issue41 拍拍拍！！

blackhorseUID: 2186620

issue 41
" such nonmainstream areas of inquiry as astrology, fortune-telling, and psychic and paranormal pursuits play a vital role in society by  
satisfying human needs that are not addressed by mainstream science."

观点: 有保留的反对
提纲：1 诚然， 这些非主流领域对某些人的心理安慰，激励等
作用
           2 可是， 总相信这些会使人只是相信命运，甚至使它成为
其危害他人及社会的借口
           3 而且， 在真理面前这些领域会不攻自破

     There exists some nonmainstream areas of inquiry, such as
astrology, fortune-telling, and psychic, etc, in our daily life. I
concede that these areas will  meet somebody's  psychological
needs in some extent, however, it will  result in some serious
consequences as well that we can not ignore.
    Admittedly, in some circumstances, maybe these areas will
comfort , or even inspire someone. Consider, for instance, when
one's darling lover is passed away, maybe he /she can relieve
his pain by the meaning searching for evidence of an afterlife,
in the scenario of coma, maybe his/her lover' figure appear in
his/her face once more, which makes he/she remembers the
happiest days they have spent together, rendering he/she
indulges in the happiness. Besides, a furtune-teller's   good
words will even inspire someone, who is going to take an
important exam, or participate a selection as a candidate,
and so forth.
    However, people will consider that all his life is destined,
always believing in the nonmainstream areas, hence, he will
never hope for something ,let alone strive for something ,it
is not essential for him to plan or prepare for his future, if
he is destined . this conviction will result in horrible consequences
the students will never study hardly, because they think they are
not the right persons for learning ; the workers will never work
whole-heartly, as they believe that the future-tellers have informed
them that they will not stay here for too long; and the government
officials will never lead effectively, for they consider that  they are
destined to govern the majorities, and so on.Just
image Beethoven ,if he embraced this conviction, he could still
composed the great Symphonie No.9, when he was  deaf.
Moreover This conviction will even jeopardize others or do
harm to the society as a excuse. They will say that they are forced
to do this, otherwise they will be trapped into a disaster, according to
the nebulous reasons of the nonsmainstream area.This will have a
disastrous effect on the whole society, such as the lifting of the
incidence of crimes, the causing of anti-social behavior, or even the
wars between two or more nations.
    furthermore, the nonmainstream areas is a common superstition,
which betray the priciples and truths. It is just
a possible explanation before we discover the truth, and when
the truth is found , it will seem so ungrounded, and unreasonable.
One striking example is Bruno and his sun-centered theory, up to
that time , it has been taken for granted
that the earth was the center of the universe, according to their
intuition and subject supernatural pursuits. The majority didn't
believe Bruno, until the invention of the telescope.
    To sum up, although we can not overlook the role the nonmainstream
areas have played in our daily life, the negative
side overweighs the other side. So what we should is to advance
the mainstream science, and diminish the nonmainstream areas.

shellnutsUID: 2168496

写的好快啊
pf

iven19821005UID: 2160156

issue 41
" such nonmainstream areas of inquiry as astrology, fortune-telling, and psychic and paranormal pursuits play a vital role in society by  
satisfying human needs that are not addressed by mainstream science."

观点: 有保留的反对
提纲：1 诚然， 这些非主流领域对某些人的心理安慰，激励等
作用
           2 可是， 总相信这些会使人只是相信命运，甚至使它成为
其危害他人及社会的借口
           3 而且， 在真理面前这些领域会不攻自破

There exists some nonmainstream areas of inquiry, such as astrology, fortune-telling, and psychic, etc, in our daily life. I concede that these areas will  meet somebody's  psychologicalneeds in some extent, however, it will  result in some seriousconsequences as well that we can not ignore（会引起读者的疑虑，改成chosequences that we can not ignore as well.会好点）.
(首段，摆明了论证的背景，提出了立场。但只是简单地重复题目是否，有点不妥当？)
   
Admittedly, in some circumstances, maybe these areas will comfort , or even inspire someone. 有点问题吧Consider, for instance, when one's darling lover is passed away, maybe he /she can relieve his pain by the meaning searching for evidence of an afterlife, in the scenario of coma, maybe his/her lover' figure appear in his/her （用his or her 比较舒服点吧）face once more, which makes he/she remembers the happiest days they have spent together, rendering he/she indulges in the happiness. Besides, a fortune(future)-teller's good words will even inspire someone, who is going to take an important exam, or participate a selection as a candidate, and so forth. （本段的论证，都是一些描述，而且谦辞造句的工夫也有相当的提高余地。 虽然有意识去用一些好的句型结构但，用的给人有中牵强的感觉。还有文章的编辑不用故意打换行号。）
   
