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luky0616
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电梯直达

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发表于 2007-2-20 01:01:04 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

题目：ISSUE11 - "All nations should help support the development of a global university designed to engage students in the process of solving the world's most persistent social problems."

提纲
1.很多问题是全球的
2.global university将各国的力量联合起来，更可能解决问题
3.还有很多实际的问题需要解决

The course of globalization and the technological enhancements bring on not only convenient and modern life but also more complex problems than ever before, or even crises, which gestates the opinion of developing a global university in order to sole the world's most persistent social problems. To serve the inward purpose, the university will also have a long way to go--forming, storming, norming and eventually performing.

It is the global nature of the problems that put forward the requirement that all the countries in the world should cooperate with each other--probably in the form of a university--to settle the impediments which we are in face of. An increasing number of international problems have become so serious that they have been threatening the evolution or even the survival of human beings and other innocent species, such as the environmental pollution, the energy crisis, the warming up of the climate, the depletion of the atmospheric ozone, the intimidation of the terrorism, to name a few. At present, in order to achieve and maintain a place in the furious competition, more and more business take a global strategy, which means enlarging their proportion of the limited market and reducing the cost by taking advantage of the labor forces, skills, energy and technologies all over the world. Any fluctuations in political policies, the legal system, and the macro economy can poses pressure and risk to the multinational corporation and other nations. Whichever country will feel incompetent and feeble in face of these tough tasks.

As the problems are global, the solutions should also be global. Aside from the ameliorations and improvements of our daily life, the scientific discoveries and technological advancements also produce more intricate and terrible problems, the treatment of the AIDS or cancers, the procedures to better control the nuclear-power and disposition of the pollutants like plastic exhausted from the everyday life. A global university can bring together the excellent experts and academicians, the finite funds, along with the diverse ideology and methodology. With the blurred boarders of cultures, nationalities and races, the most advanced technologies and discoveries can be gathered and work together for the good of the earth as a whole, and the absolutely different visual angle and thought way may become an especial inspiration of the research. The assertion that the most terrible danger is produced by man is somewhat reasonable. Taking the conflicts and wars between nations and cultures for example, only with mutual understanding and toleration can we reduce the possibility of the replay of that kind of catastrophes? The university may be a good place to provide the environment for cultivating this international spirit from the young.

Before it can serve its purpose functionally, the university would encounter a substantial amount of threatens and temptations for its own sake. The diversity, whether political, religious, cultural or lingual will promise some conflicts and impediments that may even jeopard the existence of the university itself. The decisions about which area is more important or which problem is more urgent may be influenced by the politics, and then the university may become a tool serving the most powerful country in the world. As the lesson of the genetic industry in the Soviet Union in the Stalin era tells, the science hardly functions as well as it should under the direct interruption of the government. These practical concerns heavily undermine the realization of the idea to build a global university.

Although the global university can create and provide the environment and conditions needed to do some scientific research, there is no guarantee to the solutions, let alone the implementation. As the experience tells, the major purpose of college education is to improve the comprehensive diathesis of the students and to help them shape their own system of values and cognition concerning the world and life. Thus, the determinant in the process of solving the persistent global problems may be the enhancement of the international cognitions and reinforce the coordination of the whole human being. To that global university, if can be constituted one day, universalism should be one of the basically scientific guidelines, which indicates that the authenticity of scientific knowledge must be judged by the impersonal criteria of the scientific method, not by criteria related to the race, nationality, religion ,gender or political ideology.

[ 本帖最后由 iq28 于 2007-6-26 02:05 编辑 ]

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Perper
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沙发

发表于 2007-2-20 14:12:27 |只看该作者

The course of globalization and the technological enhancements bring on not only convenient and modern life but also more complex problems than ever before, or even crises, which gestates the opinion of developing a global university in order to solesolve the world's most persistent social problems. 开头很好耶！ To serve the inward purpose, the university will also will also改成still 是不是会更好啊？ have a long way to go--forming, storming, norming and eventually performingstorming , norming 没看懂，norming在字典上查不到555.

It is the global nature of the problems that put forward the requirement that all the countries in the world should cooperate with each other--probably in the form of a university--to settle the impediments which we are in face of这句真好！. An increasing number of international problems have become so serious that they have been threatening the evolution or or是不是不需要啊？even the survival of human beings and other innocent species, such as the environmental pollution, the energy crisis, the warming up of the climateglobal warming , the depletion of the atmospheric ozone, the intimidation of the terrorism, 赞！很全面！to name a few. At present, in order to achieve and maintain a place in the furious competition, more and more business take a global strategy, which means enlarging their proportion of the limited market and reducing the cost by taking advantage of the labor forces, skills, energy and technologies all over the world.例子很好 Any fluctuations in political policies, the legal system, and the macro economy can posespose pressure and risk to the multinational corporation and other nations. Whichever country will feel incompetent and feeble in face of these tough tasks.

