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[经典批改讨论] issue79 又来一篇政府的，斑竹及各位G友帮忙看看有没有长进啊？ [复制链接]

feier521
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电梯直达

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发表于 2003-6-26 02:53:46 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

79"Major policy decisions should always be left to politicians and other government experts, who are more informed and thus have better judgment and perspective than do members of the general public."

开头：同意主要的政策决定应该交给政府专家，但有时候有考虑公众的意见。

I concede that major policy decisions should be left to politicians and other government experts in that they, elected by the mass of public, are informed, diplomatic, and sophisticated, yet, the enacting of some policies need the response and opinion from the general public in some occasions so that it can warranted that government make relative perfect and effective policies.

1 段：政治家有渊博的知识及丰富的经验，使他们能够胜任决策者。

Politicians and other government experts are the elites of one society who are selected by their people and best represent the interest of the majority of their people. Usually, they are equipped with rich knowledge concerning government functions, such as safeguarding the security of a nation, enacting the proper regulations and laws, preventing the people from the potential harm, etc. What's more, they possess abundant practical experience after they put their knowledge into operation. Both of them make politicians qualified ones. Can you imagine an illiterate can institute impartial and reasonable regulations and laws for people? Can you imagine an unsophisticated man can skillfully treat with diplomatic affairs and therefore keep harmonious international relationship? Of course not.

2 段，把主要政策交给大众去决定是耗时的。在紧急时候，也是不可能的！

The reason why many major policy decisions are the duty of the government officials is that, sometimes, it is difficult to reach a consensus of diverse people. Different people have different viewpoints about the same thing. Current experience informs us that leaving major policy decisions to the mass people is time-consuming and ineffective. Nowadays, a large number of conferences aiming at resolving some problematic issues are assembled various people representing different places, and often it is seldom easy to arrive at solving methods to meet all members' need, and finally they all turn out to be less efficient for these problems. Furthermore, if some emergent events, such as abrupt fatal epidemic disease, martial attack, etc., are impending, should government call up their people to discuss them and then draw the resolutions? Obviously, it is impossible.

3 段，贤明的政治家决策时也应该注意人民的意见，因为有时这些建议对他们的决策很有帮助；这些建议反映了人们的需要，为他们制定政策提供依据。政策需要代表人民的利益。

As a wise politician, he/she should also pay attention to people's points of view when making policy decisions in that, on the one hand, some opinions are suggestive and helpful, although sometimes also offensive and provoking, they really contribute to politicians' decision-making; on the other hand, they best reflect what the public need so politicians can establish proper policies to serve them. Policies should represent the interest of the majority people, or else, they are futile. In a word, it is due to people' suggestions that politicians can complement, complete and perfect their policies; and it is people' support that they can consolidate their authority.

总结

In the last analysis, as the elites of a society, equipped with abundant knowledge and experience, politicians and government experts are powerful and competent to make policy decisions, and sometimes it is necessary for this, however, their decisions must take majority's interest into account and to finally serve them. Only doing this, can politicians become more wise and sagacious, can society become more stable and peaceful.

Never,never,never,never give up !!

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gteryy
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沙发

发表于 2003-6-26 04:41:10 |只看该作者

I concede这个词感觉肯定得很勉强，是让步那种。如果是你的主要观点最好换一个 that major policy decisions should be left to politicians and other government experts in that they, elected by the mass of public, are informed, diplomatic, and sophisticated, yet, the enacting of some policies need the response and opinion from the general public in some occasions so that it can warrantedcan后面的动词怎么还能有过去式？！ that government make relative perfect and effective policies.

1 段：政治家有渊博的知识及丰富的经验，使他们能够胜任决策者。

Politicians and other government experts are the elites of one society who are selected by their people and best represent the interest of the majority of their people. Usually, they are equipped with rich knowledge concerning government functions, such as safeguarding the security of a nation, enacting the proper regulations and laws, preventing the people from the potential harm, etc. What's more, they possess abundant practical experience after they put their knowledge into operation. Both of them make politicians qualified ones. Can you感觉改成how can one imagine好点 imagine an illiterate can institute impartial and reasonable regulations and laws for people? Can you imagine an unsophisticated man can skillfully treat with diplomatic affairs and therefore keep harmonious international relationship? Of course not.

2 段，把主要政策交给大众去决定是耗时的。在紧急时候，也是不可能的！

The reason why many major policy decisions are the duty of the government officials is that, sometimes, it is difficult to reach a consensus of diverse people. Different people have different viewpoints about the same thing. Current experience informs us that leaving major policy decisions to the mass people is time-consuming and ineffective. Nowadays, a large number of conferences aiming at resolving some problematic issues are assembled various people representing different places, and often it is seldom easy to arrive at solving methods to meet all members' need, and finally they all turn out to be less efficient for these problems. Furthermore, if some emergent events, such as abrupt fatal epidemic disease, martial attack, etc., are impending, should government call up their people to discuss them and then draw the resolutions? Obviously, it is impossible为什么显然不可能？起码做些简单的论述。不要把看来不言自明的道理放在脑子里，适当地说一些.