However, people will consider that all his life is destined, always believing in the nonmainstream areas, hence, he will never hope for something, let alone strive for something, it is not essential for him to plan or prepare for his future, if he is destined .(这句的标点符号存在着问题，让人看不明白句子的组成结构，作为引出分论点的句子，有点不妥。) This conviction will result in horrible consequences (同谓语从句缺少连接词)the students will never study hardly, because they think they are not the right persons for learning; the workers will never work
whole-heartly,有这样用吗 as they believe that the future-tellers have informed them that they will not stay here for too long; and the government officials will never lead effectively, for they consider that  they are destined to govern the majorities, and so on. Just image Beethoven, if he embraced this conviction, he could still composed the great Symphonie No.9, when he was  deaf. Moreover This conviction will even jeopardize others or do harm to the society as a excuse. They will say that they are forced to do this, otherwise they will be trapped into a disaster, according to the nebulous reasons of the nonsmainstream area.This will have a disastrous effect on the whole society, such as the lifting of the incidence of crimes, the causing of anti-social behavior, or even the wars between two or more nations.
(本段有了举列的论据)
   
Furthermore, the nonmainstream areas is a common superstition, which betray the priciples and truths. It is just a possible explanation before we discover the truth, and when the truth is found , it will seem so ungrounded, and unreasonable. One striking example is Bruno and his sun-centered theory, up to that time , it has been taken for granted that the earth was the center of the universe, according to their intuition and subject supernatural pursuits. The majority didn't believe Bruno, until the invention of the telescope.
   
To sum up, although we can not overlook the role the nonmainstream areas have played in our daily life, the negative side overweighs the other side. So what we should [/color](what we should to do )is to advance the mainstream science, and diminish the nonmainstream areas(areas 用得太多,变化不够,而且好象用这个词也不那么恰当).
总结
（倘若说的过激请间量,希望大家一起进步.）

1.        作者不太会用电脑写作，请多用word修改，特别是标点符号的使用。比如 If I were you, I will….(标点是紧跟上一词的，然后再空一格)
2.        作者对语言的驾御能力不足，请多看例文。
3.        作者在论证时，对论证方法的多样性运用的不够。完全可多用一些，举例、调查、自身体验、名人的话……
4.        请作者在交作业前先认真在，word内修改。
5.还发现作者的语句中文的味道满重的.
6.提纲的把握是,在范围内的.

[ 本帖最后由 iven19821005 于 2006-2-19 10:32 编辑 ]

blackhorseUID: 2186620

:handshake
:D

kernelliuUID: 2133247

There exists some nonmainstream areas of inquiry, such as
astrology, fortune-telling, and psychic, etc, in our daily life. I
concede that these areas will  meet somebody's  psychological
needs in some extent, however, it will  result in some serious
consequences as well that we can not ignore.
    Admittedly, in some circumstances, maybe these areas will
comfort , or even inspire someone. Consider, for instance, //这里连用两个举例的词有些重复吧？when
one's darling lover is passed away, maybe he /she can relieve
his pain by the meaning searching for evidence of an afterlife,
in the scenario of coma, maybe his/her lover' figure appear in
his/her face once more, which makes he/she remembers the
happiest days they have spent together, rendering he/she
indulges in the happiness. Besides, a furtune-teller's   good//这个词可以考虑换下
words will even inspire someone, who is going to take an
important exam, or participate a selection as a candidate,
and so forth.//这一段都是举例子了，来点论证性的语句可能更有气势吧    However, people will consider that all his life is destined,
always believing in the nonmainstream areas, hence, he will
never hope for something ,let alone strive for something ,it
is not essential for him to plan or prepare for his future, if
he is destined . //第一句写的有点长了，而且有点乱。可以考虑压缩一下或者提炼一下this conviction will result in horrible consequences
the students will never study hardly, because they think they are
not the right persons for learning ; the workers will never work
whole-heartly, as they believe that the future-tellers have informed
them that they will not stay here for too long; and the government
officials will never lead effectively, for they consider that  they are
destined to govern the majorities, and so on.//举例意义有点重复了，可以考虑精简一下Just
image Beethoven ,if he embraced this conviction, he could still
composed the great Symphonie No.9, when he was  deaf.
Moreover This conviction will even jeopardize others or do
harm to the society as a excuse. They will say that they are forced
to do this, otherwise they will be trapped into a disaster, according to
the nebulous reasons of the nonsmainstream area.This will have a
disastrous//语气强烈的词汇慎用 effect on the whole society, such as the lifting of the
incidence of crimes, the causing of anti-social behavior, or even the
wars between two or more nations.
    furthermore, the nonmainstream areas is a common superstition,
which betray the priciples and truths. It is just
a possible explanation before we discover the truth, and when
the truth is found , it will seem so ungrounded, and unreasonable.
One striking example is Bruno and his sun-centered theory, up to
that time , it has been taken for granted
that the earth was the center of the universe, according to their
intuition and subject supernatural pursuits. The majority didn't
believe Bruno, until the invention of the telescope. //这段最好来点总结性的文字
    To sum up, although we can not overlook the role the nonmainstream
areas have played in our daily life, the negative
side overweighs the other side. So what we should is to advance
the mainstream science, and diminish the nonmainstream areas.