argument65 超时27秒,现看题现想,终于接近限时成功了啊好高兴

ivyshoulUID: 195537

------题目------
The following appeared in a memo from the president of a chain of cheese stores located throughout the United States.
'For many years all the stores in our chain have stocked a wide variety of both domestic and imported cheeses. Last year, however, the five best-selling cheeses at our newest store were all domestic cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin. Furthermore, a recent survey by Cheeses of the World magazine indicates an increasing preference for domestic cheeses among its subscribers. Since our company can reduce expenses by limiting inventory, the best way to improve profits in all of our stores is to discontinue stocking many of our varieties of imported cheese and concentrate primarily on domestic cheeses.'
------正文------
Though the author seems to follow a logical path in reasoning as well as provide relevant evidence, the argument is still unsound. There may be other alternative explanations of the superior performance of domestic cheeses at the newest store. Also the author fails to bear in mind other alternatives that may affect the reliability of the magazine survey.

First of all, superior performance of domestic cheeses at the newest store may be insufficient to bear a general conclusion for all stores. There may be other factors that really matter. Perhaps the newest store holds a big sale of domestic cheeses from Wisconsin that people buy them simply due to the lower price. And in fact, they prefer imported cheeses if it is not for the big sale. Also, perhaps accidentally citizens in the neighborhood of the newest store are fond of the flavor of the domestic cheeses, while for other people in the rest part of the nation, imported cheeses are more delicious. These alternatives may also include the economic condition of the neighborhood of the newest store. It is possible that the domestic cheeses are cheaper than imported ones in average and coincidentally the neighborhood is facing a declination in economic that citizens choose domestic ones to save money despite other factors as flavor and nutrition.

Furthermore, the survey is not as credible as the author assumes. What do the magazine's subscribers consist of? If the subscribers mainly consist of domestic cheese producers and merchants, it is no surprise that they choose domestic cheeses over foreign ones. Again, how many subscribers respond to the survey? A total of 20 people are far from enough for us to draw out a general conclusion. Also, the samples' age, gender, race, work, health condition, lifestyle and the region from which they come should be taken into account. If the samples have much in common that the result of the survey may be limited in some traits that they share and cannot represent the favor of the whole population.

At last, granted all the assumption that the author presumptuously claims, the suggestion is still open to doubt. In the first place, to earn a profit means that our income must surpass the expense. What if the domestic cheeses are too expensive and can barely bring us much income and the reserving of them is harder than imported ones? And what if local cheeses are more likely to perish than imported ones? Then it will not be a good idea for us to mainly store domestic cheeses. Moreover, the operation and administration both can affect profit considerably thus we may find other better ways to raise profit other than mainly based on reserving local cheeses.

To sum up, the author should conduct careful investigation respecting why domestic cheeses perform so well in the newest shop. Moreover, we may require unfailing evidence to ensure the veracity of the survey. At last, the author should keep in mind that there may be other better ways to raise profit.



好高兴只超时27秒,最接近限时成功的一次 :D  :D  :D

ivyshoulUID: 195537

up

searchccUID: 179348

这是我第一次改别人的文章，如果有说错的地方，表怪我哦～
也希望能互改，昨晚我也写了这篇呢·：argu处女作啊～
Though the author seems to follow a logical path in reasoning as well as provide relevant evidences, the argument is still unsound. There may be other alternative explanations of the superior performance of domestic cheeses at the newest store. Also the author fails to bear in mind other alternatives that may affect the reliability of the magazine survey.

First of all, superior performance of domestic cheeses at the newest store may be insufficient to bear a general conclusion for all stores. There may be other factors that really matter. Perhaps the newest store holds a big sale of domestic cheeses from把from改成in？ Wisconsin thatthat改为where？ people buy them simply due to the lower price. And in fact, they mayprefer imported cheeses if it is not for the big sale. Also, perhaps accidentally citizens in the neighborhood of the newest store are fond of the flavor of the domestic cheeses, while for other people in the rest part of the nation, imported cheeses are more deliciousdelicious改为popular？. These alternatives may also include the economic condition of the neighborhood of the newest store. It is possible that the domestic cheeses are cheaper than imported ones in average and coincidentally the neighborhood is facing a declination in economic that citizens choose domestic ones to save money despite other factors as flavor and nutrition.
这段分析得很全面呢·比我好多了～

