argument53 0610G同主题写作第四期 & FLY AW小组第50次作业（425字）

夜一UID: 2130338

Argument53  第7篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：45分30秒     316 words
从2006年6月20日10时30分到2006年6月20日11时45分
------题目------
Thirteen years ago, researchers studied a group of 25 infants who showed signs of mild distress when exposed to unfamiliar stimuli such as an unusual odor or a tape recording of an unknown voice. They discovered that these infants were more likely than other infants to have been conceived in early autumn, a time when their mothers' production of melatonin—a hormone known to affect some brain functions—would naturally increase in response to decreased daylight. In a follow-up study conducted earlier this year, more than half of these children—now teenagers—who had shown signs of distress identified themselves as shy. Clearly, increased levels of melatonin before birth cause shyness during infancy and this shyness continues into later life.
------正文------
The arguer asserts that the increased levels of melatonin before birth cause shyness during infancy and this shyness continues into later life. To support this conclusion, the arguer refers to a study about 25 infants thirteen years ago and a follow-up study about them conducted earlier this year. However, neither the former nor the latter can powerfully back up the arguer's assertion.

First of all, it is unverified to attribute the signs of mild distress showed by infants in the study to shyness. While an unusual odor can make infants unpleasant and uncomfortable, a tape recording of an unknown voice can make infants curious and interested. The unhappiness or curiority induced by these kinds of unfamiliar stimuli can also cause infants to show signs of mild distress, and the study fails to analyze the actual passions of these infants. Are they shy, or just uncomfortable and curious? Without answering this question, it is too arbitrary to equal the signs of mild distress to the passions of shyness.

Besides, even if the signs of mild distress mainly result from the infants' passions of shyness, it is unsubstantiated to establish the relationship between such passions and the increased levels of melatonin before birth. Are there any similarities of these infants in other hormones, which affect brain or nervous functions?  Are there any similarities of these infants in other aspects, such as genetic conditions, health status, and communications with parents avaliable? These possibilities should also be taken into consideration. Without examining the similarities of these infants comprehensively, it is too extreme to attribute the signs of infants to the alternation of only one hormone which can affect some brain functions.

Furthermore, it is unreasonable to deduce from the follow-up study that the shyness during infancy continues into later life. On one hand, the credibility of the shyness identified by these teenagers themselves is questionable. Can these young people without professional knowledge of psychology accurately identify their passions? It is possible for them to confuse shyness with other passions, such as diffidence and depression. On the other hand, no evidence proves that the shyness of these teenagers results from infancy passions rather than their later experiences, such as unhappiness with family members or classmates, and failures in school tasks.

In conclusion, neither does the arguer justifiably established the relationships among the infants signs of mild distress, the passions of shyness, and the increased melatonin before birth, nor does him reasonably conclude that the infancy shyness continues into later life. As a result, the arguer's assertion is not convincing enough to be accepted by others.

[ 本帖最后由 夜一 于 2006-7-20 11:39 编辑 ]

expire7UID: 2160574

1.开头结尾不要重复原文，请参看imong的文章。
2.字数太少了，加油写哦。呵呵。
3.B2B3明显展开不够，只说了一个大概原因，你还需要写具体一点。
4.B2你已经用了反问句来写。B3最好不要用了，换一下。e.g. perhaps, Possibly......等等。
5.写得不错的，反映了你的努力。加油。