As the problems are global, the solutions should also be global.这个句子写得好 Aside from the ameliorations and improvements of our daily life, the scientific discoveries and technological advancements also produce more intricate and terrible problems, the treatment of the AIDS or cancers, the procedures to better control the nuclear-power and disposition of the pollutants like plastic exhausted from the everyday life. A global university can bring together the excellent experts and academicians, the finite funds, along with the diverse ideology and methodology. With the blurred boarders of culturesblurred boarders of cultures是什么意思啊，又没看懂。。。5555~~, nationalities and races, the most advanced technologies and discoveries can be gathered and work together for the good of the earth as a whole, and the absolutely different visual angle and thought way may become an especial inspiration of the research. The assertion that the most terrible danger is produced by man is somewhat reasonable. Taking the conflicts and wars between nations and cultures for example, only with mutual understanding and toleration can we reduce the possibility of the replay of that kind of catastrophes? The university may be a good place to provide the environment for cultivating this international spirit from the young youth.

Before it can serve its purpose functionally, the university would encounter a substantial amount of threatens and temptations for its own sake. The diversity, whether political, religious, cultural or lingual will promise some conflicts and impediments that may even jeopard the existence of the university itself. The decisions about which area is more important or which problem is more urgent may be influenced by the politics, and then the university may become a tool serving the most powerful country in the world. As the lesson of the genetic industry in the Soviet Union in the Stalin era tells, the science hardly functions as well as it should under the direct interruption of the government.例子很好 These practical concerns heavily undermine the realization of the idea to build a global university.

Although the global university can create and provide the environment and conditions needed to do some scientific research, there is no guarantee to the solutions, let alone the implementation. As the experience tells, the major purpose of college education is to improve the comprehensive diathesis of the students and to help them shape their own system of values and cognition concerning the world and life. Thus, the determinant in the process of solving the persistent global problems may be the enhancement of the international cognitions and reinforce the coordination of the whole human being. To that global university, if can be constituted one day, universalism should be one of the basically scientific guidelines, which indicates that the authenticity of scientific knowledge must be judged by the impersonal criteria of the scientific method, not by criteria related to the race, nationality, religion ,gender or political ideology.
真是抱歉噢，我真的不知道应该改什么地方了，你的expression真的很好，我一边读你的文章一边拼命查字典，我感觉你的每个句子每个词都是经过精心思考和组织的，还有几个例子我觉得用的也很好噢！你的文章有我太多值得我学习的地方！

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luky0616
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板凳

发表于 2007-2-20 14:41:43 |只看该作者

改的很好的，有很多地方我一直想到怎么写合适，感谢啊

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笑看红尘
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地板

发表于 2007-2-20 14:44:26 |只看该作者

The course of globalization and the technological enhancements bring on not only convenient and modern life but also more complex problems than ever before, or even crises, which gestates the opinion of developing a global university in order to sole the world's most persistent social problems. To serve the inward purpose, the university will also have a long way to go--forming, storming, norming and eventually performing.（还是不错的，但主题没有明确提示，比如：I strongly agree with the speaker's claim that...)

It is the global nature of the problems that put forward the requirement that all the countries in the world should cooperate with each other--probably in the form of a university--to settle the impediments which we are in face of. An increasing number of international problems have become so serious that they have been threatening the evolution or even the survival of human beings and other innocent species, such as the environmental pollution, the energy crisis, the warming up of the climate, the depletion of the atmospheric ozone, the intimidation of the terrorism, to name a few. At present, in order to achieve and maintain a place in the furious competition, more and more business take a global strategy, which means enlarging their proportion of the limited market and reducing the cost by taking advantage of the labor forces, skills, energy and technologies all over the world. Any fluctuations in political policies, the legal system, and the macro economy can poses pressure and risk to the multinational corporation and other nations. Whichever country will feel incompetent and feeble in face of these tough tasks. (列举了global problems)

