寄托天下
查看: 1299|回复: 2
打印 上一主题 下一主题

[作文] 【独立写作】vermouthai作业帖 [复制链接]

Rank: 3Rank: 3

声望
86
寄托币
372
注册时间
2012-3-19
精华
0
帖子
60
跳转到指定楼层
楼主
发表于 2013-2-7 18:06:06 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览
督促自己 每日练习

相关帖子 Updated by 2025.01.24

回应
0

举报

Rank: 3Rank: 3

声望
86
寄托币
372
注册时间
2012-3-19
精华
0
帖子
60
沙发
发表于 2013-2-7 18:06:43 |只看该作者
本帖最后由 vermouthai 于 2013-2-7 18:08 编辑

附件: 你需要登录才可以下载或查看附件。没有帐号?立即注册

举报

Rank: 8Rank: 8

声望
762
寄托币
12296
注册时间
2008-10-30
精华
4
帖子
907

美版2016offer达人 IBT Zeal IBT Smart IBT Elegance 2016 US-applicant

板凳
发表于 2013-2-9 09:44:08 |只看该作者
vermouthai 发表于 2013-2-7 10:06

A company has announced that it wishes to build a large factory near your community. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this new influence on your community. Do you support or oppose the factory? Explain your position.

I live in a development zones beside a big city. It was a primarily agricultural community a decade ago. Youth went to the big city to find jobs, while old people and kids stayed at home and lived off land. Most of the population lives from hand to mouth. Nevertheless, the region's economy has been developing and locals’ living standards have been improving. More and more people come back to work, because they would like to lives with families and they can also find good jobs in their hometown. As far as I concerned, I support that building of the large factory near our community.

First, a large factory near our community is able to create jobs. For an agriculture region like ours, land cannot be made to support more people (Hmm..I would be tempted to challenge this since soil productivity can be improved and all, but that's asking for too much on a TOEFL essay, so I'll let it pass..). Unfortunately, the rate of population increase seems never come down. Many young man have to go out to find jobs, and be apart ('apart' is an adjective, not a verb.) from their family members, which means children can’t get love from parents, the old don’t have caring from sons and daughters (The phrases 'get love from parents' and 'have caring from..' are very awkward. You simply don't really say things like that even though they are grammatical phrases. I'd probably say something like 'get their parents' love' and 'receive due care from their sons and daughters'.), and husbands and wives are forced to spend many years apart. A new factory means new jobs, and new jobs means regular salaries and opportunities. When the rate of job increase is equal with population growth, unemployment rate will fall (Not necessarily, because not all these new jobs must be taken up by all these unemployed people. You can have a job market with many openings and at the same time high unemployment, simply because the population doesn't want the kind of jobs on offer or doesn't have the skills required by the jobs. And sometimes this sort of scenario really happens.). Locals will need not (It's not wrong here to place the negation after 'need', but it's awkward because once the negation is after the verb, it's no longer negating the verb. Instead, it's negating whatever action that comes after the verb. And that makes a subtle difference in meaning. Essentially 'they need not A' has a strong implication that there's a need, only that the need is for something other than A, whereas 'they do not need A' does not have such a strong implication of a need of any kind.) to search for jobs in other cities and are free from debt. They will have more time to take care of families, and perhaps more parents could afford to send their children to college.

Second, a large factory not only creates jobs, but brings more business opportunities as well. As the number of workers increase, more restaurants, dormitories, supermarkets and entertainment facilities are needed. For example, my college is in the country and near a small village. After the college was built there, the explosive growth of coffee shops, restaurants, bookstores, and many other kinds of shops seems never finish. The village and villagers’ lives were changed forever. This area becomes prosperous, and farmers turn into businessmen. Likewise, some large factories made our local community rich, and turned our relatively poor farmland into a profitable economic development zone.

Moreover, a factory would bring new technologists and knowledge, and help our community build new connections to the outside world. With the companyies moving in and the area becoming prosperous, some new highways connect this area with the outside world will be built. So our community’s transportation will be more convenient. And a new factory not only builds some buildings and brings machines, but also brings advanced technologists, experience, and management techniques, which are more valuable and powerful than money. What’s more, the immigrant population will increase after the factory moves in, bringing new ideas and ambitious goals. Communication and cooperation between migrants and locals is good for each and everyone.(Provided there would actually be such communication and cooperation happening..oh well. I'm asking for too much on a TOEFL essay again. Your arguments are actually really good and sound.)

In short, because of the potential benefits of building a new factory in our community, I support the factory strongly.(Right. The question has TWO parts: 1. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this new influence on your community 2. Explain why you would support or oppose the building of this factory. You essentially only did the 2nd part. Of course, by doing 1 you'd have a bit of overlap when you try to explain 2 using the advantages/disadvantages you just described, but if the question specifically asks for separate tasks in a question, that's what you need to do.)

总结:

语法上稍微注意下单复数还有动词的形态。。论述很好,但是你结果只写了半个题目。。题目是要求你讨论工厂的好处和坏处然后再说你为什么支持或者反对,你的支持的部分写得很好,但是前面半个题目里的坏处就被完全无视掉了。。所说怎么强调审题都不为过啊。。

举报

RE: 【独立写作】vermouthai作业帖 [修改]
您需要登录后才可以回帖 登录 | 立即注册

问答
Offer
投票
面经
最新
精华
转发
转发该帖子
【独立写作】vermouthai作业帖
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1495882-1-1.html
复制链接
发送
报offer 祈福 爆照
进群抱团
25fall申请群
微信扫码
小程序
寄托留学租房小程序
微信扫码
寄托Offer榜
微信扫码
公众号
寄托天下
微信扫码
服务号
寄托天下服务号
微信扫码
申请遇疑问可联系
寄托院校君
发帖
提问
报Offer
写总结
写面经
发起
投票
回顶部