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tjmimosa
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楼主

发表于 2003-5-21 06:15:51 |只看该作者

第一篇issue

我的第一篇issue

It is primarily through formal education that a culture tries to perpetuate the ideas it favors and discredits the ideas it fears.

Is it primarily through formal education that a culture tries to perpetuate the ideas it favors and discredits the ideas it fears? This is a controversial issue that is difficult to answer in brief, however, generally speaking, a culture attempts to strengthen the position through formal education.

For one thing, the academic books of schools most clearly indicate what a culture values or devalues. All textbooks used in schools are issued under the censorship, which is controlled by the government. It does not allow publishing books, magazines or newspapers containing something opponent and unhealthy. Therefore, there will be little words about the ideas the culture fears, and instead, a great deal it likes. For example, in Japan, student can hardly know the history that during the Second World War Japan invaded China and other Asian neighboring countries, bringing people of the Asia grieve and deep anguish and countries considerable disasters. It is not only because the Japanese government dose not envisage the past and hold a sincere and correct attitude, but also due to the nature of its culture, that is stubbornness, Japanese do not will to say sorry and admit their war crime. So that is the reason why they mention little about this period of time, and even attempt to cover or wry the history. And people will not be surprised if a Japanese student cannot seek the truth through his textbooks.

For another thing, the educational system plays a crucial role in pass on the ideas of a culture. Almost every nation selects excellent people through examinations, and it is those that contain the main theme of a culture. Unless you are willing to be common, you have to spend plenty of time working hard on preparation of different quizzes and examinations. For instance, before the National University Entry Examination, in order to get a better mark, besides mathematics, physics and chemistry, students must also remember many other things, especially general knowledge of literature, historic events, famous quotations and so on. By reciting time and time again, these are in students’ mind, maybe forever, that influence on their life attitude, values and views in the future. On the other hand, they will have no impression of anything that the culture discredits. In this way, a culture achieves the goal of lasting its favorable ideas.

In addition, besides academic books and educational system mentioned above, press and media also cannot be neglected. In a era of the rapid development of society and technology leading to a smaller and smaller world, each country should pay enough attention and make best use of the mass media to widely spread its culture’s views among its people, in case that exposed under the environment of other cultures, their people doubt, oppose and even lose its own culture. Nowadays, there are a couple of nihilisms and money worshippers who are badly influenced by some unhealthy western thoughts. And these are what our culture devalues, so we should emphasize the effect of mass medias.

In conclusion, to perpetuate the ideas a culture favors and discredits the ideas it fears, is easy to say than to do. To achieve this goal, we must continuer our reform on education, as well as further develop our informational modernization. What is more, we should fully consider various cultural and social backgrounds of all ethnic groups, and make our best to help them to protect their traditional cultures.

Mimosa

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tomatoeggs
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沙发

发表于 2003-5-21 20:20:18 |只看该作者

It is primarily through formal education that a culture tries to perpetuate the ideas it favors and discredits the ideas it fears.

Is it primarily through formal education that a culture tries to perpetuate the ideas it favors and discredits the ideas it fears?最好不要完全一字不漏地重复原题 This is a controversial如果连自己都抓不定注意，那么阅卷者更加模糊不清了。最好不要这样举棋不定的。 issue that is difficult to answer in brief, however, generally speaking, a culture attempts to strengthen the position through formal education.
Position 不能用strengthen 表示巩固的意思，用secure吧。另外你没有很清晰地表示自己的立场，这样失分会较严重的。

For one thing, the academic books of schools most clearly indicate what a culture values or devalues. All textbooks used in schools are issued under the censorship, which is controlled by the government. It does not allow publishing books, magazines or newspapers containing something opponent and unhealthy. Therefore, there will be little words about the ideas the culture fears, and instead, a great deal it likes. For example, in Japan, student can hardly know the history that during the Second World War Japan invaded China and other Asian neighboring countries, bringing people of the Asia grieve and deep anguish and countries considerable disasters. It is not only because the Japanese government does not envisage the past and hold a sincere and correct attitude, but also due to the nature of its culture, that is stubbornness, Japanese do not will(改为are not willing to) to say sorry and admit their war crime. So that is the reason why they mention little about this period of time, and even attempt to cover or wry the history. And people will not be surprised if a Japanese student cannot seek the truth through his textbooks.
这个例子举的不错的。不过，语言稍嫌罗嗦，不够有力。