As the problems are global, the solutions should also be global.（后面又变了） Aside from the ameliorations and improvements of our daily life, the scientific discoveries and technological advancements also produce more intricate and terrible problems, the treatment of the AIDS or cancers, the procedures to better control the nuclear-power and disposition of the pollutants like plastic exhausted from the everyday life. （又回来了）A global university can bring together the excellent experts and academicians, the finite funds, along with the diverse ideology and methodology. With the blurred boarders of cultures, nationalities and races, the most advanced technologies and discoveries can be gathered and work together for the good of the earth as a whole, and the absolutely different visual angle and thought way may become an especial inspiration of the research. (以下另起炉灶）The assertion that the most terrible danger is produced by man is somewhat reasonable. Taking the conflicts and wars between nations and cultures for example, only with mutual understanding and toleration can we reduce the possibility of the replay of that kind of catastrophes? The university may be a good place to provide the environment for cultivating this international spirit from the young.（语言不错，但是段内结构有些乱）

Before it can serve its purpose functionally, the university would encounter a substantial amount of threatens and temptations for its own sake. The diversity, whether political, religious, cultural or lingual will promise some conflicts and impediments that may even jeopard the existence of the university itself. The decisions about which area is more important or which problem is more urgent may be influenced by the politics, and then the university may become a tool serving the most powerful country in the world. As the lesson of the genetic industry in the Soviet Union in the Stalin era tells, the science hardly functions as well as it should under the direct interruption of the government. These practical concerns heavily undermine the realization of the idea to build a global university. （这段很精彩，但没体现在开头段里）

Although the global university can create and provide the environment and conditions needed to do some scientific research, there is no guarantee to the solutions, let alone the implementation. As the experience tells, the major purpose of college education is to improve the comprehensive diathesis of the students and to help them shape their own system of values and cognition concerning the world and life. Thus, the determinant in the process of solving the persistent global problems may be the enhancement of the international cognitions and reinforce the coordination of the whole human being. To that global university, if can be constituted one day, universalism should be one of the basically scientific guidelines, which indicates that the authenticity of scientific knowledge must be judged by the impersonal criteria of the scientific method, not by criteria related to the race, nationality, religion ,gender or political ideology.（同上）

最大的优点是语言！语言达到这个程度就可以了，无须在语言上再下功夫。
但是在结构和论证上有点问题：
1 英文讲究形式逻辑，要有态度标志，不要只靠行文来讲述态度
2 段内结构要清晰，每段中心讲一个话题。虽然可以有多个意群，但要有组织。
3 每段最好讲一个观点，一方面的论证，而不是只列举现象。
4 开头段和结尾段要明显全面。
5 结构上有自己的创见是好的，但英文学术写作还是有一定之规的。创建在基本结构基础上才是出色的。
6 论证的说服力好。但层次上稍显单薄，论证的角度在明确就更好了。

LIFE IS a MIXTURE of CHARACTER AND LUCK.
It takes courage to lead a life. Any life.

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5楼

发表于 2007-2-20 14:50:29 |只看该作者

先谢过，慢慢看

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luky0616
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6楼

发表于 2007-2-20 15:08:51 |只看该作者

改得很好啊，刚刚开始写，所以问题还很多，希望能多提意见，呵呵

有几个问题解释一下
1.第一段里首先说人类的进步带来了很多问题（第二段论证），这些问题需要全人类来解决（第三段），但建立大学还有很多困难（第四段）我没用过I agree.....之类的，觉得是太明显的restate，不过看来还是要有些标志词的

2.我第二段是想说问题是全球的，第三段想说问题的解决也要依靠世界各国的力量，但总觉得写出来会有所重叠。而且是半夜赶出来的，当时的思路真是。。。。。第三段里面我从两方面来说如何来依靠世界的力量，一个是学术方面可以带来很多新技术，新理论，和思维方式，另一个是社会问题，可以通过文化的融合减少民族冲突。

3.我结尾里面第一句是一个全文的总结，因为我觉得这些问题在全文都有详细论述，无论怎样改写都会看起来枯燥，没内容，我后面就没再讲这三个问题，而是展开了一下，先说大学并不是解决问题的根本办法，决定因素在于各民族的相关理解和宽容（其实想说是由政治因素决定，只是政治不好不敢发明评论，呵呵）最后说了一下要想建好这个大学就要本着一个原则（universalism)，忠于事实，不受种族，国籍，文化，政治的干扰

差不多这样子

PS：我有时写着写着就会偏离自己想的，有时很难用英文说清楚自己确定想说的，不能切中要害，自己也觉得一直在打擦边球，但就是不知道该怎么表达。

不过看了笑看红尘的修改收获不小，正在打算大改一下

欢迎高人指点，呵呵

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笑看红尘
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7楼

发表于 2007-2-21 13:40:10 |只看该作者

谢谢支持！
想认识一下（好语言功夫啊！）

gaoxch123@hotmail.com

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8楼

发表于 2007-3-10 16:05:46 |只看该作者

The course of globalization and the technological enhancements bring on not only convenient and modern life but also more complex problems than ever before, or even crisescrisis, which gestates the opinion of developing a global university in order to solesolve the world's most persistent social problems. To serve the inward purpose, the university will also have a long way to go--forming, storming, norming确实在词典上查不到，只有动词才有-ING形式，而NORM是名词 and eventually performing.

