issue144 [dancing in the dark] 第3次作业 by熹僖

熹僖UID: 2627688

Issue 144
"It is the artist, not the critic,* who gives society something of lasting value."
*a person who evaluates works of art, such as novels, films, music, paintings, etc.

这篇文章对我来说好难啊，我觉得give和create有本质的差别，于是就有了我文中的观点，大家多多指正吧^.^

OUTLINE
A 永恒的艺术价值蕴含在艺术品里,所以,artist无疑是lasting value的creator.
但是critic会对works of art 产生巨大影响,而且,critics是一门独立的职业,有着独立于艺术家的思想体系,他们的评论著作及思想本身也give last value to the society.所以是artist和critic 同时为社会带来了lasting value.

B artists create works of art which showing their individual characteristic and the value and function of art in society,it associates a lot with society EX,Revival of Letters.（铺垫，这个显然不是文章最重要的观点之一，但是作为铺垫，只能放在前面，不知道合不合适，有什么改进方法吗？）

C The critics' big influence to the art works,they also give lasting value to the society. EX, Auguste Rodin.

D 除了艺术家对艺术作品本身的作用及其影响，他们还有一套相对独立的思想体系。比如会对一个作家及其作品的评价分成不同派别的争论等，从而形成一门独立的研究学科。EX，Mark Twain.

E 虽然有很多所谓的艺术评论家只是打着评论的幌子,谋求私利,但这并不能否认评论家的社会作用。同时，我们还要区分开“伪评论家”和经常对artist持强烈批判态度的评论家，批判原则使他们评论的目的是否公正无私。再次用Mark Twain 说明。

F Sum up.



ARTICLE


The artist creates works of art which contain spirit of human and give us something of lasting value. But we cannot just regard the artist as the only person who giving us permanent value. Also, the critic influences the work of art so much by doing lots of things after a work's birth. Thus  A justifiable comment can lead those works to get suitable positions in the society and artists will improve their works in turn by thinking deeply from the points. What is more, critics can form their own academic systems of comments. So it is both the artist and the the critic that give us the lasting value.


Although artists create works of art reflecting their own ideas usually, the works link with our society inseparably close. Art has varies of functions concerning on economic,religious,education and even the politics. (括号里的是本来是有的一个例子，想想这段不是重点，还是去掉吧Try to imagine what the history will be like if there is no Revival of Letters at all? Revival of Letter is a sign indicating that Europe steps from middle ages to modern times. Therefrom we can see the tremendous importance the art does to the process of our society.)Despite that artists should product works of art freely, they and their achievement cannot get away from the connection with society, and there comes the critic between society and art.


The critic makes great influence that even can be decisive. The critic is a person who has both profound thinking and professional knowledge by which they can(通过both of them怎么表达?) comment on the work of art reasonable. For instance, the product <Age of Copper> of Auguste Rodin once drew plenty of criticism said that the work was so lifelike by copying the real person that it could not be regard as a work original of art. It struck Rodin so much that he started trying to make his works both vivid and included spirit inside. The critics criticized our artist correctly and promote the development of art. They contributed to Rodin's accomplishment and gives something of lasting value along with him.  


Besides the impact of the work its own, that the critic comment on art also forms a new academic field which means that critics create their own works in the process of commenting. For example, the critics of Mark Twain divided into two groups at one time called Brooks and Devoto that one supported him completely and another denied him over all. Even though they debated with each other so fiercely with reaching a same point absolutely, they created lots of preious ideas that pucshed humans' mind to advance forward. That is to say, they indeed bring us numerous of valuable things originally.


However, there exists a lot of so-called critics who critic the artists' works standarding by whether the comments they make will be good to themselves. But we cant just say they don not give us valuable thing which is lasting according to this phenomenon just like that we cannot stop eating for fearing of chocking.
We need to distinct the fake critics from the ones who always criticize artists, which seems they have enmity of the art producers. In spite of the dependence of artists' works, critics' thinking is of freedom. They give us uniquely lasting value via both the the thought and the function of promoting the art. Times flies, the two group of Mark Twain have both receive the praise and identity form descendants for their eternal contribution both in art and comment. We can see the the eternal value they brought to us.


