[每日一评] issue174

木耳UID：123036

这是一个新手写的文章。总的来说有其过人闪光点：大的逻辑结构很清楚，几个例子也用的比较到位；不过缺点也明显：反复犯一些最基本的语法问题（虽然强调过多次，但这在新手中仍是一个严重的问题），写一些没有把握的长句，结果很多漏洞。大家（尤其是新手）看一下，有则改过，无则加勉。

issue174
"Laws should not be rigid or fixed. Instead, they should be flexible enough to take account of various circumstances, times, and places."

I agree with the topic that the law should not be rigid or fixed but flexible to take account of various circumstances, times, and places. But anyway, it should be comparatively stable than other things that we may understand our responsibility and act according to it, avoiding legal punishment, and in this way lead a happy life.

Law用复数好一些。

First of all, the laws（可以删掉定冠词泛指） should be flexible enough to take account of various circumstances, times, and places. Different circumstances need different laws. The laws of peace time and that of war time are different, （这里另起一句吧）for instance, that one goes to the enemy counatry, during war time, without permission of the government is considered to be a behaviour of betraying and will be sentenced to death once he is arrested, but one can visit any country as he likes at peace time. （这句话写得不顺，重新组织一下。注意一般不要把句子写得太长，容易出问题。而且这个例子也不是很好，和平时期要出国也是要经过批准的啊。如果偷渡不是叛国那起码也是违法）At present in our society,（这句前面最好再加一两句以过渡，这样直接就讲第二个例子有些突兀）no one is allowed to keep slavers but several thousand years ago, in the ancient world, slavery is popular in both Rome and China, even in American in 18th century, slavery is in it's existence（in it's existence有这种表达？我没有见过）. From that above, we can find that laws changed as time passed. Also, laws of different places are not the same either. Take American for example, there are 51 states and everyone boasts a system of law, rather than constituting a single one all over the Federal.（后面这两个例子还不错）

Moreover, the laws（不需要定冠词） should develop constantly, following the pace of time, to meet the needs of social development, varying fromall（from all?注意拼写） fields such as economics, science and sports. Since Adam Smith published his theory that economics is(注意时态) under the control of  the "unseeing hand", the period of free transaction of capital society begun, with the protection of the laws then, which （were）against control of the government running into economics(which protest competition from the government’s control是不是好一点？running into economics感觉有些别扭 ). However, as time passed, the laws were no longer suitable for the 20th centure（拼写错误） that economic crisises assailed nearly all the developed countries and （the）economic system is(was) out of control(用失去控制不好。最好是：outdated过时的). So was born the new theory（so is …是“也”的意思吧？新的理论也诞生了？也字从何说起？）, created by Keynes（凯恩斯）, that the government help control the system（这是一个非限定定语从句？好像只能用which）, and the laws changed as well that business men are not allowed to act just on their willingness. (Then the new theory, which created by Keynes, came into being. According to the new laws based on that theory, the governments strengthened their power in economic systems. From then on, business men are under government macroscopic control.觉着你这句写的还是不顺，改了一下，你再看看，可能我改的还有不太合适的地方。还是要注意长句。句法语法的概念一定要明确。and, that, which,逗号等在使用的时候一定要注意到前后的关系。多用连词，介词，使文章显得清楚简洁，从句可以用，但如果功夫不是很到家，用得太多也不好，读着糊涂。 )  Not only does former laws change（注意时态）, but new laws are born（最好换一种说法） as well. There are no laws on the internet in 1980s, nevertheless nearly every country holds his own at present.

很多时候最好在每一段最后做一个总结或，这样使得结构完整一些。如果能在原论点的基础上再深入一些，那就更好了。比如你以上两段，在结尾处做个总结也不错。

On the other hand（on one hand 和on the other hand 一般是连起来用的。如果有两方面要讨论，两个连起来用比较好。这里是一个转折，用however一类的就行了）, a comparative stability of laws is required that one can understand his（现在在英语中比较强调性别人称。如果前面用了one,后面严格来讲要用he or she。如果嫌麻烦，用复数就行了：human, people, individuals 等 obligation(用复数好一些) and therefore make his behavour（复数） according to them. Because of the regulations（被动态吧？少了are） defined by the laws, one, if only living in a society, should act according to it and, if he breaks the laws, must be punished.(这语话也有些问题。首先是living in a society…人除了生活在社会中还会生活在什么地方？society的应该是个很广义的概念，这个限定我觉得没有必要；还有就是因果关系也有问题，你再读一下；再就是语法句法上的问题，整句话读起来总觉得不连贯不通顺) Strictly utilitarian（这个词是功利主义的意思吧？用在这里是什么意思呢？） laws regulate our behavior（复数）, show our legal rights, our obligation, so they are seriously important. Any uncertain laws are useless, （这里应该另起一句）instead, have negtive（拼写错误） effect on the society and put sand in the wheels（这个时固定段语吗？） of the development of all the fields.  

As all the evidences offered above, laws should be flexible to take account of various situations, or（用otherwise好一些） they are obstacles to the development of the society. Without laws our society cannot survive, and without comparetively stable laws, it may fall into confusion. If the laws defined in the morning change in the afternoon, no one will consider them seriously（这句话意思不太明确）, and the reputation of the laws will decline that nobody will act according to it.  

首先要注意一些最基本的问题：
1 单词拼写
2 单复数
3 事态语态（这个不是很严重）
写出比较地道流畅的句子对语言的要求就比较高了。初写长的英文句子往往会词不达意，行文不通，也会出现比较多的语法问题。对于你而言，用词虽然还有些贫乏，但比较准确；但后两个问题就比较严重一些。没有把握的长句就先写成短句，有了经验再慢慢加长。

整篇文章的逻辑挺清楚，几个论点也明确有层次；还有就是后面的几个例子都很不错。这两点是很重要的，也是issue的关键所在。

需要再加强得就是每段中的逻辑结构：既要有事例，又要有说理；结合起来使用，而且最好再段落中体现思路的层层深入，这样的说服力就会强许多。

总的说在大的方面把握得很不错，以后注意在语言方面，特别是句子上多下功夫。