0910G [try best]第一小组 argument242 by heliapple

heliappleUID: 2621347

242. The following appeared as an editorial in the student newspaper of Groveton College.

"To combat the recently reported dramatic rise in cheating among college and university students, these institutions should adopt honor codes similar to Groveton's, which calls for students to agree not to cheat in their academic endeavors and to notify a faculty member if they suspect that others have cheated. Groveton's honor code replaced an old-fashioned system in which students were closely monitored by teachers and an average of thirty cases of cheating per year were reported. The honor code has proven far more successful: in the first year it was in place, students reported twenty-one cases of cheating; five years later, this figure had dropped to fourteen. Moreover, in a recent survey conducted by the Groveton honor council, a majority of students said that they would be less likely to cheat with an honor code in place than without."
不作弊的规则，学生作弊之风日渐猖狂，所以我们应该学习Groveton’s。这个学校的荣誉信条很有效的制止了作弊。它要求学生在课业学习中不要作弊，并且如果怀疑别的学生作弊就通知教职工。这种学生互相监督的体制比由老师监督有效很多。因为以前每年有大约３０起作弊事件，而自从实施了新举措后，这个数字在５年后降到了１４。同时在调查中学生也说这个新规定很好的制约了他们。
１．学生们作弊的原因？考试和教育的真正目的？实施学生相互监督会造成的后果？
２．G的举措是否成功并不确定。作弊人数的减少可能是全校招生少了，学校规模缩小了，然而平均人数可能反而上升了。第二，学生们之间可能也相互商量，决定大家都不告密，这样就一起作弊而没有人知道。这也可能是作弊人数减少的原因。
３．调查是不可信的。如果是实名制，或者有诱导性的调查，学生很容易会朝着采访者的意愿，给出采访者需要的答案。
只有找到根本的原因才能从本质上解决作弊
Because cheatings among the university and college students are rising recently, to inhibit such trend, the editorial recommends the universities and colleges to adopt the honor code of Groveton’s which has effectively decreased the cases of cheating in Groveton. While, after carefully scrutinize, I find the editorial is not as reasonable as it stands.

In this case, facing the soaring number of cheating among students, the operators of that universities and colleges should look for the underlying motive of cheating but not just adopt some codes to stop it. After all, the purpose of education is to cultivate the students a sense of responsibility, the ability to learn the brand new research field independently as well as to cheerfully enjoying their life. While, would there be any trust left between students if the universities carry the editorial’s recommendation and adopt the honor code of Groveton’s? The students might be reluctant to make friends in school and living a life full of mistrust and angers. That is not what it should be, the college life ought to be colorful and full of happiness.  

Secondly, although the number of cheating in Groveton drop from 30 to 14 during five years after the honor code was adopted, this figure couldn’t persuade me into believing its effectiveness.  The declining in the number might be caused by the shrinking in the size of the university and its students’ population. Five years ago, before the honor code was introduced, the university was consisted of 30 colleges and 30000 students, but now it might only have 10 colleges left and only 10000 students. To be frankly, the number is declining, but the actual cheating ratio is increasing (from 30 out 30000 to 14 out 10000)! The real situation may be even worse. As the students are in charge of the whole cheating thing, they might make a compromise with each other and decide not to tell out the truth which is almost everyone is cheating! It is really a terrible scene!

Thirdly, the survey making by Groveton honor council is not reliable. Students who accepted the survey might be informed or mislead that the investigator will be happy if they confirm the usefulness of honor code and thus they might be unwilling to tell their true thoughts. There is also another chance that the respondents are all good students who never thought about cheating, they study hard and get all A in every course they have taken. If that is true, then the survey is meaningless in telling our anything. Because we couldn’t accept a choice making based on imaging, just as the same as we could never get a meaningful answer about which kind of beef is better from a vegetarian.

The editorial fails to convince me in its recommendation because it lacks of crucial evidence on supporting its suggestion. It should do more research on why does the cheating overwhelm recently? Does the scale of Groveton change during the last five years? Moreover, it should show more detail about the setting of the survey and its respondents.

nlhustUID: 2404239

Because cheatings among the university and college students are risingrecently, to inhibit such trend, the editorial recommends theuniversities and colleges to adopt the honor code of Groveton’s(这个地方转述的与原文有点差别） whichhas effectively decreased the cases of cheating in Groveton. While, after carefully scrutinize（after carefully scrutinizing）, I find the editorial is not as reasonableas it stands.

In this case, facing the soaring number of cheating among students, theoperators of that universities and colleges should look for theunderlying motive of cheating but not just adopt some codes to stop it.After all, the purpose of education is to cultivate the students asense of responsibility, the ability to learn the brand new researchfield independently as well as to cheerfully enjoying their life.While, would there be any trust left between students if theuniversities carry the editorial’s recommendation and adopt the honorcode of Groveton’s? The students might be reluctant to make friends inschool and living a life full of mistrust and angers. That is not whatit should be, the college life ought to be colorful and full ofhappiness.

先看一下这个，是官方指南上的东西。

An important part of performing well on the Argument task is remembering what you are not being asked to do. You are not being asked to discuss whether the statements in the argument are true or accurate; instead, you are being asked whether conclusions and inferences are validly drawn from the statements. You are not being asked to agree or disagree with the position stated; instead, you are being asked to comment on the thinking that underlies the position stated. You are not being asked to express your own views on the subject being discussed (as you were in the Issue task); instead, you are being asked to evaluate the logical soundness of an argument of another writer and, in doing so, to demonstrate the critical thinking, perceptive reading, and analytical writing skills that university faculty consider important for success in graduate school.