    Artists create works of art with something of lasting value in it and critics comment on the works and product their own thought at the same time. The artist and the critics are two friends advancing together no mater they applause or criticize own companion. Critics create lasting value indirectly form the works of art and even product new independent ideas. They two just give us something of lasting value in different directions and should be respected of human in the same way.

勋勋UID: 2646576

Issue 144
"It is the artist, not the critic,* who gives society something of lasting value."
*a person who evaluates works of art, such as novels, films, music, paintings, etc.

这篇文章对我来说好难啊，我觉得give和create有本质的差别，于是就有了我文中的观点，大家多多指正吧^.^

OUTLINE
A 永恒的艺术价值蕴含在艺术品里,所以,artist无疑是lasting value的creator.(很好的观点，简洁有力）
但是critic会对works of art 产生巨大影响,而且,critics是一门独立的职业,有着独立于艺术家的思想体系,他们的评论著作及思想本身也give last value to the society.所以是artist和critic 同时为社会带来了lasting value.（很新观点嗥）

B artists create works of art which showing their individual characteristic and the value and function of art in society,it associates a lot with society EX,Revival of Letters.（铺垫，这个显然不是文章最重要的观点之一，但是作为铺垫，只能放在前面，不知道合不合适，有什么改进方法吗？）

C The critics' big influence to the art works,they also give lasting value to the society. EX, Auguste Rodin.

D 除了艺术家对艺术作品本身的作用及其影响，他们还有一套相对独立的思想体系。比如会对一个作家及其作品的评价分成不同派别的争论等，从而形成一门独立的研究学科。EX，Mark Twain.

E 虽然有很多所谓的艺术评论家只是打着评论的幌子,谋求私利,但这并不能否认评论家的社会作用。同时，我们还要区分开“伪评论家”和经常对artist持强烈批判态度的评论家，批判原则使他们评论的目的是否公正无私。再次用Mark Twain 说明。

F Sum up.



ARTICLE


The artist creates works of art which contain spirit of human and give us something of lasting value. But we cannot just regard the artist as the only person who giving us permanent value. Also, the critic influences the work of art so much by doing lots of things after a work's birth. Thus  A justifiable comment can lead those works to get suitable positions in the society and artists will improve their works in turn by thinking deeply from the points. What is more, critics can form their own academic systems of comments. So it is both the artist and the the critic that give us the lasting value.1*


Although artists create works of art reflecting their own ideas usually, the works link with our society inseparably close. Art has varies of functions concerning on economic,religious,education and even the politics. （个人认为这里要提出艺术给予的LASTING VALUE了）(括号里的是本来是有的一个例子，想想这段不是重点，还是去掉吧Try to imagine what the history will be like if there is no Revival of Letters at all? Revival of Letter is a sign indicating that Europe steps from middle ages to modern times. Therefrom we can see the tremendous importance the art does to the process of our society.)2（很好的例子，学习了）Despite that artists should product works of art freely, they and their achievement cannot get away from the connection with society, and there comes the critic between society and art.


The critic makes great influence that even can be decisive. The critic is a person who has both profound thinking and professional knowledge by which they can(通过both of them怎么表达?) comment on the work of art reasonable. For instance, the product <Age of Copper> of Auguste Rodin once drew plenty of criticism said that the work was so lifelike by copying the real person that it could not be regard as a work original of art. It struck Rodin so much that he started trying to make his works both vivid and included spirit inside. The critics criticized our artist correctly and promote the development of art. They contributed to Rodin's accomplishment and gives something of lasting value along with him.  （这里我觉得还得说下LASTING VALUE的事情）


Besides the impact of the work its own, that the critic comment on art also forms a new academic field which means that critics create their own works in the process of commenting. For example, the critics of Mark Twain divided into two groups at one time called Brooks and Devoto that one supported him completely and another denied him over all. Even though they debated with each other so fiercely with reaching a same point absolutely, they created lots of preious ideas that pucshed humans' mind to advance forward. That is to say, they indeed bring us numerous of valuable things originally. 3（很好的例子，学习了）


