[作文] Ask Romanus to revise the composition [复制链接]

westwoodxie
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发表于 2012-7-3 23:14:25 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

In today’s world, it is more important to work quickly and risk making mistakes than to work slowly and make sure that everything is correct.
Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

When the time comes 21st century, it is important for me to do the right thing to make sure that everything is on the right way. Some people think that we can risk making mistakes in order to finish mission because we should spend less time to deal with work in order to do a job efficiently. However, others assume that we need be careful to all aspects of one thing and insure that some mistakes never be made in any tiny detail. In my opinion, I will agree with the latter.
First, it is helpful for us to do everything carefully and slowly because this method can help us find any tiny mistake and prevent us from wasting time and money. When everything is becoming more and more complex in this world, we should pay attention to all of details in order to accomplish this job. For automobile industry, the design of a sample is so complex that every designer should work slowly and carefully in order to make sure that every design is right, which economize more money and time of revising the design of a product. What is more, as for aerospace industry, even more careful attention should be put on any aerospace project because any minor omission could cause the loss of tens of thousands and even the life of astronauts. So it is important for us to do work carefully and slowly.
Second, working slowly can make our life safer at the same time. In some dangerous careers, carefully working with a slow pace can avoid terrible consequence. For instance, there is a horrible explosion in a chemistry factory at the 300km distance to my hometown. The investigation about the explosion showed that the cause of this accident is the wrong operation of a worker because the worker doesn’t manipulate equipment according to the operation manual because he wanted to work fast and went home to celebrate his birthday with his family and friends. Because of the mistakes owing to working fast, the factory was forbidden to work any more and make compensate to the town according to the influence of local environment and economy. Meanwhile, considering the harm of explosion to person health, a lot of native people move to another city, which severely influences the normal structure of population in our town.
Considerable though the advantages that working slowly brings are, people should never neglect the disadvantages that working slowly brings along. For example, when we need solve the simple things, if we spend more time working slowly to solve the problem, we definitely decrease our efficiency of work because we can immediately make a decision with our common sense
In sum, working slowly doesn’t mean that we must spend more time and energy to cope with simple things such as how to cut an apple, which is obviously ridiculous. It is real meaning to us that people should concentrate on the unique important matters and work slowly to guarantee that any error would never be made in all process. Only in this way, we can make sure our health, and prevent all kinds of potential dangers without thinking carefully.

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mpromanus
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发表于 2012-7-7 07:57:24 |只看该作者

In today’s world, it is more important to work quickly and risk making mistakes than to work slowly and make sure that everything is correct. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

When the time comes to the 21st century (This entire sentence is very awkwardly Chinese-ish, and it doesn't add any meaningful weight to your introduction because you didn't really discuss why this specific time - 'the 21st century' - is particularly important that you have to explicitly mention it.), it is important for me to do the right thing ('do the right thing' is not the same as 'do the thing right', and, I'd argue that 'do the thing right' is not exactly the same as 'do the thing correctly'..but at least you can't tweak the question to 'do the right thing'.) to make sure that everything is on the right way. Some people think that we can risk making mistakes in order to finish missions because we should spend less time to deal with work in order to do a job efficiently. (This logic is rather awkward. If you do a job efficiently, you spend less time than usual doing it, but this does not hold the other way round – if you spend less time than usual doing something, it doesn't necessarily mean you did it efficiently..) However, others assume that we need be careful to all aspects of one thing and insure that some mistakes never be made in any tiny detail. In my opinion, I will agree with the latter.

First, it is helpful for us to do everything carefully and slowly because this method can help us find any tiny mistake and prevent us from wasting time and money. When everything is becoming more and more complex in this world, we should pay attention to all of details in order to accomplish this job (Which job? This 'this' doesn't have a clear referent.). For the automobile industry, the design of a sample is so complex that every designer should work slowly and carefully in order to make sure that every design is right, which economizes more money and time of revising the design of a product. (The issue with this example is that I'm not sure what kind of 'design' you're talking about, because an automobile involves a number of different designing processes to its parts. The design of its engine, for example, would need to be robust as you've described, since such prototypes are difficult and expensive to test; but it's very natural and significantly less wasteful to revise visual designs of the façade e.g. the color scheme of the car, because that can be easily and realistically simulated on computers.) What is more, as for the aerospace industry, even more careful attention should be put on any aerospace project because any minor omission could cause the loss of tens of thousands ('tens of thousands' of what? Indian rupees? :P) and even the lives of astronauts. So it is important for us to do work carefully and slowly.(Good example.)

Second, working slowly can make our life safer at the same time. In some dangerous careers, carefully working with a slow pace can avoid terrible consequences. For instance, there was a horrible explosion in a chemistry factory at the 300km distance to my hometown.(This is very Chinese-ish. You could just use '300km away from my hometown'.) The investigation about the explosion showed that the cause of this accident was the wrong operation of a worker because the worker didn't manipulate the equipment according to the operation manual because he wanted to work fast and go home to celebrate his birthday with his family and friends. (Far too long a sentence, and not correct anyway. If you have a lot of information, don't try to squeeze everything into one huge jumbo of words. Organize it into shorter, active voice sentences and establish 'flow' with the use of pronouns and/or rephrasing, e.g. 'The investigation showed that an incorrect operation by a worker caused the accident. This worker didn't manipulate the equipment according to the operation manual. He committed such an error because..) Because of the mistakes owing to working fast, the factory was forbidden to work any more and made to compensate to the town according to the [color-blue]influence ('influence' is a neutral word. I guess you'd want to use something like 'damage' here.) of the local environment and economy. Meanwhile, considering the harm of the explosion to personal health, a lot of native people moved to another city, which severely influence[color]ed (Again, a word with a negative connotation is better suited here.) the normal structure of population in our town.

Considerable though the advantages that working slowly brings are, people should never neglect the disadvantages that working slowly brings along. For example, when we need solve the simple things, if we spend more time working slowly to solve the problem, we definitely decrease our efficiency of work because we can immediately make a decision with our common sense.(I just don't know where this popular template comes from but I personally insist that if you mention an opposing opinion, you need to demonstrate that your choice is better in some way, or that the other choice's importance < the importance of your choice, or you need to prove that the opposing argument is flawed. Leaving opposing opinions open like what you did doesn't show thoroughness. Rather it shows you're avoiding argument. Think about it.)

In sum, working slowly doesn’t mean that we must spend more time and energy to cope with simple things such as how to cut an apple, which is obviously ridiculous. It is real meaning to us that people should concentrate on the unique important matters and work slowly to guarantee that any error would never be made in all process. (This point about what things people should work slowly on is not explicitly expressed in the body of your essay. Don't open up new points in the conclusion. Just summarize your main points and restate your opinion.) Only in this way, we can make sure our health is protected?, and prevent all kinds of potential dangers without thinking carefully (I'm not sure I got you here but this reads that you can be mindless and still prevent potential dangers..).

总结：

论述很好，例子用得很好，但是表达上有些地方相当的直接翻译啊~~另外第三段对过去的事情的叙述请注意时态~~

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