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[优秀习作] Issue29 [复制链接]

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发表于 2003-6-19 07:32:06 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览
29”Public figures such as actors, politicians, and athletes should expect people to be interested in their private lives. When they seek a public role, they should expect that they will lose at least some of their privacy”.
Public figures, from actors to athletes, from executives of multinational companies to government officers, are always in the spotlight of media. The daily behaviors and personal experience of these celebrities, every so often, are hot topics of common people. Unfortunately, if he or she would like to play a public role, it is impossible for the notable person to hide his or her privacy completely behind a curtain in such a society that media has covered everywhere in the world and reporters may appear anywhere at any time.
The interest of populace on a man of mark is the major force that makes his privacy exposure. As is well known, media is a bridge connecting populace to famous people, and the purpose of media is to report what people care for. So media would fulfill its reader’s needs and curiosity by all means. In order to find out the public figure’s privacy, they would tail after celebrities, take photos furtively or even spy their houses with helicopter. As a result, it is safe to say that almost every star could have faced such a dilemma that their privacy was the headline on a local newspaper.
Diana, the princess of England, who has gained respect from all over the world was digged out to have a lover by the all-mighty media and finally became the victim of her fame. Michel Jordan, the god of basketball game and a good exemplar of youngsters, loves gambling very much. What is more, he always dislikes to pay down. All these scandals should have been hidden if it had not been the media’s intrusion into the basketball genius’s private life. In fact, no public figure can entirely escape the lure of fame and its promise of admiration and respect, but there is a heavy price one must pay for it-that is the loss of privacy.
In contradiction with above occasions, some stars intendedly let out some of their privacy to promote their repute and provoke fans’ percussion. For example, Victoria, the member of former “spicy girl”, a popular pop musical team, is the wife of another big shot Beckhame, the captain of England national soccer squad. The husband enchants numerous soccer fans from the whole world by virtue of his super skills, while the wife draws attentions of populace through disclosing some intimacy of the couple. Obviously, the spicy girl knows exactly that privacy explosion could buy her fame when other celebrities are fighting with defending their personal life.
No matter for or against his will, a public figure is doomed to sharing his private life with the public when they are enjoying the fame brought honor and happiness.
晓晴
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Leo狮子座 荣誉版主

沙发
发表于 2003-6-19 07:37:53 |只看该作者
今天喝多了,有点晕。。。
明天看
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Leo狮子座 荣誉版主

板凳
发表于 2003-6-19 19:45:39 |只看该作者
29”Public figures such as actors, politicians, and athletes should expect people to be interested in their private lives. When they seek a public role, they should expect that they will lose at least some of their privacy”.

Public figures, from actors to athletes, from executives of multinational companies to government officers, are always in the spotlight of media. The daily behaviors and personal experience of these celebrities, every so often, are hot topics of common people. 开头改写很不错,不过可以考虑两句合一句,更简洁一些Unfortunately, if he or she would like to play a public role, it is impossible for the notable person to hide his or her privacy completely behind a curtain in such a society that media has covered everywhere in the world这里的world和前面的society是不是有点乱套了? and reporters感觉是不是journalist好点 may appear anywhere at any time.
开头段不错的

The interest of populace on interest和in连用,另外可以不用of,用's。 a man of mark不知道你想说什么,戴面具的人?那应该是man with mark is the majormain好点 force that makes his privacy exposure应该是exposed. As is well known我印象中应该是as it is well known或者as well known,谁确认一下, media is a bridge connecting populace toand famous peoplecelebrities好点, and the purpose of media is to report what people care forcare for是关怀、照顾;关心用care about或者concern. So media would fulfill这个词用法不对,体会一下。一般完成自己的目标什么叫fulfill,满足需要用satisfy its reader’s媒体的对象不一定就是读者,应该是大众,用mass吧 needs and curiosity by all means. 和后一句可以衔接起来,用个状语by finding out...In order to find out the public figure’s privacy, they would tail after celebrities, take photos furtively or even spy their houses感觉用life生活要准确些 with helicopter. As a result, it is safe to say that almost every star could havecould have的意思是“本应该可以” faced such a dilemma that their privacy was the headline on a local newspaper.
这段论述了因为各种原因,名人肯定会被暴露隐私

