issue7 G-89-互助社-8.8日同主题作文！欢迎互拍！

polymathUID：179557

今天写个高频题，欢迎大家拍砖！:D

7. "The video camera provides such an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life that it has become a more important form of documentation than written records."摄像机可以如此精确有力地记录当代人们的生活，因此它已经成为比纸笔记录更重要的记录方式。（习作14，2005/08/8） ☆☆☆☆

“Is your house an intruder's dream?” Once a saleman asked me this question and made me confused. After seeing me at a loss, he went on showing that if I wish to raise my home's security level from feeble to fortress, just a tiny Video Camera would does it well.This is a true story and it in fact tells us such fact: video cameras are more and more used throughout the world to record our daily life. However, do video cameras consequently play a more important role in documatation than written records, as the speaker’s asserts?In my view, it is not necessarily the case.

Admittedly, the video cameras have certain advantages when compared to the traditional writen forms. First, they can quickly and precisely record the current events and provide sufficient information and obversation sources for further thoughts and actions. Second, in documenting temporal, spatial events and experiences, video cameras have a better memory than written records. For instance, when retrospecting the ominous ecnonomic crisis took in 1930, by reading the written records,we only know that many factories collapsed,many workers lost their jobs and people endured the hunger and cold at that time. But through the records of video cameras,we could vitness a real world of that time. Third, when video cameras are in private use rather than in official’ hands, it can used as a record of personal life. Thus the dream of becoming eternity and immotality can be partly realised. For example, when a couple coming to review their wedding , a video record not only remind them of accurate event, but even to meticulous details, such as how the bridegroom kissed the bride, what is the eyebrow of the bride like. Yet through other forms of recording such as written records, such sights could hardly reappear.Forth, with the invention of automatic video cameras such as surveillance cameras, people can be informed what have happened when they were out. So everyone can have peace of mind when they are not at home or office for video cameras make it easy to watch over our home or small business.

However, in some other realms, written records are more advantageous and appropriate than video cameras. First of all, the tools of written records such as paper and pens are not only cheap but also convenient in constrast to video cameras. Second, written records have the fascination and charms of letters which could not be replaced by video cameras. For example, when reading a historical novel, people would get a full appreciation of the history as well as the mood and spirit of the writer between the lines. In addition, the written records, compared with the records recorded by the video cameras, can provide more detailed and comprehensive information. Common sense tells me, it is difficult and waste of time or money for video cameras to record all the fields of contemporary life, even only recording typical events is still a waste. But as it is familiar with everyone,writing dairy can easily meet with our demands.Moreover,

In conclusion, both written records and the video cameras have their own merits and shortcomings. It is not wise to ignore one form of documentation and emphasize the other’ importance because we cannot judge which one is more or most important. So we should take various forms of documentation depending on different situations. Without any of them, we can hardly portray our world thoroughly.(569)

wzyuanUID：170008

今天写个高频题，欢迎大家拍砖！

7. "The video camera provides such an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life that it has become a more important form of documentation than written records."摄像机可以如此精确有力地记录当代人们的生活，因此它已经成为比纸笔记录更重要的记录方式。（习作14，2005/08/8） ☆☆☆☆

“Is your house an intruder's dream?有这样说吗” Once a saleman asked me this question and made me confused. After seeing me at a loss, he went on showing that if I wish to raise my home's security level from feeble to fortress, just a tiny Video Camera would does it well.This is a true story and it in fact tells us such fact: video cameras are more and more （widely） used throughout the world to record our daily life. However, do video cameras consequently play a more important role in documatation than written records, as the speaker’s asserts?In my view, it is not necessarily the case.

Admittedly, the video cameras have certain advantages when compared to the traditional writen forms. First, they can quickly and precisely record the current events and provide sufficient information and obversation sources for further thoughts and actions. Second, in documenting temporal, spatial events and experiences, video cameras have a better memory than written records. For instance, when retrospecting the ominous ecnonomic crisis took in 1930, by reading the written records,we only know that many factories collapsed,many workers lost their jobs and people endured the hunger and cold at that time. But through the records of video cameras,we could vitness witness a real world of that time. Third, when video cameras are in private use rather than in official’ hands, it can used as a record of personal life. Thus the dream of becoming eternity and immotality can be partly realised. For example, when a couple coming to review their wedding , a video record not only remind them of accurate event, but even to meticulous details, such as how the bridegroom kissed the bride, what is the eyebrow of the bride like. Yet through other forms of recording such as written records, such sights could hardly reappear.Forth, with the invention of automatic video cameras such as surveillance cameras, people can be informed what have happened when they were out. So everyone can have peace of mind when they are not at home or office for video cameras make it easy to watch over our home or small business.