For another（改为the other thing） thing, the educational system plays a crucial role in pass(ing) on the ideas of a culture. Almost every nation selects excellent people through examinations, and it is those that contain the main theme of a culture. Unless you are willing to be common, you have to spend plenty of time working hard on preparation of different quizzes and examinations. For instance, before the National University Entry Examination, in order to get a better mark, besides mathematics, physics and chemistry, students must also remember many other things, especially general knowledge of literature, historic events, famous quotations and so on. By reciting time and time again, these are in students’ mind, maybe forever, that influence on their life attitude, values and views in the future. On the other hand, they will have no impression of anything that the culture discredits. In this way, a culture achieves the goal of lasting its favorable ideas.
关于高考的应试教育的影响用在这里不妥。反应不出主题。

In addition, besides academic books and educational system mentioned above, press and media also cannot be neglected. In a era of the rapid development of society and technology leading to a smaller and smaller world, each country should pay enough attention and make best use of the mass media to widely spread its culture’s views among its people, in case that exposed under the environment of other cultures, their people doubt, oppose and even lose its own culture. Nowadays, there are a couple of nihilisms and money worshippers who are badly influenced by some unhealthy western thoughts受到西方不良思想的腐蚀？？？你这样声明不太靠得住脚阿）. And these are what our culture devalues, so we should emphasize the effect of mass medias.
说实话，我觉得你这一段衍生到mass media有点离题了。

In conclusion, to perpetuate the ideas a culture favors and discredits the ideas it fears, is easy to say than to do. To achieve this goal, we must continuer our reform on education, as well as further develop our informational modernization.那么针对这一点你有没有展开讨论呢？ What is more, we should fully consider various cultural and social backgrounds of all ethnic groups, and make our best to help them to protect their traditional cultures.
我觉得你没有很好地掌握围绕主题展开论证的度，该写的没有详写，不该写的又有点过头写了。中心不太明确。逻辑关系不强，转折句或顺承句少。

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tomatoeggs
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板凳

发表于 2003-5-21 20:22:46 |只看该作者

情不要气馁哦！多看看我们的精华区文章，写时多想想如何使整篇文章有序有理有力，会有成效的。

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tjmimosa
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地板

发表于 2003-5-23 05:35:48 |只看该作者

第一篇issue的修改文章,请赐教

It is primarily through formal education that a culture tries to perpetuate the ideas it favors and discredits the ideas it fears.

Through what does a culture try to perpetuate the ideas? Generally speaking, in an era of the rapid development of society and technology leading to a smaller and smaller world, a culture primarily attempts to secure its position through formal education.

For one thing, the academic books of schools most clearly indicate what a culture values or devalues. All textbooks used in schools are issued under the censorship, which is controlled by the government. It does not allow publishing books, magazines or newspapers containing something opponent and unhealthy. Therefore, there will be little words about the ideas the culture fears, and instead, a great deal it likes. For example, in Japan, student can hardly know the history that during the Second World War Japan invaded China and other Asian neighboring countries, bringing people of the Asia grieve and deep anguish and countries considerable disasters. It is not only because the Japanese government dose not envisage the past and hold a sincere and correct attitude, but also due to the nature of its culture, that is stubbornness, Japanese are not willing to say sorry and admit their war crime. So that is the reason why they mention little about this period of time, and even attempt to cover or wry the history. And people will not be surprised if a Japanese student cannot seek the truth through his textbooks.

For the other thing, the teacher plays a very crucial role in education through which the ideas of a culture pass on. Most of us attended schools at the age of 6 or 7 years old, too young to learn by ourselves, so we need the teacher. It is them who not only teach us the knowledge and tell us principles of the behavior, but also infuse us the ‘right’ theories and thoughts. Seldom have we doubted the authority of teachers, but what are right? This is a question. In their mind, the right is what conforms to the mainstream, authority or conventions. For instance, during the Second World War, in Germany, Nazis believed Jews ought to be slaughtered without mercy, because they are the inferior one that is deserved to death. Surely, at present we all know it is wrong, for all of the peoples are equal to each other. Nevertheless, at that time, as in all national schools, teachers repeatedly asked their students to advocate Hitler and his policy. As to the students, badly influenced by their teachers, some of them latter became Nazism. It is the teachers who have the most unavoidable responsibility.