However, there exists a lot of so-called critics who critic the artists' works standarding by whether the comments they make will be good to themselves. But we cant just say they don not give us valuable thing which is lasting according to this phenomenon just like that we cannot stop eating for fearing of chocking.
We need to distinct the fake critics from the ones who always criticize artists, which seems they have enmity of the art producers. In spite of the dependence of artists' works, critics' thinking is of freedom. They give us uniquely lasting value via both the the thought and the function of promoting the art. Times flies, the two group of Mark Twain have both receive the praise and identity form descendants for their eternal contribution both in art and comment. We can see the the eternal value they brought to us.


    Artists create works of art with something of lasting value in it and critics comment on the works and product their own thought at the same time. The artist and the critics are two friends advancing together no mater they applause or criticize own companion. Critics create lasting value indirectly form the works of art and even product new independent ideas. They two just give us something of lasting value in different directions and should be respected of human in the same way

1 全文整体上蛮好的
2例子运用的很充分
3个人认为把LASTING VALUE解释下并把例子与LASTING VALUE的关系阐释清楚会更好:loveliness:

Camellia1aUID: 2646115

The artist creates works of art which contain spirit of human and give us something of lasting value. But we cannot just regard the artist as the only person who giving(gives,否则没谓语啦) us permanent value. Also, the critic influences the work of art so much by doing lots of things after a work's birth(the birth of a work). Thus  A justifiable comment can lead those works to get suitable positions in the society and artists will improve their works in turn by thinking deeply from the points. What is more, critics can form their own academic systems of comments. So it is both the artist and the the critic that give us the lasting value.


Although artists create works of art reflecting their own ideas usually, the works link with our society inseparably close. Art has varies of functions concerning on economic,religious,education and even the politics. (括号里的是本来是有的一个例子，想想这段不是重点，还是去掉吧Try to imagine what the history will be like if there is no Revival of Letters at all? Revival of Letter is a sign indicating that Europe steps from middle ages to modern times. Therefrom we can see the tremendous importance the art does to the process of our society.)Despite that artists should product works of art freely, they and their achievement cannot get away from the connection with society, and there comes the critic between society and art. (关于你在给我改的作文里的那一段,我回复过之后突然有冒出个想法,如果把这段当做自己的一个观点而非铺垫来看待,也能解决我们说的那个问题.要做的就是在例子后再加一些诸如'没有艺术家,就没有人创造作品(这..只是个例子,随便想的,我也没想好应该加什么呢)'之类的)


The critic makes great influence that even can be decisive. The critic(这里直接用critics吧,要不和第一句重复) is a person who has both profound thinking and professional knowledge by which they can(通过both of them怎么表达?) comment on the work of art reasonable. For instance, the product <Age of Copper> of Auguste Rodin once drew plenty of criticism said that the work was so lifelike by copying the real person that it could not be regard as a work original of art. It struck Rodin so much that he started trying to make his works both vivid and included spirit inside. The critics criticized our artist correctly and promote the development of art. They contributed to Rodin's accomplishment and gives something of lasting value along with him.  


Besides the impact of the work its own, that the critic comment on art also forms a new academic field which means that critics create their own works in the process of commenting. For example, the critics of Mark Twain divided into two groups at one time called Brooks and Devoto that one supported him completely and another denied him over all. Even though they debated with each other so fiercely with reaching a same point absolutely, they created lots of preious ideas that pucshed humans' mind to advance forward. That is to say, they indeed bring us numerous of valuable things originally. (我知道你感觉把批评家附着于艺术家很局限,但是在这个例子中不管是赞同派还是反对派都是基于马克吐温的,并不能说明他们开创了一个新的流派.呵呵,个人意见~仅供参考)


However, there exists a lot of so-called critics who critic the artists' works standarding by whether the comments they make will be good to themselves. But we cant just say they don not give us valuable thing which is lasting according to this phenomenon just like that we cannot stop eating for fearing of chocking.(这个和下一段换一下貌似更好点,放在这我感觉有点突兀...)
We need to distinct the fake critics from the ones who always criticize artists, which seems they have enmity of the art producers. In spite of the dependence of artists' works, critics' thinking is of freedom. They give us uniquely lasting value via both the the thought and the function of promoting the art. Times flies, the two group of Mark Twain have both receive the praise and identity form descendants for their eternal contribution both in art and comment. We can see the the eternal value they brought to us.


