【TRANSFORMER】_ARGUMENT25_0802

yesrushUID: 2443769

第一天不错，大家坚持，晚上9点以前完成，继续fighting

25The following appeared in a memo from the mayor of the town of Hopewell.

"Two years ago, the town of Ocean View built a new municipal golf course and resort hotel. During the past two years, tourism in Ocean View has increased, new businesses have opened there, and Ocean View's tax revenues have risen by 30 percent. The best way to improve Hopewell's economy, and generate additional tax revenues, is to build a golf course and resort hotel similar to those in Ocean View."

灵感女孩UID: 2224424

hoho~ 完成了一篇argue~

Based on the ungrounded assumptions and dubious evidence, the mayor of the town of Hopewell draws the conclusion that the best way to boost Hopewell's economy, and raise additional tax revenues, is to imitate the nearby town Ocean View's method to build a golf course and resort hotel. To substantiate this conclusion, the mayor sites the example of Ocean View, that after two years of the completion of a new municipal golf course and resort hotel, the city has experienced an increase in tourism, and a jump of tax revenues of 30 percent. At first glance, the maker’s suggestion seems somewhat convincing. However, a thorough and further reflection reveals that the argument suffers from several logical flaws.

To begin with, the mayor falsely assumes that in Ocean View, the booming economy and an increase in tax revenue are caused by the building of a new municipal golf course and resort hotel. It can be completely possible that the increase of tourism is due to the better environment conditions in Ocean View. Maybe the town has implemented restrictive environmental policies that lowered the pollution and thus attracted more tourists. Or perhaps, the town has improved its overall traffic infrastructure so that it has become more convenient for travelers to get around the city so more people prefer to travel to Ocean View. Also, other factors that may account for the city's increase of tax revenue include, as simple as it sounds, higher tax rate, or as the mayor sites himself, from the new businesses opened in Ocean View. Without ruling out these possible factors that may contribute to the increasing tourism and tax revenue, the mayor cannot conclude that it is indeed the new golf course and resort hotel that attracted more travelers and increased tax revenue.

Even assuming it is indeed the new golf course and resort hotel that contributed to the improvement of the economy and tax revenue, this action was implemented two years ago. There is no guarantee that this trend will continue in the future in Ocean View. People can get tired of the golf course and resort hotel and thus seek other entertainments such as going to the casinos or theaters.

Furthermore, even assuming that the municipal golf course and resort hotel will continue attracting tourists to Ocean View and increase tax revenue, the mayor fails to consider the different situations of the two towns. Maybe Ocean View is located in a town near the sea, so that a resort hotel can become extremely popular for travelers to enjoy in summer, and Hopewell is resided in a land-locked location, so a resort hotel won't be as attractive. It can also be possible that Ocean View possesses a vast amount of land that enables the town to build a new golf course, but Hopewell has to occupy farming lands to construct a golf course. Then it is not realistic for Hopewell to follow Ocean View's plan.

Before I come to my conclusion, I also need to point out that even assuming Hopewell has a similar situation to Ocean View, this method may not be the best way to improve Hopewell's economy and generate additional tax revenues as the mayor suggests. Other or even better ways to improve the town's economy include encouraging foreign companies to invest in Hopewell to generate more jobs to lower unemployment rate and promoting export-oriented industries to amplify trade income for the town.

To sum up, the mayor fails to substantiate his claim that by following the model of Ocean View to build a new municipal golf course and resort hotel can the city of Hopewell improve its economy and generate additional tax revenue because the evidence sited in this analysis does not level strong support to verify what the mayor maintains. To make the argument more convincing, the mayor should provide more information about whether the city of Hopewell is a tourism city, or investigate to demonstrate that there is a strong demand for a golf course and a resort hotel. Therefore, if the mayor had included the given factors discussed above, it would have been more convincing and logically acceptable.

shallwetalk的文章改好了~ 见附件

shevavaUID: 2574709

TOPIC: ARGUMENT25 - The following appeared in a memo from the mayor of the town of Hopewell.

"Two years ago, the town of Ocean View built a new municipal golf course and resort hotel. During the past two years, tourism in Ocean View has increased, new businesses have opened there, and Ocean View's tax revenues have risen by 30 percent. The best way to improve Hopewell's economy, and generate additional tax revenues, is to build a golf course and resort hotel similar to those in Ocean View."
WORDS: 415          TIME: 00:52:25          DATE: 2009-8-2 16:07:44

The argument presented that if Hopwell's economy wanted to be improved by its best way, she must build a golf course and resort hotel similar to those in Ocean View. To substantiate this conclusion, the mayor gave the example of Ocean View, whose tourism had increased, new business opened and tax revenues risen by 30 percent, after the building of a new municipal golf course and resort hotel. The argument for the building in Hopewell seems logical.

