机经 独立作文 求指导

xiaolinlhxUID: 2302833

When you graduate from university and get salary from your jobs, you may meet a hard decision that how to deal with the money. Some teammates in my company claim that they will save most of money for the future because they fear to be fired. At first glance, such statement appears to be somehow appealing. Nevertheless, consider lots of advantages from the trips, I prefer to spend money on traveling during the vacation.

To begin with, it is a good chance to share happiness or sadness together with your best friends. Nowadays, more and more people in big cities spend lots of their time on work or study, communication between themselves and their friends became lower and lower. So take a traveling together became one of the best opportunities to improve their relationship. They can communicate with each other, and share what special they meet in the work. Further more, it is also a good chance to make new friends during the trips. It is quite easy to find some people that have the same interest.  

In addiction, you can broaden your horizons and learn a lot from the trips. An old Chinese saying is "it is more meanful to travel tens of thousands of miles than to read tens of thousands of books." Last summer vacation, I visited 11 cities in United States from west coast to east coast such as Chicago, Los Angles, New York, Dallas, Houston and so on. During the trips, I met several American friends, from the conversation between myself and these guys, I learned more about American culture. On the same time, I really practiced my spoken language. For sure, I can not learn it from the reading material or some types of videos.

Last but not least, you can relax your mind during the trips. I am so boring with polluted air and crowed vehicles in the big cities. So I used to spend my weekend or short vacation in the countryside that far from the city where I live in. I feel so comfortable because I can not only enjoy the fresh air but also embrace the beautiful nature. In fact, the products price in the countryside is much lower than the products in the big city, so even I pay some money for the transportation, I can enjoy a more quality life during the trip in the countryside.   

In general, consider so many advantages of traveling, I think it is better to spend more money on traveling instead of saving it for nature.

mpromanusUID: 2565872

这位童鞋我需要你的作文题目啊。。没有题目我没法判断你写的东西是否符合题目要求哦。。=.=

When you graduate from university and get salary from your jobs, you may be meet with a hard decision that of how to deal with the money. Some teammates (Who? Not every comany has 'teams', and not every employee must work with 'teammates'. My point is that 'teammate' is actually NOT a standard word that one would expect in a business setting. Stick to 'colleague'.) in my company claim that they will save most of the money for the future because they fear to be fired. At first glance, such a statement appears to be somehow appealing. Nevertheless, considering the lots of (You might want to use a more formal 'numerous'.) advantages from of the trips (What 'trips'? If you use 'the', you're no longer referring to the general idea of 'trips', but specific trips.), I prefer to spend money on travelling during the vacation.

To begin with, it (What? A pronoun must refer to something, and in your essay so far a lot of things can be referred to: money, travelling, vacation..you need to specify.) is a good chance to share happiness or sadness together with your best friends. Nowadays, more and more people in big cities spend lots of their time on work or study, communication between themselves and their friends became (You used the present tense and here you start to use the past tense. It's not necessary. Don't mix tenses if your content doesn't require so. Similar errors in the rest of this paragraph.) lower (You can't quite use 'low' to describe communication. Properly speaking, it's more like 'low frequencies of communication'.) and lower (This is a run-on starting from 'communication'. Remember to use proper connectives when forming sentences.) So take a traveling ('Travelling' in itself is a gerund, which is a noun, and can be used directly as a subject.) together became one of the best opportunities to improve their relationship. They can communicate with each other, and share what special they meet? in the work. Further more, it (What? Again, pronouns must be very clear about what they are referring to.) is also a good chance to make new friends during the trips (Now this sentence is a fragment. If you read this sentence in the normal order, it reads like 'During the trips is also a good chance to make new friends.'). It is quite easy to find some people that have the same interest.

In addiction, you can broaden your horizons and learn a lot from the trips. An old Chinese saying is "it is more meanful to travel tens of thousands of miles than to read tens of thousands of books." During Last summer vacation, I visited 11 cities in the United States from west coast to east coast such as Chicago, Los Angles, New York, Dallas, Houston and so on. During the trips, I met several American friends, from the conversation between myself and these guys (Always put others before yourself, as in 'these guys and myself'. Be polite.), I learned more about American culture. On At the same time, I really practised (Usually, 'practiCe' is the noun, and 'practiSe' is the verb, even though they are interchangeable.) my spoken language (which would be English, I assume? Many people in the US speak Spanish.). For sure, I cannot learn it from the reading material or some types of videos. (Yeah, of course, but I was expecting you to compare with saving the money..)

Last but not least, you can relax your mind during the trips. I am so boring (If you're 'boring', that means you make others feel 'bored'.) with the polluted air and crowed vehicles in the big cities. So I used to spend my weekends or short vacations in the countryside that far from the city where I live in. I feel so comfortable because I can not only I can enjoy the fresh air but also embrace the beautiful nature ('Not only..but also..' is not easy to use well. If you must, please be careful of your grammar.). In fact, the products' prices in the countryside is are much lower than the products' in the big city, so even I pay some money for the transportation, I can enjoy a more better quality of life (There's just no such thing as 'more' or 'less' quality. I have no idea where this popularly wrong phrase came from because we don't even say 质量多 or 质量少 in Chinese. We say 质量好/坏 or 质量高/低, don't we?) during the trip in the countryside.

In general, considering so many advantages of traveling, I think it is better to spend more money on traveling instead of saving it for nature?.

总结：

语法 - 介词请注意。长句的语法要小心。

词汇 - 有一些近义词混淆的现象，请仔细处理。像boring/bored这种错误是很基本但也很容易纠正的。

逻辑 - 没有看到题目，所以只就文章本身说的话，你开头说到存钱，但是你整篇论证都在说旅游多好多好，没有提到存钱哪怕一个字，然后结尾又跳出来存钱，然后说旅游比存钱好，这样子是只论证了一半，没有比较，没有说服力 - 旅游的确有好处，可是存钱难道没好处吗？两个都有好处的话为什么你非得觉得旅游is better than存钱呢？。。就像在数学里，要你证明A>B，你只证明A很大，那么如果B是无穷大，你的A多大这个命题都证明不出的啊。所以有两个选项比较的题目要加上比较来写，当然不指望你面面俱到，但是至少要在一些主要论证中让读者看到一些比较，不能通篇光写一边然后在结尾跳出来一个比较，会让读者完全莫名其妙的。