Diana, the princess of England, who has gained respect from all over the world was digged out to have a lover by the all-mighty media and finally became the victim of her fame. Michel Jordan, the god of basketball game and a good exemplar of youngsters, loves gambling very much. What is more, he always dislikes to pay down. All these scandals should have been hidden if it had not been the media’s intrusion into the basketball genius’s private life. In fact, no public figure can entirely escape the lure of fame and its promise of admiration and respect, but there is a heavy price one must pay forpay for sth/pay money/price for sth; not pay for pirce it-that is the loss of privacy.
这段举例说明做名人就要付出丢失隐私的代价

In contradiction withto above occasions, some stars intendedly let out some of their privacy to promote their repute and provoke fans’ percussion. For example, Victoria, the member of former “spicy girl”, a popular pop musical team, is the wife of another big shot Beckhame, the captain of England national soccer squad. The husband enchants numerous soccer fans from the whole world by virtue of his super skills, while the wife draws attentions of populace through disclosing some intimacy of the couple. Obviously, the spicy girl knows exactly that privacy explosion could buy her fame when other celebrities are fighting with defending their personal life.
这段从另一个方面说泄露隐私也可成为名人扩大知名度的一个手段。例子很有意思,但是不知道国外是不是这样评价,另外,但愿阅卷的不是个小贝拉妹迷,哈哈

No matter for or against his will, a public figure is doomed to sharing his private life with the public when they are enjoying the fame brought honor and happiness.
总结比较简单。

总的来说,我觉得这篇文章还是不错的。观点也比较明确、全面,例子也很恰当。作者对句子的掌握是好的,但是长了以后还是要注意搭配啊、语法啊什么的。最好能长短句搭配用。
不错不错。
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地板
发表于 2003-6-19 21:30:55 |只看该作者
呵呵,谢谢gteryy的修改,受益匪浅呀!看来我还得好好brush一下我的英语。a man of mark是查的文曲星,意思是名人。as is well known 应该可以吧!好像看到过readers改成target不知道怎么样呢?could have是不是可以改成had?另外我查了,因该是connect to/with,那个pay for price使用的一句名言,谁说的忘了:)
唉,磨了好长时间才写出来,希望以后有进步。谢谢你的鼓励
晓晴

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Aries白羊座 荣誉版主

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发表于 2003-6-19 22:50:56 |只看该作者
gteryy总是这么细致热心:)
UA
我说人生哪,如果赏过一回痛哭淋漓的风景,写一篇杜鹃啼血的文章,与一个赏心悦目的人错肩,也就够了。不要收藏美、钤印美,让美随风而逝。生命最清醉的时候,是将万里长江视为一匹白绢,裂帛。(简桢)

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Leo狮子座 荣誉版主

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发表于 2003-6-20 03:55:51 |只看该作者
Pay for price,我是完全按照自己学的语法来考虑的,我也孤陋寡闻,没见过名人

这样用的。或者说我对你写的句子没理解。不管如何,我不希望误导你,我只是提

出自己的看法,最终判断还在于你自己。如果你确认是可以这样用的,那我也可以

多学一点。

as is well known可以的,是我记错了。

还有你用文曲星查的东西,我不是说不要查。不过坦白地说,我用金山词霸查出来

的短语什么老外经常不懂,他们真正生活中常用的不是这样的。字典中记载的可能

是哪本书里用过,或者某个地区这样用。建议你不要为了使文章词汇显得很丰富而

找不同的短语来描述,还是根据平时读书看报中学到的英文常用短语来用。
再强调一句,我们不是权威。一定要自己判断正误,当然,也非常希望指出我们的

错误。谢谢
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