However, the mayor of the town of Hopewell is failing to consider other possible alternatives to the economical improvement in Ocean View. Such alternatives may include the fact that Ocean View may develop other new tourism resources, while the municipal golf course and resort hotel are just additional constructions, so that a lot of people are attracted. It is also possible that new economical policies are applied, and due to the favored policies, many companies invest here and open business, so that tax revenues rise. Perhaps the rise of tax revenues results from other aspects, such as industry, agriculture, and so on.

Two years ago, at that time playing golf may a fashion, and a lot of people rushed to golf courses, so that a great market needed to be satisfied. However, without surveys, one cannot aver that indeed, a great number people are in need of new golf courses. It is mentioned in the argument that Ocean View's revenues have risen by 30 percent, but the main cause of the rising and the original economical conditions are not reminded. Also in reference to the self-conditions of each city, the geographical locations, the climates, the natural resources, the traditions of local people and so on, function comprehensively upon the development of the city. Ocean View may have beautiful scenes and long beaches, while Hopewell is a city depending on industry with ugly outlook.

In addition, in order to improve Hopewell's economy, there are many ways, for example, developing industry, biding for some influential sports games attracting new business, developing new business of great economical potential, and so forth. The way that can maximize the advantages of Hopewell to improve its economy is the best.

Overall, the argument seems logical at the first glance, since tourism is a good approach to improving economy. However, before any decisions are made about the economical improvement, the mayor should give more information about the possible alternatives and causes for the improvement in Ocean View and know of the real conditions of Hopewell.

bluyskyUID: 2657245

题目：ARGUMENT25 - The following appeared in a memo from the mayor of the town of Hopewell.

"Two years ago, the town of Ocean View built a new municipal golf course and resort hotel. During the past two years, tourism in Ocean View has increased, new businesses have opened there, and Ocean View's tax revenues have risen by 30 percent. The best way to improve Hopewell's economy, and generate additional tax revenues, is to build a golf course and resort hotel similar to those in Ocean View."

问题，对built a new municipal golf course and resort hotel这句话的准确理解
the mayor's logic:
   O town built a new municipal golf course and resort hotel-->tourism in O town has increased, new businesses have opened-->O town's tax revenues have risen by 30 percent-->H town should also built a golf course and resort hotel similar to those in O town to improve H's economy and generate addition tax revenues.

字数：459          用时：02:30:00          日期：2009-8-2 15:36:06
This memo recommends that the best way to improve Hopewell's economy and generate additional tax revenues is to build a golf course and resort hotel similar to those in Ocean View. To support this recommendation, the mayor cites the following facts about Ocean View: (1)two years ago, the Ocean View built a new municipal golf and resort hotel and then the tourism in Ocean view has increased and new businesses have opened; (2)because of the tourism has increased and new businesses have opened, Ocean View's tax revenues have risen by 30 percent; and (3) Hopewell should learn Ocean View's experience. Close scrutiny of each of these facts, however, reveals that none of them lend credible support to the recommendation.

First, Ocean View's new municipal golf course and resort hotel may be not the main reasons of its tourism increase and the open of new businesses. Perhaps the tourism came to Ocean View just for the finding hotspring or new history vestige. And a new tax policy may be the most attractive factor for these new businesses. In short, no evidence proved a direction relationship between those two things.

Secondly, even if the Ocean View's new golf course contributed to the additional tourism and new businesses, this have no direct relation to Ocean View's tax revenues. Maybe some others reasons like finding a new gold mine in the town, or building some new high-tech industries. We are not informed that new additional tourism and new businesses are the main factor contributing to the tax revenues increase. So this point also must need more detailed statistical data about Ocean View's tax revenues.

Thirdly, even assuming the increase tourism leads to a 30 percent rise of the Ocean View's tax revenues, there is no evidence show that building this new golf course and resorting hotel could fit the Hopewell's economical situation and then improve Hopewell's economy. To begin with, Ocean View's experience happened two years ago, maybe Ocean view happened to a good chance that in the past two years people had taken more golf
activity and that situation maybe change in the coming years. In addition, Hopewell’s economical environment maybe different from Ocean View and have little possibility to built new golf course and resort hotel. Perhaps Hopewell's available land is in tension now and Hopewell can't provide more land, or perhaps most Hopewell's people have no interest in golf and the mayor didn't prove that there must be adequate tourism after new golf course have been built.

