独立写作求改~T-T

winivyUID：2787907

很不擅长独立写作，之前考T都是作文都很悲催。。。哎。。。马上就要考了，求指导啊！！！泪牛！！！
In order to succeed, it is better to be more like others than to be different from everybody else.
同意
虽然，与众不同吸引人们眼球，但只是短暂的成功。很容易被取代。而与别人类似更有可能成功。
首先，成功的人有很多类似之处，品质，经历啥的。
其次，人们普遍更乐意帮助价值观用认知类似的人，因为彼此更容易理解和相互认同。所以成功人士可能也更愿意帮助与他们类似的人了啊，那这些受帮助的人就更有可能成功了啊。

Currently, there is a heated debate on whether people make success by being alike or different with others. Those who support the former idea may consider that it can bring shortcuts to success while others held oppositely that uniqueness leads to success easily. Though each perspective is illustrated by different evidence, as far as I am concerned, I cannot agree more to resemble others for imitation assists people to succeed rapidly, and also can reduce the possibility of making mistakes when exploring success.

To begin with, there is no doubt that imitation is one efficient method leading to success. When considering the history of human being, it is not difficult to sense that those successful men got very alike characteristics or experience when trying for success. Take scientists Einstein and Thomas Edison as examples. Although in the age of young, they did not show their gift for invention, they both were diligent and hardworking. They were all curious to the world in deed as well. Then, take a look at Bill Gates and Steve Jobs, their commonness is that they clear understood what they want and got perseverance when working. They both chose to drop out universities in order to concentrate on their own careers. So, the keys to success include hardworking, persistence, independent thought, apparent goal etc. And a man who embraces those qualities really have the tendency of being successful.

Secondly, successful individuals are more willing to assist those holding similar values and recognition to succeed. For example, when facing obstacles, people who are in common are much easier to corporate and work out ideas, because they hold similar aspects, which may render less time for quarrel or fight. Furthermore, there is no doubt that a successful man would appreciate people who are similar to him. For instance, a company's CEO are more likely to hire people being similar with, because those people are more probably to raise the CEO’s concern and resonance. Therefore, it is imitation that impulses people to succeed.

Although, specialty sometimes attracts people’s eye bows thus lead to success, but it cannot last for a long time. For instance, recently, countless internet users became famous because of funny articles in blogs or exaggerating performances in videos, nevertheless, with the advent of other more special writing styles or humorous shows, those internet celebrities were gradually out of date/washed-up. And this kind of cycle operates again and again. So, it is apparently that uniqueness can only attract eyeballs for a limit of time, whereas the genuine way of success is being more like others.

In conclusion, it is true that people can achieve success if they are alike. Admittedly, specialty brings reputations and money sometimes, being similar is much easier to be successful for successful people have very near qualities and recognition to society, which means they are prone to help those closing to them, because they take people who have the same property are more possible to succeed as granted. Therefore, we are supposed to be more diligent and think like what those successful people do in order to be successful in the future.  

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秋雨荆州UID：2903781

顶一下，等ro老师~;P

mpromanusUID：2565872

In order to succeed, it is better to be more like others than to be different from everybody else.

Currently, there is a heated debate on whether people make success (People don't 'make' success. They just 'succeed'. If you must use a V+N phrase, at least it needs to be something like 'achieve' success.) by being alike or different with others. Those who support the former idea may consider that it can bring shortcuts to success while others hold oppositely that uniqueness leads to success easily. Though each perspective is illustrated by different evidences, as far as I am concerned, I cannot agree more that to resemble others for imitation assists people to succeed rapidly, and also can reduce the possibility of making mistakes when exploring for success.

To begin with, there is no doubt that imitation is one efficient method leading to success. When considering the history of human beings, it is not difficult to sense that those successful men have ('got' meaning 'have' is a very colloquial usage. Just don't do it in writing.) very similar characteristics ('alike' is an 'intransitive' adjective, in the sense that you don't usually put anything after it, as in, you can say 'my brother and I are alike', but not 'my brother is alike me'.) or experience when trying for success (A rather awkward expression. The usual collocation with 'success' would be 'strive'.). Take scientists Einstein and Thomas Edison (He is an inventor and a businessman, but is not usually considered a scientist, in the sense that he didn't do any proper scientific investigation.) as examples. Although at an young age of young, they did not show their gift for invention (Einstein's gift is not in 'invention' but in abstract theories. He is a proper theoretical physicist. You don't seem to fully grasp what the accurate meanings of terms like 'scientist' or 'invention' are.), they were both were diligent and hardworking. They were all curious about the world in deed as well. Then, take a look at Bill Gates and Steve Jobs: their commonness is that they clear[colo=red]ly understood what they want and got perseverance when working. They both chose to drop out universities in order to concentrate on their own careers. So, the keys to success include hardworking, persistence, independent thought, an apparent ('apparent' can mean 'obvious, clearly visible', but also 'seeming', as in, appearing to the eyes as something but in truth being something else, e.g. 'His apparent kindness has fooled us all'.) goal etc. And a man who embraces those qualities really has the tendency of being successful (True, but these are common traits of 'successful people'. The question is about being similar to 'others', and 'others' may include successful people as well as unsuccessful people. Your argument only helps to prove that being more like successful people will be more beneficial to your own success, but does not prove that being more like 'others' will, too.).