Furthermore, the survey is not as credible as the author assumes. What do the magazine's subscribers consist of? If the subscribers mainly consist of domestic cheese producers and merchants, it is no surprise that they choose domestic cheeses over foreign ones改用prefer...to...好一点. Again, how many subscribers respond to the survey? A total of 20 people are far from enough for us to draw out a general conclusion. Also, the samples' age, gender, race, work, health condition, lifestyle and the region from which they come should be taken into account. If the samples have much in common that the result of the survey may be limited in some traits that they share and cannot represent the favor of the whole population.
这个，貌似眼熟，和猴哥上给的提纲颇像呢

At last, granted all the assumption that the author presumptuously claims, the suggestion is still open to doubt. In the first place, to earn a profit means that our income must surpass the expense. Whatwill happen if the domestic cheeses are too expensive and too...that...或者too...to 结构比较好can barely bring us much income and the reserving of them is harder than imported ones? And what只有一个what看起来结构不完整，不知道是不是有这样的用法只是我孤陋寡闻。。 if local cheeses are more likely to perish than imported ones? Then it will not be a good idea for us to mainly store domestic cheeses. Moreover, the operation and administration both can affect profit considerably thus we may find other不要other，累赘 better ways to raise profit other than mainly based on reserving local cheeses.

To sum up, the author should conduct careful investigation respecting why domestic cheeses perform so well in the newest shop. Moreover, we may require unfailing evidence to ensure the veracity of the survey. At last, the author should keep in mind that there may be other better ways to raise profit.

ivyshoulUID: 195537

Though the author seems to follow a logical path in reasoning as well as provide relevant evidences, the argument is still unsound. There may be other alternative explanations of the superior performance of domestic cheeses at the newest store. Also the author fails to bear in mind other alternatives that may affect the reliability of the magazine survey.

First of all, superior performance of domestic cheeses at the newest store may be insufficient to bear a general conclusion for all stores. There may be other factors that really matter. Perhaps the newest store holds a big sale of domestic cheeses from把from改成in？ Wisconsin thatthat改为where？(那个cheeses from Winconsin是原文里面的话哦,你没理解到我的意思好像) people buy them simply due to the lower price. And in fact, they mayprefer imported cheeses if it is not for the big sale. Also, perhaps accidentally citizens in the neighborhood of the newest store are fond of the flavor of the domestic cheeses, while for other people in the rest part of the nation, imported cheeses are more deliciousdelicious改为popular？. These alternatives may also include the economic condition of the neighborhood of the newest store. It is possible that the domestic cheeses are cheaper than imported ones in average and coincidentally the neighborhood is facing a declination in economic that citizens choose domestic ones to save money despite other factors as flavor and nutrition.
这段分析得很全面呢·比我好多了～

Furthermore, the survey is not as credible as the author assumes. What do the magazine's subscribers consist of? If the subscribers mainly consist of domestic cheese producers and merchants, it is no surprise that they choose domestic cheeses over foreign ones改用prefer...to...好一点. (呵呵同意)Again, how many subscribers respond to the survey? A total of 20 people are far from enough for us to draw out a general conclusion. Also, the samples' age, gender, race, work, health condition, lifestyle and the region from which they come should be taken into account. If the samples have much in common that the result of the survey may be limited in some traits that they share and cannot represent the favor of the whole population.
这个，貌似眼熟，和猴哥上给的提纲颇像呢

(是么?我都是拿题现想的啊...)

At last, granted all the assumption that the author presumptuously claims, the suggestion is still open to doubt. In the first place, to earn a profit means that our income must surpass the expense. Whatwill happen if the domestic cheeses are too expensive and too...that...或者too...to 结构比较好(写这儿的时候逻辑不是很清楚,看到时间要到了有点紧张)can barely bring us much income and the reserving of them is harder than imported ones? And what只有一个what看起来结构不完整，不知道是不是有这样的用法只是我孤陋寡闻。。(是可以的吧?我经常这么写的说...顺手就出來了...) if local cheeses are more likely to perish than imported ones? Then it will not be a good idea for us to mainly store domestic cheeses. Moreover, the operation and administration both can affect profit considerably thus we may find other不要other，累赘 better ways to raise profit other than mainly based on reserving local cheeses.