    Artists create works of art with something of lasting value in it and critics comment on the works and product their own thought at the same time. The artist and the critics are two friends advancing together no mater they applause or criticize own companion. Critics create lasting value indirectly form the works of art and even product new independent ideas. They two just give us something of lasting value in different directions and should be respected of human in the same way.

呵呵,这次语法上的错误没敢给你改,怕给改错了O(∩_∩)O~    能看出来这篇你是真的在思考,但是总感觉论证缺了点什么...

吉子轩UID: 2623412

The artist creates works of art which contain spirit of human and give us something of lasting value. But we cannot just regard the artist as the only person who giving（gives） us permanent value. Also, the critic influences the work of art so much by doing lots of things after a work's birth. Thus  A（a） justifiable comment can lead those works to get suitable positions in the society and artists will improve their works in turn by thinking deeply from the points. What is more, critics can form their own academic systems of comments. So it is both the artist and the the critic that give us the lasting value.


Although artists create works of art reflecting their own ideas usually, the works link with our society inseparably close. Art has varies of functions concerning on economic,religious,education and even the politics. (括号里的是本来是有的一个例子，想想这段不是重点，还是去掉吧Try to imagine what the history will be like if there is no Revival of Letters at all? Revival of Letters is a sign indicating that Europe steps from middle ages to modern times. There from we can see the tremendous importance the art does to the process of our society.)Despite that artists should product works of art freely, they and their achievement cannot get away from the connection with society, and there comes the critic between society and art.


The critic makes great influence that even can be decisive. The critic is a person who has both profound thinking and professional knowledge by which they can(通过both of them怎么表达? With their profound thinking and professional kaowledge, the critics can comment... 不知道行不行，我觉得这种情况换个语序也许好说一点~) comment on the work of art reasonable（ reasonably）. For instance, the product <Age of Copper> of Auguste Rodin once drew plenty of criticism said that the work was so lifelike by copying the real person that it could not be regard as a work original of art. It struck Rodin so much that he started trying to make his works both vivid and included spirit inside. The critics criticized our artist correctly and promote the development of art. They contributed to Rodin's accomplishment and gives something of lasting value along with him.  


Besides the impact of the work its own, that the critic comment on art also forms a new academic field which means that critics create their own works in the process of commenting. For example, the critics of Mark Twain divided into two groups at one time called Brooks and Devoto that（as） one supported him completely and another denied him over all（absolutely）. Even though（你要表达即使的意思么？我感觉你后面好像是要转着的意思，即：即使他们之间有很大的争论，但他们仍然为我们创造了。。。所以这里用Though是不是就可以了？） they debated with each other so fiercely with（for） reaching a same point absolutely（finally）, they created lots of preious ideas that pucshed（pushed） humans' mind to advance forward. That is to say, they indeed bring （brought）us numerous of valuable things originally.


However（这里用转折似乎不太恰当，因为你后面r仍然是在说critics在创造永恒价值上是有功劳的，尽管也有些critics只是为了自己的利益，但我们仍然不能说critics没有价值，这就像我们不能因噎废食一样。所以我觉得你这个地方应该用个让步比较好，这也正好表明了你考虑问题的严谨性，即考虑到了可能存在问题。）, there exists a lot of so-called critics who critic the artists' works standarding by whether the comments they make will be good to themselves. But we can‘t just say they don（do） not give us valuable thing which is lasting according to this phenomenon just like that we cannot stop eating for fearing of chocking.
We need to distinct the fake critics from the ones who always criticize artists, which（指代什么？） seems they have enmity of the art producers（这句话好像不是满通顺。。。）. In spite of the dependence of artists' works, critics' thinking is of freedom. They give us uniquely lasting value via both the the thought and the function of promoting the art. Times（Time） flies, the two group of Mark Twain have both receive the praise and identity form descendants for their eternal contribution both in art and comment（这里与前面呼应了，很好~）. We can see the the eternal value they brought to us.