However, in some other realms, written records are more advantageous and appropriate than video cameras. First of all, the tools of written records such as paper and pens are not only cheap but also convenient in constrast to video cameras. Second, written records have the fascination and charms of letters which could not be replaced by video cameras. For example, when reading a historical novel, people would get a full appreciation of the history as well as the mood and spirit of the writer between the lines. In addition, the written records, compared with the records recorded by the video cameras, can provide more detailed and comprehensive information. Common sense tells me, it is difficult and waste of time or money for video cameras to record all the fields of contemporary life, even only recording typical events is still a waste. But as it is familiar with everyone,writing dairy can easily meet with our demands.Moreover, ?

In conclusion, both written records and the video cameras have their own merits and shortcomings. It is not wise to ignore one form of documentation and emphasize the other’ importance because we cannot judge which one is more or most important. So we should take various forms of documentation depending on different situations. Without any of them, we can hardly portray our world thoroughly.(569)

第三段是不是没写完？
觉得开头的例子不太合适，监视和这里所说的记录不太一样吧
论证没什么问题，语言也比较流畅
觉的第二段可以说图像记录可以给人更加震撼的效果

[ Last edited by wzyuan on 2005-8-9 at 09:10 ]

polymathUID：179557

第三段是不是没写完？
觉得开头的例子不太合适，监视和这里所说的记录不太一样吧
论证没什么问题，语言也比较流畅
觉的第二段可以说图像记录可以给人更加震撼的效果

首先感谢你的点评！:)
第3段本来还想写一条，但是看到时间不够用，字数也可能很多了，就没有写。不过Moreover忘记删掉了，让你误会了，真不好意思！:$
开头的例子只是想用一个巧妙的方式引出话题，video cameras 可以监视你的日常生活和工作情况，这应该也属于一种记录吧！再说题目并没有明确规定这里所说的记录就一定普通的照相和摄影。老外的280篇不是有关于法庭上的摄影记录作证吗？这种方式不是也被用在交通电子警察和国际会议上吗？总之，只要它反应的是一种人们生活中的现实情景，就应该算是记录。呵呵！:)
第2段你补充的论据很好，但是当时确实没想到！谢谢！:p

mvpzhuangUID：205051

本来打算今天写这篇的，可是看到好多人写了，呵呵，我就偷懒不写了。
晚点给你看看哟

mvpzhuangUID：205051

“Is your house an intruder's dream?” Once a salesman asked me this question and made me confused. After seeing me at a loss, he went on showing that if I wish to raise my home's security level from feeble to fortress, just a tiny Video Camera would does it well. This is a true story and it in fact tells us such fact: video cameras are more and more used throughout the world to record our daily life. However, do video cameras consequently play a more important role in documentations than written records, as the speaker’s asserts? In my view, it is not necessarily the case.（例子开头的想法很好，但就如楼上所说的不太合适，换个吧。）

Admittedly, the video cameras have certain advantages when compared to the traditional written forms. First, they can quickly and precisely record the current events and（不要连用and，用逗号也行啊） provide sufficient information and observation sources for further thoughts and actions. Second, in documenting temporal, spatial events and experiences, video cameras have a better memory than written records. For instance, when retrospection the ominous economic crisis took in 1930, by reading the written records, we only know that many factories collapsed, many workers lost their jobs and people endured the hunger and cold at that time. But through the records of video cameras, we could witness a real world of that time. Third, when video cameras are in private use rather than in official’ hands, it can used as a record of personal life. Thus the dream of becoming eternity and immotality can be partly realized. For example, when a couple coming to review their wedding , a video record not only remind them of accurate event, but even to meticulous details, such as how the bridegroom kissed the bride, what is the eyebrow of the bride like. Yet through other forms of recording such as written records, such sights could hardly reappear. Forth, with the invention of automatic video cameras such as surveillance cameras, people can be informed what have happened when they were out. So everyone can have peace of mind when they are not at home or offices for video cameras make it easy to watch over our home or small business.

However, in some other realms, written records are more advantageous and appropriate than video cameras. First of all, the tools of written records such as paper and pens are not only cheap but also convenient（不觉得呢？还要手写跟直接摄影后者方便点吧） in contrasts to video cameras. Second, written records have the fascination and charms of letters which could not be replaced by video cameras. For example, when reading a historical novel, people would get a full appreciation of the history as well as the mood and spirit of the writer between the lines. In addition, the written records, compared with the records recorded by the video cameras, can provide more detailed and comprehensive information. Common sense tells me, it is difficult and waste of time or money for video cameras to record all the fields of contemporary life, even only recording typical events is still a waste. But as it is familiar with everyone, writing dairy can easily meet with our demands.

