COMEON作文小组------rougefish 8月26日作业

rougefishUID: 2321640

Do you agree or disagree: It is important to know events happening around the world, though sometimes they are unlikely to affect your daily life

I agree with that we had better to know more about the world, no matter it appears related or not related to our own life.

Firstly, opening our eyes is the way to open our mind. An old doctrine for the students in the ancient China said, “Concentrate on the classical article, and keep out the world”. Although some other people also hold this opinion currently, such imperative for students has been demonstrated as false and be abolished in China at the moment. On the one hand, all the established accomplishments are from real life that considered as the foundation. If the following learning discards the base, how could the student understand the truth? On the other hand, if the following study deviates from the basis of its own, it is hard to bring out outstanding success. Especially in the modern life, the improvement of science and technology changes everyday life. Correspondingly, the changes of our life in the world also feed back to the new findings or inventions. Thus, our knowledge on the world pays an important role on the improvement of the society that tightly associated to our life.

Secondly, a number of interrelated things are disguised by the isolated appearance. For instance, the environment crisis was not realized until the late of 20 century. When people went into the so-called industry times, nothing could be more think about the convenient of the life that was brought by machines. Nobody could imagine at that time the machine also give human another “gift”-the byproduct smoke with carbon dioxide. And no body care about how much the smoke leak out in a faraway country. However, numerous researches have been provided evidence that the excessive carbon dioxide result in the greenhouse effect. Then, the warm climate makes more ice cover melted on the polar which directly raises the sea level. Alongside with several islands submerged in the ocean, people would not consider the smoke in other country is not related any more. Thus, we should know more about the world instead of oversimplifiedly exclude all the information that unrelated to the individual life.

Thirdly, I concede that we should be concentrated on our own job, but not gossip about others all the day. Further more, we are obviously no way to know everything in the world. There are different events and they required different attitude in order to understand them. We usually attracted by the objects that concerned to our individual living. It is also the approach we recognize the world. Whatever the solution is, the more we know, the wiser we are.

To sum up, as far as analysis and reasons concerned above, no matter how is benefit took place from each point it is clearly that we should better know more about the world. While I am not certainly opposing concentrate on individual work, I do believe that the modern world need be more cognized.

laureljiaUID: 2440618

I agree with that we had better to know more about the world, no matter it appears related or not related to our own life(related to our own life or not).  

Firstly, opening our eyes is the way to open our mind. An old doctrine for the students in the ancient China said, “Concentrate on the classical article, and keep out the world”. Although some other people also hold this opinion currently, such imperative for students has been demonstrated as false(不太明白) and be abolished in China at the moment. On the one hand, all the established accomplishments are from real life that considered as the foundation. If the following(是想说以此为基础的学习吗?是的话我觉得following这个词不要也可以) learning discards the base, how could the student understand the truth? On the other hand, if the following study deviates from the basis of its own, it is hard to bring out outstanding(两个out在一起读起来有点不顺,outstanding可以不要,success 本身就足够了) success. Especially in the modern life, the improvement of science and technology changes everyday life. Correspondingly(In turn,corresponding指的是某个行为带来的相应的结果), the changes of our life in the world also feed back to the new findings or inventions. Thus, our knowledge on the world pays an important role on the improvement of the society that tightly associated to our life. (观点不错,但是论证有点乱,尤其是前面学生的那地方,建议可以加强科技那部分)
Secondly, a number of interrelated things are disguised by the isolated appearance. For instance, the environment crisis was not realized until the late of 20 century. When people went into the so-called industry times, nothing could be more think(??) about the convenient(ce) of the life that was brought by machines. Nobody could imagine at that time the machine also give human another “gift”-the byproduct smoke with carbon dioxide. And no body care about how much the smoke leak out in a faraway country. However, numerous researches have been provided evidence that the excessive carbon dioxide result in the greenhouse effect. Then, the warm climate makes more ice cover melted on the polar which directly raises the sea level. Alongside with several islands submerged in the ocean, people would not consider the smoke in other country is not related(和什么related?写出来更好) any more. Thus, we should know more about the world instead of oversimplifiedly(建议不要用这么复杂的合成词,很容易把ets惹毛,详见OG附录中的写作手册) exclude all the information that unrelated to the individual life. 

Thirdly, I concede that we should be concentrated on our own job, but not gossip about others(貌似不是events?) all the day. Further more, we are(have) obviously no way to know everything in the world. There are different events and they required different attitude in order to understand them. We usually attracted by the objects that concerned to our individual living. It is also the approach we recognize the world. Whatever the solution is, the more we know, the wiser we are.

To sum up, as far as analysis and reasons concerned above, no matter how is benefit took place from each point it is clearly that we should better know more about the world. While I am not certainly opposing concentrate on individual work, I do believe that the modern world need be more cognized

感觉LZ在语言上还是花了不少功夫的, 观点也不错,而且每段都有主题句,但是段内的论证有点乱(尤其是第一个分论点),但是我觉得有必要提醒一下:千万不要为了形式而牺牲内容,不要为了用一些"高级词汇"而使得本来可以很明确的意思变得很费解.意思明确易懂永远是第一位的.其实LZ写的还不错,要是能注意一下用词的准确性就更好了!

qawsedUID: 2359935

https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=873017&extra=page%3D1
完成修改任务哦

[ 本帖最后由 qawsed 于 2008-8-27 13:57 编辑 ]