请前辈帮看我的综合写作大方向有没有问题

falamcheUID: 3371292

我要来求救大家觉得最随便写写就能Good的综合写作了。

有幸两次G作文考了2.5，TOEFL综合得了Fair，让我不得不怀疑不是批改的偶然性，是自己写的真的有问题。

我贴几篇我TPO综合写作（没有贴reading 和 lecture 的 scripts，先假设我写的内容是正确地掌握了 reading 的 sub points 和 lecture 的sub points 以及 details，事实上我写完后也的确改了。）那么，请狠狠批吧，多谢。

补充：以下有的“模板”化弱，有的稍强，我至今也不确定“模板”化好不好，太过僵硬的肯定是不行的，但是介于类似OG那样的很洒脱的和 模板 之间的“模板”不知道是不是比较理想的。（身边有的同学写得极其模板，却考试也拿了高分。。所以我要来求助看看我的作文是不是又大问题）

铺垫完毕，真的可以来批了。

TPO 11

   The reading passage says that less reading of literature would have negative influence on reading public, culture general and literature itself. However, the lecture disagrees and argues that there is actually no unfortunate effect as reading mentioned, because of the following reasons.

    The professor, in the lecture, points out that books which encourage our imaginations and empathy are not necessarily limited in literature. Actually, variety of books, such as scientific books, historical ones and political ones serve the similar function. As a result, readers still can acquire important benefits. This directly contradict the view held by reading that reading public is missing out the benefits.

    Moreover,  contrary to the belief in the reading that the level of culture would decline by transfer energy from reading literature to entertainment, the lecture indicates that materials like music and movie are other sorts of culture. Today, there are many forms of culture, we can appreciate culture not only by reading literature. Besides, there forms usually express more directly than literature does.

    Another place where the lecture disagrees with the reading is regrading who should be to blame for the trend of reading less literature. The professor admits the decline of audience and their support to literature, but she attributes it to authors, not audiences as reading passage states. Because, writes tend to create literature which are too difficult to be understood.

    All above three points made by the lecture contradict the idea held by the reading, and the lecturer contends that less reading of literature would not have unfortunate effects as reading states.

TPO 27

    The reading passage rises three reasons which explain the long period of cold temperature. However, the lecture argues that these arguments are out of date and new informations indicate that the arguments cannot account for the Little Ice Age.

    First, the reading suggests disrupting of ocean currents of one of the reason. The lecture, yet, indicates that the ocean currents only happened in Europe and America, but the long period of cold covered many other areas like New Zealand and South Africa. Thus, the ocean currents cannot be a solid reason.

    Moreover, the reading passage points out that volcanic eruption can contributed to the Little Ice Age. The professor, in the lecture says large amount of volcanic dust would provide striking visual effect, such as colorful sunsets or snow with unusual color, which could be notice. However, almost no one reported them. Therefore, the volcanic eruptions seems not strong enough to cause the Little Ice Age.

   Last but not least, the reading attributes the Little Ice Age to significant decreases in human populations. The speaker disagrees and states that there is no enough time for this effect to work.The population recovered in a short time and they would cut off trees which are essential for their living. Obviously, the short-time effect cannot cause the Little Ice Age.

   In short, the reading states three reasons for the Little Ice Age, yet the speaker disagrees and use specific informations to demonstrate the arguments cannot account for the Little Ice Age.

TPO 30

    The reading passage rises three arguments to support that Peary had indeed reached the North Pole, yet the professor, in the lecture, disagrees and claims that the arguments provide by reading are not convincing.

    First, the reading declares that committee confirmed Peary's claim. How, the professor argues that committee was not completely objective. The committee was compose of Peary's frends and Peary was one of donators. Moreover, the investigation conducted by the committee only lasted two days and was also not careful.

    In addition, the reading points out that Avery reached North Pole under similar condition as Peary but in a shorter time period, which indicates that it is possible for Peary to fulfill the expedition. The lecture, yet, suggets that Avery experienced different condition from Peary. Avery did not carry much food which is actually supplied by airplan. Besides, Avery traveled under a better condition than Peary did. Therefore, Avery' trip could not provide solid support for Peary's.