To sum up, the author should conduct careful investigation respecting why domestic cheeses perform so well in the newest shop. Moreover, we may require unfailing evidence to ensure the veracity of the survey. At last, the author should keep in mind that there may be other better ways to raise profit.



谢啦

dvdwormUID: 168213

Scandals can draw considerable people’s attention to problems very quickly. The number of people intrigued by scandals and the intensity of their attention is inimitable, no speaker or reformer could ever do a better job. Also, by exposing the dark side of the society and weaknesses in human nature to the public, scandals is (are)useful to warn related people and urge them to solve the problems.

Mostly people are deaf to the things they don’t care, thus the voice of reformers and speakers is only audible to a small proportion of the population that really cares about the affairs in that area. However, scandals are capable to intrigued (intrigue) different people in a marvelous way. We people are curious and inquisitive naturally. Whether we admit it or not, we common people likes (like) to look into big persons’ affairs and mostly the negative ones please us much. For by finding out spots in celebrities’ halos we can get psychological satisfaction to know that they are not superior saints, but fallible, imperfect human being. For example, as for some exclusive, independent areas like academia, common people have no interest to know what’s happening inside, for it has nothing to do with their daily life. They would rather pay attention to the sanitary condition of a small local hospital than urgent problems claimed by academic speakers and reformers. Nonetheless, once a scandal concerning a well-known professor cheating in scientific papers pops up, it will soon become a hot topic in ordinary people’s daily life. People know nothing about science will be intrigued to know how a respected, talented somebody(person) do such disgraced things and how he/she will react to the public.

Even though most people intrigued by scandals just treat them as interesting, popular stories exchanged between friends in idle times and they will not bother to find ways to solve the problems revealed by the scandals, scandals can still be useful to catalyze solutions. The public just simply won’t let the celebrities go until they perform satisfactorily as reaction to the scandals. People will go on concerning the successive affairs until the related persons made proper amends. Perhaps related persons may find ways to blind public’s eyes and cover the truth, but still it will be a caution to them to act properly in their status, After (after) all the voice of the public cannot be fully overlooked and it is always not a joyous thing to be criticized by thousands of people.

As people are so easily attracted by scandals, powerful persons may intentionally make out scandals to distract the public’s attention from core matters most urgently needed concern. Politicians are used to do such things. Once the national economy faces a decline, scandals respecting a corrupted official will distract the public’s eyes, at least temporarily. Scandals may fool the public in that way.

As I deem, scandals can do a better job to attract people’s attention than reformers and speakers. Also, it serves to bring about proper solutions. Nevertheless, scandals can be guided to blind the public the essential problems.
感觉第四段展开的不够，如果时间允许的话应该再写的深入一点。其他没什么大问题，总体感觉写的挺好的

dvdwormUID: 168213

噢，贴错地方了，再来。呵呵

朽木白哉UID: 195804

------题目------
The following appeared in a memo from the president of a chain of cheese stores located throughout the United States.
'For many years all the stores in our chain have stocked a wide variety of both domestic and imported cheeses. Last year, however, the five best-selling cheeses at our newest store were all domestic cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin. Furthermore, a recent survey by Cheeses of the World magazine indicates an increasing preference for domestic cheeses among its subscribers. Since our company can reduce expenses by limiting inventory, the best way to improve profits in all of our stores is to discontinue stocking many of our varieties of imported cheese and concentrate primarily on domestic cheeses.'
------正文------
Though the author seems to follow a logical path in reasoning as well as provide relevant evidence, the argument is still unsound[我觉得还是应该把conclusion讲出来， 只是不要restate他的理由就好]. There may be other alternative explanations of the superior performance of domestic cheeses at the newest store. Also the author fails to bear in mind other alternatives that may affect the reliability of the magazine survey.