In addition, as emphasizing the importance of academic books and teachers in formal education, we must keep paces with time; that is to say, we should make best use of the modern technology. Taking Computer Assist Education for example: with the help of computer, teachers can make a program concerning to the lessons. It creates an unordinary circumstance and students who are young and creative like it and study more efficiently. It is a new and popular way, better than the traditional teaching means, to let the students more voluntarily accept the idea infused.

In conclusion, to perpetuate the ideas a culture favors and discredits the ideas it fears, is easy to say than to do. To achieve this goal, we must continuously intensify our formal education, as well as further develop our informational modernization.

Mimosa

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tomatoeggs
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5楼

发表于 2003-5-24 16:10:02 |只看该作者

It is primarily through formal education that a culture tries to perpetuate the ideas it favors and discredits the ideas it fears.

Through what does a culture try to perpetuate the ideas? Generally speaking, in an era of the rapid development of society and technology leading to a smaller and smaller world, a culture primarily attempts to secure its position through formal education.
不错，比原来那篇简洁有力多了。最好在最后一句加上文化通过教育的哪些途径也就是你要在下文所提到的观点。这样顺承起来会好很多。

For one thing, the academic books of schools most clearly indicate what a culture values or devalues. All textbooks used in schools are issued under the censorship, which is controlled by the government. It does not allow publishing books, magazines or newspapers containing something opponent and unhealthy. Therefore, there will be little words about the ideas the culture fears, and instead, a great deal it likes. For example, in Japan, student can hardly know the history that during the Second World War Japan invaded China and other Asian neighboring countries, bringing people of the Asia grieve and deep anguish and countries considerable disasters. It is not only because the Japanese government dose not envisage the past and hold a sincere and correct attitude, but also due to the nature of its culture, that is stubbornness, Japanese are not willing to say sorry and admit their war crime. So that is the reason why they mention little about this period of time, and even attempt to cover or wry the history. And people will not be surprised if a Japanese student cannot seek the truth through his textbooks.

For the other thing, the teacher最好用回复数对应后面的them plays a very crucial role in education through which the ideas of a culture pass on. Most of us attended最好用一般现在时。 schools at the age of 6 or 7 years old, too young to learn by ourselves, so we need the teacher. It is them who not only teach us the knowledge and tell us principles of the behavior, but also infuse us the ‘right’ theories and thoughts. Seldom have we doubted the authority of teachers, but what are right? This is a question. In their mind, the right is what conforms to the mainstream, authority or conventions. For instance, during the Second World War, in Germany, Nazis believed Jews ought to be slaughtered without mercy, because they are the inferior one(s) that is deserved用回主动 to death. Surely, at present we all know it is wrong, for all of the peoples are equal to each other. Nevertheless, at that time, as in all national schools, teachers repeatedly asked their students to advocate Hitler and his policy. As to the students, badly influenced by their teachers, some of them latter became Nazism(Nazists). It is the teachers who have the most unavoidable responsibility.

In addition, as emphasizing the importance of academic books and teachers in formal education, we must keep paces (pace)with time; that is to say, we should make best use of the modern technology. Taking Computer Assist Education for example: with the help of computer, teachers can make a program concerning to（去掉to） the lessons. It creates an unordinary circumstance and students who are young and creative like it and study more efficiently. It is a new and popular way, better than the traditional teaching means, to let the students more voluntarily accept the idea infused.

In conclusion, to perpetuate the ideas a culture favors and discredits the ideas it fears, is easy to say than to(去掉to) do. To achieve this goal, we must continuously intensify（加强教育不能用这个词，一般用improve or develop） our formal education, as well as further develop our informational modernization.
你这次的修改很成功。思路清晰，有条理很多。语法基本没有错误。但我还是建议：说明什么才是formal education. Books, teachers indoctrination 就代表了formal education 了吗？在这一方面有点纰漏。

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