In conclusion, both written records and the video cameras have their own merits and shortcomings. It is not wise to ignore one form of documentation and emphasize the other’ importance because we cannot judge which one is more or most important. So we should take various forms of documentation depending on different situations. Without any of them, we can hardly portray our world thoroughl

语言上不说什么，偶也菜。只是觉得这篇写得不太有说服力。
1、video好处，可以举例运动比赛。还可以帮助裁判。重大事件。
2、written好处。还可以说说合同，契约等等。
去看看北美吧，听说那篇写得很好。偶也要去看看了
:handshake

vickycy6UID：2107893

“Is your house an intruder's dream?” Once a saleman asked me this question and made me confused. After seeing me at a loss, he went on showing that if I wish to raise my home's security level from feeble to fortress(前面是adj后面又成n了？), just a tiny Video Camera would does it well.This is a true story and it in fact tells us such fact: video cameras are more and more used throughout the world to record our daily life. However, do video cameras consequently play a more important role in documatation than written records, as the speaker’s asserts?In my view, it is not necessarily the case.（总感觉你开头的例子引入主题好牵强啊）

Admittedly（这是个带有转折意味的词吧，第二段就用？）, the video cameras have certain advantages when compared to the traditional writen forms. First, they can quickly and precisely record the current events and provide sufficient information and obversation sources for further thoughts and actions. Second, in documenting temporal, spatial events and experiences, video cameras have a better memory than written records. For instance, when retrospecting the ominous ecnonomic crisis took in 1930, by reading the written records,we only know that many factories collapsed,many workers lost their jobs and people endured the hunger and cold at that time. But through the records of video cameras,we could vitness a real world of that time. Third, when video cameras are in private use rather than in official’ hands, it can used as a record of personal life. Thus the dream of becoming eternity and immotality can be partly realised. For example, when a couple coming to review their wedding , a video record not only remind them of accurate event, but even to meticulous details, such as how the bridegroom kissed the bride, what is the eyebrow of the bride like. Yet through other forms of recording such as written records, such sights could hardly reappear.Forth, with the invention of automatic video cameras such as surveillance cameras, people can be informed what have happened when they were out. So everyone can have peace of mind when they are not at home or office for video cameras make it easy to watch over our home or small business.

However, in some other realms, written records are more advantageous and appropriate than video cameras. First of all, the tools of written records such as paper and pens are not only cheap but also convenient in constrast to video cameras. Second, written records have the fascination and charms of letters(the letter is a case in point再接which) which could not be replaced by video cameras. For example, when reading a historical novel, people would get a full appreciation of the history as well as the mood and spirit of the writer between the lines(这个要学习). In addition, the written records, compared with the records recorded by the video cameras, can provide more detailed and comprehensive information. Common sense tells me, it is difficult and waste of time or money for video cameras to record all the fields of contemporary life, even only recording typical events is still a waste. But as it is familiar with everyone,writing dairy can easily meet with our demands.Moreover,

In conclusion, both written records and the video cameras have their own merits and shortcomings. It is not wise to ignore one form of documentation and emphasize the other’ importance because we cannot judge which one is more or most important. So we should take various forms of documentation depending on different situations. Without any of them, we can hardly portray our world thoroughly.
全文结构很清楚，条理很清晰。第三段没有写完啊
我也是写了一篇这个的，想要高手帮我看看哦：）
[url]https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/viewthread.php?tid=310320

[ Last edited by vickycy6 on 2005-8-9 at 21:41 ]

polymathUID：179557

Originally posted by mvpzhuang at 2005-8-9 18:08
“Is your house an intruder's dream?” Once a salesman asked me this question and made me confused. After seeing me at a loss, he went on showing that if I wish to raise my home's security level fr ...

