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sokillerUID：3446082

Issue 58 Learning is primarily a matter of personal discipline; students cannot be motivated by school or college alone.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

题目属于是否同意命题及不同情况下是否正确

The students can be divided into three classification by their characteristics:
你见过有人这么写么-The students can be divided into three classification


Having talent and much more interest in learning. This kind of students has more to do with personal discipline, rather than motivation brought by school.


This kind of students has more to do with personal discipline, rather than motivation brought by school.
不明白你这句话在说什么  

不太看好你这种分类  感觉题目的重点是个人与机构之间的关系问题  你加入了talent interest等概念把问题复杂化了



2. Possessing interest, but less talent, in learning. Because of insufficient talent, these students encounter failure in study more than the talented students do. Personal discipline would lose its effect gradually, since students’ self-confidence is impaired by the increasing number of failure. By that time, school can play its role  in motivating students.



3. For the students with no interest and even high talent, both personal discipline and school can do nothing to motivate students in learning.


TS:

In my opinion, whether or not students can be motivated by school as learning is related to personal discipline is mainly depended on what kind of characteristics do students have and in fact two kinds are the chief answer to that question—interest and talent. For the student who have high talent and interest in learning, personal discipline influences more in learning rather than school does. For the students with no interest and even high talent in learning, school can do nothing to motivate students in learning. On the other hand, the students possessing interest but insufficient talent in learning are more likely be motivated by school.

ts1:

In general, students who are interested in learning are keen on acquiring various or specific academic knowledge. Although the path of acquiring is not flat and in fact students have to overcome a great number of unexpected sophisticated difficulties, their talent can offer adequate assistance making students reach their goal finally. According to the interest and talent, students can manage themselves in learning with personal discipline and need less from school.

举例很多的科学家在求学阶段并不需要学校给予鼓励或者帮助之类的，这是由于他们本身热爱他们所从事的学科，并且，其中的天赋帮助他们解决了很多实际问题。

For the students lacking interest in learning, study is a kind of thing that they have to suffer everyday. They believe that their future life should be related to individual hobby irrelevant to learning. Based on that, this kind of students prefer using talent and time more on other aspects than learning, making personal discipline in learning inexistent and motivation brought by school fruitless.


这里可以用身边同学例子，同学A很聪明 但对学习没有兴趣，对于他来说，学习只是完成学分的一个途径，相反，他认为打篮球才是他想要的，于是，每天花很多的时间去研究比赛录像，并且通过参加各种比赛提高自己球技。



Contrast to the students mentioned above, students with interest and less talent in learning are more likely to be motivated by school. Although this kind of students prefer spending their time and energy on learning due to the interest, a lot of difficulties is the inevitable challenge in process. Because of the lack of talent often, these students have to pay double or even more effort and time in searching resolution than the students who are talented, making them exhaustive and frustrated. Consequently, the interest is impaired and therefore personal discipline becomes less effective. Incentive from school can change this situation by such form as providing assistance, financial rewards and etc.  According to this kind of incentive, the negative effect generated by lack of talent can be counteracted.

举例可以用学生B，学生B是一个爱学习但学习天赋有限的学生，每次完成论文的时间要比其他的同学要长，但是论文本身很出色，这是由于尽管每次在写的期间他都感到十分的沮丧，但是一想到优秀的论文可以获得学校的奖学金，写作的积极性不由自主的增强的了。

麻烦王老师点评一下，重新写了一下提纲。

tesolchinaUID：2191404

风要幸福哦 发表于 2015-4-15 10:45
刚才附件没添加上去。。

The notion states that 没有这种说法
你题目和正文好像不符合

tesolchinaUID：2191404

sokiller 发表于 2015-4-15 22:12
Issue 58 Learning is primarily a matter of personal discipline; students cannot be motivated by scho ...

已点评

sokillerUID：3446082

tesolchina 发表于 2015-4-15 22:51
已点评

前面的3点忘删了 那个是写的一个大概思路，后面的内容是提纲。。。

3Q 我再改。。。

KssandraUID：2766998

tesolchina 发表于 2015-4-15 22:01
Every individual has different talents, and with education we know that we are good about and not ...

Education is an investment; student are discouraged when forced to things they are good at and may even give up pursuing things they are good at after failures.
不懂你这句话在说什么   

呃，在全文中那不打算变成一句话，是集合了好几句话的意思，这是一个提纲~
我后面写过了全文再发吧~

KssandraUID：2766998

tesolchina 发表于 2015-4-15 22:11
scandal 这篇行文还不错
  
但是对于题干中  because they focus our attention on problems in ways t ...

我想表达的意思是，我同意题目的意见，认为丑闻可以提示大家注意问题，但是不能过分依赖丑闻来发现问题。

您说的分情况讨论的意思，是要说针对哪一类的丑闻同意题目观点，针对另一类的丑闻不同意吗？

谢谢！

sokillerUID：3446082

Issue 58 Learning is primarily a matter of personal discipline; students cannot be motivated by school or college alone.

我觉得我审题还是有误 题目后面这个alone是说明school和college是无法单独的对学生进行motivate，因为learning是和personal discipline有关。。。

那么我要讨论的内容是 Can school or college motivate their students alone, despite personal discipline.

