ARGUMENT28, 第二篇,大家批评 [复制链接]

hlbjerry
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电梯直达

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发表于 2003-1-28 08:36:59 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

Argument
ETS 题库号:28
The following is a memo from the superintendent of the Mylar school district.

"A recent six-month study, in which breakfast was made available at school for 100 schoolchildren ages five to twelve, found that children on the breakfast plan were less likely than other children to be absent from or late for school. Clearly, eating breakfast before school plays a role in reducing student absenteeism and tardiness. It is also well known that children who regularly eat a healthful breakfast tend to perform better in school. Therefore, in order to reduce absenteeism and tardiness and to improve academic performance in all of Mylar's elementary and secondary schools, we should provide breakfasts for all students before each school day."

  In this argument,the arguer recommends all students in Mylar’s elementary and secondary schools should be provided breakfast breakfast in order to reduce absenteeisam and tardiness and to improve academic peformance.To support his conclusion,the arguer cites a recent study that the children who have breakfast were less likely than other children to be absent from or late for school.In addition,the arguer points out that children who usually eat breakfast are prone to perform better in school based on a “common-sense”.The argument suffers several fallcies.
  Fist of all, The argument is based on a study which is not representive.The study only survey 100 schoolchildren ages five to twelveThe arguer never explicitly articulated whether the sample is sufficient or not.And the procedure is also vague.It is probably that the children are less likely be absent from or late school in the study are all the students who are never late for school,even if they have not eaten breakfast.And the children who seems like to be late for school in the study are all the children who are reluctant to go to school.And the arguer commits a fallacy of “commoposition an division” to recommend that all students should be provided breakfast for  the study.
In addition,the arguer fails to connvince us eating breakfast can reduce student absenteeism and tardiness and even improve academic peformance.In the study the students who have breakfast were less likely than other students absenteeism and tardiness,and the arguer than belives it result from eating breakfast,The arguer commits a fallacy of “Afther this, and because of this”.Actually,the arguer ignores other factors might lead to absenteeism.Perhaps the course is boring and the students show no intrest in it or the student are ill and have to be in hospital.
  Last but not the least,the arguer commits a fallacy of “begging the question”,The arguer are gratuitous to point out it is a “common sense” that eating breakfast can improve academic peformance.However,the arguer are not able to provide any evidence to support it.
In conclusion,the argument is not well reasoned.In order to strenthen the argument,the arguer should provide more evidences concerning eating breakfast and less absenteeism and tardiness.Addintionly,the arguer must rule out other factors may lead to be absent or late for schol.

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hlbjerry
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沙发

发表于 2003-1-29 07:00:41 |只看该作者

问题太多,先自己修改了一下

问题太多,先自己修改了一下
希望其他人狠狠批评
In this argument,the arguer recommends all students in Mylar’s elementary and secondary schools should be provided breakfast breakfast in order to reduce absenteeisam and tardiness and to improve academic peformance.To support his conclusion,the arguer cites a recent study (show) the children who have breakfast were less likely than other children to be absent from or late for school.In addition,the arguer points out that children who usually eat breakfast are prone to perform better in school based on a “common-sense”.The argument suffers several fallcies.

Fist of all, The argument is based on a study which is not representive.The study only survey(s) 100 schoolchildren ages five to twelve.The arguer never explicitly articulated whether the sample is sufficient or not.And the procedure is also vague(doubtful).It is probably that the children are less likely be absent from or late school in the study(school) are all the students who are never late for school,even if they have not eaten breakfast.And the children who seems(seem) like to be late for school in the study are all the children who are reluctant to go to school.And(Thus) the arguer commits a fallacy of “commoposition an division” to recommend that all students should be provided breakfast for the study.

In addition,the arguer commits a fallacy of “Afther this, and because of this”.In the study the students who have breakfast were less likely absenteeism and tardiness,and the arguer than(then) belives it result(solely results) from eating breakfast,Actually,the arguer ignores other factors might lead to absenteeism.Perhaps the course is boring and the students show no intrest in it or the student are ill and have to be in hospital and so on.The arguer fails to connvince us eating breakfast can really reduce student absenteeism and tardiness and even improve academic peformance.

Last but not least,the arguer commits a fallacy of “begging the question”.The arguer is gratuitous to point out (that)it is a “common sense” that eating breakfast can improve academic peformance.However,the arguer are(is) not able to provide any evidence to support it.

In conclusion,the argument is not well reasoned.In order to strenthen the argument,the arguer should provide more evidences concerning eating breakfast and less absenteeism and tardiness.Addintionly,the arguer must rule out the other factors might weak this relationship.

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tomatoeggs
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板凳

发表于 2003-1-31 05:02:09 |只看该作者

That's all right, everybody...

Everybody is just like you at the very beginning. :)
The following is my opinion, wish you good luck.

In this argument,the arguer recommends all students in Mylar’s elementary and secondary schools should be provided breakfast breakfast in order to reduce absenteeisam and tardiness and to improve academic peformance.To support his conclusion,the arguer cites a recent study (showing) the children who have breakfast were less likely than other children to be absent from or late for school.In addition,the arguer points out that children who usually eat breakfast are prone to perform better in school based on a “common-sense”.The argument suffers several fallcies(fallacies).Fist(First) of all, The argument is based on a study which is not representive(representative).The study only survey(s) 100 schoolchildren ages(aging from) five to twelve.The arguer never explicitly articulated(articulates) whether the sample is sufficient or not.And the procedure is also vague(too vague to strengthen his assumption) .It is probably that the children (who)are less likely be absent from or late (for)school in the study(school) are all（those） the students(多余) who are never late for school(never did it before) ,even if they have not eaten breakfast.And (Again) the children who seems(seem) like (most likely) to be late for school in the study are all the children (to violate the school rules would be those) who are reluctant to go to school.And(Thus) the arguer commits a fallacy of “commoposition an division”（有点不明白其意） to recommend that all students should be provided breakfast for the study.In addition,the arguer commits a fallacy of “Afther this, and because of this”.In the study the students who have breakfast were less likely absenteeism and tardiness,and the arguer than(then) belives it result(solely results) from eating breakfast,Actually,the arguer ignores other factors might lead to absenteeism.Perhaps the course is boring and the students show no intrest in it or the student are ill and have to be in hospital and so on.The arguer fails to connvince us eating breakfast can really reduce student absenteeism and tardiness and even improve academic peformance.Last but not least,the arguer commits a fallacy of “begging the question”.The arguer is gratuitous to point out (that)it is a “common sense” that eating breakfast can improve academic peformance.However,the arguer are(is) not able to provide any evidence to support it.In conclusion,the argument is not well reasoned.In order to strenthen(strenghen) the argument,the arguer should provide more evidences concerning eating breakfast and less absenteeism and tardiness.Addintionly(Additionally),the arguer must rule out the other factors (that) might weak(en) this relationship.

本人建议仅供参考：
1. 请尽量避免重复用同一词组，如“the arguer commits a fallacy that…”可变换一下句子主谓结构，如“to make the conclusion more cogent/convincing, ………..is urgently needed.”
2. 有点模板感觉，有点干巴。或许您可多参看一下其他gters们提供的国外备战网站的essays, or some well-known journals like Time, Newsweek, all of which could present you a much fresher ideas.

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