    Finally, the author cites the photographs taken by Peary as evidence. However, the professor says that the measurement of shadows should be very pricisely, otherwise it could not provide support. The photos were taken by very primitive camera, which make the their qualities doubtful. Moreover, the photoes have become faded and worned. Those shadows can not be used to determin the position of sun accurately. Thus we cannot make sure if the photos were taken by Peary.

    In short, the reading points out three arguments to prove Peary' trip, however the lecture suggets these reasons are not solid and unconvincing.

TPO 28

The reading passage rises three arguments to support that Peary had indeed reached the North Pole, yet the professor, in the lecture, disagrees and claims that the arguments provide by reading are not convincing.

    First, the reading declares that committee confirmed Peary's claim. How, the professor argues that committee was not completely objective. The committee was compose of Peary's friends and Peary was one of donators. Moreover, the investigation conducted by the committee only lasted two days and was also not careful.

    In addition, the reading points out that Avery reached North Pole under similar condition as Peary but in a shorter time period, which indicates that it is possible for Peary to fulfill the expedition. The lecture, yet, suggests that Avery experienced different condition from Peary. Avery did not carry much food which is actually supplied by airplane. Besides, Avery traveled under a better condition than Peary did. Therefore, Avery' trip could not provide solid support for Peary's.

    Finally, the author cites the photographs taken by Peary as evidence. However, the professor says that the measurement of shadows should be very precisely, otherwise it could not provide support. The photos were taken by very primitive camera, which make the their qualities doubtful. Moreover, the photos have become faded and worned. Those shadows can not be used to determine the position of sun accurately. Thus we cannot make sure if the photos were taken by Peary.

    In short, the reading points out three arguments to prove Peary' trip, however the lecture suggests these reasons are not solid and convincing.

      

falamcheUID: 3371292

luketc3580 发表于 2013-10-12 19:23
建议加入备考小组...
这么多作文要看多久呃

好的

luketc3580UID: 3369182

falamche 发表于 2013-10-12 19:21
那我以上贴的作文可以吗？觉得第一篇稍隐晦，后几篇比较“死板”直白，哪篇好？或者在哪篇基础上再要做哪 ...

建议加入备考小组...
这么多作文要看多久呃

falamcheUID: 3371292

luketc3580 发表于 2013-10-12 18:28
把阅读里的主要观点写出来就好，反驳关系也明确说出来，就像你第一篇里那样就行，用个模板句套进去就好
...

那我以上贴的作文可以吗？觉得第一篇稍隐晦，后几篇比较“死板”直白，哪篇好？或者在哪篇基础上再要做哪些提高？多谢！

luketc3580UID: 3369182

falamche 发表于 2013-10-12 15:15
我现在疑惑的是
1）阅读里的三个sub points是不是应该很明确表达出来？或者是隐晦的说出来（否则太生硬？ ...

把阅读里的主要观点写出来就好，反驳关系也明确说出来，就像你第一篇里那样就行，用个模板句套进去就好
我觉得这些都不是重点，把lecture的内容到记下并写出来最重要

falamcheUID: 3371292

luketc3580 发表于 2013-10-12 09:26
我觉得结构没啥问题，你也可以提一下阅读中每段的主题观点
关键还是听力里的内容你有没有写出来，你可以每 ...

我现在疑惑的是
1）阅读里的三个sub points是不是应该很明确表达出来？或者是隐晦的说出来（否则太生硬？），看OG有的文章很轻reading重lecture，我觉得我的lecture细节还不错，就是不知道reading要照顾到什么程度。
2）lecture和reading的关系，也就是大多情况下的反驳了，要明确的通过一个句子表达出来吗？还是同1，是否要说得explicitly的问题？

求解惑。

luketc3580UID: 3369182

我觉得结构没啥问题，你也可以提一下阅读中每段的主题观点
关键还是听力里的内容你有没有写出来，你可以每篇文章对照听力原文，把写到的都标出来，以后尽量做到不漏，detail也尽量记下