你举的例子怎么都是老美的文章里的呀？小心雷同呦！偶就是担心才自己举！这个也有说服
力！:)

Admittedly（这是个带有转折意味的词吧，第二段就用？）,

提醒的是，把它改成I concede that吧！

[ Last edited by polymath on 2005-8-9 at 21:46 ]

melinda2036UID：2108044

1people can be informed what have(had) happened when they were out.
2video cameras make it easy to watch over our home or small business(想不明白small business是什么意思）
３even only recording typical events is still a waste.论证上有点问题，为什么记录典型事件也是浪费呢？
４It is not wise to ignore one form of documentation and （but)emphasize the other’ importance because we cannot judge which one is more or most important. 好痛苦的一句话，建议去点because后面的
只是些小错误，还有些拼写应该是笔误，还有那个depression最好改了，觉得楼主驾御语言的能力还是很强的，论证说不上些什么，能力有限．

polymathUID：179557

2video cameras make it easy to watch over our home or small business(想不明白small business是什么意思）
３even only recording typical events is still a waste.论证上有点问题，为什么记录典型事件也是浪费呢？
４It is not wise to ignore one form of documentation and （but)emphasize the other’ importance because we cannot judge which one is more or most important. 好痛苦的一句话，建议去点because后面的

嘿嘿！先谢谢melinda2036的修改和建议了！:)
2.small business就是日常活动啊！主要是和工作这个business相对应的！偶看到广告上有这种用法！:p
3.我的意思是在typical events 中有一些根本不需要我们来关注的东西，当人们过于去寻找这些东西的时候，就是在浪费资源和时间了！现实中很多啊！不举例了！;)
4.:L真的那么痛苦吗/because前后在逻辑上是联系在一起的，去掉了不就单薄了点吗？不过建议依然不错的！:D
偶的回答不知解惑了没？:)多谢大家的宝贵意见了！呵呵！继续加油！:victory:

mvpzhuangUID：205051

是这样啊。可是偶说的是偶想的，偶还没去看老美呢，难道偶跟老美思维一样 ？嗬嗬嗬
我也不太晓得什么是雷同。只是按自己的想法去写得。

hohoeaseUID：2123854

“Is your house an intruder's dream?” Once a saleman asked me this question and made me confused. After seeing me at a loss, he went on showing that if I wish to raise my home's security level from feeble to fortress, just a tiny Video Camera would does it well.This is a true story and it in fact tells us such fact: video cameras are more and more used throughout the world to record our daily life. However, do video cameras consequently play a more important role in documatation than written records, as the speaker’s asserts?In my view, it is not necessarily the case.(上新东方时，issue老师说example+position的开头避免写，不过我忘了原因是什么了。）Admittedly, the video cameras have certain advantages when compared to the traditional writen forms. First, they can quickly and precisely record the current events and provide sufficient information and obversation sources for further thoughts and actions. Second, in documenting temporal, spatial events and experiences, video cameras have a better memory than written records. For instance, when retrospecting the ominous ecnonomic crisis took in 1930, by reading the written records,we only know that many factories collapsed,many workers lost their jobs and people endured the hunger and cold at that time. But through the records of video cameras,we could v（w）itness a real world of that time. Third, （为了使语言显得更丰富可以换着使，比如，For one thing,secondly,last but not least)when video cameras are in private use rather than in official’ hands, it can(be) used as a record of personal life. Thus the dream of becoming eternity and immotality can be partly realised. For example, when a couple coming to review their wedding , a video record not only remind them of accurate event, but even to meticulous details, such as how the bridegroom kissed the bride, what is the eyebrow of the bride like. Yet through other forms of recording such as written records, such sights could hardly reappear.Forth, with the invention of automatic video cameras such as surveillance cameras, people can be informed what have happened when they were out. So everyone can have peace of mind when they are not at home or office for video cameras make it easy to watch over our home(home or homes?我不确定。） or small business.

However, in some other realms, written records are more advantageous and appropriate than video cameras. First of all, the tools of written records such as paper and pens are not only cheap but also convenient in constrast to video cameras. Second, written records have the fascination and charms of letters which could not be replaced by video cameras. For example, when reading a historical novel, people would get a full appreciation of the history as well as the mood and spirit of the writer between the lines. In addition, the written records, compared with the records recorded by the video cameras, can provide more detailed and comprehensive information. Common sense tells me, it is difficult and（a） waste of time or money for video cameras to record all the fields of contemporary life, even only recording typical events is still a waste. But as it is familiar with everyone,writing dairy can easily meet with our demands.Moreover,

In conclusion, both written records and the video cameras have their own merits and shortcomings. It is not wise to ignore one form of documentation and emphasize the other’（s） importance because we cannot judge which one is more or most important. So we should take various forms of documentation depending on different situations. Without any of them, we can hardly portray our world thoroughly.(569)

总体感觉挺好的。：）
我也写了这篇，可是写的又短又烂，帮忙看看吧，谢谢哦。
https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/viewthre ... type%26typeid%3D101

guoyuUID：171817

首段有些晦涩。可能的话把第一行的那个"after"去掉，这里因果不需要建立在时间先后上。