In sum, the argument is logically flawed and therefore unconvincing as it stands. To strengthen it the mayor must modify the proposal to provide more explanations about relationship between the first two facts and more details about the two towns’ economy environment similarity.

yesrushUID: 2443769

楼上的文章改好了，在我的附件里

TOPIC: ARGUMENT25 - The following appeared in a memo from the mayor of the town of Hopewell.

"Two years ago, the town of Ocean View built a new municipal golf course and resort hotel. During the past two years, tourism in Ocean View has increased, new businesses have opened there, and Ocean View's tax revenues have risen by 30 percent. The best way to improve Hopewell's economy, and generate additional tax revenues, is to build a golf course and resort hotel similar to those in Ocean View."
WORDS: 455
TIME: 0:30:54
DATE: 2009-8-2

The argument is relatively well-present, however, the author fails to consider other factors to evaluate the situation. By making a comparison of Ocean View, the town with new-build municipal golf course and resort hotel and therefore increases its tourism, with the town Hopewell, the author draw the conclusion that they should build a golf course and resort hotel in order to improve its economy.

To begin with, the author unfairly assumes that the increasing tourism in Ocean View is attributable to building the new municipal golf course and resort hotel. It is possible that there is a new attraction opened in Ocean View, which attracts many tourist to come to Ocean View to visit. The author also ignores the possibility that a railway station is built near Ocean View, consequently it is more convenient for tourist to travel to Ocean View. Lacking the evidence about the changes happening in the town of Ocean View, I can not accept the author's conclusion that it is the new municipal golf course and resort hotel rather than other factors determine the increasing tourism.

In addition, even if building municipal golf course and resort hotel leads to the increasing tourism and new business, the same scenario which is effective in Ocean View may not bring success to Hopewell. It is probable that the golf courses and resort hotels in Hopewell are so many that most of them have lain idle for a long time, so building a new golf course or a new resort hotel will do nothing but wasting money. Even if the golf course and resort hotel is not sufficient in Hopewell, it is also possible that Hopewell is an industry city with high pollution, where people can not enjoy beautiful scene like ocean or forest, let alone come here to take a tourist. In short, in the face of such limited evidences, I can not accept the author's generalization that building a golf course and resort hotel can bring additional tourist and business to Hopewell.

What's more, even though building a golf course and resort hotel may improve Hopewell's economy, the author falsely assumes that this scenario is the best way. The author overlooks other scenarios can improve its economy, for example, building and upload the public facility in Hopewell, such as museum, park, shopping mall, where people can get entertainment and business man can invest new business to earn money.

To sum up, the argument suffers from several fallacies. To bolster the argument, the author should provide more information about the town of Hopewell. To better access the argument, the author should present other evidences that it is rather building golf course and resort hotel than other factors causes the increasing tourism in Ocean View.

shallwetalk1990UID: 2507431

题目：ARGUMENT25 - The following appeared in a memo from the mayor of the town of Hopewell.

"Two years ago, the town of Ocean View built a new municipal golf course and resort hotel. During the past two years, tourism in Ocean View has increased, new businesses have opened there, and Ocean View's tax revenues have risen by 30 percent. The best way to improve Hopewell's economy, and generate additional tax revenues, is to build a golf course and resort hotel similar to those in Ocean View."
字数：432          用时：3:13:25          日期：2009-8-2

It stands reason that points in this argument should be logical, cause of its well-presented satement. Grounding on this suppose that tourism,new bussinesses, and tax revenues in Ocean View has increase cause of the building of a new municipal golf course and resort hotel, the mayor of the town of Hopewell decided to follow Ocean View's lead, to improve Hopewell's economy. However, when we have a deep thought, we will find some logical confusions.

Firstly, considering the reliability of correlationship of building municipal golf course and resort hotel and the increasing, new businesses, and tax revenues in Ocean View in this argument, the mayor should calculate uncertain factors of it. No evidence can prove it that the establishment golf course and resort hotel is determining factor which lead to the number of tourism's extension. It looks still unknow that what other mesures Ocean View do make contribution to the success of it, this measures may be the major reasons of its improvement.