学校：大学 中学 小学
学生：with strong personal discipline, with less personal discipline
form of motivation: 大学 奖学金，中学 考试、成绩排名 小学 光荣榜 担当课代表；

personal discipline 在这三类学校的程度也不一样。找出它们之间的关系。。。

王老师这么分析可以吗？

tesolchinaUID：2191404

sokiller 发表于 2015-4-16 18:20
Issue 58 Learning is primarily a matter of personal discipline; students cannot be motivated by scho ...

按学生程度来分是不错的思路
另外题目似乎假设了personal discipline是personal的 学校无法影响
you may argue that at least at certain levels schools can teach students to discipline themselves

纪晓晴UID：3561823

老师好~~自己试着写了一下issue91 限时30分钟只写了400多一点，自己有重新改了一下，麻烦老师帮忙点评一下~~谢谢老师！

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91) The primary goal of technological advancement should be to increase people's efficiency so that they have more leisure time.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

The ubiquitousness of technology has provided myriads of advantages and great convenience for us. Someone claims that the primary goal of technology advancement is to boost productivity which enables people to have more leisure time. However, I can only partly agree with that. Indeed, the technology boosts the efficiency, but various technologies serve different functions in our society. The function is beyond the goal of more leisure time. For example, the transportation stimulates communication between different regions, and the medical technology enables people to lead a healthier and longer life. Moreover, compared with the ancient times, technology does not seem to provide more leisure time for people.

(交通技术改变生活 促进不同地区人们的交流,人们可以更加有效的利用时间 )
Transportation technology has been developed for years and changed our life a lot. Indeed it boosts efficiency but the primary goal is to enhance communication rather than provide more leisure time. Although we do not have more leisure time than before, we utilize the leisure time in a more efficient way. We no longer need to waste lots of time in the boring journey. For example, in the current days, it only takes us half a day to fly from Beijing to New York, which is unbelievable to our ancestors. Thus more people are willing to visit other places and experience different culture during their leisure time. So a much more intense communication between different regions flourishes.
一段基本在讲交通带来的改变 这个和题目所讨论的to increase people's efficiency  似乎并不矛盾 整个这一段并没有支持你首段所讲的观点
感觉你要否定科技的目的是提高效率是很难的 不如肯定前半部分 然后不同意后半部分  

(医药技术的发展是为了我们能够更好的生活 对抗疾病黑死病的灾难不会再重现，疾病可以被有效控制)
In addition, some technology development such as medical development is useful to enhance the health condition and mortality of human beings. Thanks to the medical technology, more disease can be controlled and cured effectively. However, the target for medical technology is beyond offering more leisure time. It enables us to lead a health and longer life. It is hard to imagine the condition in the European during the 14th century, when the plague spread across the continent. But in the modern society, owing to the advanced medicines such as antibiotic, human beings hardly experience such disaster. Even the scary HIVs, technology exist to keep it under control. Thus, the development of technology in medical field may not enable people to have more leisure time, but it can strengthen the capability of people to enjoy life.
其实也可以说提高了人们治愈疾病的效率  我总觉得要反对前面的观点是很困难的  

（与古代社会相比，科技并没有带给我们更多的休息时间，很多人工作到凌晨，没有时间与家人相处，休息）
Besides, compared with ancient time, we engaged more time in our work and become much busier than people in that time. So the idea that technology provides more spare time should be reconsidered. For example, without the invention of bulb, People in the ancient time ceased work after the sunset and spend the rest of time with family or have a sound sleep. However, nowadays, many people still have to work until midnight and spend less time with their family. Thus, it is hard to draw the conclusion that people have more leisure time after the advent of technology.
你的主题句没有明确的观点啊 只是说需要考虑？

Thus, the primary technology is not to provide us more leisure time but to provide a higher standard of life, such as a more intense communication with different regions and better medical facilities.  

纪晓晴UID：3561823

又重新写了第一段，回头一看确实错误太多。。刚刚看了issue65 试着写了一下提纲，不知道这样的思路可不可以，大概就是公平的法律要遵守，不公平的法律要改变 但是要根据不同 希望老师和同学们帮忙看一下~提出改正意见！谢谢啦~

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Every individual in a society has a responsibility to obey just laws and to disobey and resist unjust laws.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.

Since laws are made by human beings serving certain interests, there is no perfect law. Thus there must be just laws and unjust laws. If the laws can benefit the public, we need to comply with it and protect it. However, given the condition of an unjust law, we need to disobey it. But we can resort to different method according to the situation in the nation.

第一句话就不懂你在说啥
整个开头段都很空洞 语言表达的问题也很多  没有能够未后面的讨论做好铺垫



P2:
When the law is justice and does good to common people. Principle of natural duties and the principle of fairness establish the requisite duties and obligations. 这个很好说 正义的法律保护生命与财产 尽量写简单地例子 比如醉酒驾驶 公众场所禁止吸烟等等

However, when the law deviate the public recognized standard, we need to access the circumstance in terms of the demographic situation in the nation.