3 段，贤明的政治家决策时也应该注意人民的意见，因为有时这些建议对他们的决策很有帮助；这些建议反映了人们的需要，为他们制定政策提供依据。政策需要代表人民的利益。

As a wise politician, he/she should also pay attention to people's points of view when making policy decisions in that, on the one hand, some opinions are suggestive and helpful, although sometimes also offensive and provoking, they really contribute to politicians' decision-making说说为什么？这是你说理的内容啊; on the other hand, they best reflect what the public need so politicians can establish proper policies to serve them. Policies should represent the interest of the majority people, or else, they are futile. In a word, it is due to people' suggestions that politicians can complement, complete and perfect their policies; and it is people' support that they can consolidate their authority.

总结

In the last analysis, as the elites of a society, equipped with abundant knowledge and experience, politicians and government experts are powerful and competent to make policy decisions, and sometimes it is necessary for this, however, their decisions must take majority's interest into account and to finally serve them. Only doing this, can politicians become more wise and sagacious, can society become more stable and peaceful.

写的不错，显然有进步的！以后论述除了要有清晰的条理，还要有实在的论说内容，也是就是“为什么”。feier521再加油啦，已经看到你的进步了:)

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板凳

发表于 2003-6-26 05:24:07 |只看该作者

I concede that major policy decisions should be left to politicians and other government experts in that they, elected by the mass of public, are informed, diplomatic, and sophisticated, yet, the enacting of some policies need the response and opinion from the general public in some occasions so that it can （少了be） warranted that government make relative perfect（我觉得平时比较少见到perfect前面放relative的，好象只有中文才这样表达） and effective policies.

Politicians and other government experts are the elites of one society who are selected by their people and best represent the interest of the majority of their people（这句话其实我不同意，这刚好就是我要反驳命题的地方。正是因为这些精英们代言的不是广大的老百姓，而是利益集团，所以才不能把所有事情交给他们解决）. Usually, they are equipped with rich knowledge concerning government functions, such as safeguarding the security of a nation, enacting the proper regulations and laws, preventing the people from the potential harm, etc. What's more, they possess abundant practical experience after they put their knowledge into operation. Both of them make politicians qualified ones. Can you imagine an illiterate can institute impartial and reasonable regulations and laws for people? Can you imagine an unsophisticated man can skillfully treat with diplomatic affairs and therefore keep harmonious international relationship? Of course not.

The reason why many major policy decisions are the duty of the government officials is that, sometimes, it is difficult to reach a consensus of diverse people. Different people have different viewpoints about the same thing. Current experience informs us that leaving major policy decisions to the mass people is time-consuming and ineffective. Nowadays, a large number of conferences aiming at resolving some problematic issues are assembled various people representing different places, and often it is seldom easy to arrive at solving methods to meet all members' need, and finally they all turn out to be less efficient for these problems. Furthermore, if some emergent events, such as abrupt fatal epidemic disease, martial attack, etc., are impending, should government call up their people to discuss them and then draw the resolutions? Obviously, it is impossible.
这段写得很好。

整篇文章写得不错！以上这段写得尤其好！

语言上已经很清楚流畅了，就是仍然有少许chenglish的味道。平时多多阅读会有更大的进步！

UA
我说人生哪，如果赏过一回痛哭淋漓的风景，写一篇杜鹃啼血的文章，与一个赏心悦目的人错肩，也就够了。不要收藏美、钤印美，让美随风而逝。生命最清醉的时候，是将万里长江视为一匹白绢，裂帛。(简桢)

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paisley
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地板

发表于 2003-6-26 05:27:25 |只看该作者

对了，忘记说了。

菲儿我建议你下次不要把中文提纲列在英文之间。因为你考试时可不能这样。现在我们评判你的文章的时候，就要模仿考官，所以最好不要受你的思路讲解的影响。这样才客观呢：）

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feier521
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5楼

发表于 2003-6-26 07:09:01 |只看该作者

谢谢两位斑竹的批改和鼓励，我会加倍努力的！
平时练习作文时，有时状态好，有时差。
（不知斑竹当初练习的时候，是不是也这样啊？还有怎样在考场保持好的状态呢？paisley JJ 可是5.5 的牛JJ啊！介绍介绍备考及考试经验吧！）
不过斑竹修改过、提过意见的类似题目，就多少会有些思路。
呵呵，中文提纲是我发贴的时候才加上去的，蛋蛋不是说这样会帮助斑竹更好的批改嘛？
paisley说的对！这样会影响批改者的思路，我弄巧成拙，以后改！：D

Never,never,never,never give up !!

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paisley
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6楼

发表于 2003-6-26 17:48:04 |只看该作者

啊，是啊，我也觉得有时状态好，有时状态差。尤其是接连几天每天都写ISSUE的时候，到后面几天状态已经非常不好了。我受不了那么大的密度。所以考前三天我就不写了。只是过目一下题目，快速在脑子里想好提纲。

我的经验在这里：https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/showthre ... =%D1%A9%D6%D0%D6%F1

还有雪中竹的也很值得一看https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/showthre ... d=133066#post133066

https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/showthread.php?s=&threadid=53725

中文提纲你可以一块放在文章开头或者结尾，这样我可以选择看还是不看：）