It is the global nature of the problems that put forward the requirement that all the countries in the world should cooperate with each other--probably in the form of a university--to settle the impediments which we are in face of. An increasing number of international problems have become so serious that they have been threatening the evolution or even the survival of human beings and other innocent species, such as the environmental pollution, the energy crisis, the warming up of the climate, the depletion of the atmospheric ozone, the intimidation of the terrorism, to name a few.精辟到位的举例！ At present, in order to achieve and maintain a place in the furious competition, more and more business take a global strategy, which means enlarging their proportion of the limited market and reducing the cost by taking advantage of the labor forces, skills, energy and technologies all over the world. Any fluctuations in political policies, the legal system, and the macro economy can poses去掉 pressure and risk to the multinational corporation and other nations. Whichever country will feel incompetent and feeble in face of these tough tasks. 语言真的太好了，观点也不错，阐述现存的许多全球化问题，而一个国家的力量无法解决，以衔接下面需要全球合作的观点

As the problems are global, the solutions should also be global. Aside from the ameliorations and improvements of our daily life, the scientific discoveries and technological advancements also produce more intricate and terrible problems, the treatment of the AIDS or cancers, the procedures to better control the nuclear-power and disposition of the pollutants like plastic exhausted from the everyday life. 这一句和观点不贴切A global university can bring together the excellent experts and academicians, the finite funds, along with the diverse ideology and methodology. With the blurred boarders of cultures, nationalities and races, the most advanced technologies and discoveries can be gathered and work together for the good of the earth as a whole, and the absolutely different visual angle and thought way may become an especial inspiration of the research. The assertion that the most terrible danger is produced by man is somewhat reasonable. Taking the conflicts and wars between nations and cultures for example, only with mutual understanding and toleration can we reduce the possibility of the replay of that kind of catastrophes? The university may be a good place to provide the environment for cultivating this international spirit from the young.如果这一段集中阐述全球化学校解决问题的优势就好了，观点其实不错，集中了更多的物质和人力资源。

Before it can serve its purpose functionally, the university would encounter a substantial amount of threatens and temptations for its own sake. The diversity, whether political, religious, cultural or lingual will promise some conflicts and impediments that may even jeopard the existence of the university itself. The decisions about which area is more important or which problem is more urgent may be influenced by the politics, and then the university may become a tool serving the most powerful country in the world. As the lesson of the genetic industry in the Soviet Union in the Stalin era tells, the science hardly functions as well as it should under the direct interruption of the government. These practical concerns heavily undermine the realization of the idea to build a global university.

Although the global university can create and provide the environment and conditions needed to do some scientific research, there is no guarantee to the solutions, let alone the implementation. As the experience tells, the major purpose of college education is to improve the comprehensive diathesis of the students and to help them shape their own system of values and cognition concerning the world and life. Thus, the determinant in the process of solving the persistent global problems may be the enhancement of the international cognitions and reinforce the coordination of the whole human being. To that global university, if can be constituted one day, universalism should be one of the basically scientific guidelines, which indicates that the authenticity of scientific knowledge must be judged by the impersonal criteria of the scientific method, not by criteria related to the race, nationality, religion ,gender or political ideology.结尾可以用让步的写法，显得观点不那么绝对。但还有有些问题：1，如果直接把一、三句连接起来，逻辑还更紧密一些。2，我觉得最后一句的定义有些离题了吧。即使是建设了这样一个平等的大学，对于前面你讲的观点有改良嘛？很突兀的一句话。还不如不写3，如果说单靠全球化大学不够的话，还有什么其它途径来增加国际间的了解，认识和合作呢。而全球化大学的目的不就再于此吗？如果全球化大学的教育目的和普通大学一样，为什么还需要建立呢？有些循环论证的感觉了。我认为可以改良，针对你提出全球化大学弱点的改良措施。也可以让步，说现在全球化大学解决问题的层面还不够，所以可以通过高层互访，建立合作组织，加强各级交流来解决。我的意见，仅供参考

你的语言和逻辑其实都很不错，说实话给你挑错很伤脑筋。所以都是鸡蛋里面挑骨头了。意见不对的话，欢迎指正。还要多多向你学习！！

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