    Artists create works of art with something of lasting value in it and（while好一点，因为后面又有个and。。。而且这里表二者的同时性也挺好的吧~） critics comment on the works and product their own thought at the same time. The artists and the critics are two friends advancing together no mater（no matter how） they applause or criticize their own companion. Critics create lasting value indirectly form the works of art and even product new independent ideas. They two just give us something of lasting value in different directions and should be respected of human in the same way.

你的想法比较特别哦，我修改的文章里似乎没看你这样的思路，再好好润色一下语言可能会更好点~
别不自信哦，比我好多了，我都不知道要写全文，还以为只写提纲就够了，最后还被还扣了分 ，呵呵~




1# 熹僖

Ryan_liuruiUID: 2643963

[dancing in the dark] 第三次作业 issue144 by熹僖
Issue 144
"It is the artist, not the critic,* who gives society something of lasting value."
*a person who evaluates works of art, such as novels, films, music, paintings, etc.

这篇文章对我来说好难啊，我觉得give和create有本质的差别，于是就有了我文中的观点，大家多多指正吧^.^

OUTLINE
A 永恒的艺术价值蕴含在艺术品里,所以,artist无疑是lasting value的creator.
但是critic会对works of art 产生巨大影响,而且,critics是一门独立的职业,有着独立于艺术家的思想体系,他们的评论著作及思想本身也give last value to the society.所以是artist和critic 同时为社会带来了lasting value.

B artists create works of art which showing their individual characteristic and the value and function of art in society,it associates a lot with society EX,Revival of Letters.（铺垫，这个显然不是文章最重要的观点之一，但是作为铺垫，只能放在前面，不知道合不合适，有什么改进方法吗？）

C The critics' big influence to the art works,they also give lasting value to the society. EX, Auguste Rodin.

D 除了艺术家对艺术作品本身的作用及其影响，他们还有一套相对独立的思想体系。比如会对一个作家及其作品的评价分成不同派别的争论等，从而形成一门独立的研究学科。EX，Mark Twain.

E 虽然有很多所谓的艺术评论家只是打着评论的幌子,谋求私利,但这并不能否认评论家的社会作用。同时，我们还要区分开“伪评论家”和经常对artist持强烈批判态度的评论家，批判原则使他们评论的目的是否公正无私。再次用Mark Twain 说明。

F Sum up.



ARTICLE


The artist creates works of art which contain spirit of human and give (gives) us something of lasting value. But we cannot just regard the artist as the only person who giving (也应该gives吧) us permanent value. Also, the critic influences the work of art so much by doing lots of things (replace doing with construing, guiding and unearthing.会better) after a work's birth. Thus A justifiable comment can lead those works to get suitable positions in the society and artists will improve their works in turn（是in return 还是你写的那个，？） by thinking deeply from the points. What is more, critics can form their own academic systems of comments. So it is both the artist and the the critic that give us the lasting value.


Although artists create works of art reflecting their own ideas usually, the works link with our society inseparably close. Art has varies of functions concerning on economic,religious,education and even the politics. (括号里的是本来是有的一个例子，想想这段不是重点，还是去掉吧Try to imagine what the history will be like if there is no Revival of Letters at all? Revival of Letter is a sign indicating that Europe steps from middle ages to modern times. Therefrom we can see the tremendous importance the art does to the process of our society.)Despite that artists should product works of art freely, they and their achievement cannot get away from the connection with society, and there comes the critic between society and art.


