豆豆帮个忙 菜鸟寻求帮助！（20号考试）

X__stevenUID：2410396

题目：agree or disagree: It is the responsibility of the government to provide health care to everyone living in that country.


The problem of who have the responsibilities to provide health care to our living often haunts in our mind. Ourselves? Insurance companies? Or the government?  It is obviously to see that it is the government rather than the insurance companies or even the individuals have the responsibilities to provide health care to everyone living in that country.

The government provides health care to everyone living in that country can increase the reputation of the government. As we all know, the issue whether the government is in power long or not links the reputation of the government. This is because if the government can focus on the standard of the life especially the health standard of the people living in this country, the people will happy to see the government being in power much longer.

Moreover, the government pay more attention on the health problem of the residents can make the society steady. For instance, if the government doesn't have the responsibilities to provide health care to its residents, the rich can ask the hospital for help because they have enough money, but how about the poor? They have not enough money to afford the payments to the hospital, and there is not any organization that takes care of their health problems. Because of the extent to which the life of the poor is getting more difficult, they begin to oppose the government and the society will never be steady again. The only solution is the government takes the responsibilities as soon as possible.

Last but not the least, the policy that the government cares about the health of the people in the country will attract a large number of people who want to immigrate into this country, including talent persons. For example, the USA has the perfect health care in the world, so many people who own specific skills want to be members of the USA. All of them make great contribution to the development of the nation, the most powerful nation.

Therefore, it hasn’t gone too far to say that it is the responsibilities of the government to provide health care to everyone living in that country.

豆豆～UID：2378384

The problem of who have(has) the responsibilities to provide health care toour living often haunts in our mind. Ourselves? Insurance companies? Orthe government?  It is obviously to see(you are sure to SEE if you think something is "obviously", so delete "to see") that it is the governmentrather than the insurance companies or even the individuals have theresponsibilities to provide health care to everyone living in thatcountry.(I don't see why it is obvious that the government should take the responsibilities, you didn't show any sign of it. Please add something that would make the readers know which side you agree.)

The government provides health care to everyone living in that country ("The government ... that country" ==> "First of all, taking the responsibilities") can increase the reputation of the government. As we all know, theissue whether the government is in power long or not links thereputation of the government. This is because if the government canfocus on the standard of the life especially the health standard of thepeople living in this country, the people will happy to see thegovernment being in power much longer.

Here, you really need to give an example to support your idea. I know it's pretty hard find a good one when it comes to the problem of "THE GOVERNMENT", but you should really find one, otherwise others won't be convinced by your reasons.

Moreover, the government pay(ing) more attention on the health problem ofthe residents can make the society steady. For instance, if thegovernment doesn't have the responsibilities to provide health care toits residents, the rich can ask the hospital for help because they haveenough money, but how about the poor? They have not("have not" ==> "do not have") enough money toafford the payments to the hospital, and there is not any organizationthat takes care of their health problems. Because of the extent towhich the life of the poor is getting more difficult, they begin tooppose the government and the society will never be steady again. Theonly solution is (for) the government takes("takes" ==> "to take") the responsibilities as soon aspossible.

I think the second and the third paragraph are saying the same thing, but just using different angles. I don't know whether it is OK to do so or not, but I think the way you wrote is fine:-)

Last but not the(delete "the") least, the policy that the government cares about thehealth of the people in the country will attract a large number ofpeople who want to immigrate into("into" ==> "to") this country, including talentpersons(people). For example, the USA has the perfect health care in the world,so many people who own specific skills want to be members of the USA.All of them make great contribution to the development of the nation,the most powerful nation.

This is a good one. Keep working like that:-)

Therefore(I say it again: when you conclude the essay, use strong words that indicate you are going to end your essay. "Therefore" is not a really good one.), it hasn’t gone too far to say that it is theresponsibilities of the government to provide health care to everyoneliving in that country.


ALL IN ALL:

I know that this is a extremely hard topic to write about, and I think you've done a pretty good job. Sometimes inappropriately used words and grammatical errors occur, but they don't degrade the whole style of the essay.

An essay like this may earn a score of 4 out of 5.

GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR TOEFL iBT!!!

X__stevenUID：2410396

It is hard to believe that you are a high-school student!
Thank you for your checking, and good luck ,too!