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[求助] 被G作文搅得有点摸不清T独立写作的底了,发篇习作求指点 [复制链接]

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发表于 2013-10-13 16:02:54 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览
掐时间写了TPO23独立写作,参考OG范文自己觉得这种深度大概够了,但是被GRE作文吓过,所以不知道实际上是不是还需要再拓展深度,以及有没有其他需要修正的问题。请各位同志啊大神啊给个意见。thx~

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
In today’s world, it is more important to work quickly and risk making mistakes than to work slowly and make sure that everything is correct.

字数大概400左右。提纲放在下面,供同志们skim:
1.部分同意。需要快速,也需要正确率。
2.需要速度原因:竞争激烈;实际问题。举例:农产品生产速度过慢导致粮食不足。
3.速度不能以mistake为代价,因为再快速的work,有些mistake也可能使其成为无用功。举例:个人考试;挑战者号。
4.结论。

正文:
In an information era like what we are in today, people strive for getting things done quickly. But is it really necessary to sacrifice correctness for speed in everything? Well, I cannot totally agree. I hold that quickness is desired, whereas correctness is also indispensable.

Admittedly, people today face competitions perhaps never severer in history. In order to stand out in those competitions and win a chance for better life, people are pressed to do things as quickly as they can and sometimes they risk making mistakes. Plus, it is economical to finish work in time or even ahead. Time and energy resources can be distributed to more work. Imagine our agricultural productivity still in its 19th century level, how many people would starve due to slow production? In this respect, speed is desirable.

However, this does not mean in order to speed up, we can ignore the possibility for making mistakes. After all, no matter how fast we are, sometimes one mistake just counteracts everything we have done. As a student, I have to take a number of exams every once in a while. Some of them, like GRE and TOEFL, are really important to me since the exam result will somewhat determine where I end up in the next few years. With a limited time, of course I have to finish everything quickly. But even if I can finish the test 1 hour ahead of the other students, I can't get a high score if there's too many mistakes. In other cases, mistakes have bigger stake at hold. On January 28, 1986, the Challenger was launched, attracting the whole world's attention. But 73 seconds after it lifted off, it converted into a bomb and detonated, taking 7 men's lives. This tragedy, after a later investigation, turns out to be mainly caused by the lab researchers' neglect of a simple factor---the low temperature. The project was finished rather quickly, but the cost of a simple mistake is too overwhelming that we cannot afford to ignore any more. The economic cost is let alone even bigger here.

The examples might as well teach us an important lesson. While we have every reason to improve work efficiency in perhaps every aspect of our lives, there are certain times we should be never too careful to avoid mistakes, even when it means that we have to take things slowly. After all, if the result is unproductive even negative, why hurry the work?
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沙发
发表于 2013-10-13 16:43:13 来自手机 |只看该作者
托福作文写一边倒的观点会比较清晰一点。转折的那段不是很好,前面写太长了,你可以直接admittedly, accelarating product of food and development of economy is essential for heading for a better life之类的。另外粮食的例子不是很恰当,作物的收成不是人急就会快的。第二段第二个例子挺好的,过快追求速度导致安全漏洞这样的例子比做题快错误多这样的例子有力得多
有些小语法错误,自己注意一下

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板凳
发表于 2013-10-13 19:59:02 |只看该作者
Enolate 发表于 2013-10-13 16:43
托福作文写一边倒的观点会比较清晰一点。转折的那段不是很好,前面写太长了,你可以直接admittedly, accela ...

thx a lot!
以前都是一边倒地写,一个论点展开一段。后面看了好多范文都让步,现在开始摸不准了。。。

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地板
发表于 2013-10-13 20:22:25 |只看该作者
提点小意见,感觉LZ的作文用词有点口语话,像什么well, as well, of course,还是少用吧

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发表于 2013-10-14 09:59:28 |只看该作者
猪逻辑公园 发表于 2013-10-13 20:22
提点小意见,感觉LZ的作文用词有点口语话,像什么well, as well, of course,还是少用吧

绝对是被On Writing Well和OG范文影响的呜呜呜:L
话说我以前的句子都是各种formal各种复杂句,然后看到哪儿哪儿都说句子要写得轻松易懂,然后就这样了。。。

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发表于 2013-10-14 12:16:06 |只看该作者
IRIS凹 发表于 2013-10-13 19:59
thx a lot!
以前都是一边倒地写,一个论点展开一段。后面看了好多范文都让步,现在开始摸不准了。。。

加油加油~

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RE: 被G作文搅得有点摸不清T独立写作的底了,发篇习作求指点 [修改]
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被G作文搅得有点摸不清T独立写作的底了,发篇习作求指点
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