习作，求指正

lifei00987UID：3214997

International organisations should provide poor countries with technology and practical advice rather than financial aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

  

International organizations play a pivotal role in promoting the development of poor countries. But when it comes to whether financial aid should be provided to poor countries by these international organizations, people hold divergent opinions. Personally, I believe that money should never be handed to authoritarian or corruptive governments ruling these developing countries,while we need to do our best help people living there.

Financial aid would be a great way to help poor countries were it not for two factors. First of all, venal public officials would embezzle the funds aimed to help the common people of that country. For example, it is reported recently that the money donated by foreign philanthropists to build modern schools for students in the impoverished inland area of China, was squandered by local officials on personal enjoyments, such as luxury cars and a pretty mistress. The second factor is more fundamental and thus more detrimental. The authoritarian governments of poor countries would probably use the funds it get to consolidate its status and power, which would absolutely aggravate rather than alleviate the pain of common citizens of that country.

It is undeniable that financial aid, if used properly, is an effective way to promote the development of poor countries. Non-government organizations are often strictly regulated by the government of these developing countries, if not banned altogether. Foreign financial aid would greatly boost their development and enhance the people's awareness of their rights. Moreover, enterprising citizens would be greatly helped if they could get funds to start small businesses of their own. Many smart people spend all their lives in poverty due to the lack of start-up capital.

In conclusion, financial aid is imperative for poor countries and could greatly promote the development of non-government organizations and enterprising citizens. But we need to make sure that these foreign funds are handed directly to these beneficiaries , not to the authoritarian or corruptive governments.

nazhaUID：2110193

6+
vocabulary-fair/good
passage structure: why didnt you put the "pro" passage in front of the "con" if you think financial aid is imperative? the deduction of your argument is not well structured. not convincing.
sentence structure: simple, straightforward, with some grammar mistakes;
too many useless, boring or inappropriate words like "personally, i believe, the second factor, absolutely ..."
However, still a safe work with basic arguments.