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[未归类] 肖婷~的作文本，请大家多指教~谢谢~ [复制链接]

肖婷~
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电梯直达

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楼主

发表于 2010-8-5 14:59:47 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

8-5

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Younger school children (ages five to ten) should be required to study art and music in addition to math, science, history and language.

Some people argue as if it is a general truth that the more knowledge means the better future, and that children should study art and music when they are in the primary school besides their formal schoolwork. But to be frank, I cannot agree with them. There are numerous reasons why I hold no confidence on them, and I would explore only a few primary ones here.

The main problem with this argument is that it is ignorant of the basic fact that interest is the best teacher, which is especially suitable to younger school children. They are at the age with great curiosity to the outside world and try to get to know what they want to know. Besides the formal learning on math, science, history and language, they should be allowed to pursue hobbies, which on the other hand, help to make good connection with the outside world. For example, boys tend to play games and sports in their free time, if limited in the room, and forced to study art and music; they would probably show more aversion on the work and life than used to. That’s to say, the study of art and music should not be mandatory requirement to them.

Another reason why I disagree with the above statement is that I believe that the study of art and music could be better accepted in the secondary school rather than in primary school. We cannot deny the great influence that art and music have in our life, for example, art and music help cultivate one's morality and provide the enjoyment of beauty. However, younger children are less likely to experience such feelings. And it becomes more easily to accept those advantages when they are secondary school students.

What is more, too much learning work is a great burden to younger school children. Only with enough time and energy can we finish the work excellently. Without considering these conditions, it should never be a good suggestion to list the study of art and music into their daily life.

In a word, it is not a good viewpoint to force younger school children to study art and music besides their normal learning in math, science, history and language.

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skp212
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沙发

发表于 2010-8-5 17:04:00 |只看该作者

Some people argue as if it is a general truth that the more knowledge means the better future, and that children should study art and music when they are in the primary school besides their formal schoolwork. 这句只是题目的重复，现在已经不能用了。But to be frank, I cannot agree with them. There are numerous reasons why I hold no confidence on them, and I would explore only a few primary ones here.这句也是啊，都是一样的模板。放在一年前还好。

Another reason why I disagree with the above statement is that I believe that the study of art and music could be better accepted in the secondary school rather than in primary school下面似乎只是这句的重复，并没有论证。children are less likely 与more easily to accept those advantages when they are secondary school students个人感觉并不是什么例子或论证，和分论点同一个意思，两种说法。。
LZ语句还好哈。
Without considering these conditions, it should never be a good suggestion to list the study of art and music into their daily life." 由此句可得LZ考过G了呵呵
不当之处还请见谅！
我也在准备托福，QQ：353330683 一起改下作文

Good moring!

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伶女
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板凳

发表于 2010-8-6 08:42:50 |只看该作者

学习啦～～～

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ellishu
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地板

发表于 2010-8-6 14:00:07 |只看该作者

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Younger school children (ages five to ten) should be required to study art and music in addition to math, science, history and language.

Some people argue as if it is a general truth that the more knowledge means the better future, and that children should study art and music when they are in the primary school besides their formal schoolwork. But to be frank, I cannot agree with them. There are numerous reasons why I hold no confidence on them, and （but更好，转折）I would explore only a few primary ones here.

The main problem with this argument is that it is ignorant（good~） of the basic fact that interest is the best teacher, which（听过讲课说最好少用这种分开的定语从句） is especially suitable to younger school children. They are at the age with great curiosity（good~） to the outside world and try to get to know what they want to know. Besides the formal learning on math, science, history and language, they should be allowed to pursue hobbies, which on the other hand, help to make good connection with the outside world. For example, boys tend to play games and sports in their free time, if limited in the room, and forced to study art and music; （建议写成完整的句子）they would probably show more aversion（good~） on the work and life than used to. That’s to say, the study of art and music should not be mandatory requirement（good~） to them.

Another reason why I disagree with the above statement is that I believe that the study of art and music could be better accepted in the secondary school rather than in primary school. We cannot deny（There is no denying that 刚看一帖子说这个更好，建议） the great influence that art and music have in our life, for example,（大写） art and music help cultivate one's morality and provide the enjoyment of beauty. However, younger children are less likely to experience such feelings. And it becomes more easily to accept those advantages when they are secondary school students. （有例子最好）

What is more, too much learning work is a great burden to younger school children. Only with enough time and energy can we finish the work excellently. Without considering these conditions, it should never be a good suggestion to list （good！）the study of art and music into their daily life.