First of all, superior performance of domestic cheeses at the newest store may be insufficient to bear a general conclusion for all stores. There may be other factors that really matter. Perhaps the newest store holds a big sale of domestic cheeses from Wisconsin that people buy them simply due to the lower price. And in fact, they prefer imported cheeses if it is not for the big sale [of domestic cheeses]. Also, perhaps accidentally citizens in the neighborhood of the newest store are fond of the flavor of the domestic cheeses, while for other people in the rest part of the nation, imported cheeses are more delicious.[Moreover,] These alternatives may also include the economic condition of the neighborhood of the newest store. It is possible that the domestic cheeses are cheaper than imported ones in average and coincidentally the neighborhood is facing a declination in economic that citizens choose domestic ones to save money despite other factors as flavor and nutrition.[这句太长了  有点没讲清楚的感觉][it is possible that the declining economic there made the citizens chose the domestic cheeses as they are cheaper than imported ones. ]

Furthermore, the survey is not as credible as the author assumes. What do the magazine's subscribers consist of? If the subscribers mainly consist of domestic cheese producers and merchants, it is no surprise that they choose domestic cheeses over foreign ones. Again, how many subscribers respond to the survey? A total of 20 people are far from enough for us to draw out a general conclusion. Also, the samples' age, gender, race, work, health condition, lifestyle and the region from which they come should be taken into account. If the samples have much in common that the result of the survey may be limited in some traits that they share and cannot represent the favor of the whole population.

At last, granted all the assumption that the author presumptuously claims, the suggestion is still open to doubt. In the first place, to earn a profit means that our income must surpass the expense [这句应该不要 profit是什么 考官应该知道的 直接讲没说进口的不能盈利就好]. What if the domestic cheeses are too expensive [expensive应该是价格 成本高的话 应该是the higher cost ] and can barely bring us much income [income是收入 就说profits] and the reserving [reserving expense ]of them is harder[higher] than imported ones? And what if local cheeses are more likely to perish than imported ones? Then it will not be a good idea for us to mainly store domestic cheeses. Moreover, the operation and administration both can affect profit considerably thus we may find other better ways to raise profit other than mainly based on reserving local cheeses.

To sum up, the author should conduct careful investigation respecting why domestic cheeses perform so well in the newest shop. Moreover, we may require unfailing evidence to ensure the veracity of the survey. At last, the author should keep in mind that there may be other better ways to raise profit.

[一起加油吧~~~~亲爱的！！]

ivyshoulUID: 195537

呵,自己写长句顺思路走不觉得晦涩,别人看就是容易搞不清楚,还容易歧义...

加油!亲爱的!要对起被浪费掉的大好阳光!

flyingwindUID: 189320

Though the author seems to follow a logical path in reasoning as well as provide relevant evidence, the argument is still unsound. There may be other alternative explanations of the superior performance of domestic cheeses at the newest store. Also the author fails to bear in mind other alternatives that may affect the reliability of the magazine survey. 开头不错，提纲式开头，不过没提到survey

First of all, superior performance of domestic cheeses at the newest store may be insufficient to bear a general conclusion for all stores. There may be other factors that really matter. Perhaps the newest store holds a big sale of domestic cheeses from Wisconsin that people buy them simply due to the lower price. And in fact, they prefer imported cheeses if it is not for the big sale这里big sale是大减价吗？会不会有歧义呢？. Also, perhaps accidentally citizens in the neighborhood of the newest store are fond of the flavor of the domestic cheeses, while for other people in the rest part of the nation, imported cheeses are more delicious.少承接词语 These alternatives may also include the economic condition of the neighborhood of the newest store. It is possible that the domestic cheeses are cheaper than imported ones in average and coincidentally the neighborhood is facing a declination in economic that citizens choose domestic ones to save money despite other factors as flavor and nutrition. 是不是还有一些其他的错误？去年一年不代表将来。买的多不代表利润高。前5个是国内的不代表国内的超过国外的，也许从第6名到第10000名都是国外的。

Furthermore, the survey is not as credible as the author assumes. What do the magazine's subscribers consist of? If the subscribers mainly consist of domestic cheese producers and merchants, it is no surprise that they choose domestic cheeses over foreign ones. Again, how many subscribers respond to the survey? A total of 20 people are far from enough for us to draw out？？去掉out a general conclusion. Also, the samples' age, gender, race, work, health condition, lifestyle and the region from which they come不错！ should be taken into account. If the samples have much in common that the result of the survey may be limited in some traits that they share and cannot represent the favor of the whole population. 最后一个句子不通the result of the survey may be limited in some traits？

At last, granted all the assumption批驳所有的论据？不好吧 that the author presumptuously claims, the suggestion is still open to doubt. In the first place, to earn a profit means that our income must surpass the expense. What if 这样语法有没有毛病？the domestic cheeses are too expensive and can barely bring us much income and the reserving of them is harder than imported ones? And what if local cheeses are more likely to perish than imported ones? 这2个what if的内容不persuasive，有点牵强Then it will not be a good idea for us to mainly store domestic cheeses.这段之前的批驳不太好，很勉强 Moreover, the operation and administration这个理由是可以的 both can affect profit considerably thus we may find other better ways to raise profit other than mainly based on reserving local cheeses.

