- 最后登录
- 2012-3-25
- 在线时间
- 99 小时
- 寄托币
- 256
- 声望
- 1
- 注册时间
- 2010-2-8
- 阅读权限
- 15
- 帖子
- 4
- 精华
- 0
- 积分
- 220
- UID
- 2762057
- 声望
- 1
- 寄托币
- 256
- 注册时间
- 2010-2-8
- 精华
- 0
- 帖子
- 4
|
TOPIC: ARGUMENT53 - Thirteen years ago, researchers studied a group of 25 infants who showed signs of mild distress when exposed to unfamiliar stimuli such as an unusual odor or a tape recording of an unknown voice. They discovered that these infants were more likely than other infants to have been conceived in early autumn, a time when their mothers' production of melatonin-a hormone known to affect some brain functions-would naturally increase in response to decreased daylight. In a follow-up study conducted earlier this year, more than half of these children-now teenagers-who had shown signs of distress identified themselves as shy. Clearly, increased levels of melatonin before birth cause shyness during infancy and this shyness continues into later life.
Grounding on the study of 25 infants and their later life of teenager, supposing the early autumn conceived time leads to the distress, and synthesize these two assumptions with the fact that the pregnant mother’s production of melatonin increases in early autumn, the arguer concludes higher level of melatonin during pregnancy results in shyness of infancy and even later life. However, after close scrutiny of the argument, I find the survey insufficient and the reasoning unconvincing to draw the conclusion as three points stated below.
(这个开头参照666大人的开头范例~ Adeline觉得可行不?)
(下面这个是原来的开头改了最后一句~)
The arguer concludes higher level of melatonin during pregnancy results in shyness of infancy and even later life. It is supported by the study of 25 infants who show signs of mild distress under unfamiliar aura, having more possibility to be conceived in early autumn when melatonin increases; and a following study showing their distress of shyness. However, after close scrutiny of the argument, I find the survey insufficient and the reasoning unconvincing to draw the conclusion as three points stated below.
The writer firstly fails to judge the accuracy and validity of the study. (Adeline的颜色标记没看懂~ 是这个TS不对吗?) Is the number of 25 infants enough to represent all the distressed infants? Hardly could we believe the survey results just relying on such few subjects. Secondly, the author does not provide detailed statistics, showing how much more percent does the term "more likely" show the possibility of infants conceived in early autumn. It is entirely possible that the number of these children is one or two more than the average, that is to say, only 7 or 8 infants among the 25 are conceived during that time. Moreover, the following study lacks the detailed portion of how many of these children are distressed with the term “more than half”, which could be only 1 percents more than half. Without a group of more subjects and the detailed portions about the early autumn conceived infants and distressed teenagers, the research study cannot be valid to support the conclusion.
Even granted the writer could provide more subjects and all of them are in accord with the study, it is groundless to assume increased melatonin in the early autumn is the only influential factor of infants’ distress. If the assumption is correct, we know daylight decreases to the lowest in winter, what is the situation about the infants conceived during that time? Without convincing answer of this question, we cannot believe the hypothesis to be true. There could be other factors leading to distress of infants. Possibly the weather gets colder in early autumn, the pregnant parent do not have enough food and nutrients during that time, and even parents of these babies signs of distress could account for infants’ distress. 语法错误 Take the last one for example, there can be possibility that distress could pass on by generations by inheriting certain kind of genes, which makes babies showing signs of mild distress and even in their teenage life. If other factors are not ruled out, it is too arbitrary to make the conclusion that increased melatonin brought by decreased daylight in early autumn causes distress. (what conclusion?末句说清楚).
Finally, the arguer falsely relies on the assumption that melatonin leads to these infants’ later teenage life’s distress and extends the meaning of “shyness” to indicate “distress”. (重新改写的TS)(如果你这句是TS,那你下面的很多论证都不是为这个TS服务的,其实这句话只是你TS的一个论证点而已。你的TS应该是:即使婴儿时期确实由M引起了婴儿的shyness,也不代表这种shyness会延续到之后的生活中。论证一,可能那些青少年所谓的shyness根本就不存在;论证二,可能shyness根本就不是M引起的,比如是因为成长环境等)Perhaps shyness is normal around the children in their teenage years, resulting from their increasing knowledge about themselves, knowing they are surely inferior to others in certain fields. And the personal experience of kids’ childhood could also affect their attitudes in socialize. It is entirely possible that such kind of shyness is not a result of increased level of melatonin and even not reflecting distress. And the writer unconsciously or intentionally mixes the two word “distress” and “shyness”. He/she does not provide further details supporting these two terms equate each other. Lacking information about the childhood experiences and their peers’ situation—whether they are similar of shyness, we cannot trust the conclusion.
To sum up, the writer should provide detailed statistics about the research study; preclude other factors which are likely to cause distress of babies; information about their teenage situation of shyness reflecting distress and differentiating the two terms. |
|