Secondly, successful individuals are more willing to assist those holding similar values and recognition (Not too sure what this means here. It certainly doesn't mean the kind of 认知 or 认同 that your 提纲 appears to allude to.) to succeed. For example, when facing obstacles, people who are in common are much likely to corporate and work out ideas (If you must use 'easier', it must be '..easier to corporate and..with'.), because they hold similar aspects, which may render less time for quarrels or fights (This is a good point, but 1. you don't 'render' time; 2. this has nothing to do with the 1st sentence of the paragraph about successful people are more willing to help people similar to themselves, so there's no 'for example' relationship whatsoever here.). Furthermore, there is no doubt that a successful man would appreciate people who are similar to him. For instance, a company's CEO is more likely to hire people being who are similar with him, because those people are more probabe to raise the CEO’s concern and resonance (Again, I know what you wanted to say is probably somewhere along the line of 'sympathy' or 'rapport', but the vocabulary you're using is simply not appropriate.). Therefore, it is imitation that impulses people to succeed.(Again, this sentence has no logical relationship with the rest of the paragraph, because being similar is not necessarily 'imitation'. People can have born similarities or acquire common values, but 'imitation' is an action, something more consciously and purposefully done. You didn't really talk about 'imitation' up till now, in fact.)

Although, specialty sometimes attracts people’s eye bows (No, you don't translate 吸引人们的眼球 just like that. You can only attract people's attention, or criticism, or praises..) thus leading to success, but it cannot last for a long time. For instance, recently, countless internet users became famous because of funny articles in blogs or exaggerateed performances in videos, nevertheless, with the advent of other more special writing styles or humorous shows, those internet celebrities were gradually out of date/washed-up. And this kind of cycle operates again and again. So, it is apparently that uniqueness can only attract eyeballs for a limit amount of time, whereas the genuine way of success is being more like others. (I don't see how this is 'uniqueness', since you actually said that these people dropped out of fame because they are washed out by 'more special..styles or humorous shows', which means they were not really so much 'different from everybody else', at least, not too different from those who subsequently washed them out..because if they were really that different, they won't be so easily washed out. So really, think about how you reason for your argument..)

In conclusion, it is true that people can achieve success if they are alike. (That is never questioned. The question is whether they are more likely to be successful if they are alike, than if they are not.) Admittedly, specialty brings reputations and money sometimes, but being similar is much easier to be successful for successful people have very comparable qualities and recognition (Again, you seem to be using 'recognition' in place of 'cognition'..) to the society, which means they are prone (This is usually used for things like attacks or diseases rather than just general inclinations.) to help those close to them, because they take that people who have the same properties are more possible to succeed as granted (Too much information in one sentence. Don't try to flaunt long sentences like this..write shorter sentences and express what you want to say clearly.). Therefore, we are supposed to be more diligent and to think like what those successful people do in order to be successful in the future.(And obviously 'others' do not mean only 'successful people'. There goes again my point that you can't just focus on the word 'like' or 'different' and forget about the rest of the question. If you want to argue that being like successful people would help you to succeed, you have to pre-establish that it is the 'successful people' within 'others' that you are talking about, and given this, you do agree with the statement – that is, there must be a clear boundary in your discussion setup if your reasoning is limited to 'successful people'.)

总结：

请注意词用，词语之间的搭配。。论述上完全偷换了概念，问题问的是others，你大部分的时间都在说和成功人士类似会比较好。。但是others只包括成功人士吗难道。。所以你说了半天等于其实没有议论到题目的那句话 = = 你要议论成功人士，不是不可以，但是要一开始就把这条线画好，比如：我觉得至少和others中的成功人士相比来说，和他们类似可以更容易成功，之类的话，而不是全篇就直接冲着成功人士去了。。

winivyUID：2787907

mpromanus 发表于 2012-12-1 12:10
In order to succeed, it is better to be more like others than to be different from everybody else.
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十万分谢谢R老师！！非常受教……
明天就考了…我一定会注意仔细审题，不能偏题，只用有把握的简单词简单句，内牛……
等考完了以后继续来学写作文……T T