To sum up, the author should conduct careful investigation respecting why domestic cheeses perform so well in the newest shop. Moreover, we may require unfailing evidence to ensure the veracity of the survey. At last, the author should keep in mind that there may be other better ways to raise profit.结尾也还好

总体不错哦，就是body3前一段有点问题。

进步飞快啊

ivyshoulUID: 195537

Though the author seems to follow a logical path in reasoning as well as provide relevant evidence, the argument is still unsound. There may be other alternative explanations of the superior performance of domestic cheeses at the newest store. Also the author fails to bear in mind other alternatives that may affect the reliability of the magazine survey. 开头不错，提纲式开头，不过没提到survey

First of all, superior performance of domestic cheeses at the newest store may be insufficient to bear a general conclusion for all stores. There may be other factors that really matter. Perhaps the newest store holds a big sale of domestic cheeses from Wisconsin that people buy them simply due to the lower price. And in fact, they prefer imported cheeses if it is not for the big sale这里big sale是大减价吗？会不会有歧义呢？[汗,不知道…]. Also, perhaps accidentally citizens in the neighborhood of the newest store are fond of the flavor of the domestic cheeses, while for other people in the rest part of the nation, imported cheeses are more delicious.少承接词语 These alternatives may also include the economic condition of the neighborhood of the newest store. It is possible that the domestic cheeses are cheaper than imported ones in average and coincidentally the neighborhood is facing a declination in economic that citizens choose domestic ones to save money despite other factors as flavor and nutrition. 是不是还有一些其他的错误？去年一年不代表将来。买的多不代表利润高。前5个是国内的不代表国内的超过国外的，也许从第6名到第10000名都是国外的。[当时限时没想到啊]

Furthermore, the survey is not as credible as the author assumes. What do the magazine's subscribers consist of? If the subscribers mainly consist of domestic cheese producers and merchants, it is no surprise that they choose domestic cheeses over foreign ones. Again, how many subscribers respond to the survey? A total of 20 people are far from enough for us to draw out？？去掉out a general conclusion. Also, the samples' age, gender, race, work, health condition, lifestyle and the region from which they come不错！ should be taken into account. If the samples have much in common that the result of the survey may be limited in some traits that they share and cannot represent the favor of the whole population. 最后一个句子不通the result of the survey may be limited in some traits？[in some traits the samples share]

At last, granted all the assumption批驳所有的论据？不好吧 that the author presumptuously claims, the suggestion is still open to doubt. In the first place, to earn a profit means that our income must surpass the expense. What if 这样语法有没有毛病？[第二次有人这么说了,待我问问牛人]the domestic cheeses are too expensive and can barely bring us much income and the reserving of them is harder than imported ones? And what if local cheeses are more likely to perish than imported ones? 这2个what if的内容不persuasive，有点牵强Then it will not be a good idea for us to mainly store domestic cheeses.这段之前的批驳不太好，很勉强 Moreover, the operation and administration这个理由是可以的 both can affect profit considerably thus we may find other better ways to raise profit other than mainly based on reserving local cheeses. [我想的是有可能国内的杀菌啊封装什么的技术差,做出來的cheese保质期短,保存要求高,成本就上去了……]

To sum up, the author should conduct careful investigation respecting why domestic cheeses perform so well in the newest shop. Moreover, we may require unfailing evidence to ensure the veracity of the survey. At last, the author should keep in mind that there may be other better ways to raise profit.结尾也还好

chinhoiUID: 173262

昨天一直在精华区学习，没来看文章
今天才过来回拍，发现前面那么多牛人点评过了
再多也说不上什么
不过我觉得，那天的看到so猫mm的帖子很有道理哈
说驳斥的时候，如果能够注意到段落之间的逻辑关系
即每个驳斥的点能够层层推进，会显得更加有力
不过如果限时，而且题目现看的话，可能很难做到

不管怎么说，限时写成这样就很让我佩服了
继续加油啊！

ivyshoulUID: 195537

今天的限时又失败了
555!