In a word, it is not a good viewpoint to force younger school children to study art and music besides their normal learning in math, science, history and language.
最后一段太少了点，可以总结全文的几个观点后再conclusion. 总体来说楼主的句子里面句子都很通顺，行云流水。但是是否可以在开头段就列举出几个观点，总分总的格式，两个总里把主题内容列写一下更好。

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ellishu
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5楼

发表于 2010-8-6 14:14:19 |只看该作者

忘了，下面是我的作文贴，希望能批改，谢谢
https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/thread-1131675-2-1.html

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肖婷~
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6楼

发表于 2010-8-6 17:57:22 |只看该作者

这是第一次写T的作文，所以直接用模板了，原来已经过时了，下次一定注意……
谢谢你的建议~~
2# skp212

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ellishu
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7楼

发表于 2010-8-6 19:01:00 |只看该作者

6# 肖婷~

楼主可以帮我改下作文吗？谢谢了~~~~~~:)

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伶女
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8楼

发表于 2010-8-7 11:06:02 |只看该作者

谢谢你的批改～～我觉得很有帮助
这篇作文重写了一遍
如有时间希望能再帮我看看呢:loveliness:

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肖婷~
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9楼

发表于 2010-8-7 21:24:06 |只看该作者

8月7日的作业：
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Students should not take part-time jobs while they are studying in universities.

There is a hot discussion on whether part-time job is suitable for university students recently. Some people think that since concurrent post would take lots of time and is not safe enough to university students; it is not necessary and not fit for them to take part-time jobs. However, I think it of great significance to our college students to have a side job, if considering its impact on our physical and spiritual life and the experience that it brings to us. I agree with the views that students should take part-time jobs when in universities.

Admittedly, there exist some negative influences of part-time job. On one hand, we cannot deny the fact that the circumstance of part-time job for university students is somewhat disorder. And some of the lawbreakers tend to deceive university students with fake and exaggerated information, since they lack related experience and knowledge. On the other hand, if students cannot coordinate the relationship of study and work, then their study will be affected.
This can be seen from one of my classmates. it was the first year at the university, when he found part-time job could help reduce the economic burden of his family, he took two pieces of work as tutor which cost him four-night time every week, then his study became in difficulty, and finally he had to gave up the works.

Though there are some disadvantages of part-time job, to keep the tail from wagging the dog is not a wise choice. What a part-time job brings to us is more attractive than its disadvantages. Basically, part-time job provides us a chance to gain income and release family’s economic burden. And it is also a good chance for us to become independent gradually, both in physical and psychological aspects. Secondly, part-time job is a good experience for our university students. For a student who never gets close to the society before, side job is an efficient way to contact with the real society. And also it teaches us how to make communication with others. As for me, the experience of acting as tutor and waiter when taking the part-time job benefits me a lot. From which I learn many things that could not be learned in class, such as responsibility, patience and the way to conduct myself.

What’s more, the disadvantages of side job can be avoided if university students pay adequate attention to them. And consulting predecessors about related problems is a good means to deal with problems. After all it is impossible that we never eat fish because of its fishbone may hurt us.

To sum up, I think to take a side job is really a fantabulous experience for university students, when considering the benefits it brings in physical and psychological aspects, which makes a great significant influence to future life. And with felicitous management, the negative effects could be eliminated greatly, even avoided.

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梦的弃儿
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10楼

发表于 2010-8-8 15:17:44 |只看该作者

改完了，请查收~

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肖婷~
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11楼

发表于 2010-8-10 22:48:23 |只看该作者

8.10的作业，见附件
请多指教，谢谢~~

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kunter
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12楼

发表于 2010-8-10 23:09:42 |只看该作者

改好了我没看到楼主改所以我也就没改了……

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fannie227
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13楼

发表于 2010-8-11 12:47:50 |只看该作者

楼主写的不错，具体用法都没有什么大问题，改得不好请见谅

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venusmiya
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14楼

发表于 2010-8-12 00:08:35 |只看该作者

不好意思，这么晚才改好。
水平不高所以改动也不多，多多见谅啊

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我要用意念的力量求包养

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肖婷~
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15楼

发表于 2010-8-12 14:04:50 |只看该作者

抱歉，最近回复得很晚……
但是都有在改，没有偷懒……
12# kunter

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肖婷~的作文本，请大家多指教~谢谢~

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