P3: In a democratic society with a well-order social system, people can revise the law by means of suggestion or other legal forms.如The Fourteenth Amendment protecting the universal right of people 对于第十三修正案的补充 通过议会来限制司法权的滥用。

P4:However, in a despotic society, legal social system is suppressed by the incumbent person. An unjust law cannot be changed by a smooth and peaceful way。 法国大革命的爆发就是由于路易十六的专制政策 废除议会长达25年之久，人们没有legal方法来表达自己的不满

KssandraUID：2766998

Issue 5刚见题目觉得不太好写，借用了一部分issue 2的思路，但是不确定有没有很好地回应题目。

准备思路没有花很长时间；这次计时结束的那一刻刚好奋力敲完最后一句话。检查的时候拼写和语法错误不多，较前几篇有进步，但是有些句子不太通顺，已经改过了。



谢谢老师！Happy Friday! :)

tesolchinaUID：2191404

Kssandra 发表于 2015-4-17 11:36
Issue 5刚见题目觉得不太好写，借用了一部分issue 2的思路，但是不确定有没有很好地回应题目。

准备思路 ...

你每次这样帖PDF我很难给具体的意见  
只能说总的来说写的还不错 语言表达来说


Therefore, I do not agree that the nation's 这里的therefore是一大败笔 完全没有因果关系  而且两段之间也不宜有因果关系

sokillerUID：3446082

Issue 58 Learning is primarily a matter of personal discipline; students cannot be motivated by school or college alone.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

题目属于是否同意命题及不同情况下是否正确

The students can be divided into three classification by their characteristics:


form of motivation: 大学 奖学金，中学 考试、成绩排名 小学 光荣榜 担当课代表；

care about these motivation, or not…


TS:

In my opinion, whether students cannot be motivated by school as learning is mainly related to personal discipline is chiefly depended on relationship between what kind of motivation school use in encouraging students and how much students recognize these motivations. In general, there are three kinds of motivations that school are used to adopt—providing scholarship, organizing examination and publishing honer roll. Since the result of examination organized by school can reflect the personal capacity that higher school or employer care about when they recruit, the students can be motivated by school. On the other hand, only few students have interest in fame and money, making personal discipline involve in learning more rather than incentive brought by school do.

看完你的第一段 总的感觉就是太复杂  
is depended on 我之前已经指出过这样写是不对的  

看你这个思路 不如直接全盘否定 然后分阶段讨论学校可以如何motivate学生


ts1:

No matter what kind of educational institution students attend, exam is the inevitable challenge that they have to face in every semester. The intent of exam is to not only remind the students that learning is their duty, but also test personal capacity and then leave a record for higher educational institution or employer to refer to. In short, the exam has a closer relationship with prospective study or job opportunity that almost every student care about, forcing students concentrate on learning actively. Hence, students’ learning can be motivated by school through exam, even learning is a matter of personal discipline.

举例GPA是由考试得出的，并且是很多学校录取研究生的一项重要指标，因此，所有想升学的同学会努力的学习，以便在考试中取得好的成绩，提高GPA的数值。

Offering fellowship is another common method that many schools prefer to use to encourage the students to study. However, it seems like this kind of motivation is not attractive to the most of students, cutting its value of motivating students. For one thing, due to the fact that the fellowship is often given to one person who is the best in learning, normally the competition is very intensive and needs students must spend a great deal of time and energy in study. Whereas, few students agree with that they should compete for fellowship with more rigorous learning in school, rather they think that study life is supposed to be colorful and agreeable. Moreover, some schools cannot provide contended fellowship that students can use to relief either the pressure generated by tuition or daily expenses.


例子本校的一等奖学金只有5000元，而将近2000人去竞争，可学费就9800块.



Many schools also like publishing honor roll at beginning of semester. By doing that, They hope that students can be motivated in learning by being famous in school. Also, there is fierce competition in learning as mentioned above, since only the names of the best students can be put on the roll. Therefore the thought of learning in comfortable circumstance will be generated again, making purpose of motivating students in learning less effective. Furthermore, some students, even including these best students, do not want to be famous in school, they just hope learning peacefully.



举例每学期学校都会在新学期开始的时候张贴光荣榜，后来，这个措施取消了，因为，上自习的人数并没有因为这个举措而得到的提升，并且，有一部分上榜的同学还要求不要公开他们的名字，因为，他们学习的时候总有人来咨询问题，打断他们的学习计划。

再出一版提纲，审题很重要啊！！！

麻烦王老师点评一下，重新写了一下提纲。

KssandraUID：2766998

tesolchina 发表于 2015-4-17 21:58
你每次这样帖PDF我很难给具体的意见  
只能说总的来说写的还不错 语言表达来说

所以其实最好贴可以直接在上面编辑的格式吗？抱歉，不太清楚您一般是怎么修改的。。。我下次改成word。

这里的therefore想表达的是我同意claim是由于其他的reason而不是题目所说的reason。您是建议直接处理成并列关系吗？

非常感谢！

sokillerUID：3446082

我明白了 其实 按照我这个思路写 学校的motivation是无论如何无法站住脚 还如直接干掉的好。。。