所以说，在argument里像上面这段的内容还是不要写了，argument主要是要你对推理逻辑进行批判的。

Secondly, although the number of cheating in Groveton drop（have dropped） from 30 to14 during five years after the honor code was adopted, this figurecouldn’t persuade me into believing its effectiveness.  The decliningin the number might be caused by the shrinking in the size of theuniversity and its students’ population. Five years ago, before thehonor code was introduced, the university was consisted of 30 collegesand 30000 students, but now it might only have 10 colleges left andonly 10000 students. To be frankly, the number is declining, but theactual cheating ratio is increasing (from 30 out 30000 to 14 out10000)! The real situation may be even worse. As the students are incharge of the whole cheating thing, they might make a compromise witheach other and decide not to tell out the truth which is（that更简单） almosteveryone is cheating! It is really a terrible scene!

这一段对数据可靠性问题的质疑说的很清楚，所举的例子很有说服力，我想说都说不到你这么好的，学习学习！

Thirdly, the survey making by Groveton honor council is not reliable.Students who accepted the survey might be informed or mislead（misled） that theinvestigator will（这里有没有时态问题呢？改成would？） be happy if they confirm the usefulness of honor codeand thus they might be unwilling to tell their true thoughts.（前文中的they，their都有指代不清的嫌疑。） There is also another chance that the respondents are all good studentswho never thought about cheating, they study hard and get all A in every coursethey have taken.（如果是这样的话，为什么他们会认为they would be less likely to cheat ... ?） If that is true, then the survey is meaninglessin telling our anything. Because we couldn’t accept a choice makingbased on imaging, just as the same as we could never get a meaningfulanswer about which kind of beef is better from a vegetarian. (这个地方的类比很不错，从你的文章中深切的感受到了善用类比的好处，回头要练练。。)

这一段质疑了survey的可靠性。就如楼上所说的，其实有一个逻辑问题就是错误类比，这个你没提到，但是我个人认为，如果说前面的错误都是由于他太轻信表象所导致，那么这个则是一个思想观念上的错误,他根本就是忽略了差别而随意推广，这个错误很重要的。另外，我的文章中survey也是这么写的，没有写其本身的不可靠性，而写的是不当的推广，不知道合不合适，帮忙一起想想吧。。

The editorial fails to convince me in its recommendation because itlacks of crucial evidence on supporting its suggestion. It should domore research on why does the cheating overwhelm recently? Does thescale of Groveton change during the last five years? Moreover, itshould show more detail about the setting of the survey and itsrespondents.
结尾对改进的方法总结的比较到位，不错。


总体来说，这篇文章表达的很好，但是有些主要错误没有指出，而且第二段有点偏离了argument的要求，附上官方指南，可以好好看看，另外就是熟悉错误类别，像这种明显的大错误还是不要漏掉了的好。

GG86_FlyUID: 2641450

242. Because cheatings among the university and college students are rising recently, to inhibit such trend, the editorial recommends the universities and colleges to adopt the honor code of Groveton’s which has effectively decreased the cases of cheating in Groveton. While, after carefully scrutinize, I find the editorial is not as reasonable as it stands.

In this case, facing the soaring number of cheating among students, the operators of that universities and colleges should look for the underlying motive of cheating but not just adopt some codes to stop it. After all, the purpose of education is to cultivate the students a sense of responsibility, the ability to learn the brand new research field independently as well as to cheerfully enjoying their life. While, would there be any trust left between students if the universities carry the editorial’s recommendation and adopt the honor code of Groveton’s? The students might be reluctant to make friends in school and living a life full of mistrust and angers. That is not what it should be, the college life ought to be colorful and full of happiness.  （这一段不要吧，Argument不是Issue，不用讨论这些）

Secondly, although the number of cheating in Groveton drop from 30 to 14 during five years after the honor code was adopted, this figure couldn’t persuade me into believing its effectiveness.  The declining in the number might be caused by the shrinking in the size of the university and its students’ population. Five years ago, before the honor code was introduced, the university was consisted of 30 colleges and 30000 students, but now it might only have 10 colleges left and only 10000 students. To be frankly, the number is declining, but the actual cheating ratio is increasing (from 30 out 30000 to 14 out 10000)! The real situation may be even worse. As the students are in charge of the whole cheating thing, they might make a compromise with each other and decide not to tell out the truth which is almost everyone is cheating! It is really a terrible scene! （只评论一个学校的，反证不用30colleges，不要加这种表示感情的句子比较好吧，不过反例举的很好）

Thirdly, the survey making by Groveton honor council is not reliable. Students who accepted the survey might be informed or mislead that the investigator will be happy if they confirm the usefulness of honor code and thus they might be unwilling to tell their true thoughts. There is also another chance that the respondents are all good students who never thought about cheating, they study hard and get all A in every course they have taken. If that is true, then the survey is meaningless in telling our anything. Because we couldn’t accept a choice making based on imaging, just as the same as we could never get a meaningful answer about which kind of beef is better from a vegetarian. （句子很形象）

还要考虑错误类比，用在一个地方有用，用在第一个地方不一定有用。

The editorial fails to convince me in its recommendation because it lacks of crucial evidence on supporting its suggestion. It should do more research on why does the cheating overwhelm recently? Does the scale of Groveton change during the last five years? Moreover, it should show more detail about the setting of the survey and its respondents.（我感觉结尾写问句是很有新意，但是切题不深，还是建议用老的模板,虽然模板新意不大，但逻辑顺序很强）