Secondly, in spite of the hypothesis above, it appears reasonable, the mayor of Hopewell draw an analogy between Ocean View and Hopewell incorrectly. Without the information of Ocean View's background, it seems questionable that the action that Ocean View took could be appropriate for Hopewell. The rised tax revenues of Ocean View should be compared with Hopewell's, it's no need to follow Ocean View, if their tax revenues are still less than Hopewell. Tourism in Ocean View may be its pillar industry, but not in Hopewell. If the ordinary tourism in Hopewell is not flourishing and no compelling place in it, few tourists tend to visit it even with a golf course and resort hotel. Envirment makes result different, no similar ending can be guaranteed without same envirments in the two town.

Finally, the suggestion in this argument point out that it's the best way to improve Hopewell's enconmy by building a golf course and resort. This balck-and-white advice neglect other effective ways to develop Hopemwell's economy, it's no deny that this ways could perform better than building a golf course and resort. The cost of course and hotel may greatly influence the development of enconomy, it is said very possible that improving Hopewell's economy couldn't come ture, much less the best way.

Overall, the major did apply himselves into his/her, while at the same time he was making lots of logical mistakes. He should make the reason why Ocean View succeed in tourism clear, but not purely emulate. Also more ways can improve Hopewell's economy instead of the only one. His conclusion shouldn't  be accepted, however, his job should.

bluyskyUID: 2657245

5# yesrush

辛苦了，这是第二篇文章，还在找感觉，下一步就是控制时间了，对argu的畏惧感已经消失了

bluyskyUID: 2657245

3# shevava

刚改好，欢迎进一步交流，嘿嘿

（1）The argument presented that if Hopwell's economy wanted to be improved by its best way, she must build a golf course and resort hotel similar to those in Ocean View.（第一句，改写题目的本意是好的，但改写的，读起来感觉别捏。这也是我的一个困惑，在不能流畅的改写题目的情况下，需不需要改写，还不如就用原题的表达法？） To substantiate this conclusion, the mayor gave the example of Ocean View, whose tourism had increased, new business opened and tax revenues risen by 30 percent, after the building of a new municipal golf course and resort hotel. The argument for the building in Hopewell seems logical.

（2）However, the mayor of the town of Hopewell is failing to consider other possible alternatives to the economical improvement in Ocean View. Such alternatives may include the fact that Ocean View may develop other new tourism resources, while the municipal golf course and resort hotel are just additional constructions, so that a lot of people are attracted. It is also possible that new economical policies are applied, and due to the favored policies, many companies invest here and open business, so that tax revenues rise. Perhaps the rise of tax revenues results from other aspects, such as industry, agriculture, and so on.

（3）Two years ago, at that time playing golf may a fashion, and a lot of people rushed to golf courses, so that a great market needed to be satisfied.（第一句个人觉得，缺少主旨句。只是一上来就摆了一个事实。或者你觉的这个点就是主旨句的话，它的概括程度还不够，就像一个帽子一样，它包不下下面全段的内容。） However, without surveys, one cannot aver that indeed, a great number people are in need of new golf courses. It （这一个攻击点，即O城的收入增长，可能并不是因为游客的增加和new businesses的建立，建议这个攻击点，单独成一个段落。放在这中间的位置，很容易被忽略。）is mentioned in the argument that Ocean View's revenues have risen by 30 percent, but the main cause of the rising and the original economical conditions are not reminded. Also in reference to the self-conditions of each city（这一句往下，讲O城的经验，并不一定适应于H城，建议也单独成段，这些都是逻辑错误的关键点。）, the geographical locations, the climates, the natural resources, the traditions of local people and so on, function comprehensively upon the development of the city. Ocean View may have beautiful scenes and long beaches, while Hopewell is a city depending on industry with ugly outlook.

（4）In addition, in order to improve Hopewell's economy, there are many ways, for example, developing industry, biding for some influential sports games attracting new business, developing new business of great economical potential, and so forth. The way that can maximize the advantages of Hopewell to improve its economy is the best.（此段感觉和第二段重复了，建议合成一段。第二段讲提高经济可能有其他的方法，这一段也是。从标出的主题句就能看出。）
（5）Overall, the argument seems logical at the first glance, since tourism is a good approach to improving economy. However, before any decisions are made about the economical improvement, the mayor should give more information about the possible alternatives and causes for the improvement in Ocean View and know of the real conditions of Hopewell（这一句话总结的很好，很干练，且把握了要点，值得学习。）.

