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继续努力哦!! 不要气馁哦! 我支持你!!!!!
issue11 非限时完成非限时完成,710wordsissue11 All nations should help support the development of a global university designed to engage students in the process of solving the world's most persistent social problems. 所有的国家都应该帮助建立起一个全球性的大学,用来培养学生们解决世界上最顽固头疼的社会问题
首先建议你以后把自己的提纲 列出来, 这样方便大家看,好吗?
With the development of the society and communication among countries, human beings, as a whole creature on the earth, gradually recognize that there are a mass of problems, which are faced not only by a small portion of people of some countries
[ 换个说法。OK?,而且,开头,我感觉有些老套。我发现过更好的。] , but by a majority, almost all over the world. So, a view that human need a multi-national supported university targeting to settle these persistent problems comes into sight. It is an ideal solution to these problems at first glance; notwithstanding [好,终于看到 一个不一样的词。] , such an establishment of a global university would come across a list of difficulties and then proves to be an unrealistic fantasies. [ 开头,是不是应该把你的所有观点 列出来?] Looking at the world map, we can clearly notice the boundaries between countries, however, in the reality, there are only lands, islands and the ocean, without any form of boundaries. In fact, it is no doubt that there are a mass of problems facing [从句的宾语呢?] all the people on the earth, which almost become the obstacle in the way of the development of the society and at the same time call for the effort of the total citizens of the earth village. Taking the environment as an example, everyone lives in only one atmosphere, so the pollution and environment press embarrass the development of every country. Also, the exhausting line of the energy is coming, so people must quest for a new source of energy to meet the growing population all over the world, while saving the existing and known sources of energy. And it is a hard task for people to harness the limited arable land on the earth to meet the growing food need. In a sense, now that these problems are related to all the people, then all nations should corporate to solve them. [ 社会问题,你用了环境的例子, 但是,我觉得你在论述的时候, 说服力不够,估计 是语言问题,至少,没有 说服我。 感觉你在排句子。] A global university may be an ideal solution because such a university will congregate all the advanced knowledge and the most up-to-date technologies together. But, an ideal solution does not mean a feasible one.
[ 看完B1, 我觉得,在说任何话之前,把 自己的在这个BODY的观点先表达出来,再进一步分析。——我的意思表达清楚否?就是英语中,TS 的概括句,要很清楚地告诉大家,不要先写那么多的修饰语,那么长的话,要别人自己 好好总结。要让人家一眼 就知道你想说什么。 尽管 你的表达,也没有错,但是你想想,本来你的语言就不怎样,让人很累地 看完你前面的话,终于在后面出现了你的总结性句子,我估计 ,看到人心里不会很愉快。——算是我的个人看法吧。]
[还有在B 1中,你用了很多SO啊。 句式 也不多。]
Before the multi-national supported university is established, a list of significant questions needs the appropriate and feasible keys. Unfortunately, many of these questions do not have answers for the answers will be given from all the people of [偶用IN] the world with different background and own benefit. For instance, which country will be given the throne? [这样写??] Some will argue that the nation owing the most advanced knowledge and the most powerful economics should play the leading role in such university. But some people, especially from the developing countries, will emphasize that the power should be shared equally. And then, such a question will lead to a new one that who will benefit more from this global university, or saying that how determine the importance of the persistent problems? As we all know, that in the world although some problems are the public ones, but for different nation, the most urgent problems will no doubt be different. For example, Africa nations have to solve the poverty and famine, China has a huge amount of population and the U.S. wants to keep his position on the world stage. In a word, such problems should be resolved before the global university's founding, which suggest that it is hard to put such a global university' setting into practice. [在举例子时,我不知道 美国人看到这句Africa nations have to solve the poverty and famine, China has a huge amount of population and the U.S. wants to keep his position on the world stage,会怎么想。]
Even if the similar problems discussed above can be solved, I should ask another question that is it necessary to establish such a multi-national supported university? It is the corporation that the persistent social problems in the world, in fact, indeed need [有点别扭]. Nowadays, almost in every nation, [nation少了一个S] there is at least one university. If these universities can communicate frequently and while solving some common problems, they can solve some special problems of their own countries, the consequence may be better than establish a really existing global university. The development of the technology in today makes it possible that everyone in the world, no matter where he/she is, can connect with the others commodiously. [这段,写得比上两段明白。]
To sum up, although, to some extents, the world needs such a global university aiming to settle the persistent problems in society, however, such a suggestion way be only an ideal blueprint in that it is must firstly to settle other problems in the way. In addition, such a global university will be not a necessary solution to those problems.
[这句话,写的方式,我觉得不好。]
总结一下, 句子,要多练习。我建议你看看 我们组的HTPENG的句子,他写的句子,还有段落的概括性好。比如他那篇 “摄影记录VS文字记录”——我的看法。还有 段落的TS 句,我觉得要写明白。
不过 你也有优点,你还能有话说, 问题只是 意思表达不太好。
继续努力。 |
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