，二战作文也只有20，总分更是70都没到，不敢造次，上面的修改如有不对的还请指正。
本人非本组成员，只因8月2日三战，最后一次的圣战，急迫无奈。其他项目可以自己最后冲刺，但作文需要大家交流，来不及加入小坐，只能此处求拍
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=976270&extra=&page=2
14楼刚写的拙作。
三战过后开拼AW，还望高手多多指点

使用道具举报