The critic makes great influence that even can be decisive. The critic is a person who has both profound thinking and professional knowledge by which they can(通过both of them怎么表达?已经表示出来了吧) comment on the work of art reasonable. For instance, the product <Age of Copper> of Auguste Rodin once drew plenty of criticism said that the work was so lifelike by copying the real person that it could not be regard as a work original of art. It struck Rodin so much that he started trying to make his works both vivid and included spirit inside. The critics criticized our artist correctly and promote the development of art. They contributed to Rodin's accomplishment and gives something of lasting value along with him.  


Besides the impact of the work its own, that the critic comment on art also forms a new academic field which means that critics create their own works in the process of commenting. For example, the critics of Mark Twain divided into two groups at one time called Brooks and Devoto that one supported him completely and another denied him over all. Even though they debated with each other so fiercely with reaching a same point absolutely, they created lots of preious ideas that pucshed humans' mind to advance forward. That is to say, they indeed bring us numerous of valuable things originally.


However, there exists a lot of so-called critics who critic the artists' works standarding by whether the comments they make will be good to themselves. But we cant just say they don not give us valuable thing which is lasting according to this phenomenon just like that we cannot stop eating for fearing of chocking.
We need to distinct the fake critics from the ones who always criticize artists, which seems they have enmity of the art producers. In spite of the dependence of artists' works, critics' thinking is of freedom. They give us uniquely lasting value via both the the thought and the function of promoting the art. Times flies, the two group of Mark Twain have both receive the praise and identity form descendants for their eternal contribution both in art and comment. We can see the the eternal value they brought to us.


    Artists create works of art with something of lasting value in it and critics comment on the works and product their own thought at the same time. The artist and the critics are two friends advancing together no mater they applause or criticize own companion. Critics create lasting value indirectly form the works of art and even product new independent ideas. They two just give us something of lasting value in different directions and should be respected of human in the same way.


写的挺好的，思路清晰。一些词重复率太高。Give , make, lasting value.可以想写别的词替换。Critics comprehend，unearth，disclose，construe，unveil art••••••

个人拙见。
有些划线的是word自己指出来的，敲得时候不注意，敲错了吧

谢谢

熹僖UID: 2627688

回复勋勋
确实，光想着论述自己的分论点，把lasting value的事都给忘了，这是个忌讳吧~多谢啦！
2# 勋勋

熹僖UID: 2627688

回复Camellia
      别不改呀~呵呵~改错了没关系，大家一起讨论吗。语法现在是我的一个弱项了。好多人评我的作文都说语言需要好一些。可是一时半会提不高，我还在担心考试呢~

     第二段那个铺垫的问题，我又跟组长说了一下，他说作文没有定论，根据不同的题目，安排结构也不一样。所以不用拘泥。我觉得也有道理。组长的作文也有个类似的第二段，就感觉很自然很好。他的理由是先把最显然的观点放在最前面，越分析越深如。我觉得也很有道理，关键是搭建最适合篇章的架构吧。
     
      马克吐温那一段，确实是他的评论家也形成了自己的评论学术领域，可能是我没表达清楚吧~~哎。我的意思是想说，他们有自己独立的学术体系，就是评论思想。就像我们现在的红学等一样的啊。虽然是以艺术家为基础，但这是他们的职业，就是要评论别人，当然要用到别人的材料，但他们创造的评论思想是独立的呀，这是一门独立的field。

      那两段换位置的问题，其实那本来是一段，贴的时候处理点问题。:p不过我的思路是想说，cirtic很重要，但是有一些不良的现象，大家可能会因此否定critic。我们不能这样，然后再深入一步，提出不良的critic和经常对艺术家严厉批评的critic的区别。不过现在想想这段作用不大。写的时候总想写的全面一点，别让别人觉得自己思考不完整，有漏洞。现在看来不是如此。还是把能支撑自己观点的方面着力说清楚即可，多说了反而混乱，容易让人不知所云。你感觉呢？

      还有，论证还差些什么，能不能帮我将具体一点呢？有点体会不到。感觉出自己语言上的不足了~哎 多谢啦

4# Camellia1a

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看看呗

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虽然各位都已经修改的差不多了, 但是这篇文章对我很有启发, 还是斗胆涂鸦一下吧...

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见附件