总体感觉，虽然对题中的逻辑错误基本都找出来了并做了攻击（个人觉的还少了一个主要逻辑错误：O town built a new municipal golf course and resort hotel-->tourism in O town has increased, new businesses have opened。这一点原文的推断，缺少必要的证据支持。），但整篇文章的逻辑性不强，建议，段落安排方面做适当的修改。

我认为文章有一条主线，a->b->c->d.( O town built a new municipal golf course and resort hotel-->tourism in O town has increased, new businesses have opened-->O town's tax revenues have risen by 30 percent-->H town should also built a golf course and resort hotel similar to those in O town to improve H's economy and generate addition tax revenues.).可以按照这条主线攻击。首先a不能推出b;其次即使假设a->b,但是b也不能推出c；再次假设a->b-c,，但是c也不能推出d;最后还可以提一下，发展d，可以有其他的方法，我的文章里没有提到这点。

鉴于是在50分钟内完成，已经是非常棒了。再注意下逻辑就perfect了。
有兴趣的话，也可以参照一下我的文章，嘿嘿，欢迎赐教。！



By, bluysky, 2009-8-3

shallwetalk1990UID: 2507431

TOPIC: ARGUMENT25 - The following appeared in a memo from the mayor of the town of Hopewell.

"Two years ago, the town of Ocean View built a new municipal golf course and resort hotel. During the past two years, tourism in Ocean View has increased, new businesses have opened there, and Ocean View's tax revenues have risen by 30 percent. The best way to improve Hopewell's economy, and generate additional tax revenues, is to build a golf course and resort hotel similar to those in Ocean View."
WORDS: 455
TIME: 0:30:54
DATE: 2009-8-2

The argument is relatively well-present, however, the author fails to consider other factors to evaluate the situation. By making a comparison of Ocean View, the town with new-build municipal golf course and resort hotel and therefore increases its tourism, with the town Hopewell, the author draw the conclusion that they should build a golf course and resort hotel in order to improve its economy.（如果我没记错的话 这段基本照抄范文 那个well-present but not well-resasoned的那个 特别是by making a comparision更加一致 ETS如果看的话 首先一看这段估计有无数的学生模仿模板 所以直接就会否掉这个文章的）

To begin with, the author unfairly assumes that the increasing tourism in Ocean View is attributable to building the new municipal golf course and resort hotel. It is possible that there is a new attraction opened in Ocean View, which attracts many tourist to come to Ocean View to visit. The author also ignores the possibility that a railway station is built near Ocean View, consequently it is more convenient for tourist to travel to Ocean View. Lacking the evidence about the changes happening in the town of Ocean View, I can not accept the author's conclusion that it is the new municipal golf course and resort hotel rather than other factors determine the increasing tourism.

In addition, even if building municipal golf course and resort hotel leads to the increasing tourism and new business, the same scenario which is effective in Ocean View may not bring success to Hopewell. It is probable that the golf courses and resort hotels in Hopewell are so many that most of them have lain idle for a long time, so building a new golf course or a new resort hotel will do nothing but wasting money. Even if the golf course and resort hotel is not sufficient in Hopewell, it is also possible that Hopewell is an industry city with high pollution, where people can not enjoy beautiful scene like ocean（ocean应该是指洋吧 还是sea比较合适 我看了韦氏的解释 ocean首先表示覆盖地球四分之三的地方 其次还表示大面积覆盖的地方 感觉怎么讲都像是地理上的位置） or forest, let alone come here to take a tourist. In short, in the face of such limited evidences, I can not accept the author's generalization that building a golf course and resort hotel can bring additional tourist and business to Hopewell.

What's more, even though building a golf course and resort hotel may improve Hopewell's economy, the author falsely assumes that this scenario is the best way. The author overlooks other scenarios can improve its economy, for example, building and upload the public facility in Hopewell, such as museum, park, shopping mall, where people can get entertainment and business man can invest new business to earn money.

To sum up, the argument suffers from several fallacies. To bolster the argument, the author should provide more information about the town of Hopewell. To better access the argument, the author should present other evidences that it is rather building golf course and resort hotel than other factors causes the increasing tourism in Ocean View.

注：我仔细的看看了全文 如果说逻辑错误 没有什么 行文流畅 整篇文章都衔接的很好， 和我写逻辑错误都一样吧。我本身语法不好 我基本也没看到什么语法错误（可能是自己没看出来 不好意思了）中间这三段写逻辑错误的 我比较喜欢你的第一段和第二段 第一段和第二段不仅仅举出了错误 还把其他可能的原因加进去了。相比而言 第三段有点仓促 写的很简略 第三段可以 不过也没有大的错误 这个也无可厚非。总的